


The Poison He Tried to Keep Secret

by Obsidian_Rose



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hair Loss, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Kuroko no Basket Cameos, Major Illness, Nightmares, Sickfic, Vomiting, Yamaguchi Tadashi-centric, childhood illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2019-08-21 05:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 110,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16570466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsidian_Rose/pseuds/Obsidian_Rose
Summary: Yamaguchi had a secret. A secret not even Tsukki knew about and he intended to keep it that way. But what happens when he starts experiencing some familiar but ominous symptoms. Will he be able to hide his past from his team? Or will his body betray his secret?





	1. Familiar Symptoms and Creeping Dread

Yamaguchi Tadashi had a secret. A secret not even Tsukki knew about. As far as he was concerned, Yamaguchi was bullied in elementary school because of his freckles and general lack of strength. That’s exactly how Yamaguchi intended to keep it. There was no reason for any of his friends to know that the real reason he was bullied was because he had cancer as a kid and some of his classmates just didn’t know how to handle that.

All of his classmates generally fell into three categories:

  1. The overly sympathetic, who treated him like he was on his death bed every day at school
  2. The avoidant, who simply didn’t know how to act around a kid with cancer so they just ignored him or felt like they would catch it if they stood too close
  3. The bullies, who _really_ didn’t know how to handle something like cancer so they picked on him to avoid wrapping their heads around something so serious.



This is what made his friendship with Tsukki so important. His cancer had gone into remission and his hair had just grown back to its normal length when Tsukki saved him from the bullies that fateful day in the park. He was Yamaguchi’s first friend that didn’t know about the cancer. After two long years of treatment and social isolation he could have a normal friendship with another kid.

It was like a dream come true for Yamaguchi. They were in the same class for all of middle school and decided to go to the same high school, even joining the volleyball club together. The Karasuno volleyball club was full of eccentric characters but he felt as though he could get some great friends out of them. Yes, things were really looking up for the freckled boy and his high school days were looking bright. That is, until he started getting some dreadfully familiar symptoms.

 

“Tadashi, honey! If you stay in bed any longer you’ll be late to practice!” Yamaguchi’s mom called out.

His eyes flew open and looked at the clock. He was indeed going to be late at this rate. What happened? He remembered waking up to his alarm, but he must have fallen back asleep. Anyway, there was no time to think about that, Tsukki would get annoyed with him if he had to wait for Yamaguchi. He got up and dressed in record time. Grabbing breakfast on the way out, he vaguely noted in the back of his brain that he was still rather tired despite the extra sleep he got that morning.

Practice that morning was rougher than usual though Yamaguchi couldn’t quite pinpoint why. Perhaps they were training a bit harder in anticipation of the camp leading up to the match with Nekoma? Although, the regimen they were following wasn’t any different than usual. Maybe it had to do with whatever reason he was still tired. Had he really stayed up that late to finish homework? He didn’t think he went to bed much later than normal.

The event that finally tipped off Yamaguchi that something might be wrong happened during blocking practice.

“Ah! Yamaguchi! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you in the face!” Asahi said while panicking.

“Eh?” Yamaguchi looked at his senpai in confusion, “I didn’t get hit in the face, it just hit my arm,” he held up his arm to show the red mark from the ball.

“Oh…then…why are you bleeding?” he asked, pointing at Yamaguchi’s face.

He raised a hand to his freckled face to discover that his nose was in fact bleeding. He let out a self-depreciating chuckle. “It’s ok, I used to get nosebleeds all the time as a kid. I guess I still get them sometimes.”

Of course, he did not mention the fact that he got frequent nosebleeds because of the cancer, but he didn’t feel that information was necessary. Kiyoko brought over a tissue as he sat on the bench ready to wait it out. After ten minutes, it hardly slowed down so Ukai instructed Kiyoko to grab an ice pack. Yamaguchi sat another few minutes pinching his nose and pressing the ice pack to the back of his neck. Finally, after twenty minutes and several tissues later, just as Ukai was getting ready to call his mom, the bleeding stopped.

“You had us worried there for a bit kid. I thought I was going to have to call home” Ukai said.

“Don’t worry about it, like I said I used to get them a lot when I was younger. It’s nothing new” Yamaguchi tried to keep a light tone but, on the inside, he was getting worried.

_The last time I had a nosebleed that bad was when I found out I had cancer…no, no, don’t think about that. There’s lots of reasons for getting a nosebleed, it’s probably nothing. No need to jump to conclusions._

He pushed the thought out of his head and set his focus on his classes. It was hard to ignore the fact that even though it was afternoon he was still tired. In practice he found himself running out of breath a bit faster than normal but just attributed it to the fact that he had been so tired all day.

That night he made sure to get to bed at a decent time. He still woke up fatigued. The rest of the week passed by with two more nosebleeds, a lot more fatigue, a general drop in appetite, and a low-grade fever that he slept off in the infirmary.

 

It was all getting rather disconcerting but Golden Week was finally there. Yamaguchi was hoping the training camp and practice match would pose as a good distraction from all of these ailments. It wasn’t.

 

The way Hinata was running around in awe of every little thing in the camp was quite amusing. Of course, Tsukki had to poke fun at him. “What’s so fun about having to stay in an enclosed space with a bunch of guys smelling like armpit?”

“How dare you!” Noya yelled.

“Kiyoko is staying here and all the air surrounding her within a 50 meter radius is fresh and beautiful!” Tanaka chimed in.

“Actually, she lives close by, so she’ll be sleeping at home” Suga walked away leaving behind the carnage of Tanaka and Noya.

Yamaguchi snickered behind his hand as the two instantly revitalized at the sight of Kiyoko in an apron. He soon lost his amusement as he sat across from Hinata and Kageyama gorging themselves on the food.

“Hey Tsukishima! Yamaguchi! You need to eat more if you want to have enough energy to keep up!” Noya yelled at them.

“If he doesn’t want it I’ll eat it!” Hinata said behind a mouth full of food.

“Hinata! Don’t eat Yamaguchi’s food!” Noya chastised as Hinata grabbed some food off Yamaguchi’s plate.

“It’s ok, I’m not very hungry anyway” Yamaguchi offered the rest of his food to Hinata who immediately inhaled it.

“Are you sure?” Tsukki looked at his quizzically, “you hardly ate anything.”

Yamaguchi’s heart jolted at the realization that he had hardly eaten his dinner. “Yeah, I’m just not hungry today.”

And it was true. “Why are you so fidgety?”

Yamaguchi stopped his movements. He didn’t even realize that he was rolling his shoulders and massaging his knees until Tsukki pointed it out. “Ah…I guess my shoulders and knees are a bit sore from practice today.”

Later in the showers Hinata noticed something. “Waaaaah! Yamaguchi did you lose weight?”

“Eh?” Yamaguchi looked at him in surprise and embarrassment.

“I mean” Hinata blushed, backtracking “you were always skinny but now you’re like…” he gestured indiscernibly with his hands trying to get his point across.

“Hahaha,” Yamaguchi laughed uncomfortably, “yeah I guess I might have lost a bit of weight recently. Probably from all the training.”

“Oh…AH!” he squawked out.

Everyone looked at Hinata in alarm and then confusion as he suddenly bowed down. “I’m sorry!! I shouldn’t have eaten your food! Noya-san was right!”

“It’s okay! It’s okay!” Yamaguchi said wanting to end this awkward moment in the baths, “I really wasn’t hungry and I offered you the food so it’s fine.”

With Hinata pacified, their shower finished without further incident and they headed off to bed. The next morning Yamaguchi woke up covered in sweat and aching in his joints. _It’s okay it’s okay. It is rather warm out, I probably just got hot last night and didn’t remove my blankets while I was sleeping. Yeah, that’s gotta be it. And I’m sure I’m just sore from all the training._

He didn’t feel very convinced though. Each passing day he was getting more and more worried that something more serious was lurking under the surface of these symptoms. But he wasn’t ready to break that surface yet, dreading the reality that it might bring about.

Training was more difficult than ever. He found himself requesting more breaks than he wanted to admit. There were even a couple times during the week that he was overcome with dizziness that he just blamed on not drinking enough water. Coach Ukai yelled at him for neglecting his hydration. Everyone could tell something was a bit off with Yamaguchi, but they just figured he was just feeling a little under the weather. Ukai allowed Yamaguchi whatever breaks he needed thinking that was the case. All of this only served to worry him more and more to the point that he was becoming constantly on edge.

Finally, the match with Nekoma arrived and even though Yamaguchi knew he wasn’t going to play, he was still excited to see their new team in action against fated rivals. The teams met, the gym was set up, everyone warmed up in preparation. Yamaguchi was manning the scoreboard with Kiyoko again. The game was just about to start, anticipation and excitement charging the air like electricity. Then it happened. Again. Another nosebleed. At the worst time.

Yamaguchi apologized, embarrassed, about a hundred times on the way to the bench as Kiyoko brought him a tissue (an occurrence that was starting to feel like routine much to the chagrin of Yamaguchi). After reassuring Nekoma that he was fine and it was normal and finding someone else to take his place at the scoreboard, the game finally started. Yamaguchi watched disheartened as he pinched his nose and kept an eye on the clock. This time it took fifteen minutes for the bleeding to stop. By the end of the first match he was able to resume his position at the scoreboard.

The rest of the game went by smoothly with Karasuno just barely losing. It was quite exciting to watch. Hinata of course wanted to immediately play another game. The coaches agreed to practicing more as that’s why they were there, but not before taking a decent break (not everyone had Hinata’s stamina). Yamaguchi went to help Kiyoko pass out water bottles. As he bent down to pick some up his elbow grazed the bench, drawing a small bit of blood in the process.

“Ow” he muttered.

“Yamaguchi are you okay?” Suga asked, “Kiyoko, where’s the first aid kit? Yamaguchi’s bleeding.”

This prompted a few more stares and “are you okay”s from his teammates while he reassured them it was just a small scrape. While he looked calm on the outside he was beginning to feel the anxiety unfurl in his chest. Grabbing what he needed from the first aid kit he headed to the locker room to treat himself away from everyone’s gaze. He cleaned the scrape in the sink, pressed some gauze on his elbow, and began counting. It was a habit he had picked up from childhood. Since it was a sign of his cancer, he began to count how long it took his various cuts and scrapes to stop bleeding. A scrape this shallow usually stopped bleeding by the count of fifteen.

1…2…3…4…5…

Yamaguchi put on a bit more pressure.

6…7…8…9…10…

The small patch of gauze that he was using was already starting to soak through.

11…12…13…14…15…

Yamaguchi had to press another piece of gauze on top of the old one.

16…17…18…19…20…

His legs began to shake as he sat down on a bench.

21…22…23…24…25…

He peaked under the gauze. It was still bleeding.

26…27…28…29…30…

His hands started to shake as his breath sped up.

31…32…33…34…35…

Stop bleeding. Come on, stop bleeding. Please stop bleeding.

36…37…38…39…40…

Tears welled up in his eyes. Please stop bleeding. Please stop bleeding. _Please stop bleeding._

 

As the two teams mingled during the break, Kenma took his opportunity to slip away. All the practice matches they’ve had this week were exhausting and with Hinata, this was the most tiring yet. He just needed a few minutes away from everyone to breathe. As he neared the locker room he could hear someone inside breathing unevenly. Thinking it was just someone cooling down from the match, he was turning to leave when he heard a panicked voice.

“Come on, stop bleeding. Please stop bleeding. Please stop bleeding. Please stop bleeding.”

The tall freckled kid on Karasuno’s team was shaking on a bench muttering over and over with a scared look on his face. Kenma stopped for a moment unsure what to do. He was so bad at interacting with others, especially strangers. Did he get someone to help? Something told him not to though. With the way the boy was hunched over on the bench, hidden away, trying to keep quiet amidst his distress, told Kenma that he didn’t want to be found right now. Still, when you catch someone saying “please stop bleeding” over and over you can’t really walk away without making sure they’re going to be ok. Standing there in awkward indecision, Kenma hesitantly walked forward and sat down next to him, realizing it was same guy that got a nosebleed earlier. Was there something wrong with him?

After awkwardly glancing around he muttered, “are you okay?”

Yamaguchi had quickly wiped his eyes as soon as he realized he wasn’t alone. “Yeah, I think I might have nicked a vein or something. Guess I just hit the wrong spot.”

Kenma could tell how fake the cheerful front was. He wasn’t considered the brain of Nekoma for nothing. “You look…scared.”

Man, Kenma was bad at this. He should have gotten Kuro or Yaku or something. Crap, he looks panicked now that he’s been seen through.

“I…I just…” the freckled boy was scrambling for words, then he sighed looking resigned. “I’ve had some…issues in the past with bleeding and I guess this just scared me a bit. I’m really fine though! See, it finally stopped bleeding.”

Yamaguchi wasn’t sure why he felt comfortable enough to divulge anything about his medical history. Maybe it was because this pudding haired boy was basically a stranger that he would rarely ever see. Or perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he clearly was not a talker and didn’t seem privy to judging. Either way, the scrape had stopped bleeding and he was able to place a band-aid over it, finally calming down.

As Kenma stood up to leave, the boy behind him shyly spoke up. “Thank you.”

Kenma turned to him, genuinely confused. “For what?”

The freckled boy chuckled. “I don’t know. But thank you anyway.”

Somehow that brief exchange really did help.

Still confused, Kenma left the locker room to rejoin Kuro and the rest of his team.

“Kenma!” Kuroo called out happily. “There you are. What have you been doing?”

“Nothing” Kenma said as his eyes followed the freckled boy as he made his way back to Karasuno’s team. It wasn’t until then that he realized he never got the tall boy’s name. Oh well.

“Sorry I took so long! I must have bumped the wrong spot, it took longer to stop bleeding than I thought it would.”

Kenma overheard him talking to his team. He was more convincing this time, but Kenma still saw through the façade.

“Hn?” Kuro looked at him questioningly as he noticed where his friend’s attention was at.

“Nothing” Kenma said looking away. “I’m just a little worried about him.”

“The freckle kid?” Kuroo asked, glancing over at Yamaguchi. “Why?”

“No reason.”

Kuroo knew very well that there was a reason. Kenma didn’t just worry about a stranger for no reason. But he also knew that if he didn’t share what he was thinking, then he had a reason for it. There was no point in questioning any further. Kuroo wasn’t going to get any more information until Kenma was ready or felt that he could share.

As it turns out, Kenma had every reason to be worried as Yamaguchi ran another fever that night after getting home from camp. The next morning, he was washing dishes when his mom came downstairs. “What happened to your arm?” she asked.

Thinking she was asking about the band-aid he turned to answer when he realized that his scrape was bleeding again. He couldn’t hide the surprise on his face before schooling his features into nonchalance.

“I just scraped it at the practice match yesterday.” He tried to sound nonchalant.

“How deep was the scrape?”

“Not very, it’s fine.”

His mother looked at him a bit worried as he realized his mistake. If the scrape was not very deep, then it shouldn’t be bleeding now.

“Let me see it.”

She was grabbing his arm and removing the band-aid before he could protest.

“Oh…it really is just a small scrape. Then why is it still bleeding?” She peered into her son’s face thoughtfully. “You ran a small fever last night…honey, have you been having any other symptoms lately?”

“No, I’ve been fine really-“

She cut him off with a look. “Tadashi. Be completely honest with me. I need to know this stuff okay?”

He looked away from his mother. “I guess I’ve been feeling kinda tired lately…and I’ve been getting nosebleeds…my joints have been a little sore, and I haven’t been very hungry lately. Also…I ran a small fever at school a couple weeks ago…”

“Oh honey, why didn’t you tell me?”

A meek and slightly scared look answered her question. She sighed. “You have a check in with your doctor in three months, I wonder if I should try to get you in sooner?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m fine. It could be a lot of things-“

“Tadashi. You know how important it is to catch it early if that’s what-“ she choked on the rest of her sentence. “I’m going to call your doctor.”

She left the room to grab her cell phone and Yamaguchi made his way over to the couch. He sank down feeling trepidation. It was getting too real. A call to the doctor meant there was a possibility. And a visit to the doctor could give him answers that he didn’t want.

After a few minutes, his mom came back out and sat next to him.

“I told them what was going on and they managed to get you in next Tuesday. You’ll have to miss practice that afternoon and we’ll have to get your bloodwork done before then.”

Tadashi nodded with a distant look in his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner, I just…”he buried his head in his hands and fought to keep back the tears “I’m scared. I don’t want to go through that again. I…I can’t..”

He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as his mother pulled him in for an embrace.

“Oh sweetheart. I’m scared too. I don’t want to go through that either. Once was more than enough. But we have to be cautious, okay? I don’t ever want to see you go through that again. But I also want to make sure that if you do, then you have the best fighting chance possible and a big part of that is catching it early.”

The next hour was spent crying in each other’s arms, fearing what the future might hold.


	2. The Despair of the Diagnosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi receives dismaying news from his doctor. He and his mom have to figure out how to handle things from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 as promised. Buckle up and hold on, the angst is clear for take-off.

Yamaguchi had gotten his bloodwork done that weekend and come Monday he had to let Daichi and Ukai know that he would have to miss practice the next day. “Daichi-san, I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow so I won’t be able to make it to afternoon practice.”

“Sure, is everything okay?” Daichi asked.

“Yeah, everything is fine! It’s just a normal check up.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, he just didn’t mention it was a routine check-up to see if he was still in remission.

The next day was long and suspenseful. After school he would find out if his cancer was back or not. He was distracted and fidgety all day. Morning practice was difficult to get through. He was hyper-aware of how easily he got tired out and every ache in his joints made him nervous. Every bruise was under observation and his hand was constantly shooting up to his face to check for nosebleeds.

Classes were no easier. He could barely focus on any of the lectures, hardly taking notes on anything, just writing down what little information he actually caught. He simultaneously wanted to day to rush by but also never end. The waiting was torture but at the same time he was terrified of what he would find out at the doctor’s.

“Yamaguchi-kun!”

His focus suddenly snapped to the teacher. Crap! What did he miss?

“Will you please come to the board and answer the equation we just went over?”

“Uh…okay.”

He shakily stood up and walked to the board like he was headed to his own death sentence. Normally, he was good at math, but this was an equation that they just learned and Yamaguchi wasn’t paying any attention. He tried as hard as he could to figure out the solution with the class staring at him and his heart pounding loudly in his ears. Finally, he lowered the chalk and sheepishly looked in the direction of the teacher. “I’m sorry” he muttered, “I wasn’t paying attention.”

The teacher tsked. “Please see me after class. You may go back to your seat.”

Disheartened and embarrassed, Yamaguchi walked back to his seat. Tsukki gave him a questioning glance then went back to paying attention in class. Yamaguchi tried harder to focus after that, but the humiliation of what just happened piled on top of his existing anxiety only made it more difficult to take in the information.

Once class was over Yamaguchi told Tsukki to go ahead and find a spot for lunch and he would catch up in a bit. His heart beat fast and his hands shook as he made his way over to the teacher’s desk. “Yamaguchi-kun, what happened today? Normally, you’re one of my best students.”

Yamaguchi sighed, debating how much information he was willing to provide. “You see I…I just…I have a doctor’s appointment today that I’m a little nervous about…”

“Alright, I’ll let it go this time. But if I catch you slacking off in class again I won’t be so lenient next time.”

“Yes sir.”

“Now run along and get some lunch. And don’t worry too much, I’m sure whatever appointment you have will go just fine.”

“Thank you, Sensei.”

Yamaguchi bowed and went off to find Tsukki. If he wasn’t so high-strung at the moment, he would have laughed when he found his friend. Hinata had dragged Kageyama along to try and rope Tsukki into helping them study. Tsukki just sat there with an expression that screamed “please kill me.” A small smile is all Yamaguchi could manage.

“Did you get in much trouble?” Tsukki asked as he sat down to eat with them.

“No, he went easy on me this time because I’m normally a good student.”

Tsukki grunted in response and went back to mentally choking his annoying teammates.

“Eeeeeehhhhhh? Yamaguchi got in trouble?” Hinata was perplexed at the thought of his shy friend getting scolded by a teacher.

“Ah, yeah. I got a little distracted in class today and couldn’t answer the question when he called on me.”

“Really?? Man, I just can’t picture you not knowing the answer. I mean, Kageyama obviously, but Yamaguchi?”

“HEY! What’s that supposed to mean?!” Kageyama yelled out with his mouth still full of food.

“It means exactly what I said! You never know the answer in class!”

“Neither do you!”

“I never said I did!”

“Then why didn’t you mention yourself?!”

Yamaguchi sighed as they started probably their 20th argument of the day.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Tsukki asked trying to tune out the bickering idiots.

“I’m not very hungery.”

“You should probably eat something before practice.”

Oh, that’s right. “Sorry Tsukki, I forgot to tell you I won’t be at practice today. I have a doctor’s appointment.”

Tsukki just raised an eyebrow at him and put on his headphones to drown out Hinata and Kageyama. It was odd. Yamaguchi never forgot to tell him about this kind of stuff. He always told Tsukki everything. More than that, he was now irritated that he would have to face afternoon practice without one of the few people who didn’t annoy him (and the only one on the team he considered a friend).

 

The rest of the day went by in a similar fashion with Yamaguchi fighting and failing to focus in class, dreading what was to come. Finally, classes were over. A strange mix of relief and dread swirled around inside him, making him feel sick. He said goodbye to Tsukki and headed over to his mom’s car. Normally, he walked home with Tsukki, but today his mom had picked him up in her car since they had to drive to the doctor’s office.

They sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever. All too soon, and not soon enough, Yamaguchi was called back. The nurses took his vitals, got his height and weight, and then left them to wait even more for the doctor to show up.

Yamaguchi fidgeted with his hands and started shaking slightly. Him mom reached out to lay her hand on top of her son’s. “Tadashi” she spoke softly, “whatever happens, no matter what, we’ll get through this okay?”

He nodded, not convinced but feeling a bit better. Finally, the doctor walked through the door with an unreadable expression.

“I won’t keep you two waiting any longer as I’m sure you’ve been quite on edge” the doctor sighed “I wish I had better news for you, but it looks like Tadashi’s leukemia is back. Now the good news is we caught it early which means you have every advantage of beating this just like last time.”

Yamaguchi felt like he had been hit by a bullet train. All of his hopes and aspirations for life in high school came crashing down and buried him in grief and lament. He could barely comprehend what was being said for the rest of the appointment, but it didn’t matter. His mom was undoubtedly hanging on to every piece of information, plus he had gone through this before so how much of it was really new anyway? He didn’t say a word until the doctor asked if they had any questions.

“Volleyball!” Yamaguchi blurted out.

His mom and the doctor snapped their eyes to him surprised, they both knew he was hardly taking in a single word that was being said. But now he was fully alert and looking a bit frantic.

“Can I still play volleyball?”

At the moment, this was the most important information Yamaguchi needed to know. After recovering from Yamaguchi’s sudden outburst, the doctor looked at him, mulling over the question. “As of right now you can still play, but you need to take frequent breaks and you can’t participate in anything too rigorous such as long distance running or anything that will put too much of a strain on your heart and muscles. You will need to talk to your coach about this so he can make a safe training regimen for you.”

A small bit of weight was lifted from his shoulders, but he was still drowning in bitterness. He could still participate, but not much. His mom asked several questions, they scheduled his next appointment, and before he knew it they were driving home in silence. Both of them trying to wrap their brains around this turn of events.

When they got home, they sat down on the couch, both understanding without speaking that they would be talking about it as soon as they arrived back.

“Things are going to be hard, but you are strong Tadashi. You made it through once and you can do it again…I promise I will do everything I can to make this easier for you, anything you need just ask…Are you okay?...Tadashi?...Please tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

He had remained silent and unblinking while his mom talked, thoughts spiraling like a tornado. “Everything’s…RUINED!” he burst out as the tears began pouring.

He knew that as soon as he opened his mouth it was all going to gush out.

“I can’t DO this again. I CAN’T. I finally have friends who like me, who don’t pity me because I’m the sick kid! I finally fit in somewhere! I’m part of a great club doing something that I love and now it’s all RUINED!”

“Oh baby” his mom wrapped her arms around him and let him cry. He needed to get everything out.

“I’m never going to become a regular now! I was already going to have to practice with everything I’ve got if I ever hoped to make it, but now I can hardly do anything at all! How am I supposed to make it to a starting position if I can’t even try as hard as I want to? As I need to?! And I was just about to start training with Shimada-san to learn the jump float serve! Treatment takes about two years! That’s most of high school!! My high school years are supposed to be great! They’re supposed to be FUN!! But now everything I wanted out of high school is impossible! This was supposed to be the good school experience that wiped out all the bad ones!”

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all away.” His mom let her tears fall quietly and silently. This was Tadashi’s time to fall apart, hers would have to come later.

“All I wanted was a normal high school life with friends who treated me like anyone else. I don’t want them to know. I never wanted them to know. I just want to be like everyone else. Why did this have to happen? Why did it have to happen NOW?”

“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell everyone right away. For now, we’ll stick to the people that have to know like your coach and your teachers, then you can tell your friends when you’re ready. I’ll go in to school tomorrow to talk to everyone I need to, and I’ll make sure each one of them knows your desire to keep this under wraps. I can even talk to Shimada-san if you want so that you can still do your training with him. He just needs to know he can’t push you too hard.”

Yamaguchi nodded weakly and sobbed in his mother’s arms until it was time for him to go to bed. He decided to go to school the next day. People knew he had a doctor’s appointment and if he didn’t show up to school the day after that it would raise unwanted questions. His mom drove him to school early so that she could catch coach Ukai at morning practice. Yamaguchi tried to stay as out of sight as possible, not quite ready to see his teammates and friends.

“Excuse me, you’re Ukai-san right?” his mom asked.

“That’s me. What can I do for you?”

“I’m Himeko, Tadashi’s mother. Thank you for always taking care of my son in volleyball.”

“Nice to meet you Yamaguchi-san, the pleasure is all mine. You have a good kid.” Ukai was a bit flustered, unused to dealing with parents.

“Do you have a moment to talk about my son?”

Ukai noted how uncomfortable and somewhat frightened Tadashi looked next to her and silently prayed this wasn’t a meeting to try and talk the kid into quitting. “Sure, practice has already started, they’ll be fine on their own for a while.”

He led them to the club room, which was currently empty, for privacy.

“Ukai-san, do you know anything about my son’s medical history?” Himeko started.

Ukai’s stomach flopped. Oh. It was that kind of conversation. He wasn’t particularly fond of having to go through this type of conversation either. “Well, I am supposed to have on file any current medical conditions the boys have. If something got messed up with the paper work I-“

“No, no. It wouldn’t be in his current files. You see, when Tadashi was in elementary school he was diagnosed with leukemia.”

Ukai’s eyes widened slightly at that and tensed up. He had no idea the kid went through that. He glanced over at Tadashi and the kid looked miserable, he had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what was coming next.

“He went into remission for several years and he’s been perfectly healthy. However, yesterday…we found out that it’s back.” Himeko paused to let the news sink in.

Ukai let out a breath and buried his face in his hand. Out of all the things that could have happened today, he never expected something like this first thing in the morning. “So that means all the nosebleeds, the extra breaks he’s been requesting, the scrape that bled more than it should, the bruises that didn’t seem to go away, all of that was…”

“I’m afraid so” Himeko said gravely.

Ukai gently clapped a hand on Tadashi’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry kid, someone as young as you should never have to deal with something like this.”

Not knowing how to respond, Yamaguchi just stared at his feet and nodded. There it was. The first few snowflakes in the avalanche of pity that was not doubt going to descend upon him.

“Is there anything I can do? Anything I need to know?” Ukai was talking to his mom again.

“That’s why I’m here this morning. His doctor cleared him to play but he has some…restrictions.” The word tasted bitter on her tongue. Her baby shouldn’t have to have restrictions, she wanted him to have every opportunity he could ever ask for.

“Here, I brought all the doctor’s notes concerning his physical capabilities. The doctor suggested adjusting his training regimen to suit his current condition.”

“Okay, I’ll be sure to thoroughly look this over and come up with a new plan for him. I’ll keep an eye on him and make sure he’s not pushing too hard. Is there anything else I need to know?”

“Yes, well, there is one more thing. Tadashi isn’t ready to let everyone know and would prefer to tell his friends in his own time. I understand this might be a difficult request, but is there any way you can make these adjustments without letting the team know what’s going on?”

Ukai thought for a moment. It would be impossible to give Yamaguchi a lighter training regimen without raising questions from the rest of them. So how should he deal with those questions? “I can tell the team that you’re receiving different training due to medical reasons and if they have any questions they can talk to you. Then you can tell them whatever you want. Does that sound okay, Yamaguchi?”

He mulled it over in his mind and decided that was probably the best way to handle things. He knew he was going to have to answer some questions no matter what if he suddenly wasn’t following the same practice instructions as everyone else. At least this way he could control what information his teammates received. Making up his mind, he looked at his coach and nodded.

Satisfied with how the conversation went, Tadashi left with his mom to go talk to his teachers and the principal. Each conversation went the same way. They were shocked, then gave Yamaguchi a pitying look, gave their sympathies, and asked what they could do to help. By the time school started Yamaguchi was already exhausted.

 

Back in the parking lot, Himeko finally let out a breath and allowed herself to relax. For the first time since she found out her son’s cancer had come back, she broke down. The night before, she was too preoccupied with making sure Tadashi was going to be okay and making preparations for the next day, she didn’t have time to let herself feel the grief and fear that was just below the surface. She knew this was hardly the place to do it, but after having to explain over and over again to all of the teachers that Tadashi had cancer, she just couldn’t hold back anymore. As she sat in her car, she buried her face in her hands and wept. Going through this the first time was hard enough, she didn’t know how she was supposed to do it again. One person could only handle so much. Tadashi’s father had walked out just after he was born so she had been on her own the whole time. No support. No comfort. Just staying strong for her son and silently crying behind closed doors when she could.

In the midst of her sobbing, she heard a tentative tapping on her window. She looked to see a sympathetic Takeda-sensei holding up her keys. Quickly she wiped the tears from her face, not that it did any good as fresh ones immediately took their place.

“You left these in my classroom and I figured you might get home a bit faster with them” Takeda-sensei gave her an understanding smile.

Himeko chuckled between her sobs as she continued her futile effort to wipe away her tears.

“Thank you. My mind hasn’t exactly been all there for the past 24 hours” Himeko said as she took her keys back.

“You’ve certainly had a lot on your mind.”

“It’s a lot for a person to deal with and I haven’t exactly had the time to fall apart and comprehend this.”

“Have you at least had a chance to talk with your husband about this?”

“Oh no, Tadashi’s father left shortly after he was born and I never remarried. I’ve been handling it all on my own the whole time.”

“Oh! My, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have assumed! How embarrassing, please forgive me.”

Takeda-sensei bowed deeply, extremely flustered and blushing.

Himeko let out a small laugh at the display. “It’s ok, you didn’t know, it was an honest mistake. It doesn’t bother me to talk about it, it was so long ago. My number one priority has always been Tadashi’s wellbeing and after he got cancer the first time I’ve dedicated myself to making sure he has everything I can possibly give him.”

“That is a beautiful and honorable sentiment Himeko-san, but at the risk of sounding presumptuous, who is giving you the things you need and desire?”

“Well…I never had the desire to marry again, and I guess I’ve been so focused on Tadashi that I haven’t kept many friendships, so I guess I’ve been looking after myself.”

“So, you never had any support while your child was battling cancer?”

“I talked to my mom a lot, but she lives so far away I hardly get a chance to see her, so for the most part I dealt with it on my own.”

“I’m so sorry Himeko-san. That must have been terribly difficult. I can’t fathom handling such a burden on my own. You don’t have to go it alone this time around. I’ll give you my number and you can call me anytime for anything you might need. If you someone to run an errand or just a listening ear I will do whatever I can to help. Tadashi is a great kid and I want to be there for him however I can, but don’t forget that you need support too. It’s just as hard on the parent as it is on the child.”

Himeko clasped the hand that was holding out the number and started crying all over again. “Thank you so much Sensei. I’m so scared. I just want my baby to be okay.”

“Yes, of course. I should get to my class but please never hesitate to ask me for anything. And you can just call me Takeda. Sensei is too formal. Take care of yourself, we’ll talk again.”

Takeda gave an encouraging smile and wave before heading back to the school. Himeko felt like some of the weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Taking care of your sick child was difficult and heart wrenching. Doing it all on her own was even more so. Not only did she have no one to support her and be there when it became too much, it meant that Tadashi was the only one she had, and cancer was threatening to take him away. As much as she hated the thought of burdening another person or turning to someone else for help, she knew she couldn’t do this a second time with no support. Takeda seemed very genuine and sincere in his offer, so she vowed to herself that when she got overwhelmed, she would call.

   

“Hey, why weren’t you in practice this morning? You should have told me you were skipping. I wouldn’t have bothered going” Tsukishima said before the start of class.

“Sorry Tsukki. I had to take care of some stuff before class.”

Tsukki hummed in acknowledgement right as the teacher came in for homeroom. This was one of the few times Yamaguchi was glad to have a best friend that didn’t ask too many questions. The normalcy of classes was a welcome reprieve for a while. With the teachers being occupied by teaching the class, no one was fussing over Yamaguchi or looking at him with eyes full of pity. He could pretend everything was normal. Of course, reality set back in when it was time for lunch and the math teacher asked him to stay behind to give him a hand with something.

“Yamaguchi-kun, I’m terribly sorry for yesterday. I had no idea. I certainly didn’t expect something like this to happen.”

“It’s ok Sensei. You know why I was distracted now, and I promise I’ll do my best to pay better attention.”

“That’s not quite what I was referring to, although all is forgiven with that and you don’t have to push yourself in class if you’re not feeling well.”

“Oh…okay, then um…what are you apologizing for?”

“It was irresponsible of me to say that your appointment was going to go fine without knowing anything about the situation. I should have known better than to try to reassure you with such empty words. If there’s anything I can do to make this class easier for you just let me know. I’m always willing to help you learn anything you might miss in class.”

“Thank you, Sensei, and don’t worry about yesterday, it’s really fine. I’m grateful that you took the time to try reassuring me at all.”

“You’re a good kid, Yamaguchi-kun. You don’t deserve any of this. Now go ahead and have your lunch and don’t forget to ask for help when you need it.”

“Thank you, Sensei.”

Yamaguchi bowed and went to find Tsukki in the same situation as yesterday.

“What did Sensei want?” Tsukki asked once he sat down.

“Uooohhh, did Yamaguchi get in trouble again?” Hinata asked.

“No, no. He just needed some help making hand-outs.”

Hinata seemed to accept it and went back to arguing with Kageyama. Why do those two even hang out so much if all they ever do is fight? Yamaguchi will never understand it. He looked down at the bento his mom packed for him. Now that they knew what was going on, his lunch was made up of easy to digest foods filled with vitamins and nutrients he needed to be healthy. It was also a bit smaller than normal to accommodate for his drop in appetite. Yamaguchi smiled slightly at how quickly his mom had jumped into action thinking of all the small details to make his life a little easier.

 

Normally, Yamaguchi greatly looked forward to practice, especially after having to miss one. Today, he was dreading it. He knew he was going to have to come up with some sort of explanation to the team as to what medical reasons he has for a lighter practice schedule. Not to mention the fact that his adjusted training regimen would only serve as a reminder that he was no longer normal like everyone else. As soon as he got changed, Ukai pulled him aside while everyone was busy setting up the gym.

“I poured over the notes your mom gave me and came up with a new training menu for you. I cut out the cardio and I’m focusing on the fundamentals so you can continue to improve your skills in the game. I want you to get the most out of whatever training I can give you so that as soon as you’re clear play without restrictions, you won’t miss a beat. I gave you regularly scheduled breaks but I’m also going to keep a close eye on you and if I feel like you need to stop I will tell you. My number one priority is keeping you safe” Ukai said before running through his new training plan.

“Thank you, coach. I just want to play with everyone as much as possible. I just want to be part of the team” he said, staring at the ground and scrunching up his face to keep the tears back.

Ukai placed a hand on top of his head. “You’re already part of the team kid. I will do everything I can to keep you as included as possible. You’re going to get through this, and when you do I want you to show me everything you’ve got out on the court, okay?”

Yamaguchi nodded. “Hai!”

The gym was set up and everyone had started stretching by the time they came back to the gym. Several of them gave a questioning glance but no one said anything. Yamaguchi joined in on the stretching and then followed everyone to form a semi-circle around Coach Ukai.

“Alright, we’re going to start with some laps around the gym. Yamaguchi, keep stretching then take a break until everyone finishes.”

For a moment, Yamaguchi hoped everyone would just gloss over it, but of course life rarely works out how you want it to.

“Ukai-san!” Hinata raised his hand like they were still in class. “How come Yamaguchi isn’t running with us?”

Yamaguchi struggled to keep his breathing even as he clenched his fists to stop them from shaking. This was it. After this moment, there was no going back. After this moment, he was certain to have to tell the truth eventually. His mom said he could tell his friends when he was ready, but he didn’t think he was ever going to be ready.

“Starting from today, Yamaguchi is going to be following a different training regimen due to medical reasons. If you have any questions, ask Yamaguchi. Not right now though, I believe you have some laps to get started.”

Practice went by relatively normal after that. Yamaguchi took a break every ten to fifteen minutes and his practice has mostly focused on blocking and receiving. Blocking took less energy than everything else. Spiking and receiving used more cardio, but receiving was the most important fundamental so Ukai was focusing on that at the moment. By the end of practice Yamaguchi felt just as tired as everyone else (perhaps even more so) even though he did less work than anyone. It was frustrating and a little embarrassing, but he knew he was going to have to get used to it. This was going to be his life for a while. He tried to remind himself that he could at least still play volleyball, but he couldn’t help feeling bitter anyway. Ukai had left and the team was starting to clean up the gym, which only meant the moment Yamaguchi was dreading finally came.

“So Yamaguchi, if you don’t mind us asking,” Suga walked over with Daichi and Asahi in tow, “what’s going on? How come you need a different practice schedule?”

The entire gym seemed to freeze in time. Everyone was listening now, some more subtly than others, but Yamaguchi knew everyone was waiting for the answer. He was nowhere near ready to tell them, but he had to give them something or they would just worry about him until he told. Then they would REALLY worry about him.

“Uh…well…I went to the doctor yesterday and…it turns out I’ve developed asthma, so I need to adjust my training until the doctor figures out the right medications and the best way to manage it.”

Everyone seemed to accept his answer and went back to cleaning. He let out a sigh of relief. It was a good lie. This way no one would question his frequent breaks or how he would run out of breath too quickly as well as the drastic cut in his cardio training. Plus, it was not serious enough to warrant any real concern from the rest of the team, it was the perfect excuse. But, no matter how perfect, Yamaguchi knew it would not hold up forever. The truth was going to come out eventually, but this at least bought him some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this fic! I know gen fics typically don't get as much traffic as ones with ships and pairings so I'm truly grateful for how many of you left kudos or just dropped by to check out the first chapter. Feedback keeps me motivated so if you like it, let me know! Also, writing Kageyama and Hinata's interactions were quite fun so I hope you enjoyed them.


	3. Trying to Find Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi learns how to handle his daily life while keeping his illness a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Friday, another chapter. Thank you so much for all the hits, I haven't even really gotten into the meat of the story yet and it's already almost at 150! This chapter is a mix of angst and fluff. Don't expect this much fluff in chapters to come. The real angst is yet to begin. Also, everyone's favorite big brother makes and appearance in this chapter so look forward to that! 
> 
> DISCLAIMER:  
> I did a little research on leukemia to add a bit of authenticity to the story. However, this story is not meant to be medically accurate! I'm trying to keep it as realistic as possible but if anything about Yamaguchi's treatment, symptoms, or experience does not line up with reality or is not accurate to what someone with leukemia would actually experience, it is simply for the purposes of the plot. I repeat, this is not meant to be medically accurate. That being said, if anyone has any corrections or additional info about treatments and such that would be easy to correct or add into the story, please let me know! As long as it doesn't mess up the plot or cause too big of an edit I will certainly try my best to make corrections!

The chemo treatments started. Yamaguchi was prescribed several different medications, some to aid in treatment and some to combat the side-effects of the chemo. He remembered going through treatment with crystal clarity and was dreading having to go through it again. As soon as it started, his already lowered stamina dropped even more. Ukai had to schedule in even more breaks during practice. The only thing keeping him from feeling completely useless in volleyball was his private lessons with Shimada. He still had to take a lot of breaks but at least he was learning a specific skill that he could use to help the team.

School became increasingly difficult. He counted himself lucky if he managed to catch an entire lecture for one class. Most of the time he was fighting to focus, and sometimes even stay awake, and other times he had to leave completely to fight off a bought of nausea in the infirmary. Tsukki was getting suspicious but never said anything, choosing to respect his friend’s wishes of keeping this secret. He would later come to regret this decision when he found out just how serious the secret was, but that was still a while off. For now, Yamaguchi fed him excuses, and Tsukki didn’t question them. Instead, he lent Yamaguchi his notes and helped him fill in the gaps that he missed in class.

Before they knew it, the inter-high was upon them. Since they would be extending practice until the start of the tournament, Yamaguchi had made an off-hand remark that his mom was worried about him falling even more behind in his homework.

“Who cares?” Hinata interjected, “As long as we whoop butt at the inter-high!”

“You know, if your grades drop too much you’ll be forced to take a break from volleyball” Suga said while passing by with the dust mop.

Hinata and Kageyama turned to stone at this comment as Suga continued on his way, lightly humming.

And this is how all four first years ended up at Tsukishima’s place most evenings leading up to the prelims, studying the things they might miss.

“Yamaguchi! Don’t fall asleep! I still don’t understand this and Tsukishima is being mean!” Hinata jolted Yamaguchi out of his half-asleep state.

“I’m not being mean you’re just being stupid” Tsukki countered.

Hinata started growling at Tsukki when he was interrupted by Yamaguchi. “Ah, sorry Hinata,” he yawned, “what do you need help with?”

They worked a little while longer but then decided to call it quits as Yamaguchi kept falling asleep on the table and Tsukishima’s sass was getting in the way of any actual learning.

“You know, you’ve been falling asleep a lot during our study sessions” Hinata commented as they were preparing to head home.

“Yeah, I guess I’ve been studying too late every night.”

“Uwaah, you keep studying after we all go home?”

“Of course he does, dumbass. He’s actually a good student, unlike some people” Kageyama interjected.

“Oi! You’re not a good student either!!”

“I never said I was talking about you! But the fact that you assumed I was just proves you are!”

“I didn’t say I was! I said that you aren’t!”

“Well I never said I was either! But at least I’m better than you!”

“You wanna say that to my face?!”

“I just did, dumbass!”

Yamaguchi and Tsukki could hear them bickering all the way down the street.

“So, do you wanna stay over on Friday and I can help you study on Saturday without the idiot duo” Tsukki offered.

“That sounds great! I’ll ask my mom about it tonight.”

They said their goodbyes and Yamaguchi left for home. Normally, a sleepover would be no problem at all, but Yamaguchi had never gone to one while going through treatments, so he wasn’t sure how his mom would take to the idea.

“I’m home” Yamaguchi said.

“Welcome back, sweetie” Himeko said.

“Is it okay if I stay over at Tsukki’s on Friday? He’s going to help me study so I don’t fall behind.”

Yamaguchi hoped putting it that way would help win her favor. However, after seeing her hesitance, he added, “please?”

She sighed. “You know I would love for you to go, honey, but…” another sigh, “Let me talk to Kei’s mom about it okay? If you’re going to be staying the night she’s needs to know.”

Yamaguchi paled. “But-“

“Don’t worry, I’ll be very clear that you want to tell Kei in your own time. There’s just some things that she needs to know if she’s going to be watching over you for a night.”

“Okay, just…please make sure Tsukki doesn’t find out.”

“I promise I will make sure he doesn’t hear a word.”

Feeling reassured and a little optimistic, Yamaguchi went to bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

The next day, while Himeko was on her lunch break she gave Kei’s mom a call, deliberately doing it at a time Kei would not be home.

“Himeko! It’s good to hear from you. I’m assuming this is about the sleepover, Kei already asked me if Tadashi could stay over on Friday.”

“Hello Akiko, it’s good to talk to you again too. I _am_ actually calling about the sleepover.”

“Is there something special going on? They have so many sleepovers it’s unusual for you to be calling me about it.”

“Well…no, not exactly. It’s just, I’m a little…hesitant this time around. It worries me.”

“Worries you? Do you think the boys are planning on doing something they shouldn’t?”

“No! No, nothing like that. I just,” Himeko sighed deeply, “Tadashi is my baby you know? And it’s not that I don’t have confidence that you can take care of him, because I do, it’s just, if something happened I wouldn’t want to put that burden on you plus I wouldn’t even be there to help-“ her breath hitched as tears began to well up.

“Himeko! Slow down, I’m not following you at all. Take a deep breath and tell me what this is about. Is something going on with Tadashi?”

Himeko let out a breath and forced herself to relax, a few tears escaping in the process. “Tadashi, he…his leukemia is back.”

Akiko gasped. “Oh Himeko, I’m so sorry. How are you holding up?”

“Thank you, it…it’s hard. I’m just worried, you know? There are all these different medications that he takes and all these different things you need to be aware of and watch out for and I don’t want to put all that on you, but I also want Tadashi to go. The first time he went through this it was terribly hard on him, I don’t want the cancer to hold him back from things he wants to do, especially the things that help him keep a sense of normalcy. I just don’t know what to do, I can’t stop thinking about what could go wrong but if I don’t let him go just because of the cancer it would crush him and I would feel horrible-“

“Himeko, you’re rambling again.”

She chuckled wetly “I’m sorry, it’s just been a lot to deal with.”

“Of course it is, I can’t even begin to fathom what it would be like to go through that with either one of my boys. Don’t worry about placing any burden on me, okay? I love Tadashi and I will do whatever I can to make sure he gets everything he needs while he’s here. I’m sure he needs this night away and I think you do too. You’ve obviously been carrying a lot on your shoulders, you need to relax and blow off some steam.”

“Well that’s easier said than done. Are you sure this is okay?”

“Absolutely, tell me everything I need to know. I’ll write it all down and familiarize myself with it before he even gets here.”

“Okay, thank you. I know this will mean the world to Tadashi. One thing you do need to know is that he wants to tell Kei about it when he’s ready so please don’t let him find out. It’s really important that Tadashi has control over this, he…didn’t have the best experience when his classmates found out in elementary school. I think that deeply affected him.”

“Of course, I will keep my lips sealed. As far as Kei is concerned, this is just a normal sleepover. Now, lay it on me. Tell me everything I need to know.”

It took the majority of her lunch break, but Himeko told her everything she thought Akiko might need to know. From what medications he’s taking and their various side-effects to different precautions and things to watch out for.

“Okay, I’ve got it all written down. I will take care of Tadashi as if he were my own without causing any suspicion to Kei. In exchange, you need to do something for me.”

“Of course, I owe you so much for doing this, what is it you need?”

“Friday night, I need you to relax.”

“…What?”

“Relax! Have some fun, pamper yourself, cry! Do whatever you need to do to unwind. I can’t imagine how much stress you must be under so relax, break down, blow off some steam so that you can continue being super mom for Tadashi. I can tell you’ve been thinking of every little detail that might make this even a smidge easier for that boy. But you need to be taken care of too. I wish I could come over and help you do that but of course, I will be busy pampering your son. Is there anyone else you can call to keep you company? I have a feeling being alone won’t be the best thing for you.”

Himeko thought about it and then her eyes fell on a phone number she had stuffed in her purse and forgotten about.

“I suppose I do have one person I could call. I have no idea if they would come over though.”

“It’s worth a shot. You need some support too. Now, you get back to work and I will start making preparations.”

“Thank you so much, Akiko. He really needs this.”

“You do too, Himeko, don’t forget that.”

They both hung up with a lot to think about. _You need some support too_ , huh? It reminded her a bit of her talk with Takeda. He did seem very sincere when he offered his help, and he wouldn’t go out of his way to give her his number if he didn’t want her to use it. Making up her mind, she turned back to her work hoping Tadashi was doing okay.

 

Yamaguchi was eager to get home and find out what his mom decided.

“I had a very good talk with Kei’s mom and I’ve decided to let you go-“

“Yes! Thank you Mo-“

“But! You need to keep your cell phone on you at all times and you have to keep up on your medications. I know you’re going to be hiding it from Kei, but you absolutely must not forget. Akiko is going to keep an eye on you and make sure you’re still doing everything you need to do. Got it?”

“Yes, of course, Mom. Thank you!”

He launched into his Mom to give her a tight hug. Her arms wrapped around her son in reciprocation. It was a sweet, heartwarming embrace, slightly tarnished by the fact that Himeko could feel just how thin Tadashi had gotten already.

When her son had retired to his room for the night, she pulled out her phone and prepared to make a call that she had been putting off. Why was she procrastinating? She didn’t know herself. Perhaps she just didn’t like the idea of asking for help, or maybe it was something else. Either way, she was now sitting on the couch trying to work up the nerve to push call. It was just one button, why was it so hard? Taking a deep breath, she finally hit call and brought the phone up to her ear. Her heart was pounding in her throat as it rang. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I mean, she hardly knew the man! Just as she was contemplating hanging up she heard a voice on the other end.

“Hello, this is Takeda Ittetsu.”

“Oh! Sensei-I mean Takeda-san! I’m sorry if I’m calling too late, I just wanted to ask you something. Oh right! This is Yamaguchi Himeko, in case you didn’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t say that at the start.”

Takeda chuckled. “It’s quite alright. Is there something you needed?”

“Uh, right! Yes, well, you said you were willing to…to help and…give support, right?”

“Yes! Of course! Did something happen? Do you need something? I can get in my car right now and-“

“No! There’s no need for you do to that” Himeko giggled a bit at how frantic Takeda had gotten, she thought she even heard some things fall to the ground. It was nice to know how serious the man was about wanting to help. “Tadashi is staying at Kei’s house on Friday night which means I’m going to be alone. I was just wondering if…if you would like to do something that night or…come over and keep me company? Ah-! I mean, uh, Kei’s mom told me to do something on that night to take care of myself or something and I thought maybe you could…ah, it’s weird after all isn’t it, never mind, please forget about it. I’m sorry to have bothered you-“

“It’s ok, Himeko-san! If you don’t want to be alone I would be more than happy to help. I told you I wanted to support you as well, right?”

“Really? I mean, uh, thank you. I guess I have been a bit of a mess lately and perhaps some company might do me some good.”

“Of course, I would be happy to oblige. Is there something in particular you would like to do?”

“I think it might be best if we stayed in. I’m not in any state for a night on the town right now.”

“Shall I bring dinner?”

“Oh! No, no, I’ll make dinner, you’re already doing enough.”

“Alright, I’ll think of something else to bring.”

“There’s really no need, Sen- Takeda-san.”

“I couldn’t possibly show up empty-handed.”

“It’s really-“

“You know, if there’s one thing that people say about me, it’s that I am persistent. I’m afraid you cannot talk me out of this.”

Himeko sighed, then chuckled. “I guess you win. Bring anything you want, I am still making dinner though so don’t even think about bringing that.”

“It seems we have come to an agreement then.”

“I suppose so.”

They finished ironing out the details then bid goodnight. _What a funny, charming man_ , Himeko thought to herself. Meanwhile, in a different part of town Takeda was chuckling softly, _I guess I know where Yamaguchi’s nerves come from_.

Friday came in the blink of an eye. Yamaguchi was ecstatic while Himeko was fretting. Would he remember to take his meds? Is Akiko really equipped to take care of her son? What if something happened and no one knew what to do? But, there was no backing out of this. Tadashi needed a normal experience. She bid goodbye to her son and set to work making dinner. It was the first time in weeks that she made a meal without Tadashi’s health in mind.

Before she knew it, the doorbell was ringing and dinner was ready. “Welcome, please come- Sensei!”

Takeda was standing there wearing jeans and a t-shirt carrying several bags. “Now, now Himeko-san, what did I tell you about calling me ‘Sensei’?”

“I’m sorry Takeda-san, I just…you certainly didn’t need to bring so much! Oh right! I’m so sorry please come in! Let me help you with some of those bags.”

“That’s quite alright, I’ve got it.”

Takeda stepped inside and slipped off his shoes.

“Are you sure? It looks rather heavy” Himeko said as she led him to the kitchen.

“I’m sure, it’s really not that much. Everything smells delicious by the way.”

“Thank you. It’s nothing fancy but I do alright in the kitchen.”

“I’m sure it will be fantastic” Takeda said as he placed the bags aside.

“You have too much confidence in me. What is all of that anyway? I know it’s not food, I did tell you not to bring any.”

“I listened to your instructions, the only contribution to dinner I brought is this” Takeda pulled out a bottle of sparkling white wine.

“Wine! Oh my, I can’t remember the last time I had wine.”

“I hope I’m not overstepping by bringing this. I just thought it might help you relax and unwind a bit” Takeda suddenly got sheepish and brought a hand to the back of his head.

“It’s quite alright. Perhaps this is just what I need tonight” Himeko chuckled, “so what is the rest of this?”

“Ah, right. I also brought movies and games. I wasn’t sure what exactly you would want to do so I brought as many options as I could think of. But, you’re under no obligation to use any of it! I just wanted to be prepared any way I cou-“

He was cut off by Himeko laughing. “I suppose I did go overboard, huh?”

“No! No, it’s perfect” Himeko composed herself, “you really do want to help, don’t you?”

“Of course, that’s why I’m here right?” Takeda said, slightly confused.

“Yes, I’m sorry, it’s just, I’m not used to someone trying so hard for my sake. It’s been so long since I had anyone to take care of me.”

Takeda was lost for words.

“Come on” Himeko said with a smile, “let’s eat before it all gets cold.”

 

Yamaguchi was sitting in his best friend’s room, working on homework so that they could enjoy themselves on Saturday. “Thanks, Tsukki. I’ve really been falling behind in class.”

“You would be fine if you didn’t fall asleep so much. Aren’t you going to bed at a decent time?”

“I am, it’s just…uh, I’ve been having all these side-effects from the asthma meds that the doctor’s been trying on me.”

“What medications have you been taking? I’ve never heard of an asthma med that makes you sleepy.”

“I can’t remember, they all have such weird names” Yamaguchi laughed nervously.

“Yeah…come to think of it, I’ve never seen you with an inhaler. Didn’t the doctor give you one?”

“Oh, yeah, I have one. I just usually keep it safe and I don’t need to use it much.”

“Even though you have to take so many break-?”

“Hey, Tsukki! Can you explain this equation again? I’m still not fully grasping it.”

Tsukki sighed and held back his annoyance at being interrupted. Yamaguchi was clearly dodging the subject and the whole thing was getting fishy. He was never one to push though (except when it came to other people’s buttons) so he resolved to wait until Yamaguchi talked on his own.

They finished their work just in time for dinner. Akiko was sure to make something light and easy to stomach for Tadashi’s sake. Even though she had gotten several pages worth of directions and explanations, Tadashi didn’t eat nearly as much as she thought he would. Come to think of it, he was looking rather thin. She supposed it was only going to get worse the longer he went in his chemo treatment. Her heart gave a painful squeeze at the thought and she had to excuse herself under the guise of cleaning up just to stop herself from crying. How in the world did Himeko handle this all on her own?

 

Himeko laughed so hard that she almost spilled her wine glass all over the game of life. “The wig landed right on his head?! Are you serious?”

“I almost didn’t believe it myself, but Sawamura-kun was there and said that’s how it happened, he’s quite reliable. Plus, the Vice-Principal was in a terrible mood for days after that.”

The two busted out laughing all over again. “Well, _Sensei_ , you sure seem to have your arms full with that group, don’t you?”

“They certainly keep me on my toes, but I couldn’t ask for a better group of boys.”

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. Tadashi has told me so much about his team and it makes me so happy to hear that he’s in such good hands. Kei’s been his only friend for so long, I’m relieved he’s found a place to fit in.”

“He’s a shy boy but he seems to be warming up to the rest of the team fairly quickly. He’s going to be just fine.”

She knew he was just talking about making friends, but she had no idea how much she needed to hear those words until just then. All she could do was cry.

 

As usual, Yamaguchi got to bathe first, he was the guest after all. He took longer than normal, letting the warmth seep into his bones and relax him. As much as he was enjoying this sleepover, it was stressful having to hide his cancer at all times. The medication he had to bring was hidden deep within his bag which he was careful to keep away from Tsukki. He had forced himself to eat more than he wanted to because he knew Tsukki had noticed how little he was eating these days. Now the food was sitting heavy in his stomach making him feel sick.

The bath was working wonders though. He was relaxed and peaceful, not worried about how he was going to hide this or that from his best friend. Water was suddenly attacking his nose as he realized he accidentally fell asleep. He decided it was time to get out. After drying his hair and putting on his pajamas, he almost ran into Tsukki’s mom as soon as he left the bathroom.

“Tadashi! Did you have a nice bath?”

“It was very relaxing, thank you.”

“Good” she shifted to a softer tone, “did you remember to drain the tub?”

“Oh! Right, I forgot. I’m sorry, I’ll do that right now!”

“It’s okay! Thank you, is there anything you need right now?”

“I’m good for now, thank you.”

He rushed back into the bathroom to pull the plug then watched as the water slowly whirl pooled down the drain. Tsukki always used the bath after him so he usually left the tub full. Now that he was doing chemo though, Tsukki couldn’t use the same bathwater as him. Once the tub was empty he noticed how much hair he left behind. No, it wasn’t more than normal right? I mean, everyone sheds when they bathe themselves, don’t they? Yamaguchi shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was just being paranoid because he was so focused on keeping this secret.

“What took so long?” Tsukki asked one Yamaguchi got back to his room.

“Sorry, Tsukki. I accidentally drained the bath when I was done so I had to draw you a new bath.”

“Tch, idiot” he said with no real conviction.

While Tsukki was in the bath, Yamaguchi took the opportunity to take his medications without the fear of the blond walking in. Once he was done in the bathroom, the two of them played video games until Yamaguchi’s character in Mario Kart kept crashing into things because he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Akiko helped them get the futon set up then turned to get ready for bed herself.

“Don’t forget, Akiteru said he would be coming home for the weekend but he won’t get in until late tonight. I told him to try to be quiet, but don’t panic if you hear someone in the middle of the night.”

Tsukki sighed and Yamaguchi nodded in affirmation. They all bid each other goodnight and went to sleep.

 

One bottle of wine and several board games later, Takeda was getting ready to go home for the night.

“Are you sure you have everything?”

“Yup, I’m sure. But if I did forget something you can just send it to school with Tadashi-kun.”

“Alright. Thank you so much for doing this, Takeda-san. I didn’t realize how much I needed this and I enjoyed your company very much” she blushed as she realized what she said. The wine must have loosened her tongue, it had been a while since her last drink.

“Are you sure you’re alright to drive home?”

“Oh yes, I’ll be fine. You wouldn’t believe how much drinking goes on at teacher conferences and such,” his eyes widened behind his glasses and pink dusted his cheeks, “please forget I said that.”

Himeko laughed. “It’s ok! It must be a very stressful job. I promise I won’t tell. Have a good night, Takeda, I can’t thank you enough.”

“The pleasure is all mine, and for what it’s worth, I greatly enjoyed your company as well. Please feel free to call me again for anything.”

They said their goodbyes and parted ways for the night. Himeko couldn’t tell if her blush was from the alcohol or something else.

 

_“Tch, pathetic” Tsukki said as he glared down at him._

_“I’m so sorry, Yamaguchi!” Suga hugged him tightly, “we’ll never forget you!”_

_“They always say that the good die young” Nishinoya said as Tanaka nodded solemnly next to him._

_“No wait” Yamaguchi reached out to his team, “I’m not dyin-“_

_“Waahhh! Stay back!” Hinata yelled as he jumped away, “I don’t wanna get your cancer! I haven’t even become the ace yet!”_

_“I’m sorry, Yamaguchi, but we don’t have use for someone who’s sick on our team. We’re aiming for victory” Daichi said as the team turned their back on him._

_No!_

_Wait!_

_Please!_

Yamaguchi jolted awake with a gasp as a wave a nausea crashed over him. With no time to process what he just dreamed, the freckled teen made a fast break for the bathroom. He only had time to flip on the light and get to the toilet before his last couple meals came back up. By the time he was done, he was exhausted from getting sick and still shaken-up from his dream. He hardly had the strength to keep holding himself up, so he slid onto the floor, panting and shaking.

 

Akiteru crept into the house as quietly as possible. As excited as he was to be home, he knew everyone would be asleep by now, so he just had to settle for seeing them in the morning. Tadashi was spending the night which hopefully meant that it wouldn’t be too awkward between himself and Kei. When he entered the hallway, he was surprised to see a light on. _I guess someone needed the bathroom, but why did they leave the door open?_ That’s when the sound of puking hit him. He rushed to the open bathroom in time to see Tadashi getting sick. Did he catch the flu? Was it food poisoning? Just as he was about to step in and help, Tadashi slumped to the floor, shaking and breathing heavy. That’s when it struck him how thin Tadashi looked. When did he get so skinny? And why did he look so…frail? Suddenly, a memory came rushing at him from a few years ago.

_His little brother had finally made a friend. Kei had found someone he actually wanted to bring home and play with. This was the best thing Akiteru could hope for! He had met Tadashi a few times when he would come over for play dates, he was sweet, if a bit timid, kid. The perfect type of friend for his brother. Kei wanted Tadashi to spend the night which elated both himself and their mom. Tadashi’s mom wanted to come over and meet their mom before letting Tadashi spend the night._

_Kei was still out playing and Akiteru had gotten home early from practice, he had landed wrong on a spike and had to give his ankle a rest. He headed to the kitchen to announce his presence but didn’t want to interrupt the two moms, so instead he turned to go to his room. Before he could leave though, the conversation caught his attention and suddenly he couldn’t move. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t seem to work his legs anymore, so he just listened._

_“I’m sorry for the trouble. I am so excited that Tadashi has a friend and I’m just over the moon that Kei wants him to spend the night. But, if Tadashi is going to be spending longer periods of time over here there’s…a few things I would like you to watch out for.”_

_“Watch out for? Tadashi seems like such a sweetheart, what do you mean?”_

_“Oh! No, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean behavior-wise or anything like that, I guess I should have phrased it different. You see…a few years ago, Tadashi was diagnosed with leukemia.”_

_Akiteru heard his mom gasp and his whole body grew ridged._

_“He doesn’t have it anymore. He went into remission almost a year ago, but he is still recovering from the chemotherapy so his immune system is a bit fragile. You need to be extra aware if it seems like he might not be feeling well. At this point even a cold is enough to land him in the hospital.”_

_“Of course, is there anything else I should watch out for? I am so sorry you had to go through that. Poor Tadashi. He’s such a sweet kid, I can’t believe he had to fight cancer! And at such a young age! I…I can’t even imagine.”_

_“Yes, it was tough. Tadashi had a rough couple of years, that’s for sure. Which is why Kei is so important for Tadashi. He’s the first and only friend he’s made_ _that doesn’t know about the cancer, and I think it needs to stay that way, at least for a while.”_

_“I won’t breathe a word of this to Kei. Your boy definitely deserves some happiness.”_

_“Thank you so much, Tsukishima-san.”_

_“Oh please, just call me Akiko. Now, is there anything else I need to know?”_

_“Yes well, as his mom I constantly worry. He may be in remission now but there’s always a possibility that it could come back so there are some signs and symptoms I would greatly appreciate you looking out for.”_

_Tadashi’s mom went on to list several symptoms that could indicate something was wrong. Akiteru listened carefully, vowing to protect and take care of this precious boy that his little brother had befriended._

Which took him back to this moment in time. Softly, he sat down next to Tadashi and placed a hand on his boney shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Tadashi startled at the sudden presence beside him. “Oh, Akiteru-san. I didn’t know you were home.”

“I just got in. Here, let me help you up.”

Akiteru gently guided him into a sitting position. Now they were sitting side-by-side with their backs against the tub. Getting a closer look, Akiteru saw just how run down and scrawny the kid had gotten since the last time he was home. He didn’t want to believe it and he certainly never planned on bringing it up, but he had to know.

“Tadashi…is your…is your cancer back?”

 

Yamaguchi stiffened and paled (well, more that he already was). Akiteru knew? Why? How? No. No. No. He can’t know. He had been so careful. “I…wha…how did-?”

“I’m sorry, Tadashi. I’ve known all along. I accidentally overheard our moms talking right before your first sleepover with Kei. Your mom explained everything because she wanted my mom to watch out for certain things.”

All this time. Akiteru had known the whole time. Yamaguchi’s head spun with the revelation. Wait! If he knew then does that mean? “Did you…I mean, have you…does…?”

“Kei doesn’t know. I never told him. Your mom said how important it was to you that he didn’t know about it so I didn’t say anything, not even to mom.”

Yamaguchi felt a wave a relief followed by a rush of gratitude and affection for Akiteru. He knew. He knew the whole time and yet he kept the secret to himself. He knew the whole time and yet he treated Yamaguchi like a normal kid, like…a brother. Tears pooled in his eyes and began to fall as he realized that, for the first time in his life, he had someone to talk to about the cancer other than his mom. He sniffed, then drew a shaky breath.

“The worst part is the chemo” he said suddenly.

Akiteru’s eyes widened, then he relaxed into a smile to encourage him to continue. He wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first time Tadashi had willingly spoken about this to someone who was unrelated.

“I feel so sick all the time. Not just nausea, but fatigue and no appetite as well. I just feel so run down, like no matter how much I sleep I’ll always be tired. I have to work twice as hard in school because I can barely pay attention. I miss practice regularly for doctor’s visits and chemo treatments. I have to take breaks every fifteen minutes or so because I’m not nearly strong enough to keep up with the team. I probably won’t even get to play in a full game for the entirety of high school because treatment typically takes about two years, and I have to recover even after going into remission because the chemo practically takes you to the brink of death just to kill the cancer!”

By the end of it, tears were pouring down his face and he was starting to get hysterical. Akiteru pulled him into his arms and gave a few calming shushes. “I am so sorry you have to go through this, Tadashi. You don’t deserve it. You’re the sweetest, kindest, strongest person I know.”

“Yeah right. I’m not strong. I’m a wimp who can’t even stand up for himself.”

“You are though! You are strong!”

Yamaguchi scoffed.

“Seriously! How many people could make friends with my brother and still like him after so many years?”

Yamaguchi chuckled a little through his sobs.

“I mean really, I love Kei to death but seriously, his attitude has only gotten worse as he gets older.”

He chuckled a little harder at that.

“I don’t know how you do it, Tadashi, but somehow the sweetest person I know has managed to willingly stick with the sassiest person I know.”

He was full on laughing at this point, the tears starting to slow down. They stayed like that for a while until Yamaguchi began falling asleep in Akiteru’s arms and decided to go back to bed.

Meanwhile, Tsukki woke up with a sneeze, then rolled over to go back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started writing this, Takeda wasn't supposed to play a very big role in the story. But, when I was writing chapter two, this scene popped in my head of Yamaguchi's mom crying in her car and Takeda knocking on the window to help her. I wasn't going to put any romance in this fic, but now there might be so look forward to that. 
> 
> As always, Hinata and Kageyama were fun to write so I hope you enjoyed the idiots ^_^ I love the idea of Akiteru being a big brother to Yamaguchi so I couldn't help but write that into the story. I hope you liked the nightmare because there will be a lot more of those to come. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this story! Feedback keeps me motivated so let me know what you think of the story so far!


	4. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team heads to the inter-high and Yamaguchi deals with more than one type of loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the real angst begins so prepare yourselves.

The next morning, Akiteru greeted Tadashi like he was seeing him for the first time since he got home. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel grateful toward him. Even though things had been awkward between him and Tsukki, Yamaguchi couldn’t help but think of him as the older brother he never had. The exchange that they had last night had cemented that feeling in him.

Breakfast also consisted of foods that were easy on the stomach. Yamaguchi didn’t force himself to eat more than he wanted, still feeling a bit sick from the previous night. Akiteru was kind enough to distract his brother from how little his freckled friend had eaten.

They played video games until Yamaguchi’s mom came to pick him up. The inter-high was going to start the next weekend so Himeko insisted that her son rest as much as possible in preparation for the busy days. Yamaguchi argued that he probably wasn’t going to play anyway so there was no need, but his mom still insisted, saying that he wouldn’t get much time to rest next weekend. Ultimately, she won and Yamaguchi spent the rest of his weekend lazing around and taking naps.

The week leading up to the inter-high was actually rather uneventful. Practice was more rigorous in preparation and Ukai let Yamaguchi skip out on regular practice in favor of extra training sessions with Shimada-san. The jump float serve was difficult to master but Yamaguchi was catching on, though he was still only at the point where he could fluke it every so often. Since he was only learning how to do one particular serve, the private lessons were usually less taxing on him, so he was actually able to have a lighter week before the busy weekend.

Finally, Saturday had come and the team was buzzing with excitement and nerves. They all met in the school parking lot early that morning and took a bus over to the venue. Yamaguchi slept on the ride there, nervous, but also relaxed with the knowledge that he was unlikely to play.

The first match was a success. This was the first step in reversing their reputation as the “flightless crows.” Everyone was pleased at the shock and awe of their victory. They didn’t have much time to celebrate, since they got to move on, they would be playing another game later that day. The break between the two matches was restless and nerve wracking. All the senpai seemed especially worried about Asahi. Apparently, the match that had caused Asahi to quit temporarily was against Date Tech, their next opponent. Yamaguchi was slightly glad that everyone was so focused on Asahi and their next match that no one seemed to notice how small his lunch was.

The match with Date Tech was close. They barely won the first set and the second seemed to be a toss-up on who was going to win. When Hinata was moved up front, he was able to score points and get them in the lead. However, at the most critical point in the match, Asahi was in front, up against Aone and the iron wall. Their hope lied with the glass-hearted ace and his ability to smash through blocks. Yamaguchi was worried about the enormous amount of pressure the third year must be feeling. He couldn’t imagine the weight of the outcome of a match resting squarely on his own shoulders. _I would probably be squished into a pancake_ , Yamaguchi thought.

The whole team exploded in celebration when the final point was scored and the game turned out in their favor. Once they were ready, they headed back to the school on the bus, which everyone fell asleep on. They had a quick debriefing on the matches and the game against Aoba Jousai the next day. Yamaguchi crashed hard that night despite not stepping foot on the court.

_“I can’t let you play in any games,” coach Ukai said, “there’s too much at stake. You can hardly even keep up with your adjusted training schedule.”_

_“We’re on a roll. We won our first two games, and tomorrow we’re up against Seijou. We have no use for you” Daichi said._

_“Asahi’s the biggest wimp and even he managed to break through the iron wall! What can you do?” Nishinoya said._

_“If only you had some talent like the rest of us first years” Hinata said, “then you wouldn’t be the only one left behind.”_

_“You know, if you didn’t have cancer you’d probably have a shot to make it as a regular. Such a waste. Pathetic” Tsukki said._

Yamaguchi startled awake when his alarm went off. Taking a few deep breaths and willing away the tears that had gathered in his eyes, he got up and tried to shove his dream out of his mind. His team cared about him, they were his friends, so why did he keep having those dreams? He knew the answer, he just didn’t want to think about it. By the time he was dropped off at the school, he had forced himself into his usual demeaner and was trying not to let his dream affect him. They were playing Aoba Jousai today, he had to focus! _We’re up against Seijou. We have no use for you._

Yamaguchi shook his head trying to clear it. He couldn’t let last nights dream get in the way.

“You okay?” Suga asked, clapping a hand on his back.

“Y-yeah, just a bit nervous.”

Suga chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose we all are. We just have to give it our best and show everyone the results of our hard work, right?”

Yamaguchi nodded feeling a bit better. He could tell that Suga was nervous as well, but he truly believed his words which made Yamaguchi want to believe them as well. Once again, Yamaguchi slept on the bus ride over, thankfully no dreams came to plague him. When they got there, the team walked out onto the court with confidence and determination.

The game started off with excitement with two setter dumps, first from Oikawa, then from Kageyama. Yamaguchi could tell this was the beginning of an all-out war. Things went downhill fast after that. Seijou quickly took control of the game and with every point lost, Kageyama was growing more and more agitated. Ukai had no choice but to swap him out for Suga so that he could calm down. Yamaguchi was amazed at the instant mood switch as soon as Suga stepped on to the court. He wasn’t talented like Oikawa, or a genius like Kageyama, but the whole team seemed more relaxed and encouraged with Suga as their support. Even so, they still lost the first set much to their disappointment.

During the short break between sets, Suga talked with Kageyama and seemed to give him some pointers on how to relate better with the team as well as figure out the best toss for each spiker. Yamaguchi felt encouraged by this exchange, seeing as how Kageyama had calmed down and was now watching Suga on the court, drinking in as much information as he could.

When Kageyama was switched back in, he seemed to be trying to copy some of Suga’s tactics. The smile he tried to make was downright terrifying, even Yamaguchi was scared all the way in the sidelines. Aside from that, watching Kageyama try to be encouraging was rather comical. But then, the unthinkable happened. Kageyama synced up with _Tsukki_ of all people. Yamaguchi knew better than anyone how much those two got on each other’s nerves. Their combined blocking power turned into a force to be reckoned with. Somehow, they managed to take the second set from Seijou, giving them the chance to win the whole thing with the third set.

Hope was quickly replaced with desperation as Seijou ran away with the third set. Yamaguchi could tell how stiff and on-edge the team was getting. He could feel the tension radiating off the team, seeping into his own bones. His heart jumped into his throat as he was called over to the bench by Ukai.

“Prepare yourself, you’re going in, kid.”

Yamaguchi paled. “Wha- m-me?” he squeaked out. He was sure he wouldn’t play a single second in any of the games.

“That’s right, you’ve been practicing the jump float serve with Shimada, right?”

“Y-yes but-“

“Then on the next rotation, you’ll be serving.”

He was so scared he couldn’t even speak. Sure, a part of him wanted to play on the court with his friends, but not only was their opponent Aoba Jousai, this was a critical moment in the match! How on earth could Ukai trust him with serving at such a crucial point?!

Up in the balcony, Shimada was panicking. “He’s using Tadashi as the pinch server?! I told him he could only fluke it at best right now, what is he thinking!!”

Yamaguchi was shaking like a leaf when the member change was called out. The whole team was shocked and Hinata was disappointed with being taken off the court. He said something to him as he took his number but Yamaguchi couldn’t hear him over the sound of his own heart. He didn’t think there would be that much of a difference, but as soon as he crossed over the white line onto the court it was like a whole different world. The tension could be felt ten-fold and the pressure felt like it would crush him like an empty soda can. The team was trying to calm him with encouraging words, but he could tell how poorly hidden their own nerves were.

Taking the ball, he bounced it a few times to get a feel for it, accidentally hitting his foot making him have to run after it. How embarrassing. He felt like everyone in the stadium was trying to figure out why he was standing on the court right now, himself included. The whistle blew and he panicked, throwing up the ball. He could tell immediately that his toss was off. As he hit the ball, all he could do was just hope that it would make it over the net. It didn’t. It hit the net instead and fell to their own side causing a service error.

Yamaguchi was taken off the court feeling glum and humiliated. His first high school game that he actually got to play in and he’d flubbed it immediately. How was he supposed to face the team now?

Ukai clapped him on the back. “Don’t mind, you still served your purpose, see?”

He reluctantly looked back at the court to see the team looking much more relaxed and determined. The stress level had noticeably dropped. “While it would have been great to score a point, your presence on the court changed the flow of the game and broke the team’s tension. They have a fighting chance now because of you, don’t forget that.”

Yamaguchi made his way back to the rest of the team feeling marginally better but still embarrassed. He received several pats on the back and got his hair ruffled by Suga, all trying to convey to him that’s it’s okay, they still believed in him.

The game from that point on was incredible. Karasuno was matching Seijou point-for-point, bringing the score into the thirties. Everyone was on the edge of their seat, both teams fighting to get the upper hand. No one could tell who would win, each point was matched with a point from the opposing team. Oikawa delivered the final blow. Despite Kageyama, Hinata, and Nishinoya all diving for the ball, it hit the ground, echoing across the whole gym and sounding out their defeat. Weeks of sweat, hard work, and long practices only to make it to the second day. Their first ever tournament as a team cut short.

The team was in a haze walking out of the gym. Some turned to each other to let out their frustrations or to comfort, others went off to the bathroom or locker room. Yamaguchi sought out a secluded stairwell to work out his own disappointments. He couldn’t believe how spectacularly he failed. The ball didn’t even make it over the net! He’d seen Hinata do that before, but not during an official game, certainly not one so important. Plus, Hinata wasn’t even getting private lessons specifically for serving! Shimada was in the stands, he saw that! How was he supposed to face his personal trainer now? After begging him for lessons and taking up his spare time and this is all he has to show for it? He raked his hands through his hair in frustration and brought them back down. What he saw when he opened his fists made his eyes grow wide, all thoughts of the game wiped out of his head. _No. No. No._

 

Iwaizumi was on top of the world. Seijou won! They were going to face Shiratorizawa and, more specifically, Ushijima. The game had been so close, he couldn’t believe how high the score had gotten before they finally pulled ahead and scored two consecutive points. However, it just made the victory all the more satisfying. The team dispersed outside the gym and Iwaizumi realized he couldn’t find his phone. He checked in and around his bag but see it anywhere.

“There’s no need to look so hard, I’m right here” an annoying voice rang out behind him.

“I can’t find my phone Kusoikawa! If you’re not going to help look for it then go bother someone else.”

Oikawa pouted. “You’re no fun, Iwa-chan. Come on, we just won! Celebrate a little longer before becoming your usual grumpy self.”

“I would be celebrating, but as I said, _I can’t find my phone_.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll help you look for it. Sheesh, what would you do without me?” Oikawa walked away to, hopefully, go look for his phone.

_You really don’t want me to answer that question_ , he thought to himself. He started retracing his steps in hopes that it had just slipped out of his bag somewhere or he accidentally left it in the locker room. As he was passing a stairwell, he heard someone murmuring and crying. _Probably someone on Karasuno crying about their defeat_. Sure enough, as he drew closer, he could see that it was that freckled first year who was brought on to the court only to make a service error. Ah. Makes sense. Everyone could tell how terrified the kid was to be on the court. He was just planning on walking right by and leaving him to cry in peace, until he saw the kid’s hands. Both fists were clutching large chunks of hair. “Woah,” the word slipped out before he could stop it and the kid tensed up, “did…did you pull that out?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes were wide and the freckled teen slowly looked over his shoulder, face pale and terrified. Sure, it was understandable to be upset after a defeat like that, but to tear your own hair out of your head? That was excessive. Not even Oikawa would do that. The kids face twisted up in agony then he looked back down at his lap. “Doesn’t matter,” the kid muttered, almost too soft to hear, “it’s not like it was that hard.”

Then he started to break down, muttering to himself as if he had forgotten Iwaizumi was there.

“Why? _Why?_ I don’t get it. Last time it took months to start falling out so why?! Why _now_?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened as realization dawned on him and he took in just how skinny and frail the boy looked. Oh. _Oh_. Carefully, he descended the stairs to the landing and sat down next to the kid, awkwardly placing a hand on his back. Sure, he had experience looking after his kohai. But this…this was beyond anything he had dealt with before. The first year kept crying and murmuring beside him.

“I knew I would have to tell them eventually but…I thought I had more time. It took longer last time, why is it so soon now? I-I’m not ready! I can’t tell them!”

So Karasuno didn’t know. Jeez, it must be hard to keep something so big from your team. How did he do it? He kept stuttering about how his team couldn’t know, shaking and crying all the while. Iwaizumi sat there for a bit, letting him get it off his chest and break down for a bit. Man, he did not think this is how his day would turn out at all. Eventually, he moved his hand over to the first year’s shoulder and squeezed. The kid grew silent as if remembering he was not alone.

“I may not be very familiar with Karasuno,” he started, “but I can tell how close your team is, how much you trust and rely on each other. I think they’re the best kind of team to go through something like this with. You need to tell them, I think they would handle it very well. So try to get yourself ready because you’re probably missing out on a big support.”

The first year whispered out a quiet “thank you” and then the two sat in silence for a while until it was broken by a very annoying voice.

“Hey, Iwa-chan! I found your phone, what do I get for-” Oikawa cut himself off as he took in the scene. He sighed. “Iwa-chan! You won! It’s not your job to comfort the losers!”

Iwaizumi gave the first year a final pat, then stood up to join his loud-mouthed captain. “Shut up” he smacked Oikawa across the back of the head and took back his phone.

“Ow! What was that for?” he cried as his muscular friend lead him away.

“That kid is dealing with something bigger than volleyball.”

Oikawa studied his friend’s solemn expression and hmphed. He wanted to ask but he knew he wouldn’t get an answer, so he let the topic go.

 

Still reeling from the unexpected exchange, Yamaguchi pulled himself together enough to return back to his team, discretely tossing the chunks of his hair in a trash bin on the way. Everyone was downcast as Takeda-sensei and Ukai took them out to eat to replenish themselves after a rigorous two days. Thankfully, Yamaguchi was able to pass off his crying as disappointment for losing the game. The loss still stung, but it was dwarfed in comparison to his grief at the fact that he was already losing his hair. He really thought he could keep the asthma story going for at least a few more months. But no matter what story he came up with, it was impossible to blame losing his hair on asthma.

When he got home, his mom immediately guessed they had lost when she took in his expression. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. Want to tell me about it?”

He told her about the game against Seijou in a detached tone, including his own failure. It was rather disconcerting to hear him talk about a very recent failure in such an apathetic voice. Something was wrong. Her son was not just upset about the game. “Tadashi? What’s wrong? I can tell there’s something else going on, what is it?”

Yamaguchi sighed and tear welled up in his eyes. “My-my hair is falling out,” he let out a big sniffle “already!”

He broke down crying and Himeko quickly brought him into her arms, letting wordless comfort wash over him. What could she even say? No words would make her son feel better, so she just stayed silent, quietly crying with him. The last time he went through chemo, it had taken a lot longer for his hair to start falling out. She had hoped it would take a while this time around as well. Hiding cancer got infinitely harder once the hair was gone.

 

Yamaguchi went to school the following Monday stressed and distraught. Thankfully, everyone brushed it off as disappointment from the volleyball team’s loss. Everyone else on the team also came to school downtrodden after all. They had a brief scare when they thought the third years were going to retire, but relief washed over them as they came rushing into the gym, apologizing for being late. They were well into their practice when Takeda-sensei burst into the gym yelling about going to Tokyo. When he calmed enough to speak coherently, he explained how he managed to get an invite to a training camp with Nekoma and two other Tokyo teams.

The team was ecstatic. Training camp in Tokyo! This was the perfect opportunity for the team to really hone their skills and learn new ones for the Spring Tournament. After a minute of celebration, Yamaguchi sobered. Would his mom even let him go? She was so reluctant just to let him stay one night over at Tsukki’s house. How was he possibly going to convince her to let him stay all the way in _Tokyo_ for a weekend and then again for a whole _week_? There was no way this was going to be easy, but Yamaguchi wanted to go more than anything.

“Please, Mom, please??” Yamaguchi was putting all of his feelings into begging his mom to go. “I promise I’ll be _super_ careful! I’ll keep my phone charged and with me the whole time. I’ll take all my medicine and breaks whenever I’m tired.”

“I don’t know Tadashi. A sleepover is one thing, but Tokyo? That’s so far away! What if you get sick? What if something happens? It can’t be very sanitary, all those sweaty boys sharing a communal space.”

“There’ll be plenty of adults though! Ukai and Takeda-sensei are both going, plus coaches from all the other schools will be there. I’ll be taken care of!”

“I really wish it were that simple. I want you to be able to go, really I do! It’s just…it makes me so nervous, honey. There’s so much that can go wrong, and if it does I’ll be a few hours away.”

Himeko sighed deeply, thinking hard. “Let me talk to your coach and Takeda.”

Yamaguchi looked hopeful.

“This does not mean I’m letting you go. I just want to get more information from them and see what accommodations they can make to take care of you. If I’m not completely satisfied with what they have to say, I’m keeping you home. Understood.”

“Yes, Mom. Thank you!”

It was better than what he could have hoped for. He expected her to flat-out say no, but at least he still had a chance. At least he still had hope.

The next day after school, his mom came to talk to Takeda-sensei while practice was going on.

“Please take a seat, Himeko-san. What can I do for you?”

“Well…it’s about the training camp.”

“Ah, of course. You’re worried about letting Tadashi-kun go, yes?”

“It’s just so far away, and only two of you would know his condition out of the entire group. It worries me.”

“If it helps at all, I was planning on telling the other coaches and teachers that would be in attendance about Tadashi-kun’s needs. With your permission of course.”

“I doubt Tadashi would be very happy about it, but it would put my mind a little bit at ease. Just so long as it’s _only_ the coaches and teachers that know. If it leaks out to the other teams or even his own, Tadashi would be crushed.”

“Of course, it will all be kept confidential. What else can we do to put your mind at ease? We would all love for Tadashi-kun to come with us.”

Himeko chuckled softly. “You really are persistent, aren’t you?”

“I know how I can come off, but it’s thanks to my stubbornness that got me the invite to the training camp. As long as I can give those boys every opportunity to succeed and grow, I’ll wear down anyone I have to.”

“You are a good sensei.”

“Ah” Tadeka blushed a little and put a hand to the back of his head, “thank you very much. Now, what can I do to accommodate Tadashi-kun on this trip?”

“Well, what would the bathing situation be like?”

“The boys will share the communal shower and bathroom that they have at the school. Will that be a problem?”

“Tadashi can’t share bath water with other people because of the chemo, not just because of germs but it’s also not safe for anyone to use it after him.”

“The first years will be the last to have a turn bathing, I’m sure I can find a way to make Tadashi-kun the last person to go. That way he can have the showers to himself and put fresh water in the tub that no one else will use.”

They spent an hour going over every concern Himeko had and discussing the solutions Takeda came up with. By the end of it, she was feeling much more reassured, but still worried. She would always be worried. When practice was over, she was waiting for her son at the front of the school so she could drive them home.

“So?” Yamaguchi asked anxiously.

“I’ve talked extensively with Takeda-san and he made a lot of suggestions for things they could do.”

“And?”

“And…I’ve decided to use the first, weekend-long training camp as a trial. If everything goes fine with that one, we can discuss the week-long camp.”

Yamaguchi practically bounced in his seat. “Thank you, Mom! Thank you! I promise I’ll be really good and listen to all of the instructions!”

Himeko smiled at how happy and animated her son was. The tight ball of worry residing in her chest was a price she was willing to pay to see him so excited.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this story. I hope you enjoyed the little moment with Iwa-chan, it was one of the first scenes that I had planned out in my head when I first came up with this fic. Next chapter is going to be longer and not as much summarizing of the anime. I realize a lot of this chapter is just summing up the anime but it's just something I had to push through to get to the meat of the story. 
> 
> As always, feedback motivates me so if you liked it, let me know!


	5. The Woes of Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi experiences some of the unfortunate side effects of chemo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make of for a shorter chapter that was mostly summarizing the anime, here's a longer chapter with a bunch of plot! It's very angsty but it ends with some tooth-rotting, mother-son fluff. Seriously, it's the cutest scene I've written between Yamaguchi and Himeko so far.

The time leading up to the first training camp, Yamaguchi was extra diligent in following all doctor’s orders to give his mom no reason to revoke her permission. Meanwhile, Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, and Nishinoya were struggling in their own way to ensure their presence on this trip. Their grades were atrocious and if they had to take any make-up tests, they would have to stay behind. Tsukki had reluctantly agreed, after making Kageyama beg, to help them study. Yamaguchi said he would help however he could.

One day at lunch, Kageyama and Hinata sought out Tsukki and Yamaguchi in their classroom so that they could help with their studies. Yamaguchi was spending the whole time helping instead of eating.

“Oi, can you two idiots let Yamaguchi eat?” Tsukki said, noticing that his friend wasn’t going to speak up for himself.

“Wah! Sorry, Yamaguchi! I didn’t mean to keep you from your lunch! You’re just so good at explaining stuff” Hinata said.

“I don’t know about that” Yamaguchi let out a self-depreciating laugh, “besides, I’m not really hungry.”

“But, you won’t be able to play volleyball if you don’t eat” Kageyama said like it would be the worst thing.

Yamaguchi cursed Tsukki in his head. He was hoping to let lunch slide by without anyone noticing he hadn’t touched his food. It wasn’t just that he wasn’t hungry, he was nauseous. Instead of trying to force food into his protesting stomach, he excused himself under the guise of going to the bathroom, then headed for the infirmary for his nausea medication. As soon as he arrived, his stomach gave a jolt, and before he could even speak to the nurse, he was puking his guts out into a bucket. It was a bad bought of nausea. He spent the rest of lunch and into the next class getting violently ill. Finally, he managed to stop gagging long enough to take his anti-vomiting medication.

Once the nurse felt that Yamaguchi was settled, she called his mother to come pick him up. The boy was in no condition to be at school. As soon as she got the call, Himeko rushed to the school to collect her son and let them know she would be keeping him home the next day. He had gotten nauseous and thrown up before, but this was the sickest he had been since starting chemo again. Himeko helped her shaking and miserable son over to the car to take him home.

The rest of the day he spent curled up in bed next to a bucket. Water was brought to his nightstand to keep him hydrated. This is what Yamaguchi hated about chemo, getting so sick he couldn’t even get out of bed. He was pretty much guaranteed to miss at the very least one more day of school. It was miserable. He was already behind enough as it was, struggling to fight through the fatigue in class and frequent trips to the infirmary to take naps or medicine. Tsukki came after school to bring him his homework and also to check on him (although he would never admit to the latter). Yamaguchi quickly hid the bucket when he came, not wanting Tsukki to know he had to leave because he couldn’t stop throwing up.

“So, are you going to be in school tomorrow?”

This was Tsukki’s way of asking how he was feeling, although he would never admit to that either.

“No, probably not. I got a sudden summer cold and it’s pretty bad.”

The lie was easy enough to pass off, Yamaguchi knew he must look awful considering how terrible he felt. Tsukki just nodded in resigned acceptance, knowing he would have to help the idiot duo alone the next day. He offered to stay long enough to help Yamaguchi with the homework but was declined. Yamaguchi feared that if he stayed for too long he might end up puking in front of Tsukki. Then his summer cold story would be an obvious lie on top of it being completely embarrassing.

Once Tsukki left, he pushed aside his homework knowing he wouldn’t be able to get anything done. For dinner, he had a small bowl of vegetable broth before going to sleep. He woke up the next morning feeling considerably better, but still weak and heavily fatigued. At least he didn’t feel like throwing up anymore. Himeko had brought toast to his nightstand before leaving for work. He noticed that she had written a note and placed it next to the toast.

_Good morning Tadashi!_

_I hope you’re feeling better than yesterday. I made up some food for you to eat throughout the day in case you get hungry, you just need to heat it up. I know you probably won’t feel like eating much but do try to eat something, it will help you build up your strength so you can get back to school. I’ll come check on you during my lunch break but if you need anything just call me and I’ll be right home! Keep your phone on you at all times!! Rest up and only get out of bed to get food or to use the bathroom._

_I love you and I’ll see you soon!_

_Mom_

Yamaguchi smiled at the note, practically seeing the concern radiating off the paper. After eating the toast, at least what he could force down, he dragged himself out of bed to take a shower. He felt disgusting after a night of sweating and puking. The warm water was refreshing and rejuvenating. By the time he was done cleaning himself and soaking in the tub, he was ready to tackle his homework and get it out of the way. He finished it just before his mom came home to check on him.

“Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?”

“A lot better than yesterday. I’m still a little nauseous but I don’t feel like I’m going to throw up.”

“That’s good to hear, do you feel like you can stomach some food? I’ll heat something up for you.”

“Maybe a little bit of soup? I think I can keep more down now.”

“Alright, I’ll heat some up right away.”

Yamaguchi thanked her as she ruffled his hair and went to the kitchen to make lunch. He managed to get the soup down just fine so Himeko left for work again with less worry. Things took a turn for the worse a couple hours later though. Just as he was beginning to think he would be able to go to school the next day, his stomach lurched uncomfortably and he dashed to the bathroom. Everything he ate that day came back up. He moped in the bathroom for a little while after that, resigning himself to the fact that he’s probably going to miss the next day as well. Finally, he made his way back to his room and took a nap until his mom got home from work. She was dismayed when she found out he had thrown up again after she left.

“You were just starting to feel better though! I’m so sorry sweetie. I’ll make you some of my special rice porridge for dinner, just eat what you can, okay?”

“Okay. Can I at least try to go to school tomorrow? I won’t even go to practice.”

“Oh honey, you know the rule. You have to go a day without throwing up before you can go back to school.”

Yamaguchi sighed. “I know.”

She patted his head then went to the kitchen to start making the porridge. It was strange, normal kids would jump at the chance to get out of school for as long as he did, but here he was wishing nothing more than to be able to go back to school. If it was just a summer cold like he had told Tsukki, it would be one thing, but this was just a constant reminder that his cancer held the power to completely disrupt his life at a moment’s notice. As he laid in bed staring at the ceiling he heard a knock on his door.

“Tadashi, your friend from volleyball is here to drop off your homework” Himeko said as she cracked open the door.

That was odd, if it was Tsukki she would have just said that Kei was there. If it wasn’t Tsukki, then who was it? Hinata? Surely not Kageyama. He couldn’t imagine the scarey-faced setter walking all the way to his house just to drop off his homework. The door swung open to reveal…Suga-san? Why was he here? He was a third-year.

“Hi, Yamaguchi. Tsukishima suddenly had to run an errand for his mom, so I volunteered to take your work to you. Hinata wanted to do it but I thought you might appreciate a…calmer presence.”

_Plus I wanted to check up on you_ , but Suga wouldn’t say that out loud.

“Ah, yeah…thank you.”

Yamaguchi liked his senpai and was comfortable around him, but he was more likely to question his lies than Tsukki if he started to catch on. He was a setter too, which meant he was quite observant and harder to fool. Suga-san placed his work on his desk and pulled a chair over by his bed.

“How are you feeling? Tsukishima told us that you got a summer cold.”

“Yeah, it came on pretty suddenly and my asthma made things more difficult. The doctors are still trying to figure out the right medication to manage it, so I have to be careful about colds and stuff.”

“That must be tough. When do you think you’ll be back in school?”

“Hopefully, I just have to miss one more day. I’ll probably have to ease back into practice, but I at least want to get back in class. I don’t want to fall too far behind.”

“Of course. Well, I’ll let you get back to resting so that we can see you at school as soon as possible. The team misses you Yamaguchi. See you.”

“Bye” Yamaguchi said quietly to Suga-sans back receding out the door. Did the team really miss him?

Downstairs, Suga stopped to say goodbye to Himeko.

“Thank you so much for bringing Tadashi’s homework to him. It’s been difficult for him to keep up and I know he misses his friends.”

“It’s no problem, I wanted to check in on him anyway. He’s been struggling in practice ever since he developed asthma.”

A brief look of surprise flashed through Himeko’s eyes before she masked it, though not before it was noticed by the keen setter. _That must be what Tadashi told the team_ , Himeko thought to herself. While lying to her son’s friend made her uncomfortable, she knew Tadashi needed to be the one to tell them when he was ready.

“Yes, well the doctors are doing all they can to get Tadashi functioning as he used to.”

That wasn’t really a lie, she just didn’t mention the fact that it was going to take a couple years instead of a couple months like the team was probably thinking.

“I hope he feels better soon, the team misses him” Suga said as he put his shoes on.

 “That makes me very happy to hear. Thank you for looking after my son, it means a lot.”

Suga left the Yamaguchi household with plenty to think about. The way Yamaguchi’s mom said that with a twinge of sadness mixed with raw gratitude made Suga uneasy about what type of childhood his kouhai might have had. Tsukishima was the only person he knew that was friends with Yamaguchi before joining the volleyball club. Was it possible that the tall blond was the only friend he had until high school? The thought made the silver haired setter downcast. The whole situation surrounding his freckled kouhai was bothering him. The next day only made it worse.

Suga was about to talk to Daichi about his visit with Yamaguchi when Tsukishima awkwardly approached looking like he wanted to say something, but also like he didn’t want to bring it up.

“Are you okay, Tsukishima?” Suga asked, “is something wrong?”

Tsukishima struggled with his thoughts for a bit before speaking up. “I just wanted to ask you something. I don’t know if it means anything, but it’s been bothering me.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Have you ever seen Yamaguchi use his inhaler? Or with an inhaler in general?”

Both Suga and Daichi thought for a minute.

“Now that you mention it, I don’t recall seeing him with one” Suga said.

“Yeah, neither have I” Daichi added.

“Wait, so you’ve never seen Yamaguchi with an inhaler?” Suga asked.

Tsukishima just shook his head.

“That’s odd, you spend more time with him than any of us, surely you should have at least seen his inhaler by now” Daichi said.

“Something fishy is going on with Yamaguchi,” Suga said pensively, “things didn’t seem quite right when I brought him his homework yesterday.”

“What do you mean?” Daichi asked.

“Tsukishima, when you went to visit him the first day did you see any dirty tissues or medicine nearby?”

“No, his nightstand was clean. He looked sick but didn’t sound congested or anything.”

“Hmm, strange. If he had a cold as bad as he claims he would have had a tissue box on hand and probably some cold medicine too, yet I didn’t see any signs of those either. He didn’t even look that sick when I visited him, just tired and maybe a bit fatigued.”

“So, what are you suggesting, Suga?” Daichi said.

“I think there’s something more going on with Yamaguchi. I don’t think he has a cold and I’m getting suspicious with his asthma too. If it’s so bad that he has to take frequent breaks from practice, then how come we’ve never seen him use an inhaler? And if he caught a bad cold then you would think he would keep it close by, but I didn’t see it anywhere in his room and Tsukishima just admitted to never seeing it either. Plus…” Suga trailed off, debating whether or not he wanted to mention this.

“Plus what?” Daichi asked.

“Well, there was this moment with his mom…I could have imagined it but…when I brought up his asthma she got this…surprised look in her eyes. It only lasted a second, but it felt a bit like I caught her off guard, and she was very vague when she commented on it.”

The three of them stood in heavy silence, contemplating all of this information.

“I’ve been suspicious of Yamaguchi for a while, I’ve just never pushed him on this type of thing. He always ends up telling me when he wants to, but I have the feeling this is something more serious. I’m not sure if he’s going to tell anyone before one of us figures it out” Tsukishima said.

“Well then, I guess we’re just going to have to try harder to figure it out then” Suga said, suddenly determined.   

 

Yamaguchi was finally feeling better. He was able to keep down everything he ate without getting nauseous and his strength was starting to come back. It was looking more and more likely that he would be able to go back to school the next day. After finishing his homework, he decided to take a shower. It felt good to freshen up after staying in bed for so many days feeling sick. When he finished, he had dried off and gotten dressed before he realized how slowly the tub was draining. Upon closer inspection he saw that a large wad of hair was clogging the drain. His hopeful and upbeat mood was instantly obliterated and replaced with dismay. He hadn’t realized just how much hair he had been losing.

As if on autopilot, he grabbed a small plunger and started working on the clog. Tears poured out of his eyes as he plunged his hair out of the drain. Finally, all the water was drained out of the tub and all that remained was scattered clumps of his own hair. He was stifling back sobs as he cleaned out the tub before rushing back to his room, slamming the door.  

He stood panting for a few seconds to catch his breath. The rapid pace in which he was losing his hair served as a reminder that he was no longer in control of when he was going to tell the team. He was going to be bald well before he would be ready to open up. Overcome with frustration and despair, he went into his closet and started pounding on the wall. In this midst of his breakdown, something soft and fluffy bumped his head before falling to the floor.

 

_Yamaguchi was nervous, no, he was terrified. At seven years old, he was going in to have his first chemotherapy treatment. It was much too young to have to deal with poison being injected directly into your bloodstream, but it was either that or let the cancer slowly kill him. They told him he was lucky that they caught it so early. He did not feel lucky._

_A few minutes before he was to be hooked up to the IV drip, he was on the verge of tears and asking to go home._

_“We can’t leave, honey, I’m sorry. You need to get your medicine so you can get better, but you know what?” Himeko had asked her son, suddenly filled with quiet excitement._

_Yamaguchi’s curiosity was piqued. He rubbed his eyes and answered. “What?”_

_“I have a surprise for you!” Himeko reached into her bag and pulled out a stuffed bear wearing a hospital gown._

_“This little bear is getting chemotherapy too, so I thought you could take it together so he won’t feel so lonely and scared.”_

_Yamaguchi sniffled. “Does he have leukemia too?”_

_“Mhmm,” Himeko nodded, “he has it too.”_

_Yamaguchi’s eyes widened and he took the bear his mom was offering him. For just a moment, he held the bear gently before tightly squeezing it in his arms. He was much less nervous as he was hooked up to the IV then helped his mom attach the makeshift IV needle she had made to his new friend. Yamaguchi decided to call it his ‘chemo bear’ and named him Ki-chan for short._

_Ki-chan went on his recovery journey with him. When he was prescribed all kinds of medicine, his mom filled empty pill bottles with tic tacs, that way Ki-chan would take ‘pills’ too. Ki-chan went to every doctor’s visit, chemo appointment, and hospital stay. When Yamaguchi lost his hair, Himeko made a tiny bandana that Ki-chan wore until his hair grew back. Ki-chan was one of the few reasons he didn’t feel completely alone during his treatment._

 

Yamaguchi knelt down in his closet to gently pick up the plush bear. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten about Ki-chan. He had stored the bear away in his closet shortly after he became friends with Tsukki and it had stayed there until now. All of his frustration drained from his body as nostalgic comfort washed over him mixed with sorrow. Tears were pouring down his face again as he hugged the bear to his chest. He made his way over to his bed and cried himself to sleep.

Hours later, he woke up in a fog feeling moderately better. The intense emotions that were rushing through him had settled down into the fog, still there, but difficult to make out. After a few minutes, he realized that someone had brought him his homework while he was sleeping. He started to panic, worried about who might have saw him curled around a stuffed bear with tear tracks littering his face, then he noticed the note scribbled on a post-it next to his work.

_Kei stopped by to give you your homework_

_but you were sleeping when I knocked on_

_your door so I just put it on your desk. Come_

_to the kitchen when you’re hungry and I’ll_

_heat something up for you._

_~Mom_

He breathed a sigh of relief. No one from the team saw him like that. His thoughts were cut off by a soft rumbling in his stomach. When was the last time his stomach growled? He couldn’t quite remember, but he took it as a good sign; he was actually hungry for once. After washing his face, he went down to the kitchen to get some dinner.

“Hi, Sweetie. How are you feeling?”

“Better, I was able to keep everything down today and I actually feel hungry now.”

“That’s good news. Do you think you’ll be up to going to school tomorrow?”

Yamaguchi nodded. “I feel fine. I’d really like to go back.”

“Okay, you can go if you want, but you need to sit out from practice until next week. Now, what would you like to eat?”

“A sandwich is fine, I don’t want to push it.”

“Alright, you go sit on the couch, I’ll bring it to you when it’s ready.”

His mom kissed him on the forehead then started pulling out ingredients. Yamaguchi sat down and flipped on the TV until his food was ready. They ate dinner together as Himeko chatted about her day. He was grateful that she didn’t ask about why he was crying earlier, she had to have seen the dried tears staining his face when she brought in his homework. Himeko could tell he was in a fragile emotional state though, so she didn’t want to push it at the moment. After finishing his homework, he went straight to bed and drifted off almost immediately, as if he didn’t just sleep the whole afternoon away.

It felt fantastic to be back. Yamaguchi didn’t think he would ever miss school so much, but when an illness dictates so much of your life you begin to crave everything that makes you feel normal.

“Yamaguchi!” Hinata yelled, “you were gone sooo long! How sick were you?”

“Well, the cold wasn’t too bad but it made my asthma worse, so I had to take it easy for a few days. I can’t even rejoin practice until next week” Yamaguchi said.

“Wah! Man, asthma sucks. There’s no way I could take a break from practice for so long. I don’t know how you do it, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi awkwardly chuckled, feeling uncomfortable and gloomy.

“So, Yamaguchi, what are you going to be doing the next couple days if you can’t practice? I see you showed up anyway” Suga said, trying to distract from Hinata’s unintentionally rude comment.

“Mostly help Shimizu-san with her manager duties. I’ll also watch practice and try to learn from the sidelines.”

Morning practice went by smoothly. When Yamaguchi wasn’t helping take notes or pass out water bottles, he was closely watching his teammates in hopes that he would learn something or understand something from a different angle. It was rather interesting to watch as a spectator instead of a participant, although he would much prefer to be the latter.

Classes also went well. He was able to keep up with the material thanks to his teammates bringing his homework every day, and since he spent the last few days laying in bed, he was more focused than usual. Of course, he was still tired by the end of the day so he payed a lot less attention in afternoon practice. He still helped Shimizu-san with her work but was allowed to take breaks when he wanted. It was getting toward the end of practice and Yamaguchi was sitting with his back against the wall, waiting for practice to be over. He could no longer focus, so he was just browsing the internet on his phone. His mind involuntarily drifted to the day before when he discovered just how much hair he had lost. When he had taken a closer look in the mirror, he could tell that his hair was starting to get noticeably thinner. He could still hide it for now, but not for long. It was only a matter of time before he would have to shave his head.

Before he knew it, he was researching wigs. They were more expensive than he anticipated, much to his dismay. There was no way his mom could afford to buy him a wig. Eventually, he found himself on a website that sold wigs for kids with cancer. The prices were much cheaper than all the other sites he had looked at, but it was still expensive for his single-parent home. His mom already did so much and worked really hard for his sake, he didn’t want to add to her burden by asking for something so expensive. Just as he was about to leave the website, one of the wigs caught his eye. It was the same color as his hair and the same general shape. If it was just trimmed in a few places and styled a bit, it would look just like his hair. Why did he have to find this wig just as he was about to give up on the idea? This just made it so much harder to let it go, knowing that there was a way he could still be in control of when everyone found out. Even so, he still felt reluctant to ask his mom to dish out so much money.

As he was longingly gazing at the wig, Takeda-sensei walked into the gym to see how the team was doing and to give Ukai an update on their transportation for the camp. He walked over to Yamaguchi and said, “What are you looking at?”

Yamaguchi startled and tried to hide his screen, but it was too late. He could tell by the empathetic look on the teacher’s face that he had seen. Yamaguchi sighed. “It’s too expensive anyway. I don’t want to burden my mom any more than I have.”

It was Takeda’s turn to sigh, empathy mixed with exasperation. “Let’s go talk somewhere, okay?”

Yamaguchi nodded, not having anything better to do anyway. They made their way to an empty office and sat down.

“I know it’s probably hard to believe but you will not be a burden for asking for something” Takeda started off.

“It’s so expensive though. And Mom already has so much to pay for between my medical bills and medications and general care. I can’t ask her to spend even more money on something I don’t even need. I don’t want to put any more burden on her.”

“Yamaguchi-kun, if your mom wasn’t willingly taking on everything that you call a burden, then she wouldn’t be working so hard for your sake. I can guarantee you that she would spend any amount of money just to make this even a little easier for you. Let me ask you something, are you ready for your teammates, your friends, to find out the truth? Are you okay with the whole school knowing as soon as they glance your way?”

Yamaguchi looked down, tears beginning to build up in his eyes. “No” he muttered quietly.

“Then I’d say this wig is something that you do need, and I’m willing to bet your mom will think the same. You should talk to her about this. If she found out that there was something she could have done to make you more comfortable, to make you happier, but missed out on it because you didn’t want to be a burden, how do you think that would make her feel?”

The freckled teen stared at the ground in silence. He never thought of it that way. His mom was constantly looking out for all the little details that would make each day just a little easier, just a little more normal. She would be crushed if she found out that she could have helped in such a big way but didn’t know about it until it was too late.

“Talk to your mom, okay? Making you happy makes all of her hardships so much lighter and easier to carry. I want to see you happy too.”

The talk was very touching and Yamaguchi felt better about bringing up the subject with his mom. He still felt bad about asking for something so expensive, but Sensei was right, all of the burden she took upon herself was all for his sake. If she worked so hard just for him to end up miserable, all of her hard work would be for nothing. In order for his mom to be happy, he had to be happy.

When he got back to the gym the team was cleaning and packing up to go home. Tsukki was on the phone which was an unusual sight.

“Hey, Yamaguchi. My mom wants to know if you want to come over for dinner” Tsukki said holding the phone against his shoulder.

“I’ll have to ask my mom, hold on.”

Yamaguchi turned to grab his phone and met with his mother’s face.

“I came to pick you up but it sounds like that wasn’t necessary” Himeko chuckled.

“Mom!” Yamaguchi startled, “um, is that okay?”

“Of course! Go have dinner with Kei. Call me when you’re done though, I don’t want you walking home alone.”

“Thanks, Mom! I’ll see you after dinner!”

Yamaguchi ran off to tell Tsukki that he was coming.

“Ah-! Himeko-san!” Takeda said as he entered the gym, “it’s nice to see you again. Are you here to pick up Tadashi-kun?”

“I was, but it looks like my dinner plans just opened up,” Himeko replied, glancing at her son preparing to leave with his best friend, “would you care to join me? If you’re free I mean, I know you have a busy job so of course it’s okay if you’re not.”

“That sounds lovely, Himeko-san. I will gladly join you for dinner, just let me get my stuff.”

On the other side of the gym, the team was just about ready to leave when Tanaka walked over to Yamaguchi.

“Yo, Yamaguchi, what’s up with your mom and Take-chan?” Tanaka asked.

“What?” Yamaguchi glanced over at his mom, “oh, I guess they’ve hung out a few times. I think they might be friends now or something.”

Noya snickered while looking at the two adults. “Yeah, or something.”

“Huh?” Yamaguchi looked over at his mom.

Takeda-sensei was a little more jittery than usual and a light blush dusted his mom’s cheeks.

“Ohhhh, Yamaguchi, looks like you might be getting a new dad!” Tanaka teased, slinging an arm around his kouhai’s shoulders.

“Ehh?!” Yamaguchi blushed and stared wide-eyed at his mom and teacher.

“Ehhhh?!?!” Hinata screeched out, “Yamaguchi, is Takeda-sensei going to be your dad?!”

“SHHHHH!!” Suga quickly covered the hyperactive teen’s mouth, “Hinata they’re right there!”

Daichi smacked a snickering Noya and Tanaka on the back of their heads. “Stop teasing Yamaguchi. You don’t want to start any weird rumors without even knowing anything.”

The two of them looked chastised as they quietly mumbled apologies. Everyone made their way out of the gym and left to have dinner. Yamaguchi said goodbye to his mom and left for Tsukki’s house. Himeko and Takeda decided on which restaurant to go to and then took off. The rest of the team split up to go home, Hinata still asking if Tadeka-sensei was going to be Yamaguchi’s dad.

 

“So…” Tsukki said once they were settled down for dinner, “what _is_ up with your mom and Sensei?”

“Uhhh…I really don’t know. I knew they hung out a couple of times, but I’ve never seen my mom like… _that_ before.”

Tsukki’s mom just chuckled to herself as the two boys talked. Now this was interesting. Himeko would be hearing from her very soon.

After dinner, Yamaguchi got up to bring his dishes over to the sink when he was hit with a bought of dizziness. He staggered into the counter before he could catch himself.

“You okay?” Tsukki asked.

“Yeah, I just lost my footing for a second” Yamaguchi gave a self-depreciating chuckle.

He hoped Tsukki would just brush it off, there was enough to worry about now that he was starting to get waves of dizziness. Making a mental note to start taking the pills that were prescribed for dizziness, he placed his dishes in the sink and was about to ask if there was anything he could do to help when Tsukki cut in.

“You bruise really easily” he commented.

Yamaguchi glanced down and sure enough, a bruise was already forming on his elbow.

 

_“You bruise so easily!” a kid taunted as he pushed Yamaguchi to the ground._

_The group of bullies laughed at him as bruises already began to appear._

_“He must be so weak, you barely touched him and look at how dark those bruises are!”_

_Laughter surrounded him as he held back tears, desperately wishing to disappear._

_“Stop it! It’s because of the cancer!” a girl in his class yelled at the bullies._

_He knew she was trying to help, but yelling those words only hurt and embarrassed him even more. Gathering all his strength, he bolted away in search of a quiet place to cry. As he ran away, he could hear the girl still yelling at the bullies, “you guys are so mean! He’s really sick!”_

 

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukki said, snapping him out of it.

“Oh, right. Yeah, I’m fine. I was just a bit surprised that it bruised already. I must be iron deficient or something. Maybe I should eat more fish” Yamaguchi tried to deflect with a joke.

The sudden memory shook him up a bit, but he didn’t want Tsukki to think anything was wrong.

“Tadashi, I just got off the phone with your mom. I told her I would drive you home so she can enjoy her dat- I mean dinner” Tsukki’s mom said.

“Okay” Yamaguchi said, glad for the change in subject.

He gathered up his stuff and said goodbye to Tsukki, his mom insisted that she wanted “quality time with Tadashi.” She spent the drive checking in with him and seeing how he was doing. When they reached his house, she grabbed something from the backseat.

“I know this has been hard on you and I wish I could do more, but I did get you something” she said.

“Oh, that’s okay! You didn’t have to-“

“I wanted to. You are a special and valued part of my family and I want you to have this.”

She held out a grey beanie woven with beautiful knit patterns. Silently and carefully, Yamaguchi took it into his hands and admired the hat. It may have been a simple gesture, but to Yamaguchi this was one of the best, most thoughtful gifts he had ever received. Reaching out to hug her, he could barely hold back his tears. “Thank you. I love it.”

They said their farewells and Yamaguchi went inside to get ready for bed while waiting for his mom to get home.

 

Himeko pulled into the school parking lot to drop off Takeda by his car. “Thank you for dropping me off, and for a lovely evening” Takeda said.

“It’s the least I could do. Thank you for the lovely company, and for everything you’ve done.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, really! Tadashi is a great kid, and I greatly enjoy our time together.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow so we can set up a time to go over Tadashi’s care during the training camp. It still makes me nervous but I do feel a bit better knowing he’ll be in good hands.”

“Of course, Himeko-san. I feel honored that you place so much trust in me and I will do everything I can to not let you down.”

With that, they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. When Himeko got home, she was surprised and glad to see that Tadashi was still awake. Rest was important, but she had hardly gotten to see her son that day. “I’m home, Tadashi! How was dinner at Kei’s?” she said as soon as she stepped through the door.

“It was good. Tsukishima-san’s cooking was great as always and look what she got me” he held up the grey beanie to show her.

“Oh, how sweet. That was so nice of her, it’s such a lovely hat too. You’re going to look great in it!”

Her tone was upbeat but they both felt the underlying tension and sadness at the implications of the gift. While uncomfortable, Yamaguchi used the moment as a segue to the real conversation he wanted to have. “Speaking of which…” he started, “I know funds are tight and…I don’t really need it but, I was wondering if…if you would consider…maybe…”

“What is it Sweetie? You know you can ask me for anything.”

“I was kind of hoping you would maybe consider getting a wig.”

A heavy silence filled the room. Yamaguchi fidgeted while waiting for a response. Was it a mistake to bring it up after all?

“Oh, Honey. With the way you were acting you had me worried for a moment. Of course we can look into it! Why ever did you think I might say no?”

“I didn’t think you would say no, it’s just…it’s a lot of money and you already-”

“I don’t want to hear anymore of that talk. You let me worry about the money, okay? You have enough to worry about-”

“But you do too!”

“And it is my privilege as your mother to worry about these things. If a wig is something that’s going to make this even a little bit easier to deal with, then I will gladly spend any amount of money to make that happen. All I care about is making you as happy as I can.”

“But what about your own happiness?”

“Sweetie, you are my happiness. As long as you’re okay and happy, that’s all I could ever ask for. How can I not be happy when I have such a sweet, selfless, and kind boy?”

The two of them shared one of the most loving and tender hugs Yamaguchi ever remembered receiving from his mom. What did he ever do to deserve the most amazing mom in the world? It didn’t matter that he never had a father. With a mom like this, he couldn’t possibly ask for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it! Some of Yamaguchi's backstory and the introduction of Ki-chan! The bear will be making more appearances. Himeko and Takeda get a bit closer and he starts to become a more important figure in Tadashi's life. The team is getting suspicious and is starting to question. Next chapter features the first training camp, expect a lot of angst! I have officially caught up to what I have written. Chapter 6 should be done by next friday, I will try my hardest to keep up weekly updates, but with Christmas coming up please be patient if an update is late. As always, thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate the feedback, it keeps me motivated so let me know if you like it!


	6. The Revelation of Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi is excited for the first training camp, but will it go as smoothly as he hoped?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have officially caught up to what I have written. I don't know if I will have the next chapter completed by next week, but I will post what I manage to write of chapter 7 next friday so you guys have something to read. When I finish chapter 7 I will update it. 
> 
> This chapter was originally going to cover a lot more but by the time I had gotten through half of what I was planning on getting through I had already written 6,000 words, so I'm splitting it into 2 chapters. This one features a lot more angst and more nightmares. Mamaguchi frets over her son, as usual, and Yamaguchi is starting to get tired of Tsukki's sh*t.

The morning of the training camp, Yamaguchi woke up jittering with excitement. He had been to training camps before, but this one made him feel like he still had some semblance of control over his life. Even his worried mom running through his medications and instructions for the umpteenth time didn’t dampen his spirits. For the next few days he was going to eat, sleep, and breathe volleyball. Himeko had him resting as much as possible the days leading up to the camp, so he felt like he was bursting with energy. Well, maybe not bursting, but he certainly felt more energetic than he had in months.

“Now, I know you’re excited, but don’t overexert yourself. This is just a trial. If something goes wrong I will seriously consider keeping you home for the next one” Himeko said as they were packing up the car.

“I know, I know. We’ve been over this several times” Yamaguchi said patiently. It was annoying, but he understood why she was so worried.

“I know, I’m sorry, Sweetie. I just can’t help but worry. Last time you were so young I didn’t have to worry about things like training camps and volleyball. I could just keep you home and take care of you when you weren’t at school.”

“Yeah, I know things are different this time around. But I really want to go to the training camps, so I promise I’ll be extra careful and I’ll take as many breaks as I need.”

“And don’t forget to call me every night before bed. And keep your phone near you at all times, I want to be able to contact you any time, day or night.”

“Yes, Mom. I will keep my phone with me.”

Finally, they were on the road driving to the school where Yamaguchi would join his team on the bus. He could feel the anxiety radiating off his mom and felt a little bad for her. But he knew she was going to worry no matter what, he just had to make sure not to give her any reason to worry.

As soon as they got there, Himeko immediately sought out Ukai and Takeda to go over instructions one more time. Yamaguchi made his way over to a tired and bored-looking Tsukki.

“Where’s Hinata and Kageyama? I thought they would be the first ones here” Yamaguchi questioned.

“The two idiots failed one of their exams, so they have to stay behind and retake them. Tanaka said he got them a ride to Tokyo when they’re done” Tsukki said.

“I only hope they make it there in one piece” Tanaka said ominously.

“Alright! Looks like everyone’s here so let’s load up the bus and get going” Ukai called out.

Himeko came back over to her son to say goodbye. “You’ve got your phone, right? And your charger? All your medications are in your bag? You have your water bottle?”

“Yes, Mom. We double and triple checked all my bags last night and this morning. I don’t think we forgot anything.”

“Okay, okay. Don’t forget to call and don’t hesitate to go to Ukai-san or Takeda for anything. I told them everything they need to know.”

“I get it, Mom. I’ll be fine. I don’t think we could be any more prepared.”

“You’re right, I know. I just can’t help but worry.”

“I know. I have to get on the bus now. I’ll call you tonight. Bye, Mom.”

“Be safe and have fun. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Himeko finally let go of her son and watched him board the bus with mixed feelings. As Ukai and Takeda were about to climb in, she stopped them to say one last thing. “That’s my baby in there. He’s all I have, so if anything happens to him, I swear…” she let the threat hang in the air.

“Himeko-san, I promise we will do everything we can to keep Tadashi-kun safe” Takeda said with conviction.

She watched the bus leave with trepidation, but also glad she was leaving her son in good hands.

 

Even though he woke up with excitement, it didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to fall asleep once the bus got moving.

 

_“You’re so weak it’s pathetic!” a boy in his class said as he pushed Yamaguchi to the ground._

_“Yeah!” another boy chimed in, “I bet he’s not even sick!”_

_“He’s probably just pretending so he has an excuse for being so weak.”_

_“Plus, he gets all that special treatment from the teachers.”_

_Chants of faker! Faker! Followed Yamaguchi as he ran away. Once the voices died away, he fell on his knees and cried. Raking his hands through his hair, he noticed his fingers weren’t met with much resistance. Clumps of hair fell out of his open palms as he brought his hands back down. No! No no no!! He ran to find a mirror, but more and more hair just kept falling. He reached a hand up to feel his head. Smooth. Nothing but skin. He panicked and raced through a door, trying to hide._

_All the kids in his class stared at him as well as the teacher standing next to the chalkboard. His teacher looked at him through eyes full of pity and sadness. The class was shocked at first but soon found their voice._

_“Oh my gosh, he’s bald!!”_

_“He looks so weird!”_

_“He looks like an alien!”_

_“I would hate to lose all my hair, it looks so ugly!”_

_“Do you think he’s contagious?”_

_“I feel so bad for him. He looks like he’s gonna die!”_

_“Do you think he’s gonna die?”_

_“I don’t know, but I hope I never get what he has.”_

_“Ew! Stay away from me, I don’t wanna get your sickness!”_

_“What a freak!”_

_“He shouldn’t even be here.”_

_“Yeah, he should just stay home like all the other sick kids.”_

_“He’s gonna spread his cancer!”_

_Unable to take any more, Yamaguchi ran from his classroom with tears in his eyes. His foot caught on something and he tripped, tumbling down a hill. Opening his eyes, he realized he was in the gym at Karasuno._

_“Yamaguchi! Are you okay?” Asahi cried out._

_He sat up and everyone gasped. “Oi, oi, what’s this?” Tanaka snarled putting on his intimidation face, “you tryn’ to copy my style?”_

_“Wha-? No! I-”_

_“Hahaha dude, you look so weird! Ryu pulls off bald way better!” Noya said._

_Yamaguchi turned to get away from them and bumped into Suga. “Oh my god, Yamaguchi, why didn’t you tell us you’re dying?”_

_“But I’m no-”_

_“He’s right Yamaguchi,” Daichi interrupted, “you shouldn’t be playing volleyball if you’re dying. The team will miss you.”_

_“Wait!” Yamaguchi cried out, reaching for the retreating backs of his senpai._

_“Are you contagious?” Kageyama asked._

_“What?! Stay away from me! I don’t want your disease!” Hinata yelled as he frantically backed away._

_“What happened to your hair?” Tsukki asked looking a bit disgusted, “I can’t believe you lost all your hair and didn’t even tell me you were sick.”_

_“Wait! No!” Yamaguchi cried as his team walked away from him, some looking repulsed, some looking scared, and some looking sad._

_“No, come back! Please!”_

The bus hit a bump. Yamaguchi woke with a gasp, hands shooting to his head to find he still had hair. He let out a breath and tried to start calming down.

“Are you okay, Yamaguchi?” Suga asked from the seat across the aisle.

It was then that Yamaguchi realized that he had gathered the attention of everyone in his immediate proximity. Daichi, who was sitting next to Suga, was also waiting for his answer while Tsukki, just beside himself, looked at him with mild surprise. Even Ennoshita and Asahi, who were also sitting nearby, were also looking on with concern.

Yamaguchi let out a self-depreciating laugh. “I’m fine, it was just a bad dream.”

Everyone seemed to accept the answer, but a few still looked a little worried. At least no one questioned any further. He let out a small sigh and spent the rest of the trip to Tokyo calming down. By the time they reached the school they would be staying at, Yamaguchi had managed to regain his excitement. Once the bus stopped, everyone stretched and helped unload their stuff. As soon as they were settled, the schools did a quick introduction and they jumped right into practice matches.

 

When Karasuno made it into the gym there were two things Kenma noticed immediately. First, Shouyou was not there (he soon found out he would be arriving later due to a failed test), and second, the tall, freckled first-year looked a lot worse than the last time they practiced against Karasuno. He looked worn-out and much thinner. Something was definitely wrong. It looked like he was right to be worried. His suspicions only grew stronger as the day went one. Since Kageyama and Shouyou were not going to be there until late afternoon, Karasuno’s coach was letting some of the other non-regulars cycle through to get some practice and experience. The freckled kid was shifted out much more frequently than the rest and was given longer breaks. He seemed to tire out more quickly as well. One observation he made was a bit odd though. The first-year seemed like he was hiding something but the rest of Karasuno didn’t seem to find his behavior or condition very suspicious. Kenma couldn’t quite put his finger on it but he had a feeling of unease in his gut, like something was going to happen during this training camp.

 

Yamaguchi was excited to be able to play in so many games, even if he could only play a little bit at a time. It helped him learn his limits and what he was actually capable of in a game. He was exempt from the punishment of flying dives around the gym whenever they lost a game under the guise of asthma. Everyone seemed to accept that and move on. Kenma didn’t say anything, but he knew that wasn’t true. Yamaguchi (he had finally learned was his name) would run out of breath easily, but he was not wheezing like he would if he really had asthma. He never seemed to use an inhaler either.

Finally, after yet another loss for Karasuno, Hinata and Kageyama made it to the camp. The two first-years staggered into the gym looking shaken-up and a bit traumatized. Tanaka looked over at them empathetically, as if he knew exactly what they had been through. Just then an older, blonde girl burst through the doors declaring they had arrived. Before anyone could really say anything, Hinata promptly threw up on the floor. As chaos ensued, Yamaguchi was secretly relieved that he would not be the first or only one to throw up at this training camp.

“Hi Mom” Yamaguchi called his mom while the rest of the team was preparing for bed in the bathroom.

“Tadashi! How are you feeling? Did everything go okay? Have you taken all your medicines?”

“Yes Mom, everything is fine. I feel fine, I took lots of breaks, and Takeda Sensei made sure I got all my medication.”

Himeko breathed a sigh of relief. “Good, good. What about the showers?”

“I took my shower while everyone was still doing individual practice. It was before anyone was scheduled to shower so there was no issue.”

“Alright. How about dinner? Did everything go well?”

“I ate what I could, no less than usual. Someone actually threw up that wasn’t me!”

“Tadashi! You shouldn’t sound so happy about that!”

“You’re laughing too!”

They giggled on the phone for a bit, happy to share a rare moment of mirth.

“What happened though? Are they okay?” Himeko asked after calming down.

“Yeah, it was Hinata, he’s fine. I guess he got a ride from Tanaka’s sister after the make-up test and apparently she’s not the most careful driver.”

“Oh my. Well at least he isn’t sick.”

“Yeah. I gotta go Mom. The team is starting to come back.”

“Okay, thank you for calling. It really puts my mind at ease. We’ll talk tomorrow. Goodnight, Sweetie. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Mom. I love you too.”

Yamaguchi hung up the phone and pulled out his pillow and blanket for the night. As he grabbed his blanket, something soft fell out of his bag that he didn’t remember packing. He picked it up and smiled. His mom had packed Ki-chan. His smile widened when he saw what the bear was wearing, she had made a small Karasuno volleyball jersey for it. She really went above and beyond to put a smile on his face, even if she wouldn’t get to see it.

“I can’t believe we have another two days of this” Tsukki complained as he flopped onto the futon next to Yamaguchi.

“It’s not that bad, plus this is a great opportunity for us to learn from really good teams and refine our different skills.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to do the laps of flying falls. I’m so exhausted, I don’t know how they expect us to do this every day.”

Yamaguchi looked down a little sadly.

“Ah-I mean. I know it wasn’t really your choice. I just meant it was exhausting. I wish I was exempt from doing it.”

“I wish I had the opportunity to get exhausted” Yamaguchi muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Alright guys!” Daichi yelled out, “I know some of you want to stay up to talk and mess around, but we have a couple of long and grueling days ahead of us, so I want us all to get a good night’s sleep.”

Daichi glared and Tanaka and Noya as he finished. The two second-years tried their best to look innocent but did not succeed very well. Tsukki huffed and rolled over to go to sleep. Yamaguchi laid down and hugged Ki-chan to his chest as Daichi turned off the lights and yelled at Tanaka and Noya to shut up. Even with the noise, it didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to fall asleep.

 

_“Alright guys, we finally made it to the Spring Tournament” Daichi said, “We’ve trained hard for this so let’s go out there and give it all we’ve got! Karasuno fight!”_

_“Ossu!” the team cried out._

_Everyone ran ahead through the corridor to the gym._

_“Wait! Guys! Wait for me!” Yamaguchi yelled as he fell further and further behind._

_Soon he lost track of his team and didn’t know where to go. He ran down hallways turning left and right. It was as if he were trapped in a maze trying to find his way out. No matter how many times he called out his teammates’ names no one ever answered. After running around and searching for what felt like forever, he finally spotted a light. Dashing closer, he could see it was the gym and a wave of relief swept over him._

_“I’m here, guys! I-”_

_As soon as he entered the gym he stopped in his tracks. His team was holding a trophy, celebrating their victory of the Spring Tournament. No one even noticing he was there. They had won it without him. They didn’t even need him._

 

Yamaguchi jolted awake and sat up. _It was just a dream. It’s okay. It’s just a dream._ He repeated this until he calmed down. After laying back down in his futon he checked the clock on his phone. Seeing he still had a few hours to sleep, he rolled over and hoped he wouldn’t have another nightmare.

The next morning, Yamaguchi was so tired he was still sleeping even when everyone else was up and getting ready.

“Someone wake up Yamaguchi!” Daichi called out.

“Oh, _shh shh_! I wanna get a picture!” Suga said.

“What?”

“It’s so cute!” Suga pointed down at Yamaguchi, “look, the bear even has a volleyball jersy!”

His mouth was wide open in a relaxed sleep as he hugged his stuffed bear to his chest. Daichi sighed exasperated but fondly. “Alright, take a picture then wake him up.”

Suga nodded, already pointing his phone at the sleeping teen.

Soon after breakfast, they jumped right back into a long day of practice games. The regulars mostly played but the rest of the team was filtered in and out as players got tired and needed a break. Yamaguchi didn’t get to play as much as everyone else, which was understandable but frustrating nonetheless. Karasuno struggled to win any of the games so they often had to do laps of flying dives as a penalty. Yamaguchi, of course, was not allowed to participate in the penalty. This reminded him of the conversation he had with Tsukki the night before and only served to frustrate him even more. Tsukki was only putting in the minimal amount of effort required in this camp and frankly it was starting to get on his nerves. Tsukki got to be a regular without even really trying while Yamaguchi had to sit on the sidelines and take a break after every five to ten minutes of playing.

During one of the quick afternoon breaks, Yamaguchi made his way behind the practice gym they were using to be alone for a bit. Lunch was sitting heavy in his stomach and he was starting to feel a bit queasy. Why did he have to get sick now? All he wanted was to enjoy this weekend. Just as he was about to go find Takeda sensei for some of his nausea pills, his stomach gave a jolt and suddenly his lunch was coming back up.

 

Kenma disliked training camps. Sure, it was kind of fun to hang out with the team and see people from other teams that he got along with, but the rigorous training and non-stop practice games all day every day was exhausting. He didn’t like getting so tired out every day. As soon as they were allowed to take a break, he tried to slip away but Hinata caught him. He liked talking to the energetic redhead, but he really needed a break, so he slipped away as soon as the hyper-active first year got distracted. He made his way behind the gym thinking no one would be back there. Immediately after rounding the corner, he was met with the sight of the freckled kid from Karasuno losing his lunch in the grass. He knew something was wrong with the teen. Why did he keep walking in to these situations when he was just trying to be alone for a bit? While Kenma was trapped by indecision, the first-year turned around and discovered he wasn’t alone. The sick teen looked like he was caught doing drugs or something. _I knew he was trying to hide whatever is wrong with him_ , Kenma thought.

“Um…are you…okay?” Kenma asked awkwardly.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. No need to worry” the kid tried to laugh it off but didn’t succeed very well.

Now that Kenma could take a closer look, he noticed just how thin and frail the other was. He really did look sick. Suddenly, something clicked. “It’s chemo isn’t it” Kenma muttered before he could stop himself.

The teen gave him a deer in the headlights look.

“Wha- how?” he stuttered.

Kenma sighed and sat down next to him. “It may be embarrassing but my team doesn’t call me the brain of Nekoma for no reason. Observing is my biggest contribution to them.”

The first year sighed. “I’m sure I don’t even need to ask, but please don’t tell anyone. I just want everyone to treat me normal.”

Kenma nodded. They both knew he wouldn’t tell anyone, he wasn’t really much for talking after all.

“Um, I’m Yamaguchi by the way. You’re Kenma, right? Hinata talks about you sometimes.”

Kenma nodded again. “Shouyou texts a lot.”

Yamaguchi giggled a bit. “He does, doesn’t he?”

The two shared a comfortable silence until it was interrupted.

 

Despite the short encounters he’s had with Kenma, Yamguchi felt comfortable with him. He didn’t seem like one to judge and he certainly didn’t have to worry about Kenma spilling his secret. Just as he was beginning to calm down and enjoy the presence of another person he didn’t need to hide from, a voice rang out from around the corner.

“Kenma! I knew I’d find you somewhere secluded, come on it’s time for- whoa” Kuroo cut himself off when he realized Kenma wasn’t alone.

His eyes travelled from Yamaguchi to Kenma, back to Yamaguchi, and finally to the pile of vomit a little ways away.

“Wow, it didn’t seem like you were playing that much but there’s no need to push yourself so hard you throw up” Kuroo said.

“No, that’s not- I didn’t push too hard!” Yamaguchi scrambled, “I mean, I’m not sick either. This is just- uh-”

He ran a hand through his hair trying to think of a good explanation but stopped when he felt a lock of hair come loose. Clenching his fist, he brought his hand down and threw the clump of hair on the ground. “Stop falling out!” he cried in frustration.

“Oh” Kuroo said, realization dawning on him as he took a closer look at the frail first year, “you’re really sick aren’t you?”

Yamaguchi snapped his head up, realizing his mistake. He slumped to the ground, letting out an exasperated but resigned sigh. “Please stop. I don’t want your pity. I don’t want anyone’s pity! That’s why I haven’t said anything. I just want to be treated normal!”

He punched the ground in frustration. How many people were going to find out before this training camp was over? At least he could take solace in the fact that no one from Karasuno had found out yet. It was a little easier when it was people that he wasn’t close to or wouldn’t see very often.

Kuroo crouched next to him and asked in an even tone, “do you need anything?”

To an outsider, it would seem like he was just asking casually and out of courtesy. Yamaguchi appreciated it. He didn’t feel like he was being pitied or fussed over, yet Kuroo still expressed his desire to help.

“Takeda sensei has all my medications. I just need my nausea pills and my water bottle. I’ll be okay after I take it.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back” Kuroo stood up and left to go back in the gym.

Yamaguchi gave himself a moment to gather up his strength. “Let’s start back to the gym, they probably want to get another game going. We can meet Sensei halfway.”

Kenma nodded in agreement, a little disappointed that he didn’t get to spend this break alone, but for once he didn’t mind it so much. Takeda sensei came out of the gym lead by Kuroo and looking a bit frantic. “Yamaguchi-kun! Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need to lie down? Do you need something to eat? You can spend the rest of the day on your futon if you want. I’ll come get you for dinner-”

“I’m okay! I’m okay! Really, I just got a bit nauseous and need my pills, but that’s it. I’ll be fine once the medicine kicks in” Yamaguchi said, trying to calm his teacher.

Takeda breathed out a sigh and handed over the pills and water bottle. “Alright, but for the rest of the day I want you helping Shimizu with keeping records and collecting data. I’ll check back in with you when it’s time for individual practice to see how you’re feeling. I want you to get as much as you can out of this trip, but my first priority is to your health.”

“Yes, Sensei” Yamaguchi nodded as he swallowed the pills.

He felt a little bad about lying to Takeda sensei like that, but he knew that if Sensei found out he also threw up, there would be no chance of participating in individual practice later. It wasn’t even that bad, he had gotten sick a lot worse before from chemo so he could handle it. Besides, the medicine was already starting to kick in, he’ll be fine.

The time for individual practice came and Yamaguchi had managed to convince Takeda sensei that he was okay enough to practice his serve. He was only allowed 45 minutes with frequent breaks, but he would take whatever he could get. Tsukki left as soon as he wasn’t obligated to be there which frustrated Yamaguchi a bit. He had all this talent and the ability to practice all he wants but he doesn’t even try! Yamaguchi on the other hand, wasn’t even allowed to practice for a whole hour.

“Hey, Yamaguchi” Suga approached him shortly after Tsukki left, “what happened earlier today? You stopped participating in games and started taking notes with Kiyoko.”

“Oh, uh, I had a bad asthma attack during one of the breaks, Takeda sensei had to bring me my inhaler. After that, Sensei didn’t want me participating in anymore games” Yamaguchi hoped his lie was still holding up.

“That’s too bad, I hope you can play more tomorrow.”

With that Suga left to keep practicing. Yamaguchi’s story seemed a bit off. Yes, Takeda sensei left the gym during one of the breaks looking worried, but he had taken the time to locate Yamaguchi’s water bottle before taking the medicine back presumably to where his kouhai was. If the first-year was having a bad asthma attack, wouldn’t Sensei just try to bring his inhaler to him as soon as possible? Why bother looking for a water bottle when his student was supposedly struggling to breathe? Now that he thought about it, he never even heard Yamaguchi wheezing or that out of breath all day, so how did he even trigger that bad of an attack? Suga looked over inquisitively at his freckled kouhai and really took in his appearance for the first time.

Yamaguchi looked fatigued and run down. He movements were slower and weaker than what they were at the beginning of the year. And when had he got so thin? He never really seemed to eat much, but Suga just thought that’s how he was.

“You okay, Suga?” Daichi asked, breaking him out of his trance.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just really starting to worry that there’s something seriously wrong with Yamaguchi.”

 

After Yamaguchi managed to get down some dinner and get in the showers while no one was in there, he decided it was probably time to call his mom.

“Hi Mom” he said.

“Hi Sweetie. How did today go?”

“It was okay…I got a bit nauseous in the afternoon, but I was fine after I took some medication! There’s no need to worry.”

“Okay, but make sure you’re updating your teachers on how you’re feeling, they need to know everything.”

“I am, don’t worry. I asked for Takeda sensei as soon as I got nauseous.”

“Good, now get some rest, I’m sure you’re tired. Goodnight, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They hung up and Yamaguchi had to swallow his guilt for lying to his mom. He knew how important it was to be honest with her, especially about his condition, but it really wasn’t a bad wave of vomiting. He felt just fine now and there was only one more day of the camp, everything would be fine.

 

_“Okay, team! This is it, the finals. This is what we’ve been training for, so let’s do this!” Daichi’s muffled voice came out from somewhere in the darkness._

_Where was it coming from? And why was it muffled? It was almost as if it was coming from a speaker. “We’ve been training really hard and I couldn’t be more proud of my team for making it here” Suga’s voice reached him just as muffled as Daichi’s._

_“I can’t believe I get to play on the same court as the little giant!” Hinata’s excited voice cut through the darkness and Yamaguchi noticed he was laying on a bed._

_Why was he in bed and not with his team if they were at the finals? And why was it still dark?_

_“We only wish that our teammate, Yamaguchi were here with us” Suga’s voice reached him again, sounding sad and remorseful._

_Yamaguchi opened his eyes to find he was in a hospital room watching the finals on TV. His team was currently being interviewed before the big game. That’s why everyone’s voices sounded like they were coming through a speaker. “Yamaguchi! We’re gonna win this game for you! Just leave it to your senpai!” Noya spoke into the camera._

_He watched his team playing the game from his hospital bed, every fiber of his being was itching to join his friends on the court. The game was fast and intense and before he knew it, it was over. Karasuno was being presented with the trophy, everyone hugging and cheering on the television screen. Tears began trailing down his cheeks. Why did he have to watch this from a hospital bed? Daichi turned to the camera holding the trophy, suddenly looking somber. “This trophy is dedicated to our fallen teammate, Yamaguchi.”_

_“We didn’t know him for very long, but he will be sorely missed” Suga added._

_“Wait, what?” Yamaguchi cried out, “I’m not dying, I’m not dead! Guys, wait! I’m not dead!”_

_A wave of panic crashed through him as he frantically scrambled out of bed, tearing off all the tubes and wires he was connected to. He had to get to his team! He had to tell them he was still alive! He rushed for the door of his hospital room and caught sight of his reflection. Stopping dead in his tracks, he couldn’t help but stare. All his hair was gone and he was deathly thin. He could practically see the bones in his face. He raised a skeletal looking hand up to his cheek and felt how thin and frail his skin was. Oh god, he was dying. He_ was _dying! No. NO!_

 

Yamaguchi jolted up with a gasp, his heart pounding. The nightmares were getting worse. Suddenly, his stomach lurched and he dashed for the bathroom. He made it just in time to lose his dinner in the toilet. After catching his breath and trying to calm his heart, he made his way to the sink and splashed his face with some water. Stealing himself, he looked in the mirror and for a moment an image from his nightmare flashed before his eyes. He still had his hair and he wasn’t quite as skeletal as his dream, but for the first time since starting chemo, he really examined himself. Had he really lost that much weight? How had his teammates not been more suspicious? He looked so frail!

Bringing a shaking hand up to his head, he lightly brushed it through his hair and cried out in dismay when a lock of hair easily came loose and fell into the sink. His face twisted in frustration and despair as he brought his hand back down and leaned on the sink, fighting back tears.

“Does your team know?” a voice startled Yamaguchi as he snapped his head up to see who was there.

 

Akaashi woke up needing the bathroom. This was common during training camps as he was always careful to stay hydrated during periods of rigorous physical activity. Careful not to wake any of his teammates, he crept out of the room they were sleeping in, pausing a moment to marvel at how much space Bokuto had managed to occupy while sleeping.

As he got closer to the bathroom, he noticed someone else was up to use it too, but something didn’t feel right. Once he reached the doorway, he realized what it was. Someone was breathing heavily and examining themselves in the mirror looking distraught. What could be wrong? The boy, who Akaashi recognized as the freckled first year from Karasuno, ran a shaky hand through his hair and cried out when a clump of it fell out. Taking a closer look, he noticed how thin the boy actually was and he remembered this was the same first year that only played for short periods of time and took more breaks than anyone else.

Familiar memories washed over him as he finally spoke up. “Does your team know?”

 

Yamaguchi whipped his head up to see the setter from Fukurodani coolly examining him.

“What? I don’t- what are you-?” he scrambled for a response, getting unnerved at how many people on this training camp were figuring him out.

“I know what cancer looks like” the setter calmly cut in.

After a few moments of turmoil, Yamaguchi sighed, resigned. “No, they don’t know.”

“I thought so. They didn’t seem to act like they knew.”

“So how did you know?”

“Like I said, I know what it looks like. My cousin had cancer.”

“Oh…I’m sorry…is she-?”

“Alive? Yes, she beat it and is doing fine now. It was still hard on her though. I’m Akaashi by the way, Akaashi Keiji.”

Akaashi sat down, leaning his back against the wall and looking to Yamaguchi to do the same. He didn’t seem like much of the social type, but it was clear that he wasn’t intending to let him go until Yamaguchi talked to him first.  Yamaguchi lowered himself to the floor next to Akaashi. “I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

“So…how come your team doesn’t know about it?”

“I just…want to be normal…This isn’t the first time I’ve had cancer. I was seven when I got diagnosed and when my school found out, everyone treated me differently. Even after I got better, I was known as the kid who had cancer all through Elementary school.”

Akaashi nodded thoughtfully. “How many people have found out this time?”

“Not very many…Kenma figured it out and Nekoma’s captain found out by accident. My teachers and coach know too but that’s about it.”

“I see, and have any of them treated you differently than they have anyone else?”

Yamaguchi thought for a moment. “I guess not…I know logically that my team wouldn’t look down on me or treat me differently, it’s just…the rest of me is still scared. I was just starting school and learning how to make friends when I got sick, it wasn’t until Junior high that I even made a friend that didn’t know I had cancer. It made such a big impact on my social life and mentality, it’s kind of hard to get passed.”

Akaashi nodded again in understanding. “When my cousin had cancer, she confided in me a lot. How she was feeling, how frustrating it was, how scared she was. The whole thing was really hard on her, but I think it helped to have someone to talk to. It looks like you have been bottling things up. If you need to let anything out, I’ve already heard a lot from my cousin about the treatments and the side-effects. She even told me about the nightmares she had.”

Yamaguchi glanced over in surprise at the last part and quickly looked back down. “I…have been having nightmares. I had them when I was a kid too, but this time they’ve been worse…more real, more defined. At seven, I knew what I had could kill me, but I didn’t really understand it, couldn’t really comprehend what exactly that meant. All I could understand was that I was really sick for a really long time and I had to go to the hospital a lot for it. Now…now I understand exactly what’s happening to me…what could happen to me. I keep dreaming about my team leaving me behind. I was already afraid of that before I got sick again, now it’s a hundred times worse. But lately…in my dreams…they’ve also been acting like I’m already dead or dying and I…I think…I think I’m scared of dying…I know that could happen…I know that this time and it scares me…Akaashi-san, I’m scared.”

Yamaguchi was trembling and barely keeping back his tears by the end of it. He had never admitted that to anyone before, not even to himself, and the reality of it was hitting him full force. Akaashi scooted closer and put an arm around the shaking teen as the first few tears began to fall. The two sat there for a while until Yamaguchi calmed down. He thanked the second year and headed back to bed feeling a bit lighter. It did help to talk to someone about his fears and troubles. He still wasn’t ready to tell his team, but he knew it would be helpful to have someone to talk to. He quietly crept back to his futon and quickly fell back asleep, thankfully no longer plagued by nightmares. He hoped the last day of this training camp would go without incident.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was supposed to cover all the way until right before the second training camp, BUT by the time I got to this point it was the length of a full chapter so the rest will be covered in the next chapter. Fair warning, if you thought this chapter was angsty, just wait till the next one because oh boy do I have plans.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. I am completely blown away by the response I've gotten for this story. I never thought it would make such a big impact on people and I am humbled by how much love this work has been shown. I am truly grateful for all the kudos and comments I have received and I can't believe I've already gotten so many hits. Thank you for enjoying this story, it sincerely means so much to me!


	7. Losing His Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first training camp closes in disaster for Yamaguchi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since last week I got caught up to everything I had written, this chapter is currently unfinished. I am posting what I managed to write this week so that you guys have something to read. This may be how updates will work from now on as I have been posting longer chapters for this fic. I want to continue to update every week but I may not be able to write a full chapter for each update anymore. 
> 
> This where my fic starts to diverge a bit from the canon timeline. For the sake of the plot, Yamaguchi stands up to Tsukki in the first training camp instead of the second one, and he's a bit more savage because he's confronting Tsukki with a lot more heavy reasons than in canon. 
> 
> I think this is a good place to add a reminder that this fic is not meant to be medically accurate. All of Yamaguchi's symptoms, experiences, and treatments are for the sake of the plot and may not always line up with what a real cancer patient would actually experience.
> 
> EDIT: So I apologize that this update is so small compared to the others but since this week was Christmas I didn't write much. I wanted to relax and spend time with my family and enjoy my break from work. It's not a lot but I'll post what I managed to write just so you guys have the next bit of this chapter to read till next week. I will try to finish this chapter for next week but I don't want to put pressure on myself and sacrifice the quality of this fic for the sake of pushing out content. I will do my best to ensure you guys have something to read each week even if it is a small update.
> 
> EDIT #2: I did some re-arranging. See end notes for more details!

After a few more hours of sleep, Yamaguchi woke up exhausted. As much as he needed it, that breakdown he had in the bathroom zapped what little energy he had. However, he hardly got to play the day before so he wasn’t going to let a little fatigue get in his way. Next to him, Tsukki got up with a groan. “Thank god this is the last day” he said as he started getting ready.

Under normal circumstances, Yamaguchi would be concerned about his friend, but after everything he’d been through so far, Tsukki’s attitude was really starting to grate on him. There was nothing holding his friend back, nothing standing in his way of contributing his all to the team, yet he was complaining and putting in minimal work. Meanwhile, Yamaguchi wanted nothing more than to be able to bring something, anything to the table that might help the team, yet he felt like he had nothing but limitations.

His frustrations over Tsukki were causing him to work himself harder than usual. The coach took notice and had to give him longer breaks as a result. By lunch time, Yamaguchi was feeling more fatigued than normal. Perhaps he was pushing himself a little too hard, but he had no other way of letting out his frustration. After lunch, Akaashi caught up to him, noticing that the tall first year was probably exerting himself too much. “Are you okay? Getting enough breaks?” he asked.

“I’m fine” Yamaguchi answered a bit curtly.

“Okay, you just look a bit pale so I wanted to make sure.”

“I’m fine, I’m just…frustrated.”

Yamaguchi walked off leaving a concerned Akaashi behind. In the background, Kenma was listening in to the conversation and his feeling of trepidation only grew. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was going to happen. He just hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with it, he was not nearly equipped enough to handle any such emergency.

 

All through practice, Yamaguchi just kept getting more fed up with Tsukki. When he talked to Asahi, he didn’t seem at all bothered that Hinata was gaining on his skills as his rival on the team. He wasn’t putting much effort into the practice games even though he was a starter. When Yamaguchi took a bathroom break, he examined his face in the mirror and thought back to when he first met Tsukki.

_“Even though his hair grew back he’s still ugly!”_

_“Yeah! His face looks all pimply!”_

_“He’s so wimpy! What’s the matter? I thought you weren’t sick anymore?”_

_“Haha! I knew he was faking it! He’s just weak!”_

_“You’ll be useless if you don’t build up some muscle, you’re on backpack duty!”_

_Yamaguchi’s classmates through their backpacks at him and knocked him to the ground. Tears began welling up in his eyes as the boys continued to laugh at him. He didn’t understand! He wasn’t sick anymore! His hair grew back! Why were they still making fun of him?_

_“Pathetic” a voice scoffed._

_They all looked over to see a tall boy sneering at them. The boys looked nervous but Yamaguchi peered at him in awe. He just scoffed at those bullies like it was nothing._

_“What did you say?!”_

_“Hey, isn’t that a sixth grader?”_

_“As if! He’s in class three.”_

_The tall boy turned to walk away._

_“Hey! Hold it!” on of the boys reached out to grab him._

_The blond loomed over him. “What?”_

_“Urg…your glasses look stupid!” he yelled as Yamaguchi’s bullies ran off._

_The next time he met the tall boy, he was peering into the gym where the volleyball club was practicing. His doctor had suggested he take up a sport to help build his strength back up after going through two years of treatment. The basketball and soccer clubs were full of scary looking guys but the volleyball club seemed okay._

_“Hello” a slightly bored voice rang out from behind him and Yamaguchi jumped._

_It was the same tall boy from before! Suddenly, he remembered that he never thanked him for driving away the bullies that day. He was a bit scary, but he had to thank him. Mustering up his courage, he bowed deeply gaining the tall blond’s attention. “Thank you for the other day!” he cried out._

_The other boy peered at him curiously and said “have we met before?”_

_Yamaguchi was stunned in silence. He didn’t even remember! Or rather, he probably never even glanced at Yamaguchi to begin with. He stuttered as he grappled for something to say before his gaze landed on the taller boy’s shoes. “Your sneakers are cool! I mean, mine are just my gym shoes.”_

_Yamaguchi was fully expecting for the other to brush him off and walk away, so he was surprised when he got a response. “They’re hand-me-downs though. I’m just using my brother’s old ones until I can buy new ones next week.”_

_“Your brother plays volleyball too?” Yamaguchi latched on to the first bit of information he got. This was his chance to finally make a normal friendship and not one based on pity!_

_“Yeah, he plays at this championship school called Karasuno” he said, trying to sound aloof (Yamaguchi could tell he was bragging on his brother though), “I guess he’s like…the ace.”_

_“That’s so cool!”_

_“It’s not like a big deal or anything, he was like that in middle school too” he was still trying to act cool but Yamaguchi was too impressed to care._

_He kept asking the tall boy about his brother and later learned that his name was Tsukishima. The two started hanging out and ended up in the same class the next year. Yamaguchi was thankful that only a few kids in his class were previous classmates and none of them seemed to pay him much attention now that he wasn’t sick anymore. Tsukki was his first and only friend he had ever made that didn’t know he recently had cancer. Finally! He had a normal friend like everyone else! A cool friend who wasn’t afraid to stand up to bullies and speak his mind. Yamaguchi wished he could become as cool as Tsukki one day._

 

Tsukki was not being cool. He had every advantage of becoming a better player than Hinata but he didn’t even care. Yamaguchi knew deep down that if Tsukki really didn’t like volleyball then he wouldn’t have joined the club in the first place. He was concerned for his friend, but at the moment it was buried under layers of pent-up frustration and anger and yes, jealousy. He felt like the opposite of Tsukki. If he had every advantage of becoming a great player, then Yamaguchi had every disadvantage. How was this fair? Why did Tsukki, someone who doesn’t care, who doesn’t even want to try, get to be the tall, healthy one with all the talent, while he wants nothing more than to become an important part of the team, but lacks talent and is weighed down by illness.

By the time they were allowed to do individual practice, Yamaguchi had enough. He couldn’t take it anymore. Tsukki just turned down the offer to practice blocking with the _captain of Fukurodani_! Ignoring the fact that he was tired and a little unsteady on his feet he took off after his friend.

“TSUKKIIIIII!!!”

The tall blond stopped in his tracks, startled by his friend’s sudden outburst. Yamaguchi caught up and took a moment to catch his breath. He hadn’t run in a few months as cardio was almost completely cut from his training.

“Ever since we were kids, you’ve always dealt with everything in such a smart cool way that it left me jealous” he said as he continued to calm his breathing.

Tsukki peered at him. “What’s your point?”

“The way you’ve been acting lately is really uncool!”

He was stunned by Yamaguchi’s words. He had never spoken like that before. Sure, they’ve had some disagreements before, but Yamaguchi had never outright yelled at him or directly criticized his behavior.

“Why do you always have to draw a line where ‘anything beyond this point is impossible?’ You have the talent, brains, and intuition to surpass Hinata! Why not use your skill to prove you’re the better player!!”

“…If for example, I put in an incredible amount of effort and become Karasuno’s forwardmost player, then what? If we somehow make it to nationals, then what? There will always be something bigger and better. Even if we get a decent result, you can never become the best. Eventually, you’ll fall short somewhere. Despite knowing that, what sort of motivation is driving you all to work so hard?”

“Motivation? What more do you need than pride?! Do you know how frustrating it is to see you sit back and waste your talent while I can’t even put in as much effort as I want?! You have skill! You have health! You have the ability to build and grow your talent as much as you want and yet you choose to put in only as much as you’re required!! Do you have any idea how insulting that is to the people who have to put in all their effort just to be half as good as you?! To those who aren’t even allowed to put in their full effort?! You might as well be spitting in my face and saying that all of my hard work and suffering doesn’t even matter!!”

Tsukki was completely taken aback. He knew his Yamaguchi was running frustrated because of his limitations, but he had no idea just how much has been festering. He let out a weak, half chuckle.

“I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Eh?” Yamaguchi was feeling much better after unloading on Tsukki and now his reaction caught him a bit off guard.

“When did you get so cool, Yamaguchi?”

He looked at the taller in stunned silence, he was not expecting this at all.

“But I’m still not convinced. I’m going to go ask” Tsukki walked off toward the gym that the captain of Fukurodani and Kuroo were practicing.

Yamaguchi’s head was swirling with all that just happened. He wasn’t planning on taking out that much on his friend, but it seemed like Tsukki was finally searching for a reason to put in more effort. He never thought Tsukki would ever call him cool though, he couldn’t believe that just happened.

As the adrenaline began to wear off, Yamaguchi realized just how much energy had had exerted in that outburst. Maybe his head was swirling for more than one reason. Suddenly it felt like all of his energy had been swept out of his muscles. His whole body shook as he stumbled to the wall on the side of the gym for support. He slid to the ground, unable to hold himself up anymore as he realized just how terrible he felt. This was a mistake. He should have kept his cool. He was already weak from vomiting the night before and now his head was feeling too hot. Why hadn’t he been more careful?

 

Shouyou was not human. Kenma couldn’t comprehend how one person could possibly have so much energy. He had been cornered by the ball of sunshine when it was time for individual practice and coerced into tossing for him. He tossed five times before he was able to make an escape. Now he was headed to the school building so he could unwind with his PSP for a bit before dinner. It was then that he noticed the sound of uneven breathing, which wouldn’t be cause for concern if he wasn’t outside or presumably alone. A quick sweep of his surroundings revealed that someone was on the ground, leaning against the side of the gym. The figure was hunched and shaking, breaths coming out heavy and irregular. One glance was all he needed to know something was wrong. Why was he always the one to walk in on these situations?

It didn’t take long for him to recognize the teen as Yamaguchi. He crouched next to the first year. “Do you…need help?”

Kenma was really not good with this type of thing. Yamaguchi snapped his eyes up in surprise. He seemed to recover quickly because he nodded in resignation and dropped his gaze back down a moment later.

“I think…I think I pushed myself…too hard” Yamaguchi managed to get out between breaths, “I don’t feel good.”

This time Kenma knew he couldn’t handle this one on his own. Taking out his phone, he dialed one of the few numbers on his speed dial and prayed that he would pick up.

 

Akaashi was silently thankful that there was another level-headed person here to practice with Bokuto and Kuroo, especially with the addition of Karasuno’s tiny first year with the seemingly endless stamina. Somehow, he seemed even more rambunctious than Bokuto. As he approached the benches to get a drink, he noticed Kuroo’s phone was buzzing and Kenma’s name was lit up on the screen. An uneasy feeling crept up his spine. Something must have happened. Kenma only called if there was an emergency or he had no choice, preferring to text instead. He turned to get Kuroo’s attention but he was preoccupied with the Karasuno first years so he picked up the phone himself.

“Kenma? Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Akaashi?” Kenma was a bit taken aback, but Akaashi was also good for these kinds of situations so he decided to push forward anyway, “I’m fine but Yamaguchi needs help.”

Akaashi sighed. “I knew he was pushing himself too hard. Where are you? What’s going on?”

“We’re outside next to the gym. He’s shaking and I think he has a fever.”

“A fever? Crap, he needs to go to the hospital then.”

“Hospital? Do you…know?”

“Yeah, I talked with him last night. You figured it out too?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well I’ll be right there.”

“Could you grab Kuroo? He knows too. Ah- but no one else. I don’t think making a scene will help.”

“Right. I’ll be discrete. See you.”

“Thanks.”

They ended the phone call and Akaashi made his way over to Kuroo. While Bokuto was distracted by Hinata, he tugged on Kuroo’s sleeve to get his attention. He stood on his toes to mutter in the taller one’s ear. “Kenma’s with Yamaguchi and needs help. I think he might need to go to the hospital.”

Kuroo nodded in grim understanding and turned to Bokuto. “Kenma needs some help so I’m going with Akaashi for a bit.”

“I wanna go too!” Bokuto exclaimed, hopping around.

“No, Bokuto-san. Someone needs to stay and help the first years. I think there’s a lot you can teach them” Akaashi said coolly.

“Really?! Then just leave it to me!” Bokuto puffed up in pride.

“That was easy” Kuroo muttered to Akaashi on their way out of the gym.

 

Kenma was fretting. In reality it couldn’t have been more than a minute or two, but to Kenma it felt like they were taking too long. Yamaguchi needed help and Kenma was not equipped to handle this at all. Finally, Kuroo and Akaashi rounded the corner and jogged over to them. Akaashi immediately crouched down and felt Yamaguchi’s forehead. “This isn’t good, he’s burning up” he said.

Kuroo hoisted one of Yamaguchi’s arms around his shoulders and placed a supporting hand on the first year’s waist. “Akaashi, you get his other side, we need to get him inside so he can lay down. Kenma, go get his teacher and meet us in the classroom Karasuno’s sleeping in” Kuroo said.

The way Kuroo seamlessly took control of the situation calmed Kenma’s nerves and put his mind at ease. As Yamaguchi was carefully helped off the ground, Kenma took off to the room he knew the teachers would be in.

 

“Takeda, are you sure you don’t want just one drink?” Nekomata asked jovially.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m refraining from drinking this trip in case my sick student needs anything.”

“Ah, such a reliable sensei!” Ukai laughed as he nudged Takeda’s side.

Except, he had already had a few drinks and was a bit uncoordinated so he ended up accidentally slopping some beer on the front of Takeda’s shirt. “Ah geez, sorry ‘bout that, Sensei.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’ll wash out” Takeda said and stood up to get a wet towel, “Kenma?”

It was then that Takeda noticed Kenma awkwardly standing in the doorway. “Did you need something Kenma?” Nekomata asked.

“Um…I…we need some help. Yamaguchi, he’s…he’s not feeling good. He has a fever” Kenma nervously stammered out.

Takeda was now fully alert and serious. “Where is he?”

“In the room Karasuno’s sleeping in.”

Takeda was taking off down the hallway before realizing something and doubling back. He burst back into the room he just came from, frantic. “We drove here in a bus. Is there a car I can borrow to take him to the hospital?!”

“You can take my car” Saeko said, a bit confused but wanting to help, she recognized the name as one of the first years on her brother’s team.

“Thank you!” Takeda bowed deeply and then took off again, Kenma following and Saeko taking up the rear.

 

Yamaguchi was scared. He didn’t even care that he was curled up and snuggling his stuffed bear right in front of Nekoma’s captain and Fukurodani’s setter, he felt awful. The last time he was sick, he’d had to go to the hospital because of fevers, but this felt like the highest fever he’d ever run while going through chemo. Suddenly, three people burst into the room, startling him. Takeda sensei rushed to his side and helped him sit up. “Come on, Yamaguchi-kun. I’m going to take you to the hospital. Saeko-san, can you help me get him to your car?”

Saeko nodded, already sobered, sensing the gravity of the situation.

“Thank you boys for helping and coming to get me. You can go back to practice now if you want, we’ve got it from here” Takeda said to the scared-looking teens.

Together, with the help of Saeko, Takeda got Yamaguchi, who was still clutching his bear, into Saeko’s car. Takeda drove while Saeko looked up the nearest hospital on her phone. He knew he needed to call Himeko and let her know what was going on, but his first priority was getting Yamaguchi the help he needed. He would worry about Himeko as soon as he knew Yamaguchi was safe.

 

Everything had become a blur for Yamaguchi. One moment, he’s laying down on his futon and clutching Ki-chan, the next, Takeda-sensei is bursting through the door and taking him to a car with the help of Tanaka’s older sister. He vaguely registers in his brain that he’s still holding the bear as he lays down in the backseat. The next thing he knows, he’s moving again only to be sat down in an unfamiliar chair surrounded by sounds and smells that he’s all-too familiar with. Ah, the hospital. That made sense. He must have dozed off because the next thing he remembered was being pushed down a white hallway in a wheelchair. He was helped into a bed and promptly hooked up to an IV, presumably to help with his fever. Now settled into one spot without the threat of being moved again, Yamaguchi settled into a nap and let the medicine do its work.

A few minutes ago in the lobby, a group of teens walked by on their way to see their friend who had sustained a knee injury.

“I don’t see why we had to come along too. He’s not our teammate” a boy with dark skin and blue hair said.

“Don’t be rude, he’s still an acquaintance. Plus it’s better than sitting down here in the waiting room” the boy next to him with blond hair and gorgeous features said.

“Why are you here again? I don’t remember inviting you.”

“How mean! I just wanted to join you guys when I found out you were going to play a game together. Besides, with me being here there’s an even number, I make it more fair.”

“Tch, whatever.”

“Oi! If you two are gonna bicker like this I’d rather just go home after we’re done here!” another boy with red hair burst out at the other two.

“You bicker with them just as much” the unassuming boy with sky blue hair responded.

“Hah?” the redhead looked offended.

Just then, the boy with the light blue hair noticed a freckled teen being helped into a wheelchair, accidentally leaving behind a stuffed bear in the process. The nurses and adults were too frantic and the teen too out-of-it to notice. He made his way over to the bear and picked it up but the group had already went through a door into another wing of the hospital.

“What are you doing? We need to go bring these cookies that coach made to senpai so we can get to the outdoor court” the redhead said.

“Someone just accidentally left behind this bear. It’s probably special” he responded.

“Just leave it at the nurse’s desk and let’s go” the boy with the darker blue hair said.

“I’ll hang on to it for now, maybe we can figure out how to find the owner after we deliver these to Senpai.”

“What do you mean we?”

“Let’s go.”

“Honestly, I feel kind of bad delivering these cookies” the redhead said.

“Why is that?” the blond asked.

“Well, the coach made them herself.”

The redhead and the light blue haired one shuddered, surrounded by a dark aura.

“At least he’s already in the hospital.”

No one could tell if the sky blue haired boy was joking or being sincere.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may not be as long as a normal update but I hope the content makes up for that! As always, thank you so much for the love and support you have all shown this fic so far, it's truly heartwarming to see such a positive response to a fic covering such a heavy topic with so much angst. I will try my very best to finish this chapter so that you can get the rest for next week's update. Feedback keeps me motivated so let me know what you think of the story so far!
> 
> EDIT: Thank you for reading, again I apologize for this update being so small. Bonus points to those of you that can guess who the mystery teens are that want to return Ki-chan to Yamaguchi!
> 
> EDIT #2: Soooo, this chapter is becoming way longer than I anticipated so I am yet again breaking it up. I can't believe I actually thought I would make it all the way to the hair loss in this chapter. You'll notice that I changed the title of this chapter as it will no longer include the hair loss 'arc' if you will. I am also taking a bit from the end of this chapter and moving it into the next because the best place to break the chapter up is in this chapter. Remind me not to be so ambitious and try to cover so much plot in one chapter. Seriously this is the second time I've had to break up a chapter and it was all originally going to be in the same one.


	8. Hospitalization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi has several meaningful encounters in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So, if the beginning of this chapter sounds familiar, that's because it was originally in the previous chapter but I needed to break it up so now it's in ch 8! Also, yay! A big update! Here is the whole of chapter 8, I had a lot of time to write this week so I managed to fit in a whole chapter before Friday.
> 
> No promises from here on out as school starts up again next week so idk how much I'll be able to write each week.   
> (I am not a student, I work at a school so I still get all the breaks)

Once Yamaguchi was settled and taken care of, Takeda spoke briefly with the doctors and left for the waiting room to make some unpleasant calls. The first of which was to Himeko and he dreaded that one the most. He could tell just how much Tadashi-kun meant to her and knew how unbelievably worried and distressed this phone call would make her. Not only did he feel guilt over this incident with her son, he just hated to be the one to bring about anything negative to this incredible, sweet, and kind-hearted woman. Finally making it to the waiting room, he dialed her number.

“Hello? Takeda? Is everything okay?”

He gulped, time to get this over with. “Hello Himeko-san. I’m afraid Tadashi-kun is running a fever so I had to take him to the hospital.”

“What?! Where? Which hospital? How is he? I’m coming right now!”

Sounds of frantic scrambling and rustling were heard over the phone as Takeda gave her the address of the hospital and assured her that Tadashi was resting and getting proper care.

“I can’t believe it. I knew it. I _knew_ something like this would happen. I’ll be there as soon as I can. You call me the _second_ anything happens!” _Click_.

Takeda breathed out. It went about as well as he expected but he still hated to bring her so much distress. Now she had to drive all the way to Tokyo in the dark while fearing for her son. He gathered himself and started dialing Ukai’s cell phone.

“Excuse me.”

Takeda jumped at the sudden yet very polite and respectful voice. He quickly glanced around before his eyes finally landed on the teenage boy with sky blue hair standing right next to him. How long had he been there? Takeda never felt his presence or heard anyone approaching him yet it didn’t seem like the boy’s intention was to sneak up on him. Once he recovered and got his heart to stop racing he addressed the boy. “Hi- uh, hello, um, do you need help?”

“I believe I saw you with a boy about my age who was holding this stuffed bear” he held up the bear in his hands to emphasize his point.

Takeda recognized it as the bear Tadashi was holding earlier, why did this boy have it now? He nodded to answer the question which was implied.

“Do you know where I can find him? I would like to return it to it’s owner” the boy talked with a blank look on his face yet he seemed to polite and earnest at the same time. It was an odd mix.

“Ah yes, um, you can leave it with me if you’d like and I’ll make sure he gets it, thank you.”

“If you don’t mind, I would like to return it myself.”

“Geez, why do I always get wrapped up in your weird sense of duty?” another teen, much bigger and with red hear, suddenly appeared next to the first.

“You don’t have to come with me” the smaller, pale one replied.

“And risk losing you in a large hospital full of people? I don’t think so” another large teen with dark skin and darker blue hair chimed in.

“Come on guys, it’ll be fun! I always like meeting new people” yet another teen joined the mix with blond hair and a face that could be in magazines, wait…was it in magazines?

Takeda shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. “I still have another phone call to make but if you really want to return it yourselves you can go through that set of doors over there and ask the nurses for Yamaguchi Tadashi. The doctor told me he was allowed visitors so there shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Thank you very much” the smallest, pale blue haired teen bowed deeply in gratitude before heading toward the doors he was pointed to, followed by the other three teens. What an odd group. Yet again, he was advisor to a very odd group of boys himself.

Shaking off the strange encounter, he turned his attention back to his phone and dialed Ukai.

“Hey, Sensei. What going on? How’s the kid?” he answered full of concern.

“He’ll be alright. They’ve got him hooked up to an IV and on some medications to bring his fever down. I called his mom so she’s on her way. He’s probably going to need to be hospitalized for a few days for observation.”

Ukai let out a breath. “What a mess. How do you think we should handle things over here?”

Takeda paused to think for a bit. “I don’t think telling the team about his cancer in this situation would be the best, for the team or Yamaguchi-kun. For now, just tell them that Yamaguchi got sick so we took Saeko’s car to meet his mom halfway home or something. We’ll be gone long enough for that to be plausible.” He hated to lie to the team like that but the last thing Tadashi-kun needed right now was for his secret to get out.

 

Yamaguchi had no idea how much time had passed, but when he woke up he was feeling much better. He could tell his fever had gone down and his head was clearer. How had he been so careless? There was no way his mom was going to allow him to go to the next training camp now, he landed himself in the hospital! He groaned and tightened his arms to draw some comfort from Ki-chan except…they closed around air. It wasn’t until then that Yamaguchi noticed the distinct lack of fluffy bear in his immediate vicinity. Was it next to him on the bed somewhere? A quick look confirmed the bear wasn’t next to him. He paused for a moment to think, things had been so hazy there was a good chance Ki-chan was left at the school.

Wait. He remembered holding the bear in the car on the way here. Did he drop it in the parking lot? No, he was holding Ki-chan in the waiting room. From there all he remembered was dozing off and waking up in the hospital room. Did Takeda-sensei or Saeko-san take the bear into the room for him? He started looking all around him for any signs of the bear. The more he looked the more panicked he got. No. No. No! He couldn’t lose Ki-chan, he just couldn’t! He was much too important! He had been Yamaguchi’s constant companion through treatment and recovery. He was always there to share all of his pain and bring comfort when he was scared. There was no way he could handle this right now!

“Excuse me”

An unexpected voice pierced through his panic and caused him to jump up from his position of leaning over the railing to peer under the bed. A boy about his age with pale blue hair was standing in the doorway of his room with three more teens behind him.

“I believe you dropped this in the waiting room” he held up the bear.

Before anyone could do or say anything else, Yamaguchi launched himself at the bear. “Ki-chan!!”

He clung to it for dear life as tears of relief poured down his face. “Thank you so much” he bowed deeply to the blue haired teen that found him.

“I had a feeling it was very important to you” the stone-faced boy said with sincerity.

Yamaguchi nodded and slid back into the bed. “My mom gave him to me the first time I got cancer. I was seven and about to get my first chemotherapy treatment when she pulled this out and told me the bear had Leukemia too” he smiled and chuckled fondly at the memory.

The shortest teen had a ghost of a smile, the redhead looked touched, the tan one with the dark blue hair looked uncomfortable to be in this situation, and the blond was struggling to hold back tears.

“I’m glad I was able to get him back to you” the pale teen said.

“I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you brought him back.”

They shared a comfortable silence filled with gratitude.

“Do you play a sport?” the redhead broke the silence (and the atmosphere).

“You really don’t have any tact, do you?” the tall, dark teen responded.

“What? The bear’s wearing a jersey! I was just curious.”

“I apologize for my friends, they don’t always know how to handle things with delicacy” the pale blue haired teen bowed.

Yamaguchi watched them and started laughing.

“It’s okay! You should see some of the guys on my team. I play volleyball” Yamaguchi said.

“We play basketball! Not on the same team though, well, except for those two” the blond chimed in pointing at the redhead and the smaller, paler blue haired one.

“Is your team good?” the smallest asked.

“Yeah, we’re pretty good! Well…I’m not as much” Yamguchi dropped his gaze and said the last part quietly.

Sensing the mood-shift, the four teens made their way inside the room and got more comfortable.

“You’re not a regular, are you?” the pale one stated gently.

Yamaguchi shook his head. “I’m the only first year that’s not a starter. The other three have these amazing natural talents or skill and I’m not even allowed to practice for 20 minutes without taking a break. Not that it matters though. Even if I could practice as much as I wanted I would still never be as good as them.”

The blue haired teen paused to consider his words and carefully began speaking. “When I was in middle school, the basketball club was considered a powerhouse. There were so many members that it was divided into three strings. The starting members each had a unique and unbelievable talent or skill that eventually granted them the title ‘Generation of Miracles’ and they never lost a single game. It should have been impossible for someone like me to even play in one game my whole time there. You see, as far as the standard skills go, I am not very great at the sport. I have low stamina and I do not make a lot of baskets. But not only did I make it to the first string, I became a regular.”

Yamaguchi looked at him with wide eyes. “But…how?”

“I never gave up. I wanted to at times, but I never did. I said that I wasn’t good at the standard skills, but there’s one thing I was good at. Passing. So I started devoting myself to this one skill. I mastered it, created my own style and paired it with my unique personal traits. You see, I have very little presence. People often overlook me and don’t even notice that I am there. I used it to my advantage in games. Misdirection became by biggest weapon. My point is, even though there is a lot of things I am not good at, I made my way onto the team by perfecting the one thing I was good at. You just need to find that one thing for yourself.”

Yamaguchi let the words sink in. “I have been learning a special serve. But, the one time I used it in a game I didn’t even make it over the net…”

The darker blue haired teen burst out laughing. “You know what happened the first time this guy was in a game?” He ruffled the shorter teen’s hair and pointed at him. “He was so nervous, he tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his face! He had to be taken out of the game because of a bloody nose.”

The pale teen smacked the darker hand away. “Yes. I am not fond of that story, but that did happen.”

Yamaguchi chuckled and felt a little lighter before sobering again. “Okay, I get that if I work more at my serves I can possibly work my way into a starting position someday but…I’m sick. I can’t really push myself or play for long periods of time because I’m in chemo. I’m hardly useful to the team. I probably don’t make much of a difference.”

The small teen suddenly stood up and looked at him with fierce eyes. “That’s not true! Ah, I’m sorry I never got your name.”

“Oh! Uh, right. I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi” he said a bit startled.

“That’s not true, Yamaguchi-kun! We may have only just met but I can tell how much you love the sport and how much you want to put in all of your effort. Back when I was stuck in the third string, I almost gave up. I was about to quit the club when Aomine-kun here,” he gestured to the darker blue haired teen, “told me that there’s no way that someone who loves basketball as much as me is useless to the team, and that’s something that I have kept with me ever since. There’s more to a team than a collection of strong individuals. The guys on the bench are just as important as those on the court. Every member of the team has value and is essential for victory.”

Tears pooled in Yamaguchi’s eyes as the words washed over him.

“Wow, Kuroko. I think that’s the most I’ve heard you talk in one sitting” the redhead said.

“Yeah, I didn’t know Tetsu was even capable of talking that much” the darker teen said.

“That was beautiful, Kurokocchi!” the blond cried out as he launched himself at Kuroko (Yamaguchi figured was his name) who looked less than pleased to have the blond crying on his shoulder.

“Geez, let him go Kise, you’re making a scene” the dark blued haired teen pulled the crying blond off the smaller one.

“So mean, Aominecchi!”

“I apologize for my friend’s behavior again. My name is Kuroko, by the way. Kuroko Tetsuya.”  He bowed to Yamaguchi.

“Aomine” said the dark blue haired one.

The blond struck a pose and said, “Kise Ryouta! Though you may already recognize me from-”

“Not everybody reads your stupid fashion magazines! Kagami Taiga” the redhead pushed on the blond’s face before introducing himself.

“It’s nice to meet you all. Thank you for everything, I feel much better. What were you guys doing in the hospital if it’s okay to ask” Yamaguchi said.

“Kagami-kun and I have a senpai on our team with the knee injury. Our coach asked us to deliver her homemade cookies to him since we were going out to play a game with Aomine-kun. Kise-kun just invited himself.”

“I just heard you guys were planning on playing and thought it would be fun to join, no need to be so rude about it!” Kise pouted.

“Oh, I hope your senpai gets better. I’m sure he’ll enjoy the cookies” Yamaguchi said.

“I seriously doubt he will. Riko-san made them after all” Kagami said and shuddered.

“We should probably let you rest. I’m glad we got to talk” Kuroko said as he stood up.

“Oh, yeah, right” Yamaguchi said a bit disappointed, he was really enjoying their company, “thank you again for finding Ki-chan. I don’t know what I would do without him.”

“If you want to keep in touch I can find you on social media” Kuroko said, sensing his disappointment.

Yamaguchi instantly brightened up. “Yes, I would like that. It was great meeting you.”

“Never forget how valuable you are to your team” Kuroko said.

“Uh, I’m not great with this kind of stuff, but…I’m glad Tetsu was the one to find your bear. I hope we helped you” Aomine said before walking out the door.

“I hope you get better. I’m sure you’re gonna kick cancer’s butt!” Kagami said encouragingly.

“You’re a great person and I’m sure you’re going to play a big role on your team. I’ll find you on social media too so we can talk more. It was really nice meeting you, Yamacchi!” Kise smiled and waved as he left the room.

Yamacchi?

“No matter what happens, never give up” Kuroko gave his final words and followed his friends out the door.

Those words permeated his brain and spread comfort throughout his entire being.

After a little while, Saeko entered his room with some drinks from the vending machine.

“Sensei told me to keep you company while he straightens things out with the training camp so I got us some drinks. I figured water for you would probably be best, rehydration and all.”

“Thank you” Yamaguchi shyly took the bottle from the older girl. He felt a bit nervous in this situation. All he knew about her was that she was Tanaka’s older sister, he hadn’t even spoken two words to her since she showed up with a vomiting Hinata and dazed-looking Kageyama. To be honest, she scared him a bit.

“So, my brother hasn’t said much about you, but he does say you’re very dedicated to improving despite your asthma.”

Yamaguchi flinched at the mention of his “asthma.” It was getting harder to lie to his team and he truly felt bad for it, but he was just so scared of telling the truth.

“But, after everything that’s happened today, that’s not true is it? How come you haven’t told the team? I know my brother can be an immature idiot, but he’s surprisingly serious when it counts. And I’m willing to be the rest of the team will be incredibly supportive.”

Yamaguchi took a few moments to collect his thoughts. “I’m scared…”

“Of what?” she asked gently.

“Of…of…everything. I’m scared of their reactions. I’m scared of being left behind. I’m scared of becoming someone to be pitied. I’m scared of being sick. I’m scared of treatment. I’m scared of losing control of my life to cancer. I’m scared of all of it and I don’t know what to do!” Yamaguchi curled into himself in distress.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay. It’s okay” Saeko sat next to him on the bed and wrapped her arms around the trembling boy, gently rubbing his back. “You have every right to be scared and that’s okay. I know it’s scary to let your friends know about something so big. But it doesn’t have to be. I think your team would handle it very well. Take your time but don’t wait too long. I won’t even tell Ryu.”

Yamaguchi looked up. “You won’t?”

Saeko shook her head. “Nope, it’s not my secret to tell. In fact, for a little insurance, why don’t I tell you a bit about Ryu as a kid. That way, if I do let it slip to him, you have some ammunition against him.”

“Really?” he chuckled a bit trying to imagine his senpai as a rambunctious little kid.

“Yup! Now let’s see…” Saeko got comfortable on the bed and thought of some good stories to tell. The truth was, she would never let slip this secret to her brother, she just wanted to cheer the kid up and see him laugh. She adored her little brother, but this kid was just too cute with his freckles and cow lick and nervous disposition. Why couldn’t her brother be as cute as him?

 

Himeko sped down the highway as fast as she would let herself. The only thing keeping her panic at bay was the fact that if she let it consume her, she would be in no condition to drive, and if she couldn’t drive, she couldn’t reach her son. This is exactly what she was afraid of, letting her son go far away only to end up in the hospital. Was he okay? Was he lonely? Was he scared without his mother? She had always been the one to take him to the hospital if something happened, how was he coping without her?

She made it to Tokyo in record time even though it felt more like 12 hours to her. After parking in the hospital parking lot, she ran into the lobby and went straight to the front desk.

“I’m looking for my son, Yamaguchi Tadashi. He was brought in a few hours ago” she rushed out.

The nurse quickly looked up the information on her computer and gave directions to the frantic woman. She dashed to Tadashi’s room and stopped short, taken aback by the scene that greeted her. Takeda was sitting next to Tadashi’s hospital bed while a young blonde woman sat on the bed next to him. What struck her the most was that Tadashi was _laughing_. He genuinely looked like he was enjoying himself. She only hesitated a moment before rushing into the room.

 

“Hahahaha really? Tanaka-san used to watch the Powerpuff girls?” Yamaguchi gasped out between laughs.

“Yup!” Saeko laughed just as hard. “He would pretend to be Buttercup and I was Mojo Jojo. Our mom used to yell at us because we always got too rough!”

“Tadashi! Thank goodness you’re okay! How are you feeling? Has your fever come down?” Himeko rushed into the room.

“Mom!” Yamaguchi smiled with joy as his mom hurried to his side. “I’m okay, I’m okay! Really, my fever is already gone and I feel loads better.”

Yamaguchi was a bit embarrassed as Himeko placed a hand on his forehead to feel his temperature and fussed over him.

“I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Oh, this is exactly what I was afraid of, sending you to this training camp!”

“It’s fine, Mom. It was just a fever, it could have happened anywhere.”

“I know, but I couldn’t be there right away” she gave her son one more squeeze before turning to Takeda, “I would like to have a word with you.”

Takeda gulped, her tone had been completely unreadable and he was nervous facing her in this situation.

“Alright then, Sensei, I’ll meet you in the waiting room whenever you’re ready to head back. It was nice getting to know you Tadashi-chan!” Saeko rubbed his head affectionately, “I enjoyed our talk and remember, if Ryu ever gives you trouble you can count on me. Feel better soon!” she gave him a big hug before heading back to the waiting room.

Yamaguchi blushed a bit as his mom and Sensei walked into the hall to talk. He knew he shouldn’t do it, but his curiosity got the better of him and he crept next to the door to listen.

“-did this even happen? I trusted you with my son-” his mom paused for a brief moment. “Do I smell alcohol? Were you drinking? I don’t believe this!”

“Wha-? Oh! No! No, I assure you I did not have a drop the whole time. The other coaches and teachers were drinking, they usually do during the evening at these type of things, but I did not partake this time to make sure at least one adult was sober in case something happened. You probably smell the beer Ukai-kun accidentally spilled on me. I’m terribly sorry.”

“This is exactly why I was reluctant to let him go. He should have been taking it easy, taking breaks, resting when he needs to. How did he even get a fever in the first place?”

“I’m not sure. He was taking plenty of breaks during the day and he was given very strict instructions for what he was allowed to do during free practice. He seemed fine when I last saw him.”

“When you last saw him? Wasn’t anyone watching him?”

“No…I’m afraid the adults leave the kids to practice what they want in the evening while we take a break and prepare for dinner. I’m so sorry this happened.”

“So he was just left unsupervised? How did you even know he was following your instructions then?”

“I suppose I just trusted he would. There is no excuse for my failure. I’m incredibly sorry.”

“I don’t believe this! I trusted you with my baby and now he’s in the hospital! I just- I can’t” she sighed deeply, “go, just go. I can’t deal with this right now. I need to be with my son.”

“Of course, I’m so so sorry.”

Before Yamaguchi could move away from the door, his mom came back in and he froze when they made eye contact.

“Oh, Tadashi. I didn’t mean for you to hear-”

“Please don’t blame Sensei for this. He did nothing wrong.”

She sighed and lead her son back to the bed. “Sweetie, I know you don’t want me to be mad at him, but you were in his care. He was supposed to look after you and make sure you were okay.”

“He did! He did a great job. He was always checking in on me and making sure I took breaks and drank enough water.”

“Honey, you ended up in the hospital. Obviously, whatever he was doing still wasn’t enough.”

“Mom, I know I’m still a kid but I’m at least old enough to start taking responsibility for my own actions. This was my fault, okay? Not his.”

“Don’t blame yourself for this.”

“But it was! I wasn’t completely honest with you or Sensei. I didn’t just feel nauseous, I threw up. Twice. I wanted to be able to play as much as possible so I hid stuff and I know, I know that was stupid and dangerous, but I kept having these nightmares, I didn’t want to fall behind, I didn’t want to be useless for the team, I didn’t want it to control my life!”

“It’s okay, come here Sweetie.”

Himeko wrapped her son in her arms and calmed the upset boy. She was frustrated with Tadashi for withholding such important information, but she also knew the struggles he was dealing with and the mess that his mind must have been in. Now was not the time for scolding and lectures.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I knew better but I lied anyway. I think I just pushed myself too hard when I yelled at Tsukki.”

She pulled away and looked her son in the eye. “You…yelled at Kei?”

He nodded and wiped his eyes. “Yeah, he’s just been so flippant about practice and he was letting all these great opportunities slip by at the camp. I was just getting so fed-up with his attitude when I’m stuck with all these limitations and restrictions. I guess I kinda snapped and yelled at him.”

Himeko stared at him for a few moments, then burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry, Sweetie. I’m sorry but I just never thought the day would come that you would yell at Kei!”

For the next several minutes, the two laughed with each other. Relieved at the broken tension and letting out all of the stress that had piled up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much if you're still sticking with this story! I am continuously blown away by the response I've been getting. This chapter was super fun to write. I hope you enjoyed the cameo of some of our favorite basketball boys. I couldn't resist sticking them in somewhere. I also did not intend or plan on writing this bit but I absolutely love Yamaguchi's interaction with Saeko. As always, feedback keeps me motivated so if you have any thoughts, let me know!


	9. The Troubled Journey to Hair Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi finishes out his stay in the hospital and finally has to face the reality of hair loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: This chapter is now finished! Also I realize this is a title I have used before, I was originally planning on getting to this point in ch 7 (haha so naive). This is the chapter title I intended to use for the chapter where Yamaguchi loses his hair so ch 7 has a different title now. 
> 
> We finally made it to the chapter where Yamaguchi loses his hair. We also get a lot of Takeda/Himeko moments in this chapter. (idk if anyone actually cares about the Takeda/Himeko plot line in this story but I think they're adorable and it's been really fun writing those two so I'm gonna keep doing it anyway).

After a couple of days in the Tokyo hospital, Yamaguchi was transferred to the children’s hospital closer to home where he received his regular treatments. He felt more comfortable to be in a familiar environment with doctors and nurses that he knew. Without much to do while hospitalized, he got his summer homework done in record time and did more reading than he ever had before. It was times like this when he sort of wished he had told at least a few people about his sickness, then at least he would have some visitors to keep him company.

True to their word, Kuroko and Kise had both found him on social media so he chatted with them occasionally. Kise had created a group chat to include everyone he had met at the hospital and a few others that he didn’t. He was still confused as to why Kise included these people that he didn’t even know. Just as he was contemplating this, his phone buzzed.

 

Tsukki

Hey, heard you went home sick from training camp. Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Still sick?

 

Yamaguchi

Yeah, I got another nasty cold. Bad for the asthma and all that. I’ve just been lying in bed doing homework. I think it’s the fastest I’ve ever finished summer homework.

 

Tsukki

I can keep you company if you’re bored. We can play video games or something low-key.

 

Yamaguchi

I don’t want to take you away from your summer plans. I’m sure you have other things to do.

 

Tsukki

Not really. Akiteru is here. I was kind of hoping to find an excuse to leave.

 

Yamaguchi

No Tsukki! You should stay and be with your brother! I think it’s about time you started properly talking to him again anyway.

 

Tsukki

I wanted to talk to you about volleyball though, you know, after what you said…

 

Yamaguchi was taken aback. He’d almost forgot that the last time he talked to Tsukki was when he went off on him. He kind of wanted to apologize for that, but not over text. He supposed it would have to wait. But what did Tsukki even want to talk about regarding that? Did he go off to do something or talk to someone after that? His fever had come on so fast he didn’t even have time to wonder what Tsukki was going off to do…

 

Yamaguchi

We’ll have plenty of time for that later! Besides, aren’t you guys having practice every day? I don’t think Daichi-san would be happy if you skipped out.

 

Tsukki

Fine…but text me when you feel better so we can hang out. It’s boring without you.

 

Yamaguchi

Of course!

 

He felt touched that Tsukki would say that. He may not show his emotions much but even with all of his self-doubt and insecurities, Yamaguchi knew Tsukki appreciated their friendship.

 

A little while later, Tsukishima showed up at practice a bit annoyed. Something felt off about that interaction with Yamaguchi. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something was definitely a bit strange. Maybe it was this whole situation that rubbed him wrong. He had talked to Yamaguchi right before he was supposedly taken home for being sick. Sure, he may have been a bit off color, but he certainly didn’t seem sick enough to go home early. Especially since the training camp was pretty much over and they were going home the next day anyway. It just didn’t add up.

“Hey, Tsukishima. Any word from Yamaguchi?” Suga asked as he walked into the gym.

“He says he’s got another bad cold and it’s affecting his asthma. He’s being very elusive as usual though so I’m not really buying it.”

“Hmm, maybe someone should try visiting him?”

“I don’t know if that would do much good. I could tell he was trying to avoid having me come over. This whole thing just feels suspicious. I know he’s hiding something and it’s wearing on my patience.”

Suga sighed. “Yeah, we’re all pretty suspicious. I just don’t know what more we can do at this point. Yamaguchi obviously doesn’t want us to know whatever this is. Me and Daichi have even tried getting something out of coach and Takeda-sensei, but they’re both adamant about Yamaguchi being the one to tell us anything.”

“It’s getting frustrating. I just can’t figure out what he could possibly want to hide so badly, especially from me. I already know all the stuff he’s been through so why wouldn’t he at least tell me?”

Suga felt bad for the tall blond. He may put of an aloof and cool exterior, but he knew how important Yamaguchi’s friendship was to him. It must be hard not knowing what’s going on with his friend, especially since it was obviously something big.

 

After practice, Takeda headed over to the hospital to check on Yamaguchi and apologize for the training camp once again. Himeko was out in the hall talking to a nurse when he arrived so he waited for them to be finished.

“Takeda-san! Oh, I’m glad you’re here, I wanted to talk to you” Himeko said.

His heart fluttered a bit at the happy tone in her voice. “Ah, before you say anything, I wanted to apologize again for-”

“Oh don’t worry about it. If anything I acted a bit rashly before getting the full picture. I should be the one to say I’m sorry.”

“Himeko-san, your son has cancer. You don’t ever have to apologize for your behavior.”

“Still…I want to apologize. Tadashi told me that he was not always forthright with you during the trip and didn’t let you know the extent of his condition. I know you were doing everything you could to look after him.”

“I still feel like I could have done more, paid better attention…”

“It’s okay. I know how hard it is and you still have the responsibility of watching over all the other kids as well, you can’t always catch everything.”

“Yes but in this case my negligence landed him in the hospital.”

“Well, that just comes with the territory, unfortunately. He could have stayed home and still come down with a fever. Don’t beat yourself up over every little thing, believe me it wears on you very quickly.”

“Thank you. I um…I also wanted to give you this” he held out and envelope with a check inside.

“Oh! I couldn’t possibly take your money! I appreciate the gesture, I do. But I just can’t accept this.”

“Please. This is not to make up for what happened at camp or to get you to like me, I just-”

“Wait. What? Get me to…like…you?” Himeko blushed slightly.

“Ah! I mean! Uh…you see” Takeda blushed hard and frantically stumbled over himself in embarrassment before giving out a resigned sigh, “I didn’t mean for you to find out this way. I realize you have your hands full and higher priorities. You need to focus on your son and you have a lot to deal with. Believe me, I really just wanted to help out at the beginning but, well…you see…you turned out to be the most amazing person with so much strength and compassion. I just…couldn’t help but come to like you. I don’t have any expectations! I understand you are going through so much right now and I still want to help, I don’t want you to feel obligated or uncomfortable. I didn’t even mean to tell you. Um, I’m sorry to have dumped this on you during such a stressful time. But, just…please keep the money. It’s not for you, it’s for Tadashi-kun. I want to help pay for a wig. I know those are expensive and I just want him to be happy and comfortable with himself. Anything to make this a little easier for him. I’m going to visit Tadashi-kun now.”

Takeda bowed low and scurried into Yamaguchi’s room still blushing a little. Himeko stared at the man through the window into her son’s room with her mouth open, stunned. She watched Tadashi light up when he noticed who was there and talk happily with his teacher, laughing every once in a while. Her hand tightly clutched the envelope with the money for a wig. A warm, fluttery feeling stirred up inside of her that she hadn’t felt for over fifteen years.  

 

Yamaguchi had quickly grown to enjoy the company of Takeda-sensei. He was reliable and had a calming presence. Even if the team didn’t always get what he was trying to say, he always seemed to have some words of wisdom and encouragement. Yamaguchi was glad to have a visitor and to find out what the team had been up to since the training camp. Hinata and Kageyama were each training separately to create and new, more powerful quick. The rest of the team were also thinking of new attacks to work on. Apparently, Tsukki had been more moody and sarcastic since he’d been gone and some of the other members were getting a bit annoyed. Earlier that day, Ennoshita had accidentally served to the back of Tsukki’s head, although Takeda-sensei strongly suspected that it was no accident. Tanaka had laughed loudly at that and not too long after Tsukki had “accidentally” spiked the ball at his face. This story made Yamaguchi laugh and miss his team.

When it was time for Sensei to leave, he gently and affectionately rubbed his head before saying goodbye. Yamaguchi watched him leave with a smile. As Sensei stopped in the hall to talk to his mom, he ran a hand through his hair and collected all the locks that had come loose when Sensei had rubbed his head. Sadly, he looked down at his hands and despaired at how much hair had come out from such a gentle touch. He didn’t have much time.

 

Out in the hall, Himeko stopped Takeda to speak with him before he left.

“Wait! Um, about earlier-”

“Please don’t worry about it! I completely understand, you don’t have to say anything”

“No I just, uh, I mean first I want to thank you, truly for this gift. It means so much and Tadashi will be so happy.”

“Of course, I just want him to be happy.”

“As far as the other thing, I honestly have not given any thought to that sort of thing since Tadashi’s father walked out. My focus has been solely on Tadashi and giving him a good life, especially since he got cancer at such a young age.”

“I completely understand, you don’t have to-”

“Please, let me finish. I have been so focused on my son that I have mostly forgotten about romance and what it feels like and how to conduct myself. I’m afraid I’m terribly rusty. It really hasn’t been on my mind for over 15 years so please let me think about it.”

“I understand, I wasn’t expecting- wait what?”

“I would like to think about it.”

“Oh. Oh! Uh, of course! Take as much time as you need! I really didn’t have any expectations. Wow. Um, okay, so uh, I guess just call whenever you want or if you need something. I’m still available. To help! Um, if you still want it. Uh, please let me know when Tadashi-kun is released. Goodbye.”

Takeda bowed deeply and hurried away, blushing deeply and incredibly flustered. Himeko chuckled as she watched him leave, a light blush dusting her cheeks. He really was a funny yet charming man. She turned and entered her son’s room, hand excitedly clutching the envelope from Takeda.

 

Yamaguchi was staring at the hair in his hand when he heard his mom entering the room. Quickly clenching his fist, he stuffed his hand under the blanket to hide the hair. He didn’t want to make his mom sad, she seemed like she was in a good mood.

“Tadashi, guess what Takeda-san just gave us” his mom said excitedly.

“What is it?”

“He gave me a check to help pay for a wig. You’re getting a wig, Tadashi!”

“Really?!” Yamaguchi’s eyes sparkled at the news. He was getting a wig! He was still in control of when his friends found out! He didn’t have to be known as the sick kid to the rest of the school! This was the best news he had gotten in a long time.

The two hugged each other and cried tears of joy. They immediately hopped online to pick out a wig. Yamaguchi found one that was the same color as his and could easily be styled to look like his own hair.

“Okay Sweetie, I’m going to run to the bank right now to deposit this check and I’ll order your wig as soon as I get home. I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, I love you Tadashi.”

“I love you too Mom. Thank you so much.”

Soon after she left, Yamaguchi’s mood began to drop. Of course, he was beyond happy about getting a wig, but it now the fact that he was going to lose his hair felt more real. It was coming and there was nothing he could do to stop it. With a heavy heart he pulled out his phone and sent a text.

 

Akiteru was glad to be home while his brother was on break. He hoped to use the time to start rebuilding their relationship. The other reason he was happy to be home was so that he could get an update on Tadashi. Ever since his last visit home he hadn’t heard much and he was worried. While he was waiting for Kei to come back from practice, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Surprised to see that it was from Tadashi, he quickly unlocked his phone to read the text.

 

Tadashi

Hi Akiteru, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?

 

Akiteru

Of course! What do you need?

 

The response he got back made his heart drop. He was happy that Tadashi had reached out to him like this, but the favor made him want to cry. After a quick reply, he steeled himself and went upstairs to grab what he needed then stopped by the kitchen to let his mom know he was going out.

“Hey Mom. Tadashi asked me to borrow this so I’m going to run it over to the hospital for him.”

Akiko looked at the object in his hand and her heart broke. “Of course, tell him I said hi and I hope he can go home soon.”

After a bittersweet goodbye, Akiteru headed out to go to the hospital.

 

Yamaguchi waited in anticipation. He was happy to see Akiteru again, but his visit would make everything all too real. Even more so than ordering the wig. After a little while, he heard a knock on the door and he invited them in.

“Hi, Tadashi! How are you feeling?” Akiteru tried to keep an upbeat demeaner but as he took in the boy’s appearance it became more and more difficult.

His thin and frail look was made even more apparent by the setting of the hospital room and the patient gown he was wearing. Tadashi’s eyes looked tired and weary no matter how hard he tried to put up a brave front for Akiteru.

“I’m fine. I just got a fever a few days ago so they only need to keep me for observation. I should be able to go home soon” Yamaguchi said.

“That’s good to hear. Before I forget, my mom says hi and she hopes you get released soon.”

“Tell her thanks for me.”

“I will. Um, here’s what you asked for” Akiteru gently placed a bag on the bed next to him.

The mood of the room instantly switched once the object was finally addressed. Yamaguchi forced himself to look in the bag. True to his word, Akiteru had brought his electric razer for him to borrow.

Slowly, Akiteru lowered himself onto the chair next to him. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m…okay I guess. My mom just ordered a wig today so I won’t have to…”

Akiteru nodded sympathetically. “That’s great. I’m glad you were able to get one. When do you think you’ll be ready to tell Kei?”

“I’m not…sure if I’ll ever be ready. I never wanted him to know. All I wanted was a normal friendship and despite how well I know Tsukki, I have no idea how he might respond.”

Akiteru blew out a breath. “You’re right on that one. I’m his brother and I can’t even tell you how he would take the news. But I think you should tell your team, or at least Kei. The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to tell them.”

“I know…I just…had a really bad experience the last time word got out and…I’m really scared.”

Akiteru leaned in for a hug and he sat there comforting the boy for a while until it was time to go home for dinner.

Dinner was almost ready by the time he got home from the hospital. “Where have you been?” a disinterested voice greeted him.

“I just had some errands to run. How was practice?”

“Tch, annoying.”

“Ah, I see not much has changed, huh?”

An indecipherable expression crossed his little brother’s face before becoming stoic once more. “I was wondering if maybe…it would alright to practice with your team until the next training camp?”

Akiteru stood there stunned. That was the last thing he ever expected to come out of his brother’s mouth. Maybe some things _have_ changed after all. “Of course! You can come tomorrow, I’ll text the guys!”

 

The next day at the hospital, Yamaguchi had an appointment with his Oncologist to check in after being hospitalized. His mom left work early to make his appointment and they were currently sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to hear what he had to say.

“Looking at the results of his bloodwork, the cancer unfortunately appears to be a bit more aggressive than we previously thought. Now, Yamaguchi-kun is still in a good spot, this is still very treatable. It is just progressing a little bit faster than we would like.”

Yamaguchi felt like he was hit in the face by one of Oikawa’s serves. More…aggressive? Progressing faster? No. No. No, this wasn’t supposed to happen. It didn’t go like this last time. He was supposed to get through chemo, go to his check ups, and then go into remission. Why wasn’t this going the same as last time?

“So…what does this mean?” Himeko asked, trying to calm her pounding heart.

“Right now all it means is we are going to be a little more aggressive with the chemo. Now, if that doesn’t work there are still other options but at this moment there is no need to explore those.”

“Can…can I still play volleyball?” Yamaguchi asked timidly, afraid of the answer.

“Yes, you are still clear for physical activities although I’m afraid you will have to take even more breaks and have more limitations. A stronger dose of chemo means the side effect will also be stronger and more prevalent. We will, of course, adjust your medications to help manage the side effects. It will be even more important to recognize your limits and rest when you feel tired.”

Yamaguchi sat in silence as his mom asked more questions. He almost felt like he was being told he had cancer all over again. The future scared him. He hated chemo. It made him tired. It made him sick. It made him not want to eat. It severely limited his physical activity. And now these side effects were going to be worse?

“I do have a small bit of good news. You are clear to go home, so I will just schedule your next appointment and grab your discharge papers.”

Yamaguchi was relieved at that. He hadn’t slept in his own bed since before the training camp and he was more than ready to get out of the hospital. After getting the paperwork settled, he gathered up his stuff with his mom.

“I looked online today and your wig is going to come just in time for your next training camp.”

“What? You’re…you’re letting me go?” Yamaguchi asked hopefully.

Himeko sighed. “Against my better judgement and my own wishes, yes I think I will let you go. But! You absolutely have to be completely honest with me and Takeda-sensei, okay? If something like this happens again I will not let you go on any more trips, understood?”

“Yes! Of course, I promise” he said with complete sincerity.

Himeko picked up her son’s bag and headed for the front lobby.

 

Ennoshita felt happy and fulfilled. He regularly volunteered at the local Children’s Hospital as a candy striper and it always left him feeling like he did something meaningful and worthwhile. It never failed to brighten his day when he saw the faces of these kids light up when he came to read or play with them. He also helped with handing out meals or bringing fresh blankets and pillows. The kids always looked so grateful for the company and the time he spent with them.

“Thanks for the hard work, Ennoshita” a nurse called out to him as he gathered his stuff and headed out.

“You too, I’ll see you in a few days” he replied.

As he made his way through the lobby he caught sight of familiar brown hair and freckles. Just as he was about to call out to say hi and ask what Yamaguchi was doing here, his mother spoke.

“It will be so good to have you home again. That house has felt so empty since you left for camp.”

“I’m just excited to sleep in my own bed again. Hospital beds aren’t that comfy after the first couple days, especially if you slept on a futon for a few nights before.”

“Well, you can go straight to bed when we get there. I want you resting as much as possible before the next camp, especially since your next treatment is going to be just a few days before you leave.”

“For once, I won’t complain. I’m really tired.”

Ennoshita didn’t catch any more of the conversation as the two moved out of earshot. Everything he heard kept echoing through his head on the train ride home. He thought that maybe Yamaguchi was also volunteering or visiting someone. But…a patient? From what he heard there was no other explanation, he had clearly been staying in the hospital. It even sounded like he hadn’t been home since before the training camp, which meant he didn’t go home sick, he was taken to the hospital.

What on earth was going on? Of course, he was suspicious of Yamaguchi’s asthma, just like the rest of the team. But if he’s been in the hospital, this is something more serious. But wait, he wasn’t just in the hospital, he was being treated at the Children’s Hospital. The only reason for seeing a doctor there is if he needs long-term care and frequent doctors appointments for some sort of childhood disease or illness. This was getting way more serious than any of them anticipated.

The next day at practice, he decided he needed to tell someone about what he saw.

“Daichi? Can I talk to you about something?” he asked as soon as he got a moment with the captain.

Daichi noticed how apprehensive and troubled he seemed and immediately grew serious. “Sure, is everything okay?”

“Well…I don’t know. It’s about Yamaguchi.”

Suga, who was nearby, perked up at the mention of the first year and made his way over.

“What’s going on with Yamaguchi, have you heard from him?” Suga asked.

“Not really. Uh, is Tsukishima here? He’ll probably want to know too” Ennoshita said, looking around for the tall blond.

“He said he’s going to be practicing with his brother’s team until the next camp” Daichi explained.

Ennoshita nodded and took a breath. “I saw Yamaguchi yesterday.”

“You saw him?” Suga asked.

“Where? I thought he was still sick” Daichi said.

“He is, and I’m scared that it’s worse than any of us thought.”

“What do you mean?” Daichi said.

“You know how I volunteer as a candy striper? Well…I saw him when I was leaving the Children’s hospital. He was leaving with his mom and I overheard part of their conversation. She was saying how excited she was to have him home again and he was saying that he couldn’t wait to sleep in his own bed again. The way they were talking, it sounded like he had been there since the training camp. I also heard them say something about an appointment he had to get treatment.”

Daichi and Suga stood in stunned silence as the information sunk in.

“Well, now we know there’s definitely something more serious going on” Daichi said.

“Yeah, no kidding. You don’t go to a children’s hospital just for asthma” Suga said.

“What do we do now?” Ennoshita said.

“I don’t think we should confront him about it. He’s obviously trying really hard to keep this a secret so asking him about this will probably only scare him off and make him close up even more” Daichi said.

“This is so frustrating. All I want to do is help and know what’s going on. I’ve been so worried” Suga said.

“We’re all worried, Suga. But if Yamaguchi doesn’t feel comfortable telling us what’s going on, it won’t help him to try and force it out. We just need to be patient and keep a close eye on him.”

The three of them reluctantly agreed on that and dispersed to start practice.

 

The following days blurred together for Yamaguchi. Doing nothing but resting got boring quickly so he would pass the time by reading, watching movies, and playing video games, trying not to look at the razer that he had placed on his desk. A few times he had gone over and picked it up only to get overwhelmed or lose his nerve. The only time he got to get up and do something was to go to his next chemo appointment. He was nervous. This was the first time they’ve ever had to increase his chemo and he had no idea how his body was going to handle it. It went about the same as any other appointment, it just took a bit longer.

The day after his appointment, he did feel a bit sick and more fatigued than usual. He made his way to the bathroom to take some of his medication to help with the side effects. As he swallowed the last pill, a lock of hair fell into the sink. All on its own. Without even touching his head. It should have been expected. His hair was already falling out and he did just get a stronger dose of chemo.

He was running out of time.

He wasn’t ready yet.

His wig was coming in just a couple of days.

He could wait until then.

His hair might fall out by then.

He could have bald patches by then.

It would be easier to do it all at one.

There was still time.

It was easier than watching it fall out bit by bit.

Before he knew it, he back in his bedroom and clutching the razer. Slowly, he walked back to the bathroom and stared at the razer. His breath quickened. His heart pounded. His hands shook.

He forced himself to look in the mirror, to look at his hair. It was noticeably thinner. It was dull. It was flat. It was not healthy, almost as if his hair knew it was on its death bed. He startled at a noise before realizing he had turned on the razer. He had no idea how long he stood there, staring at his hair and holding the buzzing razer. Then, he raised his hands up and brought the razer down on his hair as if he was watching someone else do it. Over and over, he ran the razer over his head, easily chopping away his hair. Dull and empty eyes watched the process as if they were not even comprehending what they saw. As the razer moved to the last bit of hair, a few tears began escaping the still blank eyes. Once the final lock of hair fell, he took a deep breath and forced himself to look on the mirror. His eyes slowly regained life and filled with pain and emotion.

There were times when he could pretend, when he could almost forget he had cancer again. The only evidence of that was his loss of appetite, fatigue, nausea, and weight loss. His appearance may have grown thinner and a bit run down, but overall he could still pass as healthy. Now…now he finally had the trademark of any cancer patient. He not only felt like it, but now he _looked_ like he had cancer. He breath sped up and the tears fell faster. Clutching the edge of the counter, he sank to his knees and mourned the loss of his healthy appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love you've shown this story. I still can't believe people are so invested in this fic, it makes my heart happy! I hope you enjoyed this chapter so far, I will post the rest of it as soon as I finish it. Feedback keeps me motivated so let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy the reappearance of everyone's favorite big bro. I actually really love writing Akiteru.


	10. Blue Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi gets an unexpected surprise with his wig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 2: Finally! This chapter is now complete! I have also started working on the next chapter so hopefully you guys will get a decent update next week.
> 
> UPDATE: OMG I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday!! We got a ton of snow where I live so after I was done shoveling I was so wiped I completely forgot!! It's another smaller update this time, my parents are off helping my sister move back from Florida so I've been busy this week taking care of the house and making last-minute preparations for my sis. This might be how it is for a little while until things settle down but I will keep doing my best to have something for you guys to read each week. Seriously, you have no idea how happy it makes me to have readers who notice and care when I miss an update, thank you so much for enjoying my story! Also, in this universe, the events of Kuroko no Bakuke takes place one year before the events of Haikyuu! so the mira-gen are all friends again and in their second year of high school.
> 
> Sorry about the smaller update this week, I didn't even get through half of this chapter. I had a lot to deal with this week so I didn't write as much as I normally do. Not sure if I'll have the rest of this chapter done by next friday or not but I'll keep working on it.
> 
> I know updates have been a little weird since I got caught up to what I had pre-written, it can be confusing posting bits of a chapter at a time but since I'm this far into the story already I want to keep chapter size as consistent as possible. If I just make each new update its own chapter it would just disrupt the flow and pacing of the story. Thanks for your patience with the odd updates.

It was a long time before Yamaguchi had the energy to get back up and clean up his hair. The rest of the day was spent laying in bed and staring blankly at the wall until his mom came home. He fished out the beanie Tsukki’s mom gave to him and went downstairs to greet Himeko.

“Hi, Sweetie. What would you like for dinner?” Himeko turned around and saw her son wearing the beanie. “Oh Honey, come here”

Yamaguchi was wrapped up in a warm and loving hug. “I had no idea you were going to do this today. I could have helped you.”

“I wasn’t really planning on doing it today, it just sort of happened.”

“I’m sorry, Sweetie. I wish I was here for you.”

“It’s okay, you’re here now.”

“I can go upstairs and shave now or if you’re hungry I can wait until after dinner.”

“What?”

“Oh Honey, of course I’m going to shave too! Just like last time.”

“No, please. I don’t want you to.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind. I want to go through this with you.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just…I’m already reminded every time I look in a mirror now, I don’t want to be reminded every time I look at you too. I want you to stay normal. I want you to stay you.”

“…Okay. If that’s what you want, I won’t do it.”

Himeko released her son after one more squeeze and started making dinner. The rest of the night was blanketed in an air of sadness and lament. Their conversations were light, both just trying to pretend everything was normal. When he got ready for bed, Yamaguchi remembered the one upside to losing his hair. Taking a shower now took much less time and he didn’t have to wait for his hair to dry before going to bed.

The next couple of days were spent researching how to properly care for a wig in anticipation of his own coming in the mail. He ignored all the text he got from Tsukki and his team, not yet ready to speak with any of them since he lost his hair. He was also growing nervous as the next training camp got closer. He would only have a day to get used to the wig before going off for a week this time.

Finally, the day arrived when his mom arrived home with a package. “Tadashi! It came! Get down here so you can open it!”

Yamaguchi immediately perked up and raced downstairs to see his mom standing with a box. It was like Christmas morning as a little kid, running downstairs to see that Santa had come the night before. Buzzing with excitement, he could hardly be patient as Himeko grabbed a knife from the kitchen to open it. Handing him the knife, she watched as her son excitedly yet carefully cut through the tape.

As soon as all the tape was cut, Yamaguchi flung open the flaps and peered inside. He felt like a heavy stone dropped into his stomach. This…wasn’t right. Not only was it not the right length or shape, it was _blue_. This was not what he ordered. This was nothing like his hair! How did this happen? How did his order get screwed up so spectacularly?

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Himeko asked, noting the shocked and troubled expression on her son’s face.

“Why?...Why does this keep happening to me! Why can’t something just go right for a change!” Yamaguchi yelled as tears began pouring down his face.

Himeko hurriedly looked in the box and gasped. “Oh Tadashi.”

She didn’t have words. This was the most excited she had seen her son since he’d been diagnosed with Leukemia again. Now he looked completely crushed and her heart shattered.

“This isn’t fair! Haven’t I suffered enough?!” Yamaguchi cried out before rushing back up the stairs and shut himself in his room.

He flung himself on his bed and sobbed. There was no way he could go to the training camp now! He couldn’t even leave the house until they got a new wig. Would they even be able to get a new one? They had relied on Takeda-sensei’s generous gift to afford this one. Could they exchange it or get a refund? Or would they just have to buy a new one? This wasn’t fair! He already had to go through cancer twice and he was barely into high school! Was it so much to ask for one nice thing to make his life a little more bearable?

Yamaguchi had no idea how long he was laying there. All he knew is that it was long enough for him to cry himself dry. A quiet knock on his door snapped him out of his stupor. He hadn’t even thought about what his mom was up to while he was wallowing in lament. “Sweetie, can I come in?” she asked gently.

He spoke just loud enough to give her permission, not moving an inch from his spot sprawled out on his bed. A stab of pain and sadness ran through him as he saw her carrying the box in with her. She sat down on the floor next to his bed so that their faces could be level and started rubbing his head over his beanie.

“I don’t know why you always seem to get the short end of the stick” she started with a tearful voice, “I want you to live a happy and healthy life. Everything I do is for you to be happy and it just kills me to see you going through so much pain and sadness. I wish nothing more than to be able to take this all away, but I can’t. All I can do is support you and try to make you as happy as possible.”

Yamaguchi felt tears that he didn’t think he still had well up in his eyes as his mom wiped away her own.

“I know I can’t give you the hair that you wanted, but I did what I could with this one” she pulled the wig out of the box and showed him the fruits of her labor.

While Yamaguchi was up here sobbing, his mother had busted out her scissors and hair products and set to work on the wig. With some cutting and a bit of styling, it looked exactly like his own hair just…blue.

“I thought that maybe this way you can wear it to school and tell people that you dyed your hair.”

Yamaguchi sat up on his bed and tightly held on to his mom as tears of overwhelming love and gratitude spilled over. “You’re the best mom I could ever ask for” he murmured into her shoulder.

“So” Himeko sniffed and wiped her eyes, “do you want to try it on?”

Yamaguchi wiped his own eyes and nodded. Carefully, he pulled the wig onto his head and adjusted it until it fit right then looked up at his mom. “How do I look?”

A smile spread across her face as she chuckled into her hands. “Like the cutest little punk I’ve ever seen. I never thought I would see you with blue hair, but it works on you, Baby! Here, do you want to see?”

His mom pulled out a mirror and held it up for him to see. He was stunned at first, then slowly he began to laugh. “It’s blue.”

“It’s blue” Himeko repeated.

“It’s really blue.”

Their laughter grew louder as the relief of the broken tension swept over them. The absurdity of the situation struck them which only added to their mirth. It really did look like his hair just…blue. _Really_ blue.

Once they settled down a bit, Himeko taught him how to style it and they went over how to properly take care of his new hair.

While his mom was down in the kitchen making dinner, Yamaguchi was struck by a whim and pulled out his phone. After taking a selfie, he sent the picture to a group chat.

 

Yamaguchi – My order got messed up and they sent the wrong wig. At least my mom was able to make it work.

Kise – OMG!! You look like you could be Aominecchi’s little brother!

Kuroko – the similarity is uncanny

Midorima – I still don’t understand why I am included in this chat.

Kise – I wanted Yamacchi to meet the rest of the miracles!

Midorima – You have yet to explain who Yamaguchi is and why he needs to meet us.

Kise – Don’t mind Midorimacchi, he acts all disinterested but really he’s a yandere

_Midorima has left the chat_

_Kise has added Midorima to the chat_

Kise – So rude Midorimacchi!!

Momoi – He really does look like he’s related to Dai-chan! How cute!

Kagami – You pull off the blue hair better than Aomine

Aomine – What the heck Kagami?? It’s my natural hair color!

Kagami – He still pulls it off better than you

Kise – I have to agree with Kagamicchi on this one, sorry Aominecchi. His is shinier and more vibrant

Aomine – IT’S A WIG!

Akashi – No need to be rude Aomine.

Momoi – Yeah Dai-chan! It’s not his fault it looks better on him!

Aomine – Not you too!

Murasakibara – His looks tastier

Midorima – What does that even mean?

Murasakibara – It means it looks tastier

Kuroko – It looks cool, Yamaguchi-kun

Yamaguchi – Thank you, Kuroko-san. I was actually pretty upset when I first got it so that means a lot.

Aomine – Upset? What’s wrong with blue hair??

Yamaguchi – Nothing! Sorry, blue is fine, I was just expecting a wig that looked no different from my hair. I still want to be able to tell my friends on my time…

Akashi – Why do you even need a wig?

Kuroko – Kise, did you not explain how we met Yamaguchi to the others when you made this chat?

Midorima – That’s what I have been trying to say but no one would listen!

Aomine – No one listens to you anyway.

Momoi – Dai-chan! Don’t be so rude!

Kuroko – We met him the day we all met up to play basketball. Coach asked us to deliver Kiyoshi-senpai some cookies and we met him at the hospital.

Kagami – Actually, Kuroko saw him leave something behind in the lobby of the emergency room and went on one of his self-proclaimed hero quests to return it. The rest of us followed because we didn’t want to lose the guy with no presence in a hospital.

Kuroko – I do not go on self-proclaimed hero quests, Kagami-kun

Kagami – Then explain the entirety of last year

Akashi – He does have a point, Kuroko

Murasakibara – So what’s wrong with him?

Momoi – Why are you guys so rude?

Murasakibara – You said you met him in the hospital

Kagami – You can’t just ask people what’s wrong with them!

Yamaguchi – It’s fine, I actually thought you guys already knew…I have cancer

Momoi – Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, that must be really hard!

Yamaguchi – It’s okay, I’ve gone through this before

Akashi – You’ve already beat it once? Impressive.

Midorima – Kise! I can not believe you neglected to share such important information!

Kise – I’m sorry! I just wanted Yamacchi to meet everyone!

Kuroko – I apologize for my friends’ behavior, Yamaguchi. We seem to have gotten quite off track

Kagami – I blame Kise

Kise – Hey!!

Yamaguchi – That’s okay! You guys have already made me feel better about my hair. I know you only met me once, but does it really just look like I dyed it blue?

Kise – I’ve looked at some of your pictures and I think it looks like your own hair.

Kuroko – It looks natural

Aomine – Doesn’t look fake to me

Kagami – Still looks better than Aomine’s

Aomine – Are you still on that??

Akashi – After having some time to analyze it I have come to a conclusion. Yamaguchi looks better with blue hair.

Aomine – I’m not taking anymore of this!

Aomine – Hair looks cool, Yamaguchi

_Aomine logged off_

Momoi – Dai-chan wait!

Momoi – It was nice talking to you Yamaguchi-kun!

_Momoi logged off_

Midorima – Is it okay to leave now? Thank goodness

_Midorima logged off_

Murasakibara – I ran out of snacks

_Murasakibara logged off_

Kagami – I guess I should go too, I need to start my homework

Kuroko – You haven’t started your summer homework yet, Kagami-kun?

Kagami – Shut up! I’ve been busy!

Kuroko – With what? Basketball?

Kagami – …yes

Akashi – Studies are important as well, Kagami. You need a sharp mind if you want any hope of winning again.

Kagami – Alright! I get it! Talk to you later, Yamaguchi. Also, I didn’t just say you looked better with blue hair to annoy Aomine.

Yamaguchi – Thank you Kagami-san! That means a lot.

_Kagami logged off_

Akashi – It is always interesting meeting new people. I enjoyed chatting, Yamaguchi. Please continue to talk with us when you need. I know not all of us are good with this sort of thing, I suppose most of us are not, but a few of us are reliable and trustworthy. The rest can entertain you.

Yamaguchi – I’ll keep that in mind, thank you for helping cheer me up.

Akashi – Of course. Also, I do not lie, so you can believe me when I said the blue hair looks better on you.

_Akashi logged off_

Kuroko – I better go make sure Kagami-kun starts his homework. Coach will be furious if he gets in trouble for not finishing and getting a bad grade. I hope this chat helped, even if it was mostly nonsense.

Yamaguchi – Haha it really did help! I feel better about the wig and it’s funny watching you guys interact. It takes my mind off of things for a little bit.

Kuroko – I’m glad we can help. Goodbye, Yamaguchi-kun. Don’t be afraid to rely on your team or any of us.

Yamaguchi – Thanks Kuroko-san. I’ll talk to you guys later.

_Kuroko logged off_

_Yamaguchi logged off_

Kise – Hey!! I go to the bathroom for one minute and you all log off?? So mean!

_Kise logged off_

 

The next day, Yamaguchi was feeling a little better about his situation so he figured it was probably time to return Tsukki’s messages. He knew texting would be too impersonal for how long he’d been ignoring the taller one but he wasn’t ready to see him yet, so he settled for calling.

“Yamaguchi? Where’ve you been? You haven’t answered any of my texts the past few days” he sounded annoyed but not mad, Yamaguchi was relieved.

“Sorry, Tsukki. I’ve been resting and I lost my phone. I didn’t find it until after I got better” Yamaguchi really hated lying to his friends, especially Tsukki, but he just wasn’t ready yet.

“Tsk, of course you would lose your phone. Now that you’re better, wanna hang out? I haven’t seen you since camp.”

“Oh, uhh…I was really sick so my mom wants me to rest as much as possible before the next camp” it wasn’t really a lie, but it wasn’t really the truth either.

“Oh, ok then. Did you need something?”

“Not really. I just figured I should call since I haven’t answered your messages lately. Oh! Didn’t you say a little while ago that there was something you wanted to tell me?”

“Uh, right…that. It’s no big deal. I just thought you wanted to know what happened after…you know…you yelled at me.”

“Ah! I almost forgot about that! I’m so sorry, Tsukki! I was running frustrated and all this stuff built up and it was wrong of me to take it out on you-“

“Shut up, Yamaguchi”

“Sorry, Tsukki”

“You don’t have to apologize. I went to talk to Fukurodani’s and Nekoma’s captains after that to talk to them and now I…I guess I’m kind of starting to understand the value of putting more effort into volleyball…I’ve even been practicing with my brother’s team lately.”

Yamaguchi was stunned silent. That…was unexpected. In fact, that was probably the last thing he expected from Tsukki.

“Yamaguchi? You still there?”

“Oh! Yeah! Sorry, I just…your practicing with Akiteru?”

“Yeah, don’t sound so surprised. It’s not a big deal.”

“Right, yeah. You just really took me by surprise there.”

“Well, you did make some good points so I decided to start trying to find some answers.”

“I…did that?”

“Why do you sound so shocked? You’re the one that pushed me in the first place.”

“I just…never thought I’d see the day when I would have such an impact on you. I didn’t think you would ever need my help or advice. You were always the cool one…”

“Yamaguchi…what are you talking about? You’re my best friend. Why wouldn’t I need you?”

“Well…you’re so much better and stronger than me at everything…I first wanted to be friends with you because you were able to scare off those bullies with one glance when I had been dealing with them for years.”

“What, so I can scare people away? How does that make me better than you? Yamaguchi, you interact with others way better than I do, you make friends better than I do. How can you say I’m better than you at everything?”

“I…I guess I never…thought of it that way…”

“Ugh, geez. I can’t believe you got me to have such embarrassing conversations so close together. What even brought this on? I thought you were doing better with your self-esteem?”

“Ah, haha, I guess I’m still a little out of it from being so sick. I should probably get back to resting. I’ll see you in a couple days. Bye, Tsukki”

Tsukki sounded like he wanted to say something but then sighed. “See you, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi hung up and sighed. Whew, that got a little too close for his liking. His self-esteem issues had gotten immeasurably better, but going through his second bought of cancer was bringing up all sorts of old thoughts and feelings. How much longer would he be able to go on like this?

 

Unlike the first training camp, Yamaguchi grew more and more nervous the closer they got to the school. Of course, he was still excited to go to the camp, but right now his worry was overriding any other emotion. They pulled into the parking lot where the bus was parked and his anxiety spiked. What will his teammates think of his hair? Would they be able to tell it was fake? Would they figure out it was a wig? It felt like he had a lot more secrets to keep hidden this time.

“Are you ready, Baby?” his mom asked.

“Not really…”

She placed a comforting hand on her son’s head. “It will be okay. It looks just like your own hair.”

Yamaguchi shot a look at his mom and she chuckled. “Well, minus the blue.”

She gave him an encouraging hug and they both stepped out of the car. Yamaguchi stayed out of sight from his friends while his mom grabbed his stuff from the car. “Now, don’t forget to keep Takeda-san updated on how your feeling and don’t skip any naps, okay? Those are important now that you’re on a stronger dose. You have got to be completely honest this time. If you end up in the hospital again, I will keep you home for any future trips. I want you to have fun and take advantage of any opportunity, but your health comes first. Make sure you take a break whenever you start to feel tired, you hear? Takeda-san will be keeping a close eye on you but he has a lot of things to keep track of so you need to take care of yourself, okay?”

“Yes, Mom. I’m sorry for last time. I’ll make sure to follow all the doctor’s orders.”

“You better. Now, go say hi to your friends, I’ll take your stuff to the bus and talk to Takeda-san and your coach.”

Taking a deep breath, Yamaguchi stepped out from behind the car and made his way over to his team.

“UOHHHH! Yamaguchi has blue hair!!!” Hinata yelled and pointed at him, directing the whole team’s attention to his hair. So much for trying to be casual.

“Nice, Yamaguchi!” Tanaka said.

“That looks so cool! I never pegged you for the colored hair type!” Noya said.

The rest of the team looked at him in stunned silence, some recovering faster than others.

“This is…unexpected. It looks good though” Daichi said.

“Wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you rock blue hair, Yamaguchi” Suga said.

Yamaguchi scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and let out a nervous laugh. “Thanks, I thought I would try something different.”

“Well, I think you accomplished that” Ennoshita said.

Yamaguchi chanced a look at Tsukki and he was still staring, stupefied. He didn’t think he had ever seen his tall friend so shocked before. There was that time with Akiteru, but that shock was filled with more hurt and betrayal, this was just pure…shock.”

“Alright, everyone’s here so let’s load up the bus and get going” Ukai called out.

Everyone started boarding the bus and Tsukki finally seemed to snap out of it (at least enough to make his way to the bus and catch up with Yamaguchi). “So…blue hair” was all he could articulate and the two of them picked out seats.

“Uh…yeah. I thought it might be fun” Yamaguchi said, lamely. He hadn’t even thought about how he was going to explain this to Tsukki.

“You didn’t think of mentioning…this, while we were on the phone?”

“Oh, yeah. Um, I guess I wanted to keep it a surprise.”

“Good idea, Yamaguchi. The look on Tsukishima’s face was priceless!” Tanaka chimed in.

“Yeah! He totally looked constipated!” Noya laughed.

Hinata and Kageyama who were sitting close by, were trying (and failing) to keep their laughter in.

Tsukishima turned to Hinata. “At least I don’t look like I’m about to take a dump every time I spike the ball.”

Hinata squawked, Tanaka and Noya burst out laughing again, Kageyama looked torn between laughing and not wanting to acknowledge Tsukishima said something funny, and Yamaguchi snickered into his hand.

Once things started to settle on the bus, the three first years and Ennoshita turned to each other to have a discussion.

“So, what do you guys think about the blue hair?” Suga said.

“I don’t know. It looks good, but it’s really not like Yamaguchi to do something like this” Daichi said.

“When people make drastic changes to their physical appearance, it’s usually one of a few different reasons. Either they want to stand out and get more attention” Ennoshita said.

“Which isn’t really Yamaguchi” Suga chimed in.

“Or, they’re dealing with self-esteem issues and feel like changing their appearance will help with that”

“He’s rather insecure in himself, but I don’t think he would go that far” Asahi said.

“I think he mostly just wants to be a bigger part of the team so that wouldn’t make much sense” Daichi said.

“Or, they’re going through a big change or something difficult and they need some semblance of control so they do something to control their appearance.”

“That seems the most likely out of the three” Daichi said.

“Of course, some people dye their hair just because they want to, but again, Yamaguchi doesn’t seem the type to do that. Plus, given everything that’s been going on with him lately, it makes sense that he might want to take control of something” Suga said.

“The question is, what’s making Yamaguchi feel so insecure in his life he feel the need to do something so drastic?” Asahi said.

“Not to mention out of character” Ennoshita said.

The four sat talking for a while but ultimately none of them could come up with an answer. All any of them could really do was watch over their kouhai and wait for Yamaguchi to open up.

 

It didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to fall asleep. Even after one treatment with the stronger dose of chemo his fatigue was hitting harder. He was even experiencing some new side-effects that he hadn’t gotten before. It was stressful and worrying. He was already having nightmares and the recent bad news only made it worse.

 

_“Guys! Stay away from the alien!”_

_“Yeah! You’ll get sick too if he touches you!”_

_Kids screamed and laughed in mockery as they ran away._

_“You look so ugly without your hair!”_

_“It’s no fair! You get special treatment just because you’re sick!”_

_“No one else is allowed to wear hats to school! Why should you be able to just because your bald?”_

_A kid snatched the hat off of his head and held it high. Yamaguchi jumped to grab it but was too short. His classmates surrounded him and laughed._

_“So weak”_

_“So ugly”_

_“So creepy”_

_“He can’t even do anything”_

_“He skips gym”_

_“He’s not allowed to go anywhere”_

_Stop it. Stop it!_

“Stop It!!” Yamaguchi shouted as his eyes flew open and he clutched his head in a defensive pose.

The bus grew silent as everyone nearby stared at him. He opened his eyes to find he was on a bus, surrounded by his teammates and not at school with his classmates from elementary school. Slowly, he unfurled himself and hastily wiped the tears building in his eyes.   
“Sorry, it was just a bad dream” Yamaguchi let out a self-depreciating laugh as everyone shot him a concerned look before returning to their own conversations.

Tsukki looked at him suspiciously and calculating before pulling his headphones back on. Yamaguchi let out a breath and settled back into his seat. Even though he was still tired, he could not fall back asleep. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to deal with too many nightmares on this trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 2: I hope you like the completed chapter, this final update has a lot of angst but there is still a lot more to come. Tsukki is probably a bit out of character but I find him to be the hardest to write, it's too hard to get into his head. It's also hard to predict how he would act in this scenario so I'm just taking my best shot at it.
> 
> UPDATE: Heehee, I hope you liked the text chat with the mira-gen, it was so much fun to write (I tried really hard to keep them all in character but I apologize if I didn't) Also, fun fact about this bit, I completely forgot about Kise when I was having them all say goodbye/logging off and I didn't feel like going back and editing in a bit with him saying goodbye so I just decided that he was in the bathroom when everyone logged off (hehe sorry Kise! But you're too easy to tease!)
> 
> FINALLY! I made it to the wig! One of the earliest concepts for this story when I was still piecing together this idea was the image of Yamaguchi with blue hair pulled back in a tiny pony tail. I did not think it was going to take 10 chapters to get there but we made it. Holy cow I did not anticipate this fic being this long but I'm glad I have been able to make this story last, who knows how much longer it will go on for.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for the love and support you guys have shown this fic! It truly is the only thing that keeps me motivated to have something written every week. Let me know what you think of blue haired Yamaguchi!


	11. The Plague of Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second training camp starts and Yamaguchi is inflicted with worsening nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update but by Friday I was SO close to finishing the chapter I decided to wait on posting until it was done. SO, for the first time in a while here is the full chapter in one update! I hope you guys enjoy it!

“So…Takeda-sensei, huh?”

Himeko blushed and tried to hide her embarrassment behind her mug of coffee as Aiko smiled deviously at her from across the kitchen table. “Yes…maybe…I don’t know. It’s been so long since I’ve even thought about this sort of thing.”

“Well…what about now? Are you thinking about it?”

“I have…given it some thought.”

“And?”

“And…I don’t know! That’s why I’m here. Ever since Seiji left, I’ve devoted myself to Tadashi and it just never seemed important or the right time, especially with his health. I mean, I could have lost him at such a young age and I just…I don’t want to waist any of the time I have with him. Besides, I never even felt that way about anyone since before Tadashi was born.”

“So, what about Takeda? How do you feel about him?”

“It’s…confusing. I think I like him? But it’s been so long I can’t even tell anymore.”

“Hmm…what’s he like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Describe him to me.”

“You’ve met him before, I don’t..?”

“Yes, but I want _you_ to describe him.”

“Okay, well…he’s considerate, determined, persistent, hard-working, he genuinely cares about his students, he’s gone above and beyond to help me and Tadashi, he’s…a little bit clumsy but also funny and charming. Oh! And he tries very hard to keep the team motivate and moving forward even though he doesn’t know very much about volleyball. He’s incredibly generous, putting others before his own wants. If there’s anything he can do to help anyone, he won’t give up until they get what they need.”

“I’m going to stop you right there. You like him.”

“I…what?”

“You like him. I mean come on, you were just practically singing his praise. I’ve never seen you so animated talking about anyone other than Tadashi.”

Himeko paused, then sighed. “I suppose you’re right. I think I do like him. But what do I even do with that? My last significant other ran, leaving me with a newborn and no job. The thought of putting myself out there after all this time…it’s scary. And with Tadashi’s health-”

“You can’t keep using Tadashi as an excuse for not doing this. You have put that boy before yourself for fifteen years. It’s about time you started thinking about yourself for once. And yes, I know Tadashi needs a lot of care and support right now, but is there ever a good time to start a new relationship? Once Tadashi is healthy again, he’ll be graduating soon, then going off to college or starting a career, next thing you know, you’re planning the boy’s wedding then welcoming grandbabies, and in the meantime you let your whole life pass by you without chasing the things you want. And I know Tadashi makes you happy, of course he does, he is a fantastic kid and a joy to be around. But he’s going to build his own life one day and when that comes, what will be your life? It’s okay to go after what you want even when your kid has cancer. If you neglect yourself too much, you’ll be too run down and depressed that you can no longer give Tadashi the best you have. I think a little excitement and added support would do wonders for you. And you lucked out! Takeda already knows and loves Tadashi so you don’t have to worry about the whole ‘bringing a guy home to meet the kid’ thing.”

Himeko chuckled. “You make a lot of sense. It’s just hard to start thinking about myself when I’ve spent all my time thinking about Tadashi.”

“I’m not saying you have to go and marry the guy, just go get a coffee, get dessert together. Go on a date and see where it goes. There doesn’t have to be any pressure.”

“Alright, I get it. I’ll talk to him once they get back from camp. But, I’m also going to talk to Tadashi. If this makes him uncomfortable or upset I won’t pursue anything, he’s still most important.”

“Of course, I would expect nothing less from you.”

The two friends continued chatting over coffee in Aiko’s kitchen until it grew dark out.

 

Everyone was stiff and buzzing with anticipation once the bus arrived. Yamaguchi was once again, nervous. He didn’t really stand out much the last time and three people from other teams still figured it out. Now, with blue hair, he stood out a lot more. The last thing he wanted was to bring more attention to himself. After getting settled, everyone met in the gym to squeeze in a few practice games before dinner. As soon as Bokuto caught sight of Yamaguchi’s hair his eyes lit up. “Uah! Akaashi!”

“No” Akaashi deadpanned.

“Awww, why not?”

“Because, Bokuto-san, your current hair suits you much better. You’re like the embodiment of our school’s pride.”

At this, Bokuto puffed up his chest and began talking about honoring the school as the team’s ace. Akaashi sighed in relief of having dodged the bullet of Bokuto trying to dye his hair _blue_.

“Yo, Freckles-kun, hair looks cool” Kuroo said.

Yamaguchi stumbled out a thank you, surprised and flustered to get the compliment from Nekoma’s captain.

“Hey, Kenma-”

“No” Kenma quietly but firmly cut in.

“How about-”

“I’m not getting blue hair either.”

The rest of that day was uneventful. Yamaguchi didn’t take part in any of the practice games in order to conserve energy for the first full day of camp. It wasn’t until dinner that anything interesting happened.

The food was unusually bland for Yamaguchi. It was strange, the meals may be simple, but he remembered there being more flavor during the other training camps. He glanced around and no one seemed to have any qualms with the food. Maybe it was just him? He took the salt and started adding some to hopefully coax out some flavor.

“How much salt do you need?” Tsukki asked.

“I’m just trying to make it less bland” Yamaguchi said.

“It tastes fine to me.”

That’s when Yamaguchi remembered that chemo could mess with his taste buds. He hadn’t had this side effect before because he never had to take such a strong dose before. Quickly, he tried to recover and shift the attention to something else.

“Oh…well, then I guess I’m just trying to make it as salty as you.”

As soon as that left his mouth, the whole surrounding area grew dead silent as everyone from Karasuno stared dumbstruck at Yamaguchi. If he wasn’t so nervous, he would have burst out laughing at the look on Tsukki’s face as he tried to process what just happened. He was too shocked to even muster up a “shut up, Yamaguchi.”

The silence was broken by Tanaka and Noya busting out in laughter, followed by Hinata and Kageyama. The rest of the team followed suit in varying degrees of laughter.

“Come on guys, let’s not laugh at him.” Daichi’s words held little weight as the captain was clearly struggling to contain his own laughter as he said it.

Tanaka and Noya each gave him a high five.

“Nice one, Yamaguchi!” Suga said as he clapped him on the back.

“Tsk, you’ve gotten a little overly confident” Tsukki said.

He may have sounded annoyed but Yamaguchi could tell he was slightly embarrassed. “Sorry, Tsukki” he said through his own small chuckles. Sure, he felt kind of bad for embarrassing his friend, but moments of innocent laughter and mirth were so rare he didn’t feel too guilty. Besides, a little bit of embarrassment now and again was good for Tsukki’s ego.

Bedtime also made Yamaguchi a bit nervous, not only did he have to figure out a system with Takeda-sensei so that he would always shower alone, now he had to discreetly pack away his wig for the night and make sure his beanie was positioned so that it looked like it was simply covering all of his hair. He silently thanked Tsukki’s mom for getting one that was more snug on the bottom so the hat stayed firmly in place.

As he was setting up his futon, Tanaka and Noya were messing around when Noya noticed the beanie. “Hey, Yamaguchi. What’s up with the hat? Aren’t you hot?” he asked.

“Oh, um” Yamaguchi hadn’t thought about how to explain sleeping in a hat during summer (although the chemo made him feel cold a lot of the time so it wasn’t a big deal anyway) “it’s a tip I picked up online. This is so the hair dye doesn’t get on my sheets or clothes when I’m sleeping.”

“That’s such a good idea! I’m definitely doing that if I ever dye my hair!”

“Hah? Don’t you already do that?” Tanaka asked.

“I bleach this bit, it’s not dye.”

“Oh…right.”

Yamaguchi was relieved that his excuse was believable, but he was a bit worried about how good he was getting at lying.

The next day, Yamaguchi found himself getting asked about the blue hair by everyone who knew the real story. “I must admit, Yamaguchi-kun, I was quite surprised to see your wig choice. I thought you would have wanted to go with something a bit more…natural” Takeda-sensei commented when the two of them were out of earshot so he could give the younger his midday medication.

“I did…they just sent me the wrong wig. It’s thanks to my mom that it just looks like I dyed my hair.”

“You have one incredible mom looking out for you.”

Later that day, during individual practice, Akaashi managed to slip outside to talk to Yamaguchi and Kenma stopped to chat as he was walking by on his way to escape. Before they could start talking, Kuroo interrupted their little meeting.

“Yo, Kenma, I knew you’d try to- oh, Yamaguchi. How’s it been?”

He knew Kuroo was asking about his health but he appreciated the casual manner in which he did so.

“Yeah, I wanted to ask but I don’t know how to word it without being too blunt so forgive me but…that isn’t your real hair is it?” Akaashi asked.

“Ah…no, it’s not. It finally fell out.”

“Why blue?” Kenma asked.

“Kenma!” Kuroo chided.

“It’s okay! I don’t mind, it was a mistake anyway. I ordered one that looked like my hair but something got messed up with the shipping or something and I got…this.”

“Ouch. Well, you make it work. It looks cool” Akaashi said.

“Thanks, my mom had to cut it a bit to make it look like it was still my hair. I didn’t realize a wig would be so hot though. I mean, usually I’m kind of cold or content from the chemo, but it is the middle of summer.”

“Hmm, I have an idea, hold on I’ll be right back” Kuroo said before disappearing for a couple minutes.

The other three chatted until he came back holding a hair tie. “Got this off of one of Fukurodani’s managers, said I could keep it” Kuroo said once he got back.

Stepping behind Yamaguchi, he pulled the blue hair into a tiny pony tail. There was just enough hair to be pulled back.

“It’s not long enough to pull all your hair back, but at least this will get it off your neck” Kuroo said, stepping back.

“I didn’t peg you for the type, but you’re really pulling that off” Akaashi said with a small smile.

“Thanks” Yamaguchi said, a bit flustered.

He still had hair framing his face but all the hair on the back of his head was pulled back making the wig feel less heavy and his head a bit cooler.

When they reentered the gym (minus Kenma since Kuroo was unsuccessful in convincing him to stay and practice for a bit) everyone commented on how cool it looked. Yamaguchi decided he would keep his hair in a pony tail for the rest of camp.  

That night at dinner, Yamaguchi gave up on adding salt to his food, it didn’t help anyway. After showering and getting ready for bed, he hoped he would sleep well as he was even more exhausted than usual. He really hated chemo.

 

_Yamaguchi was in a windowless corridor with no doors. The floor and walls were all white and there was no ceiling. It was open to a pitch-black night sky yet the corridor was not dark. There was no discernable light source but Yamaguchi could see just fine. With nowhere else to go, he started walking forward. The farther he went he began to realize that there were more hallways branching off and corners to walk around. Finally it hit him, he wasn’t in a corridor, he was in a maze._

_He didn’t know why, but he had to find the exit. He needed to get out of this maze. The sound of his bare feet tapping followed him as he began to run. Choosing pathways at random, he grew more and more frantic to find a way out. Suddenly, he heard a splash and he realized the floor was now covered in black water. Picking up the pace, his breathing became more labored as his stamina began to drain._

_After more aimless running, he realized the water was getting deeper. It was halfway to his knees and getting difficult to run through. He ran a hand through his hair in exhaustion and a clump fell out. His breath caught in his throat and he began moving as fast as he could. There had to be a way out of here!_

_As he ran through the black water, locks of hair floated down behind him as it continued to fall out. Soon, he was bald and the black water was growing thicker. Suddenly, he felt another presence in the maze with him. A flowing black cloak floated in the corner of his vision followed by a flash of silver. With renewed panic and urgency, he took off, not noticing exactly when his clothes turned into a hospital gown. He came to a fork in the maze and chose right. As soon as he looked around the corner he turned and chose left. For what lay behind the corner of the right path was none other than death itself, the grim reaper._

_Frantically, he tried to push himself to go faster and faster but the water was growing thicker and thicker. Soon, it was more like a sticky goo than water, making it impossible to run. He tried to go as fast as possible but the goo was slowing him down and he was running out of steam. Hiding behind a corner, he took a short break to catch his breath. Placing his hands on his knees to bend over and pant, he realized how skeletally thin his hands and arms were. He raised his hands a bit only to find his legs were just the same. Suddenly, a scythe came swinging around the corner, narrowly missing him._

_He took off running as fast as his frail legs would take him. Feet slipping in the goo, he fell to his knees and caught sight of his reflection on the shiny black surface. His face was just as thin as the rest of him. He looked sick, on the brink of death. Standing back up, he placed a hand on the wall and prepared to run again. Just then, a white, skeletal hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. The lifeless eye sockets stared into his soul as Yamaguchi gazed on the face of the grim reaper. Death raised its scythe and brought it down._

Yamaguchi jolted awake with a strangled cry and sat up. It took a few second for him to remember where he was before he could begin to calm himself down. He took deep breaths to try to slow his racing heart as he sat shaking and sweating. Once he composed himself enough, he reached for his water bottle that he kept near his futon. The intense stress from the dream as well as the sweating left him parched. After a couple sips, the bottle was empty. After gathering himself a bit more, he shakily stood up and creeped out of the room, which was easy as Takeda-sensei had made sure his futon was by the door in case of any emergency.

There was a drinking fountain a little ways down the hall from the room Karasuno was sleeping in. Still shaking like a leaf, Yamaguchi managed to get himself to the fountain. It was difficult to get the cap off with hands trembling so hard they were tough to control. He dropped the bottle once but he managed to get the top off. It was a bit messy, but Yamaguchi held the bottle under the stream of water as steady as he could (which wasn’t much at all).

Because his breathing was still labored and his heart was still pounding loudly in his chest, he didn’t hear anyone approaching. Suddenly, a hand gently clapped down on his shoulder and for a moment, the image of a skeletal, white hand flashed in the corner of his eye. With a yelp, Yamaguchi spun around sending his water bottle flying. Daichi stood before him looking started and concerned with his hand hovering above Yamaguchi’s shoulder. The captain had retracted his had when his kouhai startled.

Yamaguchi steadied himself with one hand on the drinking fountain while the other clutched his shirt right above his racing heart. He stood panting for a few moments while his brain processed who was standing before him. Daichi took a few seconds to recover, not expecting such a strong reaction from Yamaguchi.

“Are you okay?” Daichi finally asked.

After a few breaths, Yamaguchi gave a couple tiny nods. “Uh…y-yeah, I think so. I h-had a nightmare. Then got thirsty.”

It was all he could get out between his heavy breaths. Daichi hummed in understanding and went to retrieve the water bottle now a few feet away on the floor.

“Ah! You don’t…have to…” Yamaguchi said, not wanting the captain to have to pick up his own things.

“That’s okay, you just compose yourself.” Daichi brought back his bottle.

Yamaguchi had gathered himself enough to stand without assistance and stepped away from the fountain. Daichi kindly filled the water bottle and gave it back.

Yamaguchi shyly thanked him, embarrassed that the captain had seen him in such a state. Taking a long drink from his bottle, he could finally feel his nerves start to calm down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Daichi asked gently.

Just the thought of his dreams sent shivers down his spine so he quickly shook his head no. Suddenly, his eyes filled with tears. He tried to frantically wipe his eyes before any could fall, but his eyes would fill up immediately after wiping them. Daichi brought him in for a hug, allowing the younger one to calm down.

Once Yamaguchi had stopped shaking, the two made their way back to the room the team was sleeping in. Daichi made sure the younger was okay before drifting off to sleep, unaware that the other was still wide awake. Every time Yamaguchi got close to sleep he was surrounded by white walls once again and he jerked himself awake. He ended up staying up for the rest of the night making himself dead tired for the next day.

“Yamaguchi doesn’t look so good today. Do you think he’s alright?” Suga said to Daichi during breakfast.

“I don’t know. I woke up last night because I thought I heard someone yell. At first I figured it was my imagination but then I heard someone leave so I got up to check. I found Yamaguchi refilling his water bottle in the hall but he was shaking like a leaf. When I went to tap him on his shoulder to see if he was okay, he startled so bad he flung his water bottle halfway down the hall. He said it was just a nightmare but I’ve never seen him so terrified. It looks like he didn’t go back to sleep” Daichi explained.

“I hope he’ll be able to sleep tonight, he looks dead tired. I wonder what happened in his dream that scared him so bad? It must have been awful to keep him up the rest of the night.”

“I don’t know. He really didn’t want to talk about it.”

“We should probably keep an eye on him.”

One table away, Akaashi furrowed his brow in concern. He didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t help overhearing the conversation about Yamaguchi and it worried him.

“You okay, Akaashi? You look worried” Konoha said.

“It’s nothing. I’m probably just tired” Akaashi would keep it to himself, it wasn’t his secret to tell after all.

In the spirit of staying honest and keeping those in charge of him informed, Yamaguchi admitted to Takeda-sensei that he had gotten a bad night sleep and probably wasn’t fit to participate in much physical activity. When Takeda-sensei asked if he wanted to take a nap he adamantly refused, still to afraid to try sleeping. So instead, Yamaguchi helped out Kiyoko-san with her managerial duties as much as he could and watched the practice games. Several times he caught himself drifting off only to jerk awake when his head began to fall. Daichi and Takeda-sensei kept checking in on him and asking if he wanted to go take a nap but he refused every time. The nightmare still felt too fresh and he was too scared of staring death in the face to risk going to sleep.

Somehow, Yamaguchi made it to lunch. He wasn’t very hungry, he rarely was anymore, but he knew getting some food in his system would give him at least a little energy. He sought out a quiet corner of the gym to eat with Tsukki. They didn’t talk much. Yamaguchi was usually the one to carry the conversation, but today he was just way too tired.

“You look really tired” Tsukki commented. It sounded like an off-hand remark but he could tell his friend was concerned.

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t get much sleep last night. Hinata and Tanaka snore a lot” he tried to laugh it off but he could tell Tsukki wasn’t buying it. At least he didn’t question any farther.

When Tsukki got up to go to the bathroom, Akaashi made his way over to see how he was doing.

“You’ve been half asleep all day. Did you have another nightmare?” he asked after sitting next to the freckled first year.

Yamaguchi sighed. “Yeah, I could fall back asleep after.”

“What happened?”

“I’d rather not…”

Akaashi sighed but gave a sympathetic smile. “I know you don’t want to think about it, but it really does help to voice it out loud to someone. My cousin always felt a little better after talking about her nightmares, even if she didn’t want to.”

After a pause, Yamaguchi began talking quietly. “I was trapped in a maze. I was trying to get out, but the farther I got…there was this black water. It was shallow at first but it kept getting deeper, then it kind of turned into like a sludge? It got really hard to move…then I was being chased…by death. I got caught…and the grim reaper raised its scythe and…I woke up…”

By the end, he had grown distressed and was struggling to maintain an even breath.

“That sounds terrifying, but it’s also completely normal.”

“What?”

“My cousin used to have similar dreams. Not exactly like that, but they had the same theme of being chased or caught by death. It’s a normal and rational fear to have in your situation. I know that doesn’t make it any easier, but it is normal.”

Yamaguchi relaxed a bit at that. At least he wasn’t alone, other people have experienced this as well.

“This dream seems worse than the one you had at the last training camp. Did something happen between now and then? Only if you feel comfortable sharing, I don’t want to push” Akaashi tentatively asked.

“It’s…okay. I know I don’t talk as much as I probably should…I had an appointment. Well…I mean, I was in the hospital anyway from…you know…so my Oncologist wanted to check in and…I found out it’s more aggressive than they thought…I’m on a stronger dose of chemo now…”

Akaashi nodded in understanding. “Do you wanna try sleeping for a bit? We still have some time left for lunch.”

Yamaguchi sighed. “I know I really need to sleep, and I want to, I’m just too scared to sleep right now…”

“You could…use my shoulder if you want. Sometimes having physical confirmation that you’re not alone can help you feel safe when you fall asleep.”

Akaashi wasn’t the most comfortable with physical contact, especially with people he didn’t know very well, but he also understood how important it was for Yamaguchi to sleep and how terrifying sleep was for him at the moment.

Yamaguchi was also a little embarrassed and uncomfortable with the thought of laying his head on the shoulder of a senpai from another school that he didn’t really know, but he needed to sleep badly and the thought of being reassured that he wasn’t alone enticed him. Slowly and shyly he lowered his head on Akaashi’s shoulder and closed his eyes, blushing slightly. He let out a breath and allowed himself to relax. Once he got over the awkwardness of the situation, he could feel himself drifting off. Akaashi was right, being able to feel another person beside him gave him the peace he needed to fall asleep without fear.

Across the gym, Tsukki was staring at his best friend, puzzled. He was somewhat aware that Yamaguchi had become acquainted with Fukurodani’s setter, but this? When and how exactly had they gotten so close? Yamaguchi was normally a little shy around new people and wasn’t very comfortable with intimate physical contact unless he deeply trusted that person.

“What’s up with that?” Tanaka asked, pointing to Yamaguchi sleeping on Akaashi.

“I honestly have no idea” Tsukki responded.

For the rest of lunch people tossed curious and confused glances to the scene in the corner of the gym while Akaashi browsed his phone, pretending not to noticed everyone staring at them.

 

It felt like he had only just fallen asleep when he was gently being shaken awake. Yamaguchi saw the kind and gentle face of Takeda-sensei through bleary eyes. “Yamaguchi-kun, I really think it would do you a lot of good to take a nap. I can go with you and help you get settled if you want” he said softly.

Yamaguchi was still a little scared now that he wasn’t sleeping on Akaashi’s shoulder anymore, but he could no longer deny how badly he needed to sleep. Rubbing his eyes, he accepted Sensei’s help standing up and sleepily followed him out of the gym. Once they arrived at Karasuno’s room, Sensei helped him lay out his futon and set up his blankets and pillows. Yamaguchi groggily took off his wig so as to not mess it up while sleeping, and pulled on his beanie. He laid down and prepared to go to sleep but suddenly snapped wide awake. Takeda-sensei was leaving the room, he was going to be alone and death would find him in his sleep!

“Wait” Yamaguchi called out before thinking, “can you…stay? At least for a little bit?”

He felt like a little kid asking his mom to stay in the room until he falls asleep, but he didn’t care. He needed a restful sleep and that dream had shaken him to the core.

Takeda-sensei’s surprised face softened into a gentle smile. “Of course, the other’s can handle things without me.”

He sat down next to the freckled teen and hesitantly placed a hand on his head. “Is this okay?” he asked, softly.

Yamaguchi gave a small smile and nod and Takeda could feel the child relax under his touch. He sat there for hours, never taking his hand from his student’s head to ensure he had a pleasant sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think this chapter is angsty, just wait for the next one, heeheehee. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! It never fails to bring a smile to my face when I see how much love and support this fic had gotten. I greatly appreciate each and every one of you that have been keeping up with this story or have recently found it and are now invested. I never anticipated this story being so long but I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have readers who enjoy my writing this much.
> 
> Feedback keeps me motivated so let me know what you think!


	12. No More Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The training camp continues to be rough for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima is growing frustrated with his friend's secrecy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: CHAPTER IS NOW COMPLETE
> 
> Here is part 1 of ch 12. The last two weeks I had a lot of spare time because we had a LOT of snow days. This is the first time I've worked a full week in a while. This means we are back to posting chunks of the story at a time instead of full chapters. Hope you enjoy the first half of this chapter and in case you don't get a notification or this fic doesn't get pushed to the top next week, check for updates anyway. If there is no new chapter, check the current one, there may be more content added.

Yamaguchi felt infinitely better after getting some proper sleep. Takeda-sensei was gone when he woke up, he had no idea when he had left but he had stayed long enough for the teen to reach a deep sleep before heading back to the others. Yawning, he stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes and grabbed his wig. He made sure his wig was secure and in place before going back to the gym. The rest were already on individual practice so he checked the time to see how long he was out.

“Hey, Yamaguchi! You’re up! We were beginning to wonder if you were going to come back today. You’ve been gone for four hours” Suga said.

Four…hours? Yamaguchi was stunned at how long he had slept. He gave out a nervous chuckle. “I guess I really needed it, I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

After checking in with Takeda-sensei, he was allowed to participate for a bit in individual practice as long as he payed attention to his body and took breaks whenever he might need them. He had hardly taken part in the training camp so far so he was happy to take whatever he could get. Since his practice time was so limited, all he ever worked on was the jump float serve. Taking Kuroko-san’s advice, he turned his focus on perfecting and mastering this one skill so he could turn it into a valuable weapon for the team, even if this didn’t make him a regular it at least gave him a way to be useful.

Much to his dismay, he had to take a break after five serves. Heavily plopping down on the bench, he drank deeply from his water bottle and waited for his strength to return. It was frustrating, but he was keeping himself in check this time. He did not want to end up in the hospital again. After a few more breaths, he stood up and managed to get in three good serves before having to sit down again.

“Is it just me, or does Yamaguchi seem to tire out even faster than before?” Suga quietly said to Daichi.

“I noticed it too. Coach has rarely been putting him in for practice games and when he does it’s only for a couple minutes. He seems to run out of breath really fast.”

The two third years looked at their kouhai in concern, frustrated that they couldn’t do much to help.

After having taken three breaks already, Yamaguchi decided to call it quits for one day. As he was putting away the volleyballs he was using, a wave of light-headedness crashed over him and his knees buckled. His arm grazed the ball cart on the way down and he hissed in pain. His heart sped up as he examined his arm, he was bleeding.

Akaashi had nervously been keeping an eye on Yamaguchi. The kid had pushed himself too hard last time and ended up in the hospital. Now he was on a stronger treatment which meant he would be sicker than last time. He seemed to be doing okay, taking frequent breaks and only practicing a little. When he seemed to be picking up to leave, Akaashi began to relax a bit. Suddenly, there was a loud thump and a hush fell over the gym.

“Yamaguchi, you okay?” Karasuno’s libero called out.

Akaashi whipped his head over to see Yamaguchi on the ground looking at his bleeding arm. Alarm shot through him and before he knew it, he was rushing over to Yamaguchi.

“Come on, I know where the first-aid kit is” Akaashi said as he helped Yamaguchi to his feet.

The first year turned to Karasuno and told them he was fine, it was just a cut. Akaashi could tell he was a bit freaked out and walked him over to the first-aid kit before leading him to the locker room for more privacy.

To the untrained eye, Akaashi seemed calm and collected, simply helping out a fellow volleyball player, but Bokuto could tell his setter was worried. Akaashi had been confusing with his behavior lately. When and how had he gotten so friendly with one of Karasuno’s first years? It would make sense if it was Tsukishima since he had been practicing with them since the last camp. But the freckled kid was probably the most unassuming one on the team. He didn’t even play nearly as much as the others nor did he seem to practice very hard either. In fact, the skinny teen didn’t seem all that in shape. Now Akaashi was fussing over the first year for a simple cut. What the heck was going on with his best friend?

He snuck off to the locker room to see what was happening. As he grew closer, he could hear Akaashi murmuring calming words of encouragement as if to reassure a seriously injured person. When he rounded the corner, the sight that greeted him only confused him even more. Karasuno’s first year was holding out his arm and looking a bit freaked out. Bokuto couldn’t understand why he looked so scared over a little cut. What confused him most was Akaashi, he was sitting on the bench, facing the freckled one and dabbing at the cut with a cotton ball while wearing gloves and a medical mask. The gloves he could understand, he wouldn’t want to touch someone else’s blood either, but wasn’t the mask a bit overkill?

“I know this stings but we need to make sure this is thoroughly cleaned. It’s unlikely to get infected but if it does, it’ll be disastrous” Akaashi said, not noticing Bokuto yet.

“I know, I’m just worried about how much blood I might lose. I don’t want to get it on anything, my blood is basically poison” Freckles responded.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto finally announced his presence.

The first year whipped his head around in horror as if he got caught doing something illegal. Akaashi remaind calm and without moving his head, shifted his gaze to the side to meet Bokuto’s stare.

“Bokuto-san, could you please go find Takeda-sensei and let him know that Yamaguchi-kun is bleeding? And that some of his blood may be on the ball cart?”

“Uh…sure, but…what’s going on?”

Akaashi coolly returned his eyes to Yamaguchi’s arm. “It’s not my secret to tell. As such, I would appreciate it if you were discrete about this.”

“…okay” Bokuto, still very confused, set off to find Karasuno’s teacher.

He found the bespectacled teacher in the kitchen helping with dinner.

“Um, Takeda-sensei?” he said.

The teacher looked up, a bit surprised before giving a smile. “Is there something you need?” he asked.

“Akaashi told me to tell you that Yamaguchi-kun is bleeding? And there might be some blood on the ball cart.”

Takeda-sensei paled as his smile dropped. “Oh no” he said as he immediately jumped into action, yanking off his gloves and tossing aside his apron, he took off toward the gym. By the time he got there, Akaashi was tightly wrapping Yamaguchi’s arm with some bandages.

“Yamaguchi-kun, are you okay?” Takeda asked.

Yamaguchi nodded. “Yeah, it doesn’t really hurt, I’m just a bit nervous. I don’t know how long it will take to stop.”

Takeda could tell the boy was a bit shaken up. Turning his attention to Akaashi, he noticed the setter had taken all the proper precautions for handling the blood of a cancer patient. “That’s some impressive work, Akaashi-kun. How did you know to do all of that?”

“My cousin had cancer. I’m familiar with a lot of the precautions and procedures that need to be followed to keep everyone safe.”

Takeda was visibly surprised for a moment before he could mask it. Yamaguchi was so adamant about keeping it a secret that it caught him off guard that a student from another team knew.

“Akaashi-san found out by accident, I’m just lucky he has experience with it” Yamaguchi explained.

Takeda nodded in understanding. “I brought a bag to place the cotton balls and gloves. I’ll come right back for it, I want to make sure the ball cart is clean.”

He grabbed some gloves and sanitizer and went back into the gym to inspect the cart. When he arrived, Kuroo was already examining it.

“Has anyone touched the cart?” Takeda asked.

“No, I don’t see any blood on it either” Kuroo said.

“Good, I’ll wipe it down anyway, just in case.”

Once the cart was cleaned, he headed back to the locker room to take the paper towels and the used medical supplies to the special bio-waste bin. Everyone other than Kuroo and Akaashi was slightly confused by the whole situation, but most of them brushed it off as the teachers wanting to stay sanitary. Several of the Karasuno players were a bit worried though.

By dinnertime, Karasuno had all but forgotten their worry as they dug in, that is, until Suga spoke up.

“Yamaguchi, your still bleeding!” he said, noticing blood starting to drip down the first-year’s arm from where it was bandaged.

Yamaguchi quickly looked at it in dismay. This is exactly what he was afraid of. Before he could respond, Takeda-sensei quickly walked over and offered to help Yamaguchi with a façade of calm so as not to worry the others.

They worried anyway.

“It didn’t seem like the cut was that bad” Tanaka said.

“It must have been deeper than it looked” Asahi said.

“But still, you would thing it would have stopped bleeding by now, even if it was deeper than it seemed” Suga said.

“Do you think it could have something to do with whatever reason he was in the children’s hospital?” Ennoshita asked quietly.

“What?!” Tsukishima snapped.

Daichi, Suga, and Ennoshita looked over at him in horror. They completely forgot Tsukishima was practicing with his brother’s team the day they had discussed this.

“I’m so sorry, Tsukishima-san. I didn’t mean to keep this from you. I forgot you were with your brother’s team when I brought it up to Daichi and Suga and we didn’t want this getting out to the rest of the team” Ennoshita said, feeling guilty he had found out this way.

“Didn’t want what getting out?” Tsukishima asked menacingly. In any other circumstance, he would not have spoken like that to his senpai, but he just found out that his best friend had been in the children’s hospital so being respectful was the last thing on his mind.

“We don’t really know much, but I saw Yamaguchi when I was volunteering at the children’s hospital. He was walking out of the lobby with his mom and the way they were talking…it sounded like he had been staying there for at least several days.”

Tsukishima’s appetite was suddenly gone. He knew his friend had been secretive about something for a while, but how could he not say anything about being in the hospital?! And not just any hospital, but one that specializes for children in need of frequent and long-term care!

Brusquely, he stood up, threw away the rest of his dinner, and began to stalk out of the cafeteria.

“Tsukishima!” Suga called out as he jogged to catch up, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to Yamaguchi about this. We all know something more serious than asthma is going on with him, but if we ever want him to be comfortable enough to open up, we can’t make him feel guilty for keeping things to himself.”

Tsukishima tsked. “I know, I just want to be alone for a bit.”

With that, he stalked off to find a quiet place to think. Suga, Daichi, and Ennoshita felt bad and worried over their kouhai. Were they handling this right? Was it really okay to just give Yamaguchi his space and wait for him to talk? Or should they have been trying harder to find out what was going on all along? The whole situation was confusing and out of their realm of experience. What was the right way to handle this?

The next day, Tsukki was irritable and more annoyed than usual. Yamaguchi noticed and tried to ask him about it, but it seemed like his friend was trying to avoid him. He didn’t worry too much though, with so many hyper and overactive people around it was no wonder the tall blond was in a bad mood. Yamaguchi also had too much to worry about without trying to help his best friend. He was feeling as fatigued as ever and even though they were toned down, the nightmares still persisted. The cut on his arm gave a twinge every once in a while which caused him to constantly be on alert for it to start bleeding again. It had taken way too long for the blood to stop the previous day.

Daichi, Suga, and Ennoshita seemed to be more watchful than ever and concerned about Tsukki. It was making Yamaguchi nervous, he knew his lie about asthma was running incredibly thin. He still wasn’t ready to tell them and was beginning to wonder if he ever would. Everything was beginning to stress him out so during on of the breaks, he circled around to find a shady spot behind the gym to be alone. He was a bit surprised to find Kenma had already beaten him to the punch and was sitting against the wall playing on his PSP. Yamaguchi sat down next to him, putting a comfortable distance between the two as they had both sought out to be alone but knew the other was not unwelcome.

Kenma gave no indication of noticing the presence of Yamaguchi, simply focusing on his game. After a moment of peaceful silence, Kenma finally broke it with a quiet voice. “Please don’t throw up.”

Yamaguchi snapped his gaze over to the setter in shock. It was not what he expected to come out of Kenma’s mouth. Before he could stop himself, a chuckle escaped Yamaguchi. A small smile spread across Kenma’s face and soon both boys were giggling.

Kuroo rounded the corner, figuring Kenma had gone off to hide somewhere, only to find the two boys trying to contain their laughter. “What’s so funny?” he asked, amused at the odd sight.

Yamaguchi looked up to him with a grin. “I didn’t throw up.”

The two broke down in another fit of giggles as Kuroo looked on in confusion. “Well, when you two are done with…whatever this is, we’re waiting on you to start another practice game.”

After composing themselves, they walked back to the gym. Yamaguchi felt significantly lighter than before. Kenma may be a bit awkward and not have much in the way of social skills, but something about him put Yamaguchi at ease and made him feel better.

The rest of the day went pretty well. Yamaguchi saved up his strength for free practice so he could focus on his serve. Tsukki got roped into practicing with Kuroo and Bokuto again along with Akaashi. Hinata made his way into the group as Bokuto had begun treating him like a disciple. Most of the Karasuno upperclassmen were practicing various things on the other side of the gym as well as several of Nekoma’s and Fukurodani’s members. Lev had trapped poor Kenma into tossing for him.

Yamaguchi picked a spot somewhat off to the side so as to be out of the way. It went well for a while, everyone was immersed in whatever skill they were working on and Yamaguchi’s serves were getting better than ever. He didn’t even need to take as many breaks as the days before. Unfortunately, it is usually when things are looking up that everything comes crashing down, and this was no exception.

The group involving Bokuto and Hinata were engaged in an ever increasingly intense three-on-three. Tsukki and Kuroo were doing a great job blocking Bokuto, much to his frustration. Finally, after a well placed toss courtesy of Akaashi, Bokuto blasted the ball straight passed the block. Unfortunately, Bokuto’s frustration had given his spike more power than he intended and sent the ball rocketing across the gym.

“Yamaguchi, look out!!” Hinata yelled.

But it was too late. The ball was going too fast and it struck Yamaguchi square in the back of his head. At first, he only focused on the pain, then he quickly realized that his head also felt weird for another reason. His wig was still on, but it had shifted and twisted so much that there was no denying the fact that it was fake.

“I’m so sorry! I’m really, really—ah!” Bokuto started running over but interrupted himself and stopped in his tracks, pointing a finger at Yamaguchi’s head, “it’s a wig! I didn’t kno—”

“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi cut him off quietly but firmly.

The gym grew deathly silent as time seemed to freeze. Yamaguchi felt like his heart both jumped to his throat and stopped beating all at once. He stared at the ground with wide eyes for what felt like forever, trying to convince himself that this wasn’t real, that he could find a way to brush this off, that his secret would not have to be revealed yet. Ever so slowly, time began to resume as Yamaguchi gathered the courage to look up. Everyone in the gym was staring at him in shock, standing completely still. Bokuto looked confused and guilty, Tsukki gave the purest look of shock and surprise Yamaguchi had ever seen, and everyone else was frozen in varying degrees of confusion, worry, and disbelief.

Yamaguchi raised shaking hands up to feel his wig to confirm that it was indeed knocked so off kilter there was no denying he had no hair. Time finally sped up to its normal pace as he quickly yanked the wig back into position and took off as fast as possible.

The sudden movement shook everyone out of their trance as they all tried to process what just happened. Before anyone could react, Akaashi began running for the door, calling over his shoulder as he went. “Kuroo! He can’t run!”

The urgency in his voice snapped him into action and he took off after the setter. Bokuto was more confused than ever. That was the loudest and most frantic he had ever heard his friend speak. “Akaashi, wait!”

Bokuto followed the two out of the gym to find out what the heck just happened. To everyone’s surprise, Kenma was the next one to move. He started slowly at first, as if a bit unsure, but soon he was jogging out of the gym with wide eyes and mouth parted slightly in concern.

All at once, several of Karasuno’s member began to rush for the door until Suga cut them off. “Wait! I know you want to go after him, I do too, but I don’t think we should all go!”

“Suga, we need to find him!” Daichi said.

“Didn’t you see his face?! He looked absolutely terrified! If we all go looking for him it’s just going to overwhelm him! There’s already four people chasing after him and as frustrating as it is, I think most of them know what’s going on.”

The rest of the team grudgingly agreed and looked away in frustration. After a moment of discontented silence, Daichi finally spoke up. “Suga, I think you should go.”

Everyone snapped their gaze to the captain. “Wha—me?” Suga said, a bit surprised.

“You’re obviously the most level headed right now and I think that’s the type of person that needs to go after Yamaguchi. I’ll gather the team and we’ll wait for you in the classroom. Someone had to make sure the others will be calm and not overbear him when you bring him back.”

Suga nodded in resolution and took off in the direction the others went. Daichi sighed and began his task of gathering the team while preparing what he was going to say to everyone.

 

Yamaguchi was panicking. It was over. He had to tell. There was no lie to save him this time.

He ran out of steam extremely quickly, which is why he chose a direction away from the main buildings. As soon as he made it to some tall bushes, he collapsed to the ground, unable to stand any longer. Ragged breathes were yanked from his chest as the consequences of running so hard began to hit. He knew it was a mistake, but he panicked and had to get out. It didn’t take long for him to hear the footsteps growing closer. He was scared of who it might be, but he could no longer move.

“Yamaguchi!” Akaashi called out and he sighed a breath of relief, it was someone who already knew. “Are you okay?” Akaashi asked as he dropped to his knees next to the gasping teen.

“I’m…sorry…just…panicked” Yamaguchi rasped out between heavy breaths.

Akaashi sighed. “I know that was a terrible moment for you, but that was really stupid!”

“Oi! Is he okay?” Kuroo called out as he ran over.

“I don’t know, he pushed himself really hard. Do you feel sick?”

Akaashi had turned back to Yamaguchi to assess the situation.

“Little…nauseous…not bad…though” Yamaguchi was still struggling to regain his breath, but he was beginning to get it under control.

Just then Bokuto jogged over and for once in his life, was rendered speechless. The kid hadn’t run very far yet he looked completely ragged. When he finally opened his mouth to say something, quiet footsteps followed by an equally quiet voice interrupted him.

“Is he okay?” Kenma asked.

“I’m fine…just need to rest…for a bit” Yamaguchi’s breath was finally slowing down.

Kenma awkwardly squatted next to him, wanting to help but unsure what to do. Yamaguchi tried to lift himself into a sitting position but was overcome with dizziness and fatigue. Akaashi caught him just before he hit the ground and placed the first year’s head in his lap.

“I know you don’t want people to know, but this is getting out of hand, you clearly overexerted yourself” Kuroo said.

“This is exactly how you ended up in the hospital last time. You need to take care of yourself, especially now that you’re on stronger treatment” Akaashi said.

“I know, I _know_ I can’t do things like this, I just…this is not how I wanted them to find out. I was supposed to have control this time! That was the point of the wig!” Yamaguchi was beginning to get overwhelmed. This was a disaster.

Akaashi, Kuroo, and Kenma looked at each other helplessly. What were they supposed to do. Bokuto just stood in confusion, trying to make sense of the situation. However, there was one thing he knew he had to do.

“Yamaguchi-san, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit it that hard! I had no idea you were bald—”

“I’m not bald, I have cancer!” Yamaguchi snapped.

He was so tired of this whole situation. Everyone all worried over him. His whole body feeling like jello. Having to tell his team as soon as he got back. Everything had spun out of control.

“Yamaguchi, is…is that true?” the hushed but devastated voice of Suga broke his train of thought and for the second time that day, time stopped.

 

Kenma was not a fast runner so it was easy for Suga to find him and follow behind. As Kenma approached the group, Suga stopped short, suddenly losing his courage. Yamaguchi was sprawled on the ground, panting heavily and looking awful. He hadn’t even run that far. Everyone looked extremely worried. Suga stayed out of sight while he regained his resolve, waiting and listening to hopefully gain some information. Kenma asked if he was okay. Yamaguchi sounded completely drained as he spoke between heavy pants.

Suga watched in concern as Yamaguchi tried to lift himself off the ground only to have his arms collapse under him. Akaashi caught him and laid his head in his lap.

“I know you don’t want people to know, but this is getting out of hand, you clearly overexerted yourself” Kuroo said.

His hunch was right. Kuroo knew what was going on.

“This is exactly how you ended up in the hospital last time. You need to take care of yourself, especially now that you’re on stronger treatment” Akaashi said.

They even knew about the hospital. And did he just say stronger treatment? What treatment was he getting and why did he need to take it easy? Why and how do these people know what’s going on when everyone in Karasuno was in the dark?

“I know, I _know_ I can’t do things like this, I just…this is not how I wanted them to find out. I was supposed to have control this time! That was the point of the wig!” Yamaguchi cried out.

This time? Has this happened before, whatever…this is? Why did he need a wig? Surely not because…no, no it couldn’t be. A sense of dread was creeping up on Suga as he grew increasingly worried about what he might hear next.

The others looked worried as well, save for Bokuto who just looked confused and guilty.

“Yamaguchi-san, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit it that hard! I had no idea you were bald—”

“I’m not bald, I have cancer!”

All the air was sucked out of his lungs. No…no! This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. They all knew the asthma was a cover for something more serious, but…cancer? How? Why? All of Yamaguchi’s actions suddenly made sense but at the same time, nothing made sense.

Suga finally approached them. “Yamaguchi, is…is that true?”

He didn’t want to, but he had to hear Yamaguchi say it again, just to make sure his ears weren’t lying. Yamaguchi looked up at him with eyes swimming in despair. Tears filled Suga’s eyes before he even answered because deep down, he knew, he just needed Yamaguchi to tell him, to confirm his worst fear.

Yamaguchi slowly and unsteadily sat up and looked down in defeat. “It’s true…I have cancer” Yamaguchi choked out.

Suga took a couple more steps before falling to his knees. He felt like his whole world was just knocked off kilter. “Wha…why…didn’t you say anything?” he asked, mind spinning.

Tears began pouring out of Yamaguchi’s eyes as the first crack in his foundation of normalcy opened up. “I didn’t want anyone to know. As soon as people find out…they treat you different. I didn’t want you to pity me” he said in a small voice.

Suga could no longer hold back his own tears as the full realization of how heavily burdened his kouhai had been for months crashed over him. “Yamaguchi…I don’t pity you…I admire you.”

For the first time since Suga approached them, Yamaguchi looked at him, surprised enough to raise his head. This…was not what he expected.

“You’ve been carrying this big secret…and dealing with something so big…yet you still came to practice with a smile…and worked hard to improve your skills even though you couldn’t push yourself as hard as the rest of us. You never quit…you haven’t given up…I don’t know if I could say the same for myself if it were me. You’re so strong, Yamaguchi, and I can’t help but admire you for that.”

Yamaguchi could only cry harder at this. He was so used to people feeling sorry for him that he never expected a response like this. Suga pulled him into a hug and let him sob into his shoulder. “It’s okay,” Suga spoke soothingly through his own tears, “you’ve carried this all on your own, but you don’t have to anymore. You’re a part of this team no matter what. I don’t pity you. I’m concerned and scared, but I don’t pity you, and I’m willing to bet the rest of the team will feel the same. If you want, we can tell them together, but they need to know, okay?”

Yamaguchi’s sobs began to die down and he gave a few small nods into his senpai’s shoulder. “Thank you” he said quietly as he lifted his head up and began to pull himself together. He still wasn’t ready, but his team…his friends, deserved to know what was going on. It was time to come clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to your butts, the angst is coming next chapter. You have been warned.


	13. Dealing with the Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi finally has to face telling the truth, some teammates take the news better than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry there was no update last week, I was so close to finishing this chapter so I wanted to complete it before posting since it's such an important part of the story. By the time it was done I decided to wait until today to post so I could get a little ahead on writing. So without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for, Yamaguchi finally tells the truth!

The walk back to the main school building felt like it stretched on for miles. It was incredibly slow going as Akaashi and Kuroo each held on to an arm as Yamaguchi unsteadily walked. Suga had gone ahead to inform Takeda-sensei of what happened, also wanting the extra time to pull himself together before helping Yamaguchi face the team.

Yamaguchi’s knees buckled and he stumbled several times on the walk back, thankful for Kuroo and Akaashi’s support. Once they reached the building, they took a break on a bench in one of the halls while Takeda-sensei looked him over. He refrained from giving any kind of lecture, seeing the obvious distress written all over the teen’s face. Instead, he just made sure he wasn’t in any danger of a fever and received any medication he might need. After several reassurances that Yamaguchi would be okay and well looked after, the teacher returned to assisting in prepping for dinner. Suga had gone ahead once again to check on the team and make sure they would not overwhelm Yamaguchi once he returned.

As they neared the classroom that Karasuno was staying in, Yamaguchi’s heart began to beat faster and faster. He wasn’t ready, but there was no more escaping. The sound of their footsteps echoing through the empty hallways grew louder in his ears. His body began to tremble with nerves and suddenly he was in elementary school again, preparing to face his class after the news of his leukemia got out.

It took a few moments for him to realize that they had stopped walking and the other teens were looking at him.

“We’re here” Kuroo said softly.

“Are you okay?” Akaashi asked.

Yamaguchi gave a shaky and hesitant nod. “Yeah…just nervous.”

After a deep breath, he nodded to indicate he was ready to go in. As soon as the door opened, all eyes were on Yamaguchi. Everyone was sitting in a sort of group as if waiting for some team meeting to start with Daichi and Suga facing the rest. Several of his teammates looked like they wanted to rush over and bombard Yamaguchi with questions while others seemed to be silently telling them to stay put. The rest looked on in concern, worried about what Yamaguchi was going to say.

Kuroo and Akaashi helped Yamaguchi lower himself to sit near Daichi and Suga while Kenma awkwardly hovered by in case they needed help. Kuroo elected to leave, wanting to give the team some privacy, while Akaashi and Kenma decided to stay to give Yamaguchi support. Suga sat next to him as Akaashi and Kenma sat behind him so as to stay out of the way but also be close enough to lend some support and comfort.

The rest of the team waited with bated breath, knowing something incredibly serious was going on. Their worry was only amplified when Suga returned with red-rimmed eyes and sniffling only to tell them to give Yamaguchi a safe space to talk without overwhelming him. The feeling doubled when Yamaguchi walked in heavily supported by Kuroo and Akaashi looking like he was about to be sentenced to death.

Suga placed a hand on his shoulder and gave an encouraging nod. Yamaguchi steeled himself, took a deep breath, and swallowed.

“I know you guys have been suspicious for a while now and…I’m sorry I haven’t been honest. As I’m sure a lot of you have figured out by now…I don’t have asthma” Yamaguchi started. His breath caught in his throat as he choked on his next words. Panic began to well up as he found himself unable to get the next part out.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on each shoulder. Yamaguchi looked over his shoulder to see Kenma with a blank face but reassuring him with his eyes. He turned to look over his other shoulder to find Akaashi giving him a small smile. He returned his gaze to the ground in front of him, took a deep breath, and reached for his wig. “I…have cancer” he said as he pulled off the blue hair.

Several gasps echoed throughout the room as Yamaguchi built up the courage to look at his teammates. Hinata and Asahi looked like they were about to cry, Tanaka and Noya looked like they wanted to beat up whoever dared mess with their kouhai but knew it was impossible, Daichi had a look of pure shock and concern, Ennoshita and the other two second years looked crushed, Kageyama looked constipated (which would have been funny in any other circumstance), and finally, he shifted his focus to Tsukki who had the same look he had when he saw his brother cheering on the other side of the stadium instead of on the court.

As self-consciousness began to overwhelm, Yamaguchi snatched his beanie that was thankfully nearby and pulled in onto his head, looking at the ground once more. “I didn’t tell anyone because…this isn’t the first time I’ve had it…”

He chanced another quick look at the team. Everyone looked marginally more shocked and worried, but Tsukki looked like everything he knew about life was just proven a lie.

Yamaguchi quickly looked back down and pushed on before he lost his nerve. “When I got diagnosed with leukemia, I was only seven. I had only been in school for a couple years and I just started to learn how to make friends…when everyone found out…they all treated me differently. Most of them just felt sorry for me and acted like I was gonna die soon. Some of them were scared of me because all they could comprehend was that I was seriously ill with a terrible disease. No matter what anyone told them, they were still afraid of getting sick if they went near me. And a few others…well, they really couldn’t understand or comprehend it, so they picked on me. Called me weak. Ridiculed me for getting special treatment. Said I was faking it to get attention or to excuse how wimpy I was.”

Reliving the memories was painful and soon, tears began to build up before running down his face.

“And then I lost my hair…everyone was freaked out. They said I looked like an alien, I looked creepy, like an old man…They became more sure than ever that I was contagious. Even some of the kids who felt bad for me started to avoid me. The bullies had even more ammo. A few classmates would whisper about how I shouldn’t even be allowed to come to school. Even after I got permission to start wearing hats to school, they didn’t let up. It just made the bullies angry that I got to break the rules because the teachers felt sorry for me.”

Yamaguchi paused to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. A few of his teammates had started crying as well and several more had tears building in their eyes.

“I thought everything would change once I got better…but it didn’t. The bullies still picked on me for being weak even though I wasn’t sick anymore. They didn’t understand that I was still recovering from the chemo. And as far as everyone else goes, the damage was already done. Even though I didn’t have it anymore, I became known as the kid who had cancer. The sick kid. And that’s how it was for the rest of elementary school. It got better in middle school. I chose a school that not many people from elementary school was going to go, but I still had a hard time making friends. I didn’t have much experience since I had such a hard time until that point. It wasn’t until now that I finally found a place where I felt like I belonged, where no one knew about my past.”

Yamaguchi’s breath hitched as he began to cry harder. “But then…it came back…after years of remission…it came back at the worst time! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just…I spent so much of my life with cancer as my identity. It’s all people saw when they looked at me. The only friends I had were out of pity. I tried so hard to hide it because I didn’t want it to become my identity again. I didn’t want you guys to pity me” Yamaguchi finished with a small, defeated voice.

Silence seemed to stretch on forever as Yamaguchi’s words sunk in. No one was prepared for how serious the situation actually was. Finally, Ennoshita spoke up. “We don’t pity you, Yamaguchi.”

At that, Yamaguchi looked up in surprise. There was hardly a dry eye in sight. Some looked sad, even more looked worried. But he couldn’t quite detect any pity.

“We don’t pity you” Ennoshita said again, “we fear for you.”

Yamaguchi wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“You’re our teammate and our friend, so to find out something so serious…it scares us. We’re scared for you.”

Daichi shifted so he could look Yamaguchi in the eye and clamped a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not weak for being sick. I know you probably didn’t want to make us feel bad or sorry for you. But we are going to be sad, and we won’t pity you, but we will worry because you’re an important part of this team, and important friend, and we don’t want anything bad to happen to you. So no, we don’t pity you. But we can’t help it if we’re scared.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes grew wide. He had only ever expected pity and people feeling sorry for him that he had failed to see it from that angle. “You…really think so? You…think I’m important?”

He looked out at the rest of the team, tears still running down his face. He was met with several nods and even more tears.

“Of course” Daichi said.

“Your serve is so cool!” Tanaka said.

“Yeah! I can’t believe you managed to master it while being sick! I can’t even receive it all the time!” Noya said.

“It’s refreshing to have you on the team” Asahi said.

“You’re really nice and reliable!” Hinata said through snot and tears.

Others gave words of affirmation and Yamaguchi felt overwhelmed by their love and encouragement. He broke down in a renewed fit of tears and choked out as many thank yous as he could get passed his sobs. Several of his teammates…his friends, surrounded him in a group hug, filling his heart with warmth and acceptance. Once everyone calmed down a bit someone asked if it was okay to ask questions and Yamaguchi nodded. Suga was the first to ask, needing to know. “So…at the beginning of the year, when you were getting all those nosebleeds and bruises that took forever to heal and getting tired quickly…does that mean that was…”

Yamaguchi nodded. “Yeah…that was my leukemia coming back.”

“So, you’ve been going through chemo this whole time?” Ennoshita asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. That’s why coach had to put me on a different training regimen than the rest of you, and why I have to take so many breaks.”

“You didn’t go home because of a cold last time, did you?” Daichi asked, already knowing the answer but wanting the full story from Yamaguchi.

“No…I pushed myself too hard and got a fever. It wasn’t really that big of a deal, I just have to go to the hospital to be monitored whenever I get a fever because the chemo compromises my immune system. It was all pretty routine.”

Yamaguchi had tried to downplay it but he could tell it still worried his team. He was a bit unnerved by how quiet and unresponsive Tsukki was being this whole time, desperately wanting to know what was going on in his head. Then, Hinata’s question silenced everyone.

“Are…are you gonna die?” he asked.

Everyone whipped their heads over to his direction, mostly appalled that he asked but too shocked to reprimand him.

“No, I…I don’t…know” Yamaguchi said, quickly losing confidence as he spoke.

“Of course not” Daichi interjected, “Yamaguchi’s strong and determind.”

A hand suddenly clapped his shoulder from behind and Akaashi scooted closer to the front.

“Leukemia is the most common form of childhood cancer and therefore very treatable. The survival rates are very high as there has been a lot of research devoted to a cure. Even if one thing doesn’t work, Yamaguchi still has several treatment options, he has a very good chance” Akaashi calmly spoke to the group, easing the tension and fear a bit.

“How do you know all this?” Suga asked, slightly impressed.

“I have a cousin. She went through the same.”

The relative calm of the room was interrupted yet again, however not by Hinata.

“How come Kuroo-san, Akaashi-san, and Kenma-san seem to know already?” Kageyama asked bluntly.

Yamaguchi looked up in shock. The question itself was not surprising, in fact he expected it, what he was not expecting was for Kageyama to be the one to ask. Yamaguchi looked back down and shook his head slightly. “I didn’t tell them…they all just found out by accident.”

_Tch_

The sound rang around the room as everyone looked at Tsukki in surprise as he abruptly stood up and stalked out of the room.

All the warmth drained from Yamaguchi’s body and was replaced by trepidation. He stood quickly, thankful that he had a chance to rest and regain some strength, and followed Tsukki out the room.

“Tsukki, wait!” he called, walking as fast as he dared.

At the sound of his voice, Tsukki stopped in his tracks and tensed.

“How could you not tell me?” he muttered.

“What?” Yamaguchi asked, not quite catching it.

Tsukki whipped around and repeated himself louder. “How could you not tell me!”

Yamaguchi was taken aback. He wasn’t exactly sure how Tsukki was going to take the news, but he didn’t expect him to be _this_ angry.

“What do you mean? I just explained—”

“I get why you didn’t want to tell them, but why didn’t you tell _me_?!”

“I couldn’t! I was scared!”

“Scared? Scared of what? That I would treat you like those bullies?”

“No! Of course not! I just wanted to keep things the same!”

“What? With me in the dark? I thought you told me everything! I thought I knew you better than anyone!”

“You did! You do!”

“Really? ‘Cause it turns out I didn’t know about kind of a big part of your life! You told me you were bullied because of your freckles and your physical strength!”

“I was!”

“But that wasn’t the main reason was it?! Instead, I have to find out in a group along with nine other people! We’re supposed to be friends!”

“We are! It wasn’t supposed to happen like this! I wasn’t planning on telling you guys today! I was supposed to have control over it this time but that went out the window when that stupid ball hit my head! I’m sorry it turned out like this, it wasn’t my intention. I swear, I was going to tell you!”

“When? When were you planning on telling me?! At your funeral?!”

Everything froze. They both knew he had gone too far, but it was too late. The words were out, hovering over them.

“Yamaguchi, I—”

“Stop!” Anger started to boil beneath the surface, replacing guilt with indignation. “I know you’re upset. I know you’re angry. But you have no right saying stuff like that to me! I’m the one dealing with this! I’m the one that has to get poison injected into my veins because it’s the only thing strong enough to kill my sickness! I’m the one that has to fight this battle! Every. Day. With no breaks! The way you found out sucked! I get it! But I did nothing wrong! I didn’t do anything to deserve this when I was seven! And I didn’t do anything to deserve it now! I’m only fifteen and I’ve had cancer twice now! Twice! I know better than anyone how hard it is to process this news, but you can’t take it out on me just because you’re too emotionally constipated to deal with it!!”

Yamaguchi turned on his heel and tromped back to the room, leaving a speechless Tsukki behind.

Everyone was disheartened to see Yamaguchi nearly in tears when he returned. “For someone who’s supposed to be smart, Tsukki sure can be stupid!” Yamaguchi kicked a pillow and flopped down on his futon.

He grabbed Ki-chan and finally let the tears fall. Everyone could hear loud voices so they knew the conversation didn’t go well. Several teammates sat around him, ready to give their support. “I know the way he found out was awful! But he shouldn’t be taking it out on me! It’s not like I planned it this way. Don’t I have to deal with enough?” Yamaguchi cried.

Suga wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry, Yamaguchi. I’m sure it was a big shock to him especially, but you’re right, the last thing you need right now is for any of us to take out our feelings on you.”

“Give him some time to process. Once he cools down, I’m sure he’ll have a different attitude” Ennoshita said.

Confident that his team could take care of the distressed first year, Daichi set out to find Tsukishima.

 

Tsukishima stood there for a few moments trying to process everything that had transpired. Finally, he reluctantly acknowledged that he needed to talk to someone. He pulled out his phone and found a more secluded corner in the hallway and dialed his mom’s number.

“Kei? Is everything okay? It’s unusual for you to call during a training camp” Aiko answered.

Tsukishima took a breath and tried to organize his thoughts. “I don’t know. I’m frustrated and confused and nothing makes sense!”

“What happened? Take a breath and start from the beginning.”

“I just fond out…I just found out Yamaguchi…has been lying to me since the day we met…he kept a really big part of his life secret and I had to hear about it in a group. He didn’t even tell me personally! He told me along with nine other people!”

His mom gasped and let out a quiet “oh no.”

“And now he’s made at me because I confronted him, and I know I shouldn’t have yelled like that, but I’m just so angry right now I don’t know what to do!”

“Oh, Honey no! You yelled at him? I know it’s a big shock but he can’t be put under too much stress! It can be really bad for him! You have to be careful about these things.”

“Wait…you knew? You knew, and you didn’t say anything?!”

“Yes, Kei. I’m sorry, but it really wasn’t my place to say anything. Himeko was very clear he wanted to keep it a secret and that he wanted to be the one to tell you.”

“How long? How long have you known?”

Aiko sighed. “I’ve known all along, since you were kids.”

“What?!”

“Tadashi’s mom confided in me. He had only been in remission for a few months before you two became friends so there were things she wanted me be aware of and watch out for. He was still recovering from chemo at the time, his health was fragile.”

“Oh no, did Kei find out?” Tsukishima could just make out Akiteru’s voice in the background.

“He knows too?! Did everyone but me know about this?!!”

Aiko switched to speaker phone so they could both talk to him. “I’m really sorry kei, I wasn’t supposed to know! I accidently overheard Mom talking to Tadashi’s mom right before your first sleep over. She wanted to make sure Mom knew about his situation before he started spending longer period of time at our house.” 

“I can’t believe this! How am I the last to know?! He’s supposed to be my friend! Instead everyone knows he’s seriously ill while I’m kept in the dark! Thanks a lot!”

“Kei—!”

Tsukishima hung up and let out a cry of rage as he threw his phone against the wall. Heavy breaths echoed off the walls as he tried to calm the swirling torrent of emotions trapped inside.

“Tsukishima” Daichi’s firm but gentle voice rang out.

He turned around to find his captain wearing an unreadable expression. Daichi sighed, not really sure what to say. “This is hard for all of us. And I know it’s especially difficult for you, but you need to find a better way to deal with this. As painful it is for all of us, we need to be strong, we need to pull it together for Yamaguchi’s sake. He’s been dealing with this on his own for far too long and now that his secret is out, we need to prove to him that we can handle this. Because if we show him just how much this news is tearing us up, he’s just going to feel guilty, and right now what he needs the most is support. So if you need to break down or yell, come to one of us, we’re all here for each other, but you can’t do it in front of Yamaguchi. We need to be lightening his burden, not adding to it. When you’re ready for some help, you have a lot of people to turn to.”

With that, Daichi turned and walked away. The guilt that was hiding underneath all his other emotions began to grow and take over. He knew he was handling this all wrong, but he didn’t know what else to do. The only other trauma in his life was when Akiteru had lied about volleyball and all he had done then was lose his drive for the sport and pull away from his brother. He had never had to deal with anything so serious. Going to his family or his team was probably the right thing to do, but he didn’t feel particularly close to anyone in Karasuno other than Yamaguchi and he was still angry with his family, even if the rational part of his brain understood why they didn’t say anything.

 

Dinner was a bit awkward and the air carried a heavy atmosphere. Some members tried to joke around to lighten the mood, but everyone could tell their hearts weren’t fully in it. Now with no reason to pretend anymore, Yamaguchi didn’t hide his disgust at the thought of food. He knew he needed to eat after expending so much energy, but he could barely taste the food and he felt sick.

“Yamaguchi, you should really try to eat more” Suga said, noticing he had hardly eaten anything.

Yamaguchi raised his fork to his mouth but he couldn’t bring himself to eat. “I can’t” he said, shaking his head.

“Do you need anything? Like…I don’t know, do you have medications you can take or something?” Suga asked, desperately wanting to help now that he finally knew what was going on.

Yamaguchi nodded. “Takeda-sensei has my nausea medication. If I take that I might be able to eat a bit more.”

Suga immediately sought out their teacher and brought him over.

“Here, Yamaguchi-kun. Hopefully this will help. Don’t force yourself, but do try to eat some more, you need your strength” Takeda jumped right in to caretaker mode and made sure Yamaguchi had everything he needed.

He did manage to eat a little more, but not as much as his teammates were hoping. Tsukishima stayed quiet the whole time, barely touching his own food and watching the whole thing.

 

Himeko was pacing in her kitchen. She had been trying to work up the courage to make this phone call and the piece of paper she found was forcing her to call. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her phone and dialed the number.

“Hello? This is Takeda”

“Hi, Takeda-san. How has Tadashi been doing?” she wanted to know about her son and she figured she would start with an easier topic.

“He’s been alright, today has been difficult though…”

“Oh no, what happened? I he okay?”

“Yes! Yes he’s fine, a little tired and nauseous, but fine. Sorry for scaring you. It’s just, the team found out today and it stressed him out.”

“Oh, wow. He told them? He still seemed so reluctant.”

“Not…exactly. From what I understand, a ball knocked off his wig during practice so he was sort of forced to explain.”

Himeko sighed in defeat. “Oh no, that’s awful. He wanted so badly to be in control of when and how they all found out.”

“The team has been incredibly supportive. Sugawara and Daichi have been making sure no one overwhelms him. Tsukishima-kun took it pretty hard though. Daichi told me that he and Tadashi-kun got into a yelling match right after finding out and the two haven’t spoken since. It was only a couple hours ago so I’m sure they’re both just letting themselves cool down. I’ll keep an eye on them though.”

“Oh, my poor baby. This is the last thing he needs right now. Thank you for watching over him. As much as I want to talk to him right now, I’m sure he just wants some space to recoup from all of this.”

“Of course, I’ve been trying not to pry too much myself. He seems a bit overwhelmed trying to process everything that’s happened today.”

“Well, I hate to ask, but I was going through some files and I found an order for some bloodwork that Tadashi needs to have done before his next appointment. I can’t believe I let this slip. We won’t be able to get the bloodwork done in time after he get back from camp, so if I scan and email you the paperwork, would you be able to print it out and take him to get his blood drawn? It doesn’t matter where he has it done he just needs to get his bloodwork in before his next appointment.”

“Absolutely! If you can email it tonight I can take him tomorrow. I’m sure we can find a place to get it done somewhere nearby.”

“Thank you so much! Usually I’m so on top of things, especially when it comes to Yamaguchi’s appointments. I can’t believe I slipped up like this.”

“Cut yourself a little slack. It’s a lot to keep track of and Tadashi-kun is much busier now than he was at seven. It’s a great deal for one person to take care of, that’s why I offered my help.”

“Thank you again. You’ve been a lifesaver. I don’t know how I ever did this on my own last time.”

“I’m just happy to be trusted to help. I just want to do what I can to support Tadashi-kun, he’s such a good kid.”

Himeko’s heart swelled and decided to go for it before she lost her courage. “There’s…one other thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Of course, what do you need?”

“I’ve been…thinking a lot…about what you told me in the hospital…”

“Oh! Uh, you really don’t have to worry about that, you have enough—”

“No, please. I want to do this before I lose my nerve. I just wanted to ask…if you would want to tentatively…schedule a date…for after the training camp”

Takeda was struck speechless but quickly recovered. “Wha—I um, sure! I mean, I would love to! That is, if you’re really sure about this. I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything! Only if you truly want to.”

Himeko chuckled softly at how flustered he sounded, it calmed her nerves a bit. “Yes, I am sure. I do want to talk to Tadashi about it first and if it makes him uncomfortable or he doesn’t like the idea nothing is going to happen.”

“Of course! Absolutely! Tadashi-kun obviously comes first.”

“That being said…I haven’t thought about my own desires or happiness since Tadashi’s father left. I always thought that his happiness was my happiness and as long as he was okay, I was okay. But ever since you offered your help, I started to realize how much I’ve been missing. I forgot what it felt like to be supported instead of always giving the support. I forgot that in order to best take care of my son, I need to take care of myself as well. So, as much as it scares me, I want to try putting myself out there again and re-learn the romantic aspect of life that I have put on the back burner for so long.”

“If that’s how you feel, I would be honored to be able to take you out.”

The two figured out dates and time before bidding each other good night and hanging up.

“You okay, Sensei? Your face is all red” Ukai said as he hung up the phone.

“Huh? Is it?” Takeda brought his hands up to his cheeks to find that they were indeed warm. “I uh—it’s nothing! I’m just hot, need a drink of water. Whew, this weather is something else isn’t it?”

He laughed nervously as he grew more and more flustered.

“Wait, don’t tell me you’re blushing” Ukai laughed, “who was that on the phone? Find yourself a special lady?”

Takeda’s face grew brighter. “No! It’s nothing like that! It was just Himeko-san checking in on Yamaguchi-kun!”

“Ah, I see. You’ve grown fond of Yamaguchi’s mom, haven’t you? Did you land a date?”

He blushed even deeper if that was possible and sputtered unintelligibly for a bit before finding his words. “I fail to see how that’s any of your business!”

The sound of Ukai’s laughter followed him down the hall as he went off to splash some cold water on his face.

 

Even though he was exhausted, Yamaguchi found it hard to fall asleep. A mix of emotions wouldn’t stop swirling around his head. The team had taken it very well, much better than he could have ever hoped. But Tsukki…well, he didn’t want to think about Tsukki right now. Still, telling the team somehow made it feel more real, even though he had already lost his hair and had been doing chemo for months. His last bit of normalcy got robbed from him and now he had no save haven where no one knew and he could pretend everything was fine. The mix of relief and grief was confusing and exhausting. Finally, when his body could take no more, he drifted off to sleep.

_The sound of loud cheers rang out from the TV Yamaguchi was watching. Karasuno had just beat Shiratorizawa and was being awarded the trophy. It was bittersweet to watch his friends triumphant and gleeful faces from a hospital bed._

_“This win is dedicated to our teammate and friend, Yamaguchi. We all miss you and wish you were still here with us” Daichi said tearfully as the team was being interviewed._

_Wait! No! He wasn’t dead!_

_His train of thought was cut off by a piercing continuous beep. He whipped his head to the side to see that he had flat-lined on his heart monitor. A team of frantic doctors and nurses burst into the room and he looked back up. As he was surrounded he found he could no longer move his body. A doctor grabbed two paddles and shouted “Clear!”_

_His whole body jolted but he felt no pain. The doctor repeated this a few more times in between round of CPR delivered by the other doctors and nurses. After a little while, they all looked at him in defeat as a doctor shut off the heart monitor and the other machines._

_“Time of death, 4:51pm” someone said as they began packing up the crash cart and exiting the room._

_Another doctor walked over to his bed. Yamaguchi heard a long zipping sound before he was plunged into darkness. It took a moment for him to realize he was in a body bad. He began to panic. Where was he going? Was he dead? If this was death, then why was he still conscious? Why was he still in his body?_

_He tried to move and discovered he could rock his body a bit, but that was it. Suddenly, the gurney he was on started jostling him around. Somehow he knew he was now outside and being rolled over dirt and grass. Where was he being taken?_

_The gurney stopped abruptly and his body bag was suddenly getting unzipped. Before he could process his surroundings, the gurney was tipped over and he fell into a hole in the ground. Finally regaining some control of his body, he was able to brace himself for the impact as he landed face-first into the hole. He flipped himself onto his back to see where he was. Panic flooded his veins._

_He was in a grave_

_His own grave._

_The devastated and weeping faces of his friends and family all looked down on him from above. Before he could do anything, a scary-looking man began shoveling dirt into the hole. His legs and torso began to get covered and just as he was about to scream for help, the next shovel-full of dirt landed on his face, cutting off his air._

 

Pitch blackness greeted Yamaguchi as he jolted awake. His face was still covered by something making it harder to breath. Arms flailing, he quickly sat up causing his blanket to fall off of his face. Gulping down several deep breaths, he was finally able to make out where he was. The moon shone through the windows of the classroom they were sleeping in at Fukurodani. His eyes swept his sleeping teammates stopping when they met another pair of eyes looking worried.

“Yamaguchi, are you okay?” Suga asked, woken up by the frantic rustling Yamaguchi had made.

Still breathing hard and reeling from the dream, Yamaguchi nodded his head but was betrayed by the tears that began to drip down. He screwed up his face and began shuttering from silent sobs. Suga quickly shuffled over and wrapped him in a hug.

“Suga?” Daichi sleepily whispered as the movement of his sleep neighbor woke him up.

He quickly became alert when he saw a worried-looking Suga holding a crying Yamaguchi. His worry jumped drastically when Yamaguchi quietly began to murmur.

“I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die” Yamaguchi kept saying over and over.

The dream had felt so real and it shook him to his core.

“Nightmare?” Daichi asked Suga.

The silver-haired teen nodded, clearly concerned about the state their kouhai was in.

“You’re not going to die, Yamaguchi. You’ve already beaten this once, right? You can do it again” Suga tried his best to sound reassuring even though he was terrified himself.

Yamaguchi shook his head. “It’s getting worse this time. They’ve already put me on a more aggressive chemotherapy” he said between quiet sobs.

Suga looked at Daichi helplessly. The captain put a comforting hand on the trembling first year. “You’re strong Yamaguchi. I’ve watched you work hard and dedicate yourself to this team. We are not going to let that happen because you are an important part of this team…you are an important friend.”

The words touched him deeply, but they could tell he still wasn’t reassured. Tanaka and Noya who were sleeping nearby, were woken by the commotion and walked over to them.

“You’re not going to die Yamaguchi, we’re not going to let that happen” Noya said with a mock air of confidence.

“Yeah, not with us as your senpai” Tanaka said, both trying to comfort and lighten the mood.

Yamaguchi gave a wobbly smile at that but still couldn’t stop crying. “I’m just so scared” he whimpered.

“I’ll go get Sensei” Tanaka said as he went for the door.

A couple minutes later, a disheveled Takeda walked into the room and kneeled next to the boys. “Hey, Yamaguchi-kun, why don’t you come to my room, okay?” he asked softly.

He nodded and accepted the teacher’s help standing up and sniffled as they made their way to the classroom Takeda-sensei was sleeping in.

“Poor Yamaguchi” Noya muttered.

Suga sighed. “I can’t believe he’s been shouldering this burden by himself all this time.”

The others nodded in agreement, shaken by how unraveled Yamaguchi became after a nightmare.

In the futon next to Yamaguchi’s, Tsukishima lay with his back facing the groups of boys, eyes open and staring blankly at the wall.

 

Once they reached the room, Takeda sat Yamaguchi down on the futon and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “So, Tanaka-kun told me you had a nightmare?”

Yamaguchi sniffled and nodded, tears still slowly falling.

“It must have been pretty bad for you to react like this. I know you understand it was just a dream, you’re a smart one, so what has you so scared?”

Yamaguchi squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sob. “I don’t wanna die” he said through renewed tears.

Takeda’s heart shattered to pieces as he wrapped the boy in a hug. “Shhh, you’re okay. I want you to listen to me, you are not going to die, Tadashi-kun.”

Being addressed by his first name from Takeda-sensei made Yamaguchi almost believe his words, but the fear still overpowered and he shook his head. “You don’t know for sure.”

“I do, though. You know why? Because you have a whole army of people here to support and fight for you. There’s no way a single person on this team is going to let you die. We are all going to do everything possible to make sure that doesn’t happen because this team needs you. And you…you are a fighter. You may not see yourself this way, but you are strong and have a spirit of determination. For months I have watched you fight to be a contributing member of this team and grow your skills despite going through chemo. You’re not a quitter, Tadashi-kun, I know you’re not going to let yourself go down like this. You still have a long and bright future ahead of you.”

Waves of gratitude washed over Yamaguchi as Takeda-sensei’s words wrapped around him and sunk in. For a moment, he truly felt like he was going to beat this, and that’s all he needed for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW!! Hope you all got through that angst in one piece. Prepare for more next chapter!
> 
> On a different note, I have a question for you guys. Would you prefer updates every week in chunks like I have been doing or would you rather I switch to updates every other week with a full chapter every time? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below! If you don't have a preference, leave a comment on what you thought about this chapter, I love feedback!


	14. The Perseverance of Quitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi has to cope with the fact that everyone knows as Tsukishima continues to struggle with the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW! It's late but I still made it on Friday! 
> 
> First of all, I know the majority of you wanted to keep the update schedule every week which was so heartwarming. It made me super happy to see that so many of you look forward to this story every week, serious thank you so much for the support. That being said, I've decided to switch to every other week so that every update will be a full chapter. I feel like this way the updates will be smoother and less chunky and confusing. Plus, for those who have subscribed, you don't get notified of updates if I add to an existing chapter instead of posting a new one. I'm sorry to those who look forward to weekly updates but I feel like this way would be the smoothest experience for all the readers.

That night, Yamaguchi had the best night’s sleep he’s had for a while. After crying it out, Takeda-sensei got an extra futon and let him spend the rest of the night in his room. He felt safe and comforted, not unlike the stormy nights he spend sleeping in his mother’s bed as a child. It felt…parental, yet different. Was this what having a father was supposed to feel like? Yamaguchi only ever had his mom, so he had no frame of reference for what a dad was like.

Takeda-sensei told him that they had to go get his bloodwork done that day, so they made plans to go after lunch. Saeko wasn’t there this time so they would have to take the train.

“In the email your mom sent, she said it’s best to get it done at a hospital rather than a clinic, and if we can do it at a children’s hospital it would be even better” Takeda said as they ironed out the details.

Yamaguchi nodded. “Yeah, children’s hospitals have more experience and knowledge of how to handle bloodwork for someone in my…situation. They have to be extra careful handling my blood since it’s…basically poisonous. Plus they have to keep me for at least fifteen minutes after to make sure I’ll be okay.”

With their plans in place, Yamaguchi went to breakfast a little nervous. He was more self-conscious than ever now that the team knew. It felt like everyone was watching him, waiting for something to happen. What that was he didn’t know, but it felt a little unnerving.

“Hey, how did you sleep?” Suga asked, trying to mask his worry but doing a poor job of it.

“I slept good after going to Sensei’s room. I’m fine. I get nightmares like that all the time” Yamaguchi said, trying to downplay what happened the previous night.

The truth was, the nightmares had been getting worse as of late and last night’s was one of the worst ones yet. His team had enough to worry about though, he didn’t want to give them more reason to feel bad for him.

Practice started the same as always which helped calm him. The real trouble came when the adults left to prepare lunch. Normally, the teams’ managers would handle this, but since there was someone with cancer at this camp, the coaches and teachers felt it would be best if they handled the food just to be sure it was all safe for him to eat. While they were taking care of the food, the rest were free to practice whatever they wanted. Yamaguchi, of course, began practicing his jump float serve. The first couple were slightly off, but this didn’t discourage him, he was just getting warmed up. He was only able to get in two more serves before needing to take a break. It felt like everyone was watching him as he sat down and took a drink. When he looked around, only a few people glanced over to see if he was okay, but he still felt self-conscious all the same.

Things only got worse from there. The next set of serves were worse than the last which frustrated him. It felt like his arms and legs weren’t quite cooperating with what his brain told them to do. Was this because he pushed himself too hard the day before? Or was this the effects of the stronger chemo? He hoped it was the former but deep down he knew the chemo was at least part of it. He was already feeling the effects of the stronger dose after just one treatment. He got back up determined to make at least one good serve.

It wasn’t working. With each botched serve he grew more frustrated and more frantic. This couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let it. He could still play volleyball! He could still be useful!

Over and over he jumped and watched as the ball refused to do what it was supposed to. The gym slowly grew louder as he became more and more aware of each sound.

Shoes squeaking.

Hands slapping balls.

Shouts ringing out.

Balls slamming on the floor.

Yamaguchi glanced around, feeling like he was being watched, like he was being judged. _They know. They all know how weak you are. They all feel bad for you. They’re all waiting for you to need help._

His thoughts were racing in an endless loop. Heart racing, breath heavy and unsteady. He needed a break. He knew he should stop, but that would show weakness. He could do this! Just once! Just one good serve to show them that he was still useful! One. Two. Three failed serves. One more. One more.

He raised a ball with shaking hands and prepared to toss it. Just before he was about to move, he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. His grip tightened on the ball in dismay, he knew it was one of his team intervening as they had been growing more and more concerned. What he wasn’t expecting was to find Kageyama when he went to see who had stopped him. Kageyama’s expression was fierce, but he could clearly see the concern radiating off him.

Slowly, he looked around to see his whole team looking at him with matching expressions of worry before lowering his gaze back to the ball in his hands.

It had finally happened. As hard as he had tried to hold on to it, cancer had now infected volleyball. The one thing he wanted to keep as normal as possible, gone. Taken by cancer just like everything else.

He squeezed the ball even harder and screwed his eyes shut. “I quit” he said, barely audible.

“What” a gentle voice asked, his thoughts in too much turmoil to discern whose it was.

“I quit!” he yelled, chucking the ball at a wall before spinning on his heal and stalking toward the door.

“No” the stern voice of his childhood friend cut through the stunned silence and he stopped in his tracks.

“You’re the one who pushed me to start putting in more effort so I am not letting you quit” Tsukki said.

Overwhelmed and now seething, Yamaguchi spun around and fixed a harsh gaze on the tall blond.

“The only thing standing in your way was your own personality! I have cancer! So don’t even try to compare us!” he yelled before fleeing the gym.

Several people cried out for him to wait or come back as they made to chase after but Suga stopped them. “Let him go. I don’t think he’s really quitting, he’s just overwhelmed. I’m sure it’s been even harder on him now that we all know. Give him a chance to process and calm down.”

Everyone agreed with the vice captain’s words and reluctantly went back to practice.

 

By the time Yamaguchi made it to the room his team was staying in, his frantic mood had calmed into a dull numbness. He should have known this would happen sooner or later. No matter how desperately he tried to cling to volleyball, he knew cancer would reach its claws in that too, just like it did with every other aspect of his life. It was the same when he was a kid so why should it be any different now?

Storming back to the main building had left him sweaty so he pulled off the stuffy wig in favor of his beanie. Even if he was alone, he wasn’t comfortable leaving his bald head out in the open. He flopped down on his futon and laid staring at the ceiling until it was time for lunch.

Takeda-sensei quietly entered the room with some food and looking a little apprehensive. The team must have told him what happened. Yamaguchi couldn’t muster up the energy to care. Takeda-sensei slowly and carefully sat down with the food and silently offered it to the freckled teen. Yamaguchi sat up and reluctantly accepted it, he wasn’t hungry but he knew he needed his strength.

“Want to talk about it?” Takeda-sensei asked gently.

Yamaguchi just shook his head and stared at his food as he slowly ate what he could. Takeda-sensei nodded in understanding and didn’t say a word for the rest of lunch. Yamaguchi greatly appreciated the teachers support while still giving him some space. His head was a mess right now and he wasn’t ready to discuss it yet. Once they were finished, Takeda-sensei stood up and rubbed Yamaguchi’s head through the beanie before gathering their garbage and heading for the door. Just before he left the room he turned to look at Yamaguchi over his shoulder. “I’ll come get you when it’s time to leave, you can rest in here until then.”

Yamaguchi nodded and lay back down on his futon and stared at the wall until it was time to leave.

He felt no less numb when Takeda-sensei came to get him. The train ride to the children’s hospital was spent in silence. Neither said a word until Takeda-sensei went to go check him in. All of the noise in the waiting room washed over him and he watched without really seeing. He felt a bit like a ghost, trapped in a realm he didn’t belong yet unable to exist anywhere else.

“Yamaguchi-kun”

The sudden appearance of a familiar teen with no presence would have normally made him jump out of his skin, but today all he could muster was a slight turn of his head to look at his newest friend.

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Kuroko asked.

“Yeah, I’m just due for some blood work and I’m here for a training camp” Yamaguchi tried to be happy to see him, but the dark fog in his brain was too thick for anything to cut through.

“Kuroko! Don’t wander off in such a crowded place, we could have lost you!” a familiar boisterous redhead came over.

“I can take care of myself, Kagami-kun” Kuroko said, seemingly deadpan but those who knew him could hear the indignation in his voice.

“What are you doing over here anyway—oh, hi Yamaguchi, didn’t see you there” Kagami finally noticed him.

“Ah, so this is the Yamaguchi I keep hearing about. It is nice to properly meet you” a cool and mature sounding voice sounded out from behind Kagami as a shorter redhead appeared.

“Oh, hi Akashi-san, it’s nice to meet you too. I thought you didn’t live around here?” Yamaguchi said, recognizing Akashi from his profile picture online and Kuroko’s descriptions of him.

“My father came to the area on business so I went along with him to check on my rival’s progress” he said.

“Akashi-kun wanted to visit and play some basketball with us” Kuroko said.

Akashi shot the blue haired teen a slightly irritated yet also amused look. “We’re meeting up with Aomine-kun and Kise-kun later, right now we’re visiting our senpai. I think captain and coach might be visiting today as well” Kuroko continued.

“Ah, well tell Aomine-san and Kise-san I said hi” Yamaguchi said, trying to keep up the appearance of normalcy, although he had a strange feeling that Akashi could see right through him.

“How’s volleyball going? You said you were here for a training camp” Kuroko said, also sensing that something was off.

“I quit” Yamaguchi said brusquely, not having the energy or will to lie about it.

He saw some sort of emotion flash through Kuroko’s usually expressionless eyes, but the fog in his brain made it impossible for him to determine what emotion it was.

“But…why? You seemed so passionate about it the last time we talked” Kuroko said, visibly shaken by this revelation (though to an outsider he just looked mildly surprised).

“Because, I can’t do it. It’s gotten too hard” he said bitterly.

“What about all those things we talked about when we first met? I thought you wanted to—”

“There’s a lot of things I wanted to do! But I just can’t! I get winded after jogging ten feet! I have to take breaks at least every ten minutes! I can’t even focus long enough to catch one whole lecture in school! I throw up if I eat what most people would consider a moderate portion of food! I sleep nine to ten hours a night and still need naps throughout the day! I have poison running through my veins because it’s the only thing strong enough to treat me! No matter how much I want it, or how much I work I put in, I’m not going to make a difference on the team, I can’t even do the one thing I’m good at because I got so weak” Yamaguchi finished bitterly, settling into the fog even farther.

Kuroko made to reply but Akashi put a hand on his shoulder and communicated something with his piercing red eyes. Reluctantly, he sighed and said goodbye, promising to talk later, before heading off with the two redheads.

A few moments later, Takeda-sensei came back and told him they were ready for him.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Sensei offered.

Yamaguchi shook his head. “I’ll be fine, it’s pretty routine” he said flatly.

The process was quick and painless. By this point, he had been stuck with needles so many times he hardly felt it anymore. Once they were finished, the nurse gave him some juice and showed him where the patient break room was so he could relax until he was clear to leave. He sat heavily on the couch and brought his knees up to his chest as he reached for the tv remote. As he turned the tv on, he slowly flopped to the side so he was now laying on the couch facing the tv. Mindlessly, he flipped through the channels, not particularly looking for something to watch. The images flashing by were just various colors moving about to Yamaguchi.

He barely registered it when another person entered the room and approached the couch.

“Care for some company?” a somewhat deep voice asked. It wasn’t deep enough to be a doctor, it sounded like a patient but older than himself.

The sudden presence startled him, but he was so lost in the fog that all it did was clear his head enough to be aware of his surroundings again.

“Sorry” he said as he sat up to make room on the sofa, realizing he was taking up over half of it by laying down.

“It’s okay, you didn’t have to move, there was still plenty of room” the boy said as he shifted his crutches to sit down.

Yamaguchi drew his knees to his chest again as he peered at the other patient with mild curiosity. He was bigger than Yamaguchi and had brown hair. If he had to guess, he would say he was probably a third year in high school.

“Are you a new patient? I haven’t seen you around here before” the other teen asked with a calm yet cheerful demeanor.

“No. I just needed some bloodwork done. I’m here on a trip so I had to come to a different hospital than usual” Yamaguchi replied.

“Ohh, what kind of trip? I’m Kiyoshi, by the way, Kiyoshi Teppei.”

“Yamaguchi Tadashi, and it’s…a training camp.”

“A training camp huh? What do you play?”

“…volleyball” Yamaguchi didn’t much feel like getting into his problems with a stranger.

“Sounds fun, never played it myself. I’m more into basketball. I actually helped start the basketball club at my school.”

Yamaguchi snapped his gaze over in surprise, eyes flicking to Kiyoshi’s braced up knee. It was like a small fan was switched on, gently blowing on the fog that had engulfed him.

The older boy noticed his surprised gaze and chuckled. “It must be a bit surprising coming from me, huh? I got a slight injury during my first year that was made worse when we were against a team that plays rough. I had the option of rehab or surgery. Rehab would get me back on the court quicker but I would only have one more season at best. Surgery would have fixed it but the recovery time was so long it would take about a year or more to get back to the game. I was determined to make it to nationals with the team I had helped build, so I went with rehab. Now I’m paying the price of that decision, but it was worth it, we did make it to nationals, and we won” Kiyoshi finished proudly.

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened and the fan began blowing harder. “But…wasn’t it hard to give up? I mean…obviously you…” he meekly gestured to his knee.

Kiyoshi looked confused for a moment, then his expression cleared. “Oh, I haven’t given up. I’m still aiming to make it back to the court someday” he said with a smile.

Yamaguchi just stared at him in awe and confusion. “How can you be so confident? I mean…even if you made it back to the court, won’t it be frustrating to not be able to play like you used to? To not be able to go all out or put in your best effort? To live in fear of injuring yourself again?” He began to get a bit worked up by the end of it as tears began to form in his eyes. He looked at the floor and hugged his knees, missing the look of empathy and compassion from the older boy.

“I won’t lie, those thoughts have crossed my mind. I was fully prepared to give up basketball after that last season. But the pure dedication of my team and the strong bonds we all formed as we fought together and pushed each other to become better and better, it all inspired me to keep fighting, to keep pushing to get back to the court. I finally got the surgery and now I’m giving my all in rehab so I can get back to my team, even if it’s just for one more game. After all, it’s fun isn’t it? Playing with your team?” he finished with a kind and encouraging smile.

The fan was now turned on to full blast and the fog was rapidly clearing from his head. He was right, it was fun. Tears began falling and he buried his face in his knees, embarrassed to be crying in front of a stranger. Kiyoshi’s smile became gentler as he reached over to softly pat the younger one’s back. He knew what the other was in for. The thin build, the beanie covering a presumably bald head, getting his bloodwork done at a children’s hospital instead of a walk-in clinic, it wasn’t hard to figure out.

“I don’t want to quit. I just got so frustrated with all the breaks and running out of breath so fast and getting sick so easily. I can’t put in even a fraction of the effort I want to because if I push myself too much I end up in the hospital” Yamaguchi said bitterly.

He wiped away his tears and looked up from his knees, trying to pull himself together. He was so tired of breaking down.

“I can’t even image having to fight your battle, or how frustrating it must be. But one thing I do know, is whether you’re the ace or on the bench, every member of the team is important and a vital part of each victory” Kiyoshi said, squeezing his shoulder.

Just then, the door opened and two more people walked in. “Hey, Teppei! The nurse said you’d be in the break room” a girl with short brown hair said while a guy with darker hair and glasses stood slightly behind her.

“Ah, Riko! Hyuuga! It’s so good to see you” Kiyoshi said.

“I see you still have no problem offering advice to people you don’t know” the guy (Huuga?) said with a snarky tone yet somehow also fond.

The bespectacled boy had noticed Kiyoshi’s hand on the younger-looking boy’s shoulder as well as the red rimmed eyes and downcast expression.

“Oh right, sorry, this is Yamaguchi, I just met him, and these are my friends, Riko and Hyuuga” Kiyoshi introduced them.

Yamaguchi nervously gave a shy wave and a quiet hello, not sure how he felt about even more strangers seeing him in this state.

“So, are you a new patient? I haven’t seen you during any of our visits before” Riko said as she sat on the coffee table in front of the couch. Hyuuga sat in an arm chair next to Kiyoshi.

Yamaguchi shook his head slightly and was about to give a soft reply when Kiyoshi beat him to it. “He’s only here for some bloodwork. I was just telling him how every member of a team is vital to the team’s victory regardless of what they are physically capable of contributing.”

Yamaguchi looked down again, feeling a bit embarrassed. Riko could understand the gist of what was going on, her perception being much higher than the average teenage girl.

“So, what sport do you play, Yamaguchi-kun?” she asked.

“Volleyball” he said quietly.

“You know, we have a player on our team who became a starter even though his stamina is abysmally low, plus he couldn’t even shoot a basket for the first half of the year. But, without him we probably wouldn’t have made it to nationals. You just need to find the most effective way to work with what you’ve got.”

This sounded an awful lot like the advice Kuroko-san gave him the first time they met.

“Yeah, take this oaf for example” Hyuuga said gesturing to Kiyoshi (Riko shot him a piercing look) “he played an entire season on a busted knee. He couldn’t play using his full capabilities, but his childish stubbornness and dedication to the team made him an invaluable member, not only with his playing but with the way he inspired and drove the rest of the team to play to their full potential.”

It looked like it was painful for him to say some of those things, but those words had finally driven all of the fog from his brain and he felt significantly better.

“Hyuuga! That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about me!” Kiyoshi seemed to sparkle with those words.

“Don’t expect to hear them again, these were special circumstances” Hyuuga said, grudgingly.

Before he could stop himself, Yamaguchi snickered. He brought a hand to his mouth to try and silence them, but quiet laughs still escaped him as he watched their exchange, it reminded him of another group of friends he knew. Riko looked fondly at the snickering boy, glad that he was feeling better. Just then a familiar and relieved voice sounded from the doorway. “Yamaguchi-kun!”

Yamaguchi looked over and was comforted by the sight of three familiar faces. Kuroko, Kagami, and Akashi walked into the room and looked for a place to sit. Kagami sat in an armchair near Yamaguchi, Kuroko sat on the couch after Kiyoshi and Yamaguchi shuffled to make room, and Akashi elegantly lowered himself onto the coffee table next to Riko.

“Kuroko-san, I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. My team just found out and my best friend got mad at me for keeping it a secret. It’s getting harder to play because it’s more aggressive than the doctors first thought and I was just overwhelmed because it felt like cancer had finally infected volleyball” Yamaguchi was close to tears again by the end of it and couldn’t bring himself to look Kuroko in the eye.

“Yamaguchi-kun” Kuroko’s gaze never wavered from the troubled teen, “you don’t need to apologize. It’s just like you said, you were overwhelmed. I was just worried because I know how painful it is to hate something you love.”

Akashi’s face twitched slightly at that but mostly went unnoticed.

“You’ve gone through so much already, I didn’t want you to have to feel that pain on top of everything else.”

“Thank you, Kuroko-san. But you don’t need to worry. I’m feeling a little better now thanks to them” Yamaguchi gestured to Kiyoshi, Riko, and Hyuuga, “I’ve decided not to quit volleyball. I don’t think I was ever really serious about quitting, I just got caught up in all the frustration and anger.”

“That’s good to hear” Kuroko smiled at him and Yamaguchi was taken aback.

“What?” Kuroko asked, a bit confused.

“He probably didn’t know you were capable of smiling” Kagami cut in.

“No! I was just a bit surprised. I’ve never seen you smile before, I’m not used to seeing much expression on your face…” Yamaguchi stumbled out, not wanting to offend anyone.

Kuroko looked amused (as much as he could with a blank face), Riko and Hyuuga were trying to hide their snickers, Akashi put little effort into hiding his amusement yet somehow managed to still look composed and polite, Kagami and Kiyoshi were outright laughing. The mirthful atmosphere put Yamaguchi at ease, even letting out a few chuckles himself.

“So, how on earth do you know Kiyoshi?” Kagami asked when the laughter died down.

“Did he just start talking to you with no introduction?” Kuroko asked bluntly.

“No, he didn’t—uh, I mean he…um, yeah actually, that’s kinda what happened” Yamaguchi tripped over his words, not wanting to make Kiyoshi out to be weird or rude but unable to refute Kuroko’s assumptions.

“It’s okay, Yamaguchi. I tend to do that at times” Kiyoshi said.

“That’s how I met him too” Kuroko said.

“So what brings you here?” Riko said glancing at Akashi.

“My father is here on business and I thought I’d tag along to check on the competition” he shot a glance at Kuroko and Kagami, “but more specifically, I’ve been here since early morning so I was already with these two since morning. I was not expecting to have the pleasure of meeting the volleyball player who beat cancer twice.”

Akashi shifted his gaze to Yamaguchi, his eyes calculating and amused. Yamaguchi shrunk in on himself a bit under the intimidating eyes of the boy who supposedly (according to the rest of the generation of miracles) could see into the future.

“Um, I’ve only beaten it once, I’m still—”

“No, you’ve already beaten it. I can see it in your eyes” Akashi said coolly.

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened. The two barely knew each other, but the confident and matter-of-fact tone of his voice made Yamaguchi believe him. It was the first time since he was re-diagnosed that he truly felt like he was going to be okay.

“Wait, hold up. You’ve already had cancer before? How old are you?” Riko asked in disbelief.

“Uh…fifteen?” Yamaguchi answered shyly, taken aback by her reaction.

“Wow…that’s incredible. Makes me feel like I’ll surely make it back to the court on day” Kiyoshi said, impressed.

“Really?” Yamaguchi said, starting to get a little embarrassed but also amazed that a third year could be inspired by him.

“Yeah! If you can keep fighting and be dedicated to the sport you love while dealing with this a second time, then there’s no way a simple knee injury is going to hold me back!”

Kiyoshi beamed at him and he couldn’t help but smile back. The next few minutes were spent in warm, uplifting conversation, bringing Yamaguchi’s spirits up for the first time in a long time.   

 

Meanwhile, back at Fukurodani, practice games had resumed but the atmosphere was tense. Everyone was worried about Yamaguchi, but Tsukishima seemed to be the most tense. A permanent scowl seemed to be etched on his face and a dark menacing aura emanated from his body. Every time he went up to spike he wasn’t trying to score a point, instead he simply slammed the ball as hard as possible. Everyone on Nekoma was growing weary of his spikes. Kenma had given up on blocking them, choosing to cover his head whenever the tall blond was up front. Finally, it got to the point where the game was grinded to a halt when one of his spikes his Taketora so hard his nose began to bleed.

While Nekoma was busy attending to their injured teammate, Tsukishima stalked to the door intent on being alone. Several of his own teammates tried to stop him or talk to him, but he ignored everyone and left anyway.

After making sure Taketora was going to be okay, Kuroo made his way to the door saying he was going to try talking to Tsukishima. A few people from Karasuno tried to interject but he reasoned that it would be best for someone outside of the team to speak with him. After all, the whole team was still shaken and reeling from the news about Yamaguchi.

Kuroo found Tsukishima just outside of the gym kicking at the grass and dirt, clearly trying to contain his anger and frustration and whatever other emotions threatened to take control.

“Yo” he said, making his presence known.

Tsukishima turned his scowl in his direction.

“Are we starting again?” he asked curtly.

“No. At least not with you like this.”

Tsukishima tsked and retured his gaze to the ground, trying to show he was in no mood for this. Kuroo carried on anyway.

“Look, I know this is really hard news to process but you can’t keep going like this. You could have seriously injured one of my team back there.”

Tsukishima huffed out a sigh. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. You guys can continue without me.”

“We could. But that doesn’t help you at all. Right now you need—”

“You don’t know what I need right now”

“Maybe not, but neither do you. The rest of your team is also struggling with the news, but they haven’t put my team or anyone else in danger because of it. I know this hits you the hardest, but—”

“But what?! I’m supposed to just take this like everyone else? I’m the one who’s known him the longest! I’m the one who’s closest to him out of everyone here! But that doesn’t seem to matter, I didn’t even get the courtesy of being told by him directly! I had to find out along with everyone else!”

“We were both there, man. You know just as well as I that that’s not how he wanted to tell you or the team.”

“What good does that do? It doesn’t change the fact that that’s how I found out!”

“I know this is unbelievably hard to process, but it’s not. About. You” Kuroo paused to let the words sink in. “It’s about Yamaguchi. In the midst of all this, did you ever once stop to think about how hard this has been on him? What he’s had to go through? What he’s been dealing with all this time?”

Tsukishima paused. He had been so caught up in his anger at being on of the last to know that he hadn’t considered much of what his best friend had been going through. Shame began to build up and push past all of his other emotions as he began to think about Yamaguchi’s actions the past few months, paying special attention to the past few days. The words Yamaguchi had yelled at him the previous night started to sink in as he realized that was the first time Yamaguchi had truly yelled at him out of anger. He thought of how upset and scared he had sounded after waking up from what must have been a terrible nightmare.

Yamaguchi had nightmares before, more so when they were kids, but even then he would calm down quickly after realizing it was only a dream and was nothing to be afraid of. But last night he did not calm down. Even with several people trying to comfort and reassure him, they even had to go get Takeda-sensei. Obviously what scared him in his dream was a fear that he held outside of sleep. All of his own anger and irritation at his best friend was suddenly washed out of him as the words he had repeated over and over through tears crashed over the tall teen. _I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die._

Tsukishima sank to the ground and rested his back on the gym. One arm resting on his knees while he placed his other elbow on a knee and buried his forehead into his palm.

“I’m such an asshole” he muttered.

“Well…yeah” Kuroo smirked and sat next to him, “but not because of this. Anyone would struggle to handle this situation just as much. All that matters is that you’re there for him. I only found out by accident and I don’t know the guy very well, but I do know that he is struggling with this a lot, and he is terrified. I know you’re not much of a feelings guy, but you gotta be there for him, man. He needs you. More than ever.”

With that, Kuroo clapped him on the shoulder a couple times and got up to rejoin his team in the gym, leaving Tsukishima alone with his thoughts. He still had no idea how to handle this situation, but one thing was for sure. He had to apologize to Yamaguchi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support!! The amount of feedback I got from the last chapter was so encouraging, you guys are the reason I still have motivation to finish this. The next chapter will have less angst than this one but the angst is far from over.
> 
> I love reading your comments so please let me know what you think!


	15. A Talk Between Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi and Tsukishima finally have a much needed talk after reconciling with the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late!! I just couldn't get it quite finished in time for last Friday! Anyway, here is a well deserved break from all the angst, enjoy copious amounts of fluff and friendship! 
> 
> Also, someone pointed out that I have not been labeling any spoilers for KnB, I wasn't originally planning on having them be such a big part of the story so I'm sorry if I've spoiled anything for anyone. That being said, there is a possible spoiler in the omake about Kuroko and Akashi's relationship in middle school and how Kuroko ended up on the first string, if you have not made it that far in the story you can skip the omake, I'll summarize it in the end notes.

Yamaguchi was feeling significantly better after his trip to the hospital. It was sad to say goodbye to Kuroko and the rest, but he was itching to get back to Fukurodani and talk to his team. The train ride back was much less awkward and tense, this time sitting in comfortable silence. Takeda-sensei noticed the change in the boy’s demeanor immediately but didn’t want to push.

“I’m sorry” Yamaguchi broke the silence.

Takeda-sensei looked puzzled but happy he was speaking again. “Whatever for?”

Yamaguchi thought for a moment. “I’m not really sure…I just felt like I needed to say it.”

The teacher smiled down at him and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, letting him know everything was okay.

“I’m not really going to quit. I guess I just got caught up in the moment” he said, feeling relieved to finally say it out loud.

“I know…I know” Takeda-sensei said, rubbing the boy’s head through his hat, “you’re allowed to lose your composure every once in a while. In fact, I was getting a little worried that you haven’t acted out.”

Yamaguchi looked up at him, confusion written all over his face. “Really?”

The teacher smiled and nodded, stifling a chuckle. “It’s not good to keep everything bottled up. I’d rather you lash out at people than keep all of this inside, you’ll tear yourself apart like that.”

Yamaguchi gave a small smile and looked down. Sometimes Sensei really did remind him of his mother.

By the time they made it back to Fukurodani, they were finishing up the last practice games of the day before the coaches and managers left to prepare dinner. Karasuno was facing Fukurodani and losing badly. He could tell his team’s heart wasn’t in the game, everyone looked distracted and a bit downcast. From where he was standing in the doorway, Yamaguchi cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted with all his might. “KARASUNO, FIGHT!”

The whole gym froze in place just before Asahi was about to serve and everyone’s heads whipped around. Karasuno looked shocked at first, but once they saw Yamaguchi’s smile and determined gaze, their eyes sparkled and spirits soared with a renewed drive to win. Yamaguchi jogged over to where the rest of the team was standing on the sidelines and they all clapped his back and gave him one-armed hugs.

From that point on the whole atmosphere of the game changed. Asahi performed his first successful running jump serve during a game leaving the other team scrambling to receive it. They recovered quickly but Noya made a fantastic save on Bokuto’s spike giving them a chance to attack. Hinata successfully faked out the blockers leaving Tanaka clear to blast the ball to the other side. Yamaguchi cheered with the rest of the team as Karasuno scored their first point in over five minutes. The point gap continued to shrink as Karasuno found their groove. It was anyone’s game now.

Both teams were sweating heavily and panting. The game was drawing to a close and no one could predict who the winner would be. Yamaguchi stood in awe while watching the final set develop. He simply couldn’t believe the drastic change in his team just from him being there. The last few minutes were intense but Fukurodani came out on top, winning by only two points. It was the closest Karasuno had come to beating Fukurodani throughout the whole training camp so there was still an air of celebration even though they lost.

Once the team had settled down, Yamaguchi turned to face them and bowed. “I’m really sorry, everyone!” He blurted out.

They all looked at him with varying levels of shock and confusion. Yamaguchi straightened up but kept his eyes on the floor as he sheepishly continued. “I never should have said I was quitting. I was just frustrated and overwhelmed and…I guess I just got caught up in the moment. I didn’t mean to worry you guys, and I definitely didn’t want to distract you from the game, so I’m sorry.” Yamaguchi bowed once again, cheeks burning in shame and embarrassment.

A gentle hand touched his head as an equally gentle voice spoke. “You have nothing to be sorry for. We worry about you because we care about you. Honestly, we were more worried about your wellbeing than what you said. No one really believed you were quitting, we could tell you were just upset and overwhelmed, which is completely understandable” Suga said.

Yamaguchi slowly straightened from his bow and looked at his senpai. “Really?” he asked quietly.

Suga nodded and smiled. “Of course. It would be enough to overwhelm anybody.”

“You’re strong, Yamaguchi. But even the strongest people break under enough pressure” Daichi said, clapping him on the shoulder.

“You don’t need to bear this weight alone anymore. We’re still a little in shock, but we’re all here for you, never forget that” Ennoshita said.

“Thank you, everyone. I’m still sorry for causing you guys to be distracted though…” Yamaguchi said.

“Don’t worry about that, even if we’re distracted we can still kick butt!” Noya said.

“Yeah! Plus, it was kinda cool to see you yell like that. Didn’t know you had it in you!” Tanaka chimed in.

“And what you said to Tsukishima was kinda funny” Hinata added.

Noya and Tanaka snickered into their hands until Daichi shot them a scathing look. Suga placed his hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder. “You’re more important that volleyball. We can afford one day of worrying about you instead of focusing on the game if that means you’ll be alright” Suga smiled reassuringly.

Yamaguchi glanced at the rest of the team and everyone seemed to agree. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes before they could escape and beamed at his team.

Once things started to settle down, Tsukishima, who had been watching on the sidelines, made his way over to Yamaguchi. For once in his life, he approached his friend without his usual air of calm confidence. “Yamaguchi, can we talk?” he said.

Yamaguchi eyed him with trepidation, after seeing his friend was no longer mad, he nodded and lead the way out of the gym. The two found a bench outside and sat down in awkward silence, neither sure of how to begin.

“I’m sorry, Yamaguchi. I got so caught up in my own head I didn’t stop to consider how you must have been feeling this whole time.”

Yamaguchi shook his head and gave a tiny smile. “It’s okay, Tsukki. You were just trying to process everything. I shouldn’t have yelled at you either.”

“You were right though. I am emotionally constipated.”

At that, the two gave out a couple of weak chuckles.

“I am sorry about how you found out though…I really did want to tell you personally” Yamaguchi said.

“When…were you going to tell me?” Tsukki asked carefully.

Yamaguchi took a breath. “Honestly…I don’t know. I knew you would have to find out eventually, but I think a part of me was just hoping I could get through this without you ever having to know…”

Yamaguchi looked down guiltily.

“Why?...I mean, you tell me everything. I thought I knew you better than anyone” Tsukki said, still trying to stay calm and collected.

Yamaguchi lifted his head and looked straight ahead, a distant look in his eye. “When you’re diagnosed with cancer…it slowly takes over your life. It dictates what you eat, how much you eat, when you sleep, what you can do, where you can go, how long you can be away from home. You feel like you spend just as much time at the hospital as you do your own house. It infects everything. Your grades drop because you can’t focus. You’re tired all the time. You’re sick all the time. People look at you different. Suddenly they see you as some pitiful creature to feel sorry for. It even controls your thoughts if you’re not careful. It becomes your identity. No one in elementary school remembers me for who I was, what I liked, what I didn’t like, what I was good at, what I was bad at. They only remember me as the kid who had cancer. Even after I got better it’s all people saw me as. You crave for any bit of normalcy you can get, any aspect of life that’s untouched by cancer.

You were the first friend I ever made that didn’t know. You liked me for me. You didn’t pity me even though the first time we met I was on the ground surrounded by bullies. You were the first part of my life that I was able to take back from cancer.

When it came back I…it was devastating. I had finally gotten a life with good friends and a good school with a club that I liked. No one knew about the cancer. No one saw me as the sick kid. I was just like everyone else. I wanted so desperately to have just one thing that wasn’t effected by cancer, and I really wanted it to be your friendship. It was the first normal part of my life and I wanted to keep it that way. I know you didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark, I just couldn’t bring myself to let cancer touch the one thing I wanted to keep away from it…”

Tsukishima was speechless, thoughts racing through his head. He couldn’t believe everything Yamaguchi had been keeping to himself. How had he been able to smile and joke around this whole time? Sure, everyone noticed the changes in his behavior and mood, but there were still plenty of times when he had seemed to genuinely be happy and enjoy himself. If he were in the same situation, he’d probably be bitter and taking it out on everyone around him.

“You…are so much stronger than I have ever given you credit for” he finally said, still in awe.

Yamaguchi whipped his head over in shock, looking at Tsukki for the first time in the whole conversation.

“I can’t believe you’re the one who’s been looking up to me this whole time. You’ve dealt with so much more than I have and…there’s no way I would have handled any of it as good as you. I don’t know how you do it but…I’m not as strong as you.”

Yamaguchi was completely speechless. He had looked up to and admired Tsukki since the day they met, and now the tall blond that’s usually brimming with confidence is saying _he’s_ the strong one?! It simply didn’t make sense to him. Tears began to build up and he had no idea why. He looked down at his lap overwhelmed by emotions he couldn’t even begin to process. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands but the tears fell anyway. Tsukki awkwardly placed a hand on his shoulder, not comfortable and not used to dealing with such emotionally heavy situations. The only time he had dealt with something heavy was when he found out his brother had been lying to him about being the ace, and even then he only dealt with it by pulling away from his brother and caring less about volleyball. This time he would find a better way to deal with his emotions, for Yamaguchi’s sake as well as his own.

 

The rest of the day went by much smoother now that Yamaguchi had reconciled with the rest of the team and, more importantly, Tsukki. Since he no longer had to hide everything from the team, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could actually enjoy the training camp. He was genuinely happy to be able to cheer on his team from the sidelines, having come to fully understand the power he held by doing so. During free practice, he was even able to shoot off a few serves, feeling less frustrated when they didn’t go as well as he had hoped. After his trip to the hospital today, he learned that he needed to be more patient with himself and just be happy that he could play at all. His thoughts drifted to Kiyoshi and he was filled with determination. At least he had a chance to play to his full potential when he got better, there was no guarantee that Kiyoshi would ever make it back to his strongest even with the surgery.

Kiyoshi’s words echoed in his head.   _Wow…that’s incredible. Makes me feel like I’ll surely make it back to the court one day_. Determination began to swell up inside him and he recalled the words Tsukki had spoken earlier that day. _You…are so much stronger than I have ever given you credit for…_ _I don’t know how you do it but…I’m not as strong as you_.

Noya stood on the other side of the net, waiting. The two had been practicing together as Noya wanted to work on receiving jump float serves. Yamaguchi opened his eyes and let out a slow breath, his mind sharp and focused, feeling more confident than he had been in a while. Tossing the ball, he ran slowly at first then, picking up more speed he jumped and hit the ball. His hand met the ball perfectly. As he landed, he heard the familiar sound of the ball hitting the wood floor. Looking up he saw the ball rolling away and Noya on the ground wearing an equally shocked expression as his own. He had just hit a serve that not even Noya could save! After a moment of silence, Noya sprang up and ran over. “Yamaguchi!!” he yelled as he jumped and gave the stunned, freckled teen a double high-five.

Other teammates came over, giving him high-fives and clapping him on the back, all just as excited as he was. The mood during dinner was light and happy, the complete opposite of the night before. Karasuno was congratulating Yamaguchi on his serve as well as celebrating the fact that he was not quitting the team after all. They mostly talked about practice and how they had almost beaten Fukurodani, strategizing on what they could have done differently to pull ahead.

That night, despite feeling relaxed and falling asleep quickly, Yamaguchi found himself in the eerie white maze again.

_The floor was covered in the black oily substance and he could feel the presence of death. He began running through the passageways, desperate to find a way out. The black substance began rising rapidly making it difficult to run. Before he knew it, he was waist deep in black muck with nothing but twists and turns ahead. Frantically, he whipped his head around in all directions not knowing where to go. Soon, his feet couldn’t even touch the ground anymore and he was forced to swim. He gasped for air as he struggled to stay above the surface. It was too thick to swim so all he could do was fight to breath. Suddenly, he heard someone calling his name. “Yamaguchi…Yamaguchi!”_

_He looked up and saw Tsukki kneeling on top of the maze stretching a hand down over the ledge. Yamaguchi lunged in his direction and Tsukki caught his wrist keeping him above the surface. Suddenly, Suga’s hand reached down and snatched his other hand stabilizing him and drawing him farther out of the muck. Two more pairs of hands appeared and grabbed on to his upper arms. Looking up, Yamaguchi saw Daichi and Ennoshita helping Suga and Tsukki pull him out. After a couple moments, the four of them had successfully pulled Yamaguchi out of the maze and he was surrounded by the rest of his team. Everyone placed a comforting hand on his head, back, or shoulder as he regained his bearings. His breath slowly returned to normal as he started to relax._

Yamaguchi lay soundly on his futon surrounded by his teammates, all laying a hand on the recently calmed teen. Tsukishima had noticed his friend thrashing and gasping for air in his sleep so he called his name trying to wake him up. When that hadn’t worked, he grabbed his wrist and was about to shake him awake when he noticed Yamaguchi had calmed a bit at his touch. Suddenly, Suga was at his side holding Yamaguchi’s other hand. Before he knew it, the rest of the team had woken up and began surrounding their distressed, sleeping teammate, placing a comforting hand on him. Soon enough, Yamaguchi’s frantic movements had stopped and his breath began to slow down. Everyone stayed like that until Yamaguchi was peacefully asleep.

 

 

 

Omake

“Are you sure they’ll be fine with us just barging in on their training camp?” Kagami asked skeptically.

“Of course! Everyone will be thrilled at the opportunity to meet me” Kise said sparkling.

“We don’t even play the same sport so it’s not like we’re spying on them or anything, I don’t see what the big deal is” Aomine chimed in.

“It is rather rude to just show up uninvited though” Kuroko said.

“It’s not fair though! You guys got to see Yamacchi and me and Aominecchi didn’t!” Kise whined.

“Ugh, fine! Let’s just go so I don’t have to listen to this anymore” Kagami said and started walking.

The group of boys approached the school and quickly found the gym. As they approached, Ukai saw the strangers coming and quickly made his way over to intervene.

“Sorry boys, this is a closed training camp. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave” Ukai said, confused as to why there was a group of teenage boys outside of the gym.

“Actually we’re here to see—” Akashi started.

“YAMACCHI! OVER HERE, YAMACCHI!!” Kise called out with one hand cupping his mouth while the other waved excitedly.

Aomine rolled his eyes while Kagami facepalmed. Akashi’s eye twitched from being interrupted.

Yamaguchi whipped his head around and dropped the ball he was about to serve. His eyes grew wide and he froze in shock (and slight embarrassment) as everyone stopped what they were doing to look between Kise and Yamaguchi. Most of them simply looked confused, but the few of them that recognized Kise were flabbergasted. “Yamaguchi!” Bokuto called out in amazement, “you know Kise?! As in Kise the model?!!”

Yamaguchi raised a hand to the back of his head in embarrassment. “Uh…yeah? They’re some friends I met at the hospital” he said, still trying to wrap his head around the situation.

“Yeah!” Kise said, either oblivious or simply not caring about everyone’s shock, “it’s not fair that Kagamicchi, Akashicchi, and Kurokocchi got to see you the other day and I didn’t! I even saw them later that day too, you guys should have called me!”

“Oh! That’s right! I remember seeing you boys at the hospital a couple of times. You’re the ones who returned Yamaguchi-kun’s bear. Is Kuroko-kun not with you today?” Takeda said, recognizing they group of boys.

“I’ve been here the whole time” Kuroko said making everyone jump.

No one realized there were five of them and not four. Once his heart returned to normal, Takeda spoke up again. “I’m sorry Kuroko-kun, I’m not quite used to your lack of presence.”

“That’s okay, most people aren’t” Kuroko said completely serious.

“Is it alright if we visit with Yamaguchi? We don’t get many opportunities to meet in person” Akashi said.

“Of course! You can use the classroom our team is sleeping in, Yamaguchi will show you there” Takeda-sensei said.

Still dazed and confused (and a bit embarrassed) Yamaguchi lead them to the classroom and set up a few futons for them to sit on.

“So…um…what are you all doing here? I never expected you to show up at my training camp” Yamaguchi said, feeling a little awkward.

“I told you! It’s not fair that they all went to the hospital and saw you without me!” Kise said.

“Hey, I wasn’t there either, you don’t see me whining about it” Aomine said.

“That’s cause you’re still sore about Yamacchi looking better with blue hair.”

“WHA—?"

“Speaking of which! Where’s your wig, Yamacchi? We need to see a side-by-side comparison!”

Kise looked at him with excited eyes. Since the team found out, Yamaguchi had started wearing his beanie more often since the wig would get sweaty under the summer sun.

“I have it right here” he said as he pulled it out of his bag.

Kise squealed in excitement as he turned to face them now sporting blue hair.

“Huh, you really do look like Aomine’s little brother like that” Akashi said, mildly amused.

“I still think it looks better on Yamaguchi” Kagami said matter-of-factly as Kuroko nodded in agreement.

“It’s my natural hair color!!” Aomine snapped.

“Well, if we’re talking natural hair color, I’d say Kuroko pulls off the blue hair better than you” Akashi said.

“Hah?!” Aomine exclaimed.

“Of course he does! He’s kurokocchi!” Kise said.

“They’re two completely different shades of blue! You can’t compare them!” Aomine said.

“Yes you can. That’s how you decide what shade of blue to paint your house. You compare and find out which shade is better. In this case it’s Kuroko…and Yamaguchi” Kagami said.

“Screw you guys! Kuroko looks good with that color because he’s practically a ghost! And obviously Yamaguchi has a good color because it’s fake! It was made that way!” Aomine said.

At that, everyone turned to look at Yamaguchi who had his head bent down and was shaking. They all immediately worried over him and Aomine instantly calmed down feeling guilty about commenting on his fake hair like that. After a few tense moments of uncertainty, Yamaguchi raised his head and finally let out the laughter he was trying to hold back. Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry! But listening to you guys is really funny. I don’t get a lot of funny moments these days” Yamaguchi said through the last of his chuckles.

“I’m glad we can help” Kuroko smiled at him.

“For what it’s worth, you do pull of blue hair pretty well…” Aomine said awkwardly.

“That’s what we’ve been saying, idiot” Kagami said.

Aomine shot him a scathing look and was about to say something when he was interrupted by Kise. “We have to take a picture!” he said, pulling a camera out of nowhere.

“Oh, sure. That would be nice” Yamaguchi said.

“Of you two!” Kise said pointing at Yamaguchi and Aomine.

“Eh?”

“What?!”

Yamaguchi and Aomine spoke at the same time.

“We need to document this! You two look just like brothers with the dark skin and blue hair!” Kise said as he pushed the two together.

Aomine was still fuming at Kagami’s comment while Yamaguchi felt awkward and uncomfortable being pushed so close to him. He was clearly angry and Yamaguchi didn’t talk with him much so he still didn’t really know him that well.

After a flash of light, the group was surrounding Kise peering down at the picture he just took. Aomine had his arms crossed with an angry face while Yamaguchi gave a nervous smile and a weak wave to the camera.

“I’ll make sure you both get a copy” Kise said.

Yamaguchi thanked him. Aomine grumbled but didn’t refuse the idea of receiving a copy.

“Before I forget, I got you something, Yamaguchi-kun” Kuroko said as he pulled out a bag of sour candies.

Yamaguchi’s eye’s widened in surprise. “You didn’t have to give me anything” he said.

“I know, but you’ve been talking about how the chemo has been effecting your taste buds so I thought I’d get you something you could taste.”

Yamaguchi gave a small, shy smile and accepted the candies. “Thank you, about the only thing I can taste right now is hot and sour. I was only venting though, I didn’t expect you to do anything.”

Kuroko gave a small smile while Kise looked shocked and offended. “Kurokocchi!! You brought him a present?! That’s not fair, now the rest of us look bad for not getting anything! Why didn’t you tell us you bought that?”

“When did you even buy that? We’ve been with you all day!” Kagami said, perplexed.

“Speaking of which, I got you this” Akashi pulled out a bottle of hot sauced and gave it to Yamaguchi.

“Akashicchi too?!!” Kise screeched.

“Okay, Kuroko I can understand, but how did you also buy something without us noticing?” Kagami said.

Akashi gave a sly smile. “You forget who discovered and drew Kuroko’s talent out of him in the first place.”

Kagami and Aomine looked annoyed, Kise still looked offended that they got gifts without telling anyone, and Yamaguchi cocked his head slightly to the side in confusion.

Akashi’s sly smile grew a bit wider as he turned to Yamaguchi. “Misdirection.”

Yamaguchi smiled and nodded in understanding. “Thank you for these. It’ll be nice to actually taste something when I eat” he turned to the other three, “don’t worry about not getting anything. This surprise visit was more than enough.”

He smiled happily at everyone and turned to place his goodies in his bag. As he opened his bag to put the stuff away, Akashi glanced inside. “You look just like your mother” he commented.

Yamaguchi looked up in surprise before his eyes landed on the picture he had brought with him. It was taken the day they found out he was in remission. A young Yamaguchi was beaming at the camera, holding tight to Ki-chan while Himeko wrapped her boy in a loving hug, an equally elated smile on her face. Yamaguchi gazed at the picture and smiled softly.

“Thank you…she raised me all by herself. I’m proud to look like her” Yamaguchi said, overwhelming love for his mother suddenly swelling up inside.

“What happened to your father?” Akashi asked.

“Apparently he left shortly after I was born. I guess he never wanted kids and my mom refused to give me up.”

A heavy silence followed and Yamaguchi looked up to see the solemn faces of his newest friends. “It’s okay! Really, it’s fine. I never knew him, plus my mom has been so great I never felt like I needed him anyway. It’s been a lot harder on her than it has been for me” Yamaguchi hastily said, not wanting them to needlessly feel bad for him.

The atmosphere lightened considerably after that and the boys spent the rest of the afternoon talking and joking around.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fluff! There is still plenty of angst to come. As always, feedback keeps me motivated, I love hearing what you guys think about the story, even if I don't respond I do read all the comments!
> 
> For those who skipped the omake to avoid possible spoilers, basically what happened was Kise dragged Aomine, Kuroko, Kagami, and Akashi to Fukurodani because he was jealous that they (minus Aomine) got to see Yamaguchi in the hospital without him. They all hang out in the classroom that Karasuno is sleeping in, Kise forces Yamaguchi and Aomine to take a picture together because Yams looks like Aomine's little brother with his blue wig. Kuroko and Akashi reveal that they bought sour candies and hot sauce for Yamaguchi because he had vented to Kuroko before about only really being able to taste hot or sour things, Kise gets upset that the two of them bought gifts without anyone else knowing and feels like they made the rest of them look like jerks for not bringing something. Kagami and Aomine are more concerned about how the two managed to buy the stuff without the rest of them knowing.


	16. There's no Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The training camp comes to a close and as the Karasuno boys return to the comfort of home they finally begin to process the severity of what happened at camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is angsty but also super fluffy. It's also longer than I thought it would be so enjoy all the content! 
> 
> I think from now on I will update on weekends instead of fridays to make things a little easier on myself.

The rest of the training camp went by without incident. On the last day, the teachers and coaches held a barbeque as a reward for the boys which made most of the teens go crazy with excitement. Yamaguchi was happy to see everyone so lively even if he himself could really only stomach the onigiri that was made to go with the meat. He chuckled silently at the watermelon seed spitting contest that started up. It was quickly shut down when Hinata accidentally choked on one of the seeds.

Tsukki came over to sit with him in the shade as Yamaguchi was adding the hot sauce he got from Akashi to his onigiri. “I thought you didn’t like spicy food” Tsukki said.

“I do when it’s the only thing I can taste” Yamaguchi said.

Tsukki looked at him quizzically as a few others within earshot looked over in curiosity. Yamaguchi glanced up and realized he had to explain himself. “The chemo is messing with my taste buds…hot and sour are about all I can taste right now…”

He began to feel a little awkward catching so much attention. “That’s crazy, chemo effects what you can taste?” Noya said.

“Geez, I thought it just made you throw up and stuff” Tanaka said.

“Well, it’s basically poison being injected directly into your veins so it had a lot of different side-effects” Yamaguchi said.

“Whoa, that’s so hardcore!” Taketora said, impressed.

“I guess…I never really thought of it that way” Yamaguchi said, not expecting that reaction at all.

“Wait, if you’re being poisoned then how are you not dead?” Hinata asked.

“Not all poisons kill you, dumbass!” Kageyama said.

“I was just asking! Usually when you poison something it dies!”

“Uh, it’s not entirely poison, it’s got some other stuff in it, I think. I’m not really sure what all is in it, but it’s the only thing that’s strong enough to kill the cancer, even though it does do a lot of other stuff to the body, it’s the best option I have for now” Yamaguchi said, wanting to stop the fight before it began.

 

Suga watched the group feeling bitter sweet. Daichi noticed the expression on his friend’s face and grew a bit worried. “Everything okay?” he asked.

“I guess, it’s just…he’s so thin and frail. How did we not notice? I mean, we knew something was wrong but… _how did we not notice_? He looks so sick” Suga said.

“I think the change was just so gradual that we got used to it without realizing what was happening. But, now that we know what’s going on it is quite obvious.”

“I just thought that if we knew what was wrong we would be able to help and better handle the situation…now that we know I feel even more helpless. I mean, what can we do? I was preparing myself for some sort of injury or condition more serious than asthma, but cancer? I don’t know what to do, Daichi. I don’t know what to do.”

Suga hung his head fighting back tears. Daichi put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “All we can do right now is be there for him. Lend him support when he needs it and try to make things feel as normal as possible” Daichi said, but deep down he felt just as helpless as his friend.

Suga hugged himself with one arm and brought the other one up to lay his forehead on his palm. “I’m scared” he quietly admitted in a shaky voice before he sniffed and let out the tears he had been holding in.

Asahi, who had been standing near the whole time, hung his head and screwed up his face before letting a few tears slip out. Ukai noticed the group of third years standing in the outskirts of the barbeque area and made his way over. He placed a hand on each of the crying teens and squeezed. “I wish I had the words to say to make everything better, but unfortunately that’s not how the world works. What I can say is that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel sad or angry or helpless. You need to let that stuff out, because if we want Yamaguchi to be okay, then we also need to be okay. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is a very difficult and painful situation for you boys to be in. So, go ahead and get out what you need to get out and then compose yourselves. When you’re done we’ve got some pretty good food waiting for you” Ukai said, ruffling the boys’ hair and smiling before heading back.

The three third years huddled together and allowed themselves to feel the grief they’ve been holding back.

 

After a little while the crowed surrounding Yamaguchi dispersed allowing him to take a breather. He retreated to a more secluded shady location and focused on resting. Before long, he felt another presence creep over and take a seat next to him on the ground. He cracked open his eyes and glanced over to see Kenma playing a game on his phone. “Kuro’s driving me nuts trying to get me to eat more than a few onigiri. He even took my PSP so I wouldn’t be distracted. Forgot about my phone though” Kenma said unprompted.

Yamaguchi chuckled softly. “At least I have an excuse. Although people do still try to get me to eat more.”

“You’re not going to throw up, are you?”

Both boys snickered at Kenma’s snarky comment.

“Can I join you?” a disgruntled looking Akaashi sat down on the other side of Yamaguchi and sighed. “I can’t take Bokuto-san carrying around Hinata-san and trying to use him as a watermelon seed machine gun anymore.”

Yamaguchi laughed quietly into his hand at the thought.

“How do you feel?” Akaashi asked.

“I’m…okay. I’m always a little nauseous and I’ve been getting some new symptoms since they had to up my dose of chemo. But overall, I guess I’ve been alright.”

“How’s it been since your team found out?”

“It’s been…weird. I don’t know, they seem to be handling it pretty well. It’s not as bad as I was expecting. I just…I never expected these parts of my life to mix and it’s just weird. It’s like when someone from your past you never wanted to see again suddenly shows up and meets all your new friends. Now that they all know, I can’t escape reality anymore. I can’t pretend everything’s normal anymore. It all feels more real.”

The three sat in silence for a while. There was nothing to be said. Both Kenma and Akaashi knew that he just needed to get things off his chest. Yamaguchi sighed after a moment of comfortable silence. “I do have to admit that it feels like a big weight’s been lifted off my shoulders though. I no longer have to stress about hiding everything from my friends.”

Akaashi gave a slight smile and clapped him on his shoulder. “That’s good. You need to keep finding those silver linings.”

After a moment of silent gratitude, the three lapsed into a light, comfortable conversation about the highlights of the training camp. The three talked until Yamaguchi fell asleep so Kenma and Akaashi decided to let him rest. Takeda-sensei noticed and got Ukai to help him get the boy on his back so he could take him inside. He was expecting it to be more difficult than it was but he managed to carry Yamaguchi with relative ease. It was rather disconcerting how light the boy was and how thin he felt.

As the teacher laid him down, Yamaguchi shifted and mumbled so Takeda-sensei gently pet his head to help lull him back to sleep. Yamaguchi let out a breath and he could feel the boy relaxing at his touch. Words could not describe how much it warmed his heart to see the small smile creep onto Yamaguchi’s face as he fell into a sound sleep.

Himeko hadn’t given much details, but she had told him that Yamaguchi’s father left shortly after his birth. At that moment in time, Takeda could not even begin to fathom why someone would want to leave such a sweet and precious boy. He desperately wished he could have met Yamaguchi when he was still a young child. There was no doubt in his mind that the freckled boy would have been the cutest little thing.

 

The training camp wrapped up and soon everyone was back on the bus to Karasuno. It didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to conk out and while the rest of the team was exhausted, they were all kept awake by the events of the camp. They had all been so busy that no one had any quiet time to fully comprehend everything they learned. There were a few more quiet tears and whispered discussions between friends trying to come to terms with the fact that one of their own has cancer. Eventually, as they drew closer to the school, they all fell asleep one by one as they each drew support and comfort from one another. It was difficult news to process, but they were a strong team in more ways than one and they knew that. They would get through this.

 

The sun was setting by the time they made it back to the school. Most of them would be walking or taking the train back home but a few had family members waiting in the parking lot. As soon as the bus stopped, Himeko made her way over, anxiously waiting. The boys were gently roused from their sleep and began unloading from the bus.

“Tadashi!” Himeko called out as soon as she saw her son step foot off the bus.

Yamaguchi hurried over to his mom beaming. A feeling of relief washed over him as the tension he didn’t even know he was carrying drained out of his body.

“How are you? How did it go?” she asked her son with baited breath while wrapping him up in a warm hug, worried about how he was feeling now that the team knew.

“I’m…fine. Honest. Everyone took it pretty well. I’ll tell you about it in the car.”

“Okay” Himeko smiled at her son and nodded before wrapping him in another hug, happy and relieved to see Tadashi was okay after a long week away.

The team watched the exchange from a distance with mixed emotions. It was a sweet moment to watch, but many of them also felt a pang of empathy for Yamaguchi’s mom. They couldn’t fathom what it must be like for her, Yamaguchi being her only child as a single mom. A few of the boys felt a great admiration for the woman at that moment.

“RYUUUUU!!!!” an upbeat voice called out and Tanaka paled.

“Nee-san!!” Noya jumped and called back excitedly.

“Nee-chan, why are you here?” Tanaka asked, not looking forward to his sister’s driving.

“Hey! Where’s my thank you for deciding to come pick up my cute little brother” Saeko said while rubbing and pushing on his head rather hard.

“I was just hoping to make it home in one piece.”

“Why you—!" she gasped as she caught sight of Yamaguchi, “Yama-chan, I love the blue hair!”

Yamaguchi snapped his head in her direction and looked like a deer caught in the headlights as she rushed over, clearly intent on giving him a tight hug. Himeko stopped in her tracks as she was on her way to speak with Takeda-sensei and looked on in shock.

“You look so cute!!” Saeko squealed as she carefully yet tightly squeezed Yamaguchi to her chest.

Yamaguchi’s face burned and his body froze, unable to move a muscle due to shock and embarrassment. Himeko looked at her son equally shocked, eyes wide and mouth agape. Most of the team looked on in disbelief. Tanaka facepalmed and grumbled about his sister being embarrassing. Noya and the other second years were snickering at the situation. Suga was trying to sneak out his phone to take a picture.

“How have you been?” Saeko asked, finally letting go, “I see you went with blue for your wig. A bold choice. Unexpected from you, but I like it!”

She finally let go of the poor boy as he stumbled out a thank you and a barely comprehensible explanation of the mix up with the wig. Himeko made her way back over to her son once she had recollected herself. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Tadashi’s mom” Himeko said.

“Tanaka Saeko! Nice to meet you! That’s my little brother over there. OOOI!! RYUUUU!” she shouted waving at Tanaka who promptly buried his face in his hands.

“Oh, how nice. So, how do you know my son? Do you pick your brother up from practice or go to his games or something?” Himeko asked, still trying to figure out how this college-aged girl knows her son well enough to call him by a cute nickname and give him such a tight hug.

“Oh! Nothing like that. I gave Hinata and Kageyama a ride to the last training camp because they had to take a make-up exam. I ended up staying the whole time which was a good thing because that sensei over there borrowed my care to take Yama-chan to the hospital. I got to hang out with the little guy for a while till you got there” Saeko smiled and wrapped an arm around Yamaguchi a playfully tousled his blue hair.

“You did? Well I own you my gratitude then. Thank you for helping him to the hospital. I’m just relieved he didn’t end up there again this time.”

“Don’t mention it! I actually really liked getting to know him. He’s cuter than my own little brother.”

Himeko chuckled. “I’m sure you don’t mean that.”

“No, I’m joking. Mostly. But Yama-chan sure is adorable! I’ll be sure to come watch your next game!”

Saeko wrapped Yamaguchi up in another tight hug before bidding farewell and walking back to her thoroughly embarrassed brother.

“Go ahead and wait in the car, I’m just going to thank Takeda-sensei” Himeko said to her highly uncomfortable son.

Without a word, Yamaguchi got in the car and buried his fire-red face in his hands. He couldn’t believe he was hugged and squeezed like that by a college girl right in front of his mom! How embarrassing!

While her son was internally freaking out in the car, Himeko nervously made her way over to Takeda-san. The last time they talked they had agreed upon going on a date which still made her embarrassed.

“Hello, Takeda-san” she said as steadily as she could.

“Oh! Himeko-san! It’s very nice to see you” Takeda said, giving a flustered bow and blushing.

Himeko smiled and her stomach fluttered at how equally nervous he seemed. “I just wanted to thank you for taking care of my son this week. I know it had some rough parts, but I hope everything went well?”

“Of course! Tadashi-kun is a great boy, I was happy to do it! Everything went fine. The team has settled down after the initial shock and Tadashi-kun was pretty upset at first, but everyone handled it quite well. I’m sure Tadashi-kun will tell you all about it.”

“Good, thank you so much. I’ve been so worried this week.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“Also…um…I’m going to talk to Tadashi tonight so…uh, I guess I’ll call you later to let you know if we’re still on for Saturday.”

“Yes, of course! That’s the most important thing, there will ne no hard feelings no matter what. Tadashi-kun is what matters the most here!”

“Thank you for being so understanding. I’ll call you later.”

Himeko smiled and walked away, hoping her face wasn’t too red. Behind her, Takeda was thinking the same thing as Ukai shot him a sly smile.

As Yamaguchi was telling his mom about the events of the week, the rest of the team made their way home in varying states of unease and gloom.

Tanaka was too listless as soon as he got in his sister’s car to care about her driving. Saeko immediately noticed and grew worried. “What’s wrong Ryu? You’re kinda creeping me out with how calm and still you’re being” she said.

“I just…got some bad news during the training camp. I don’t really know how to deal with it” he said, glumly looking out the window, watching the scenery go by without really seeing it.

Saeko sighed in empathy. “It’s Yamaguchi, isn’t it?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

Tanaka looked over at her in shock, eyes finally showing some life. “How did you—?”

“I assume since you know about his condition you also know why he left the last camp early, right?”

He nodded his head, still in amazement.

“Well, since you guys took a bus to get there, Sensei needed to borrow my car to take him to the hospital so I went with him to help. Naturally, I found out since I was there in the emergency room.”

Tanaka was silent for a while so Saeko felt she should say something. “I’m really sorry, kiddo. That’s not something anyone your age should be dealing with.”

“Yeah…it’s not” he quietly agreed, staring out the window again.

The rest of the ride home was spent in silence bar from the occasional soft sniffles that Saeko pretended not to hear. She even drove like a sane person the whole way.

 

Once Daichi made it home from the train station, it was like the whole weight of the training camp hit him all at once. As the captain, he had done his best to put on a brave face and stay optimistic for the sake of the team. Now that he was home…well, he didn’t have to be the captain anymore. He thought he had come to terms with everything but he was beginning to realize he was just starting to process it. Sure, he was ready for a struggle and hard work when he declared his intentions to make it to nationals, but captaining a team with a member that had a life-threatening illness? He was not prepared for that. He could never be prepared for that. How was he supposed to lead them to victory with this hanging over their heads? When he himself was terrified?

“Hey, Daichi! You’re home! How was the big training camp?” his dad snapped him out of his thoughts, grinning big, waiting to hear all about his son’s trip.

His face fell as soon as he took in Daichi’s melancholy expression. “Is everything okay, son?”

Daichi slowly looked at his dad. “I…can’t do this…I can’t captain this team” he said as if he had just realized this himself.

“What are you talking about, Daichi? You’re a great captain!” his dad was growing worried.

Daichi just shook his head. “No…I can’t…I don’t know how…I don’t know how to do this. Leading them to nationals is one thing, but…but this? How do you keep your team from worrying when you’re terrified yourself? I don’t know how to deal with this. I can’t tell them everything will be fine. No one knows if it will be fine.”

“Daichi, what happened? I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

Daichi looked at his dad with the most heartbreaking expression in his eyes. “One of my first years has cancer.”

His dad gazed at him in shock for a moment before enveloping his son in a hug. Finally, after holding back since he first heard the news, Daichi cried.

 

Suga was greeted by his mother as soon as he got home. “Welcome home, Koushi. How was the training camp?”

He smiled at his mom and greeted her after being gone for a week. “It was…” his face fell, “it was…” feeling a familiar burning in his eyes, he screwed up his face and let out a choked sob. He thought he was all cried out at this point, but he guessed now that he was home, away from the eyes of his team, he was fully able to relax and not hold back.

His mom instantly grew worried. “Koushi? What’s wrong? Did something happen at camp?”

Suga shook his head. “The camp was fine…it’s just…I found out…one of our first years has cancer” he managed to get out in between hiccups and sniffles.

“Oh Honey” his mom wrapped him in a hug at a loss for words. What could she possibly say to something like that?

Suga cried in his mother’s arms until he was too tired to keep standing, feeling like a young child again seeking the comforting safety of his mom’s embrace.

 

The whole thing had been confusing and difficult for Hinata and Kageyama. They both had a hard time wrapping their brains around what transpired at the camp. On the one hand, they made amazing progress on their new quick attack and were feeling quite proud, on the other, Yamaguchi had cancer. Of course, they were well aware of what cancer was, but it always seemed like this mythical horrible monster that only attacked other people. No one ever expects it to happen to themselves or anyone close to them, especially not at that age. The only thing they were used to worrying about was volleyball and occasionally their grades (when they threatened to get in the way of volleyball).

When Kageyama got home, his parents could instantly tell something was wrong. It took them a while to get him to explain, but he eventually opened up knowing he was only going to grow frustrated trying to sort out his own thoughts by himself. He ended up staying up late into the night talking with his parents and figuring out how to deal with this news. It was the longest conversation the two adults ever had with their son, they just wished it was about something different.

Hinata’s mom could also tell something was wrong immediately. No matter how hard he tried to be upbeat for his sister, his mom could see through his farce right away. However, she also knew that whatever was bothering him, he wanted to keep Natsu from worrying about him, so they both waited until the little orange ball of energy went to bed before talking about it. It didn’t take long for Hinata to explain what was wrong, but he did end up crying in his mom’s arms late into the night, so late that he fell asleep in his mom’s bed. She usually didn’t let her children make a habit of sleeping in her bed, but this night was an exception.

 

The rest of the team had similar reactions, some stayed up late talking with their parents, a few others cried. Ennoshita found himself unable to sleep so he laid in bed researching leukemia on his phone. One thing that they all had in common though, was the fact that now that they were each in the comfort of their own home, they were finally beginning to fully process the fact that one of their own had cancer.

 

As much as Tsukishima was looking forward to being home after such an intense and stressful week, he was not quite ready to face his mom and brother. The last time they had talked was when he yelled at them on the phone for knowing about Yamaguchi before he did. Now that he had talked things through with Yamaguchi, he thought about it with a more level head and understood why they never said anything.

“I’m home” he said softly once he entered the front door.

“Welcome home Kei” his mother said a bit timidly, trying to gage his reaction.

“Mom, I’m…I’m sorry for yelling at you. I understand it wasn’t your place to tell me that, it was up to Yamaguchi.”

She breathed a sigh of relief that her son was no longer upset about that. “It’s alright, Kei. I know it must have been terrible to find out. You were just trying to process everything.”

She wrapped her son in a hug that he reluctantly accepted. Kei was obviously still upset about Yamaguchi as he very rarely accepts hugs anymore. Just then, Akiteru nervously came around the corner, unsure how his brother felt about him at the moment. He waited for the hug to end before speaking up. “Kei…I’m really sorry. I was never supposed to know, I just accidently overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have and—” he was cut off by Tsukishima shaking his head.

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for that. I just didn’t know how to handle everything and I took it out on you” he said.

It was difficult for him to say these things, it was very uncool and damaged his pride, but he was trying to actually process his emotions for Yamaguchi’s sake. He couldn’t afford to accidently hurt his best friend again, especially since he needs Tsukishima’s support now more than ever.

He took a breath and steeled himself one more time. This next part was the one thing he was least looking forward to but it needed to be done, the past week made this abundantly clear.

“I’m sorry…Aniki” he spoke softly, staring at the floor.

Akiteru stared at him with wide eyes, never expecting to hear those words from his brother directed at him so sincerely. “Kei…it’s okay, you don’t need to worry about it, you were upset.”

“No, not that” he shook his head, “I’m sorry for the past few years. I’ve been very unfair to you.”

Akiteru was speechless. He never expected this. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m the one who lied, it’s my fault.”

Tsukishima lifted his head up and looked his brother in the face. “No, it’s not. I looked up to you so much that you felt pressured to uphold a certain image of yourself in my eyes. You put in all your effort so that I would keep looking up to you only to be devastated when I found out the truth. If I didn’t put you up on such a high pedestal, you wouldn’t have needed to lie.”

There were now tears forming in Akiteru’s eyes. “Oh Kei…of course I wanted you to look up to me! You’re my little brother! You don’t have to apologize for that, I should have had more faith in you to know the truth from the start and still look up to me. It was my own insecurities that got in the way” the tears began slowly streaming down his face.

“Yet I’m the one that created all this distance because I made you feel insecure. The truth is…I didn’t distance myself because I lost respect for you…I was disappointed in myself for driving you to go to such lengths just to earn my approval.”

Tsukishima was looking at the ground again, embarrassed and uncomfortable at having to say such things.

Akiteru began crying harder. “You didn’t have to do that. I love you Kei. All those decisions I made were mine, you didn’t force me to do anything.”

Tsukishima huffed, he couldn’t tolerate anymore of this sappy back and forth. “Look, are you going to accept my apology or not? I just want to move past this already.”

Akiteru smiled and chuckled wetly, knowing that his brother wasn’t going to relent. “Of course I accept. I was just caught completely off-guard is all. I never expected this conversation to happen.”

“Yeah, well…it’s just, with everything that happened with Yamaguchi it made me realize how petty this whole thing was and…life’s too short to keep going like this. I guess it just put things into perspective…”

Before he could think about the repercussions, Akiteru wrapped his arms around his little brother in a compassionate hug. Tsukishima’s gut reaction was to push him away, but he begrudgingly accepted the hug, hardly daring to even admit to himself that he did kind of need it.

 

After Yamaguchi overcame his embarrassment of what happened with Saeko in front of his mom, he spent the rest of the car ride home telling Himeko all about the camp.

“It was really hard at first, but everyone seemed to take it well. They were upset and shocked, but I didn’t feel like any of them pitied me or felt sorry for me. It mostly just seemed like they were scared.”

“I had a feeling your team would take it well. They seem like a good group of boys. I’m so glad they took it well. I was so worried when Takeda-san called and told me what happened.”

“Yeah…I was pretty upset at first. I even acted out and said I was going to quit. I think I really worried everyone with that. But, it all worked out. I realized how important every member is to the team, even if they don’t play much.”

“I’m so proud of you, Tadashi. You’re still so dedicated to this sport even when you’re struggling so much.”

Yamaguchi blushed a little at his mom’s praise and looked down at his lap. Himeko smiled and gave him a moment before jumping back in to a heavy topic. “So…how did Kei take it?”

She already knew a little bit as Aiko had called her and told her about the phone call she’d had with Kei shortly after he found out.

“He…didn’t take it well…He was really upset that he was told with the rest of the team instead of personally. I tried to explain that I didn’t want him or the rest of them to find out like that, but I think he was just too shocked to think straight. We kind of ended up yelling at each other. We had a really good conversation the next day though, so everything’s good between us now.”

“I’m so sorry it happened that way, Honey. I was really hoping you would be able to tell everyone the way you wanted and when you were ready.”

“Well…I don’t think I was ever going to be ready so maybe it was for the best.”

Himeko smiled fondly at her son’s maturity. He had been forced to deal with way too much at such a young age but he had handled it all so well.

The rest of the trip home was spent highlighting the best moments of the camp and the things that were the most fun.

By the time they got home, Himeko was starting to feel nervous. She had resolved herself to talk to Tadashi as soon as possible about her upcoming date with Takeda-san and since he was in a good mood she figured now would probably be a good time. Tadashi got himself settled in and unpacked while she made a light snack. He probably wouldn’t be hungry, he rarely ever was, but she wanted him to eat something before bed to keep up his strength.

Tadashi made himself comfortable on the couch and she brought the snack to him then sat next to him, all the while growing more nervous. This was a conversation she never anticipated having with her son and the fact that Takeda-san was his teacher only made it harder to bring up. She knew they were on good terms and Tadashi liked him, but there was still no way of knowing how he would react.

“So…Tadashi, there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about” Himeko started.

Tadashi instantly looked like a deer in the headlights. “I’m sorry, I know I probably pushed myself a little too hard when I yelled at Tsukki and right after everyone found out, I was overwhelmed and wasn’t thinking—”

“No, no! Honey, you’re not in trouble, it’s nothing like that. I wanted to talk to you about Takeda-san.”

Tadashi looked relieved, then peered at her quizzically. “Takeda-sensei?”

She nodded, heart beating in her throat. “As you know, he’s been helping me and keeping me company at times and well…he has asked me out…on a date. Of course, if it makes you uncomfortable at all nothing will happen! It’s not set in stone, he understands and agrees that he won’t do anything or have any sort of hard feelings if you’re not completely okay with this. I just wanted to hear your thoughts before we move any further. There’s no pressure, I want to know you’re honest feelings about the prospect of me getting…romantically involved, with Takeda-san.”

Himeko felt like time slowed down as she watched her son stare at her in slight surprise with no indication of speaking. Her heart sank when Tadashi screwed up his face looking upset, like he was trying to hold back something unpleasant. Before she could reassure her son, he suddenly bolted up and ran out of the room. “Tadashi!” she called after him as she quickly recovered from her shock to follow.

She found him in the bathroom, retching in the toilet and she instantly figured out what had just happened. “Oh, Sweetie.” She kneeled next to him to rub soothing circles on his back as he emptied his stomach into the toilet.

She sighed in sympathy and in disappointment at herself. “I knew this was a bad idea. I need to be taking care of you, I can’t get distracted by frivolous things.”

Suddenly, Tadashi frantically shook his head, trying to catch his breath and push down the remaining nausea. Himeko could only watch her son in confusion and worry. “No” he managed to say as he began to regulate his breathing. “Don’t…don’t do that. I’m fine.”

“Honey…” she said with a hint of exasperation and gesturing to the toilet.

“I know, I know. What I mean is, I’ll be fine. We’re not alone this time. I have a lot of people looking out for me now, you don’t have to bear the burden all on your own. You’ve spent the last fifteen years putting me and my happiness first. I want you to start thinking about your own happiness too.”

“Oh, Tadashi. You are my—”

“I know. I know you’ve said that before and I recently came to realize that if I want you to be happy then I need to be happy. But it goes both ways. I need you to be happy in order for me to be fully happy. You’re my happiness too. I want you to do things for yourself too.”

Tears streamed down Himeko’s face in rivulets as she hugged her son tightly. “How did I get so lucky to be blessed with a son like you!”

After Himeko had calmed down a bit, Tadashi quietly spoke into her shoulder. “Do you know who taught me that I need to be truly happy in order for you to be happy?”

She sniffed and shook her head. “No, who?”

“Takeda-sensei” he said sleepily.

Himeko’s heart leaped. What were they talking about for that subject to come up? Tadashi relaxed more inter her arms, exhausted from the training camp and getting sick so soon after coming home. “He reminds me a lot of you” he murmured with closed eyes as he placed an arm on the toilet seat and settled his head on it.

Himeko was frozen in shock for a moment. Did she hear her son correctly? Blood rushed to her face as she got the sudden urge to call Takeda-san. One look at her son and she was quickly brought back to reality. “Tadashi” she chided while softly chuckling. “Sweetie, you can’t fall asleep on the toilet.”

“But it’s comfy” he hummed, clearly not fully awake.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

She stood on her knees and hooked her hands under his arms to help him up, but he made no effort to help. “Noooo, I’m too tired” he groaned in protest.

Himeko really had to hold back her chuckles, it had been a while since she’s seen her son act so young and childish. She got to her feet and crouched then redoubled her efforts to get him off the bathroom floor. “Come on Tadashi, you’re taller than me, I’m going to need some help here.”

He just continued to tiredly protest as he shifted his weight from the toilet seat to his mother who was pulling on him. “Tadashi!” she cried out in exasperation, laughing all the way as she tumbled to the ground with her son on top of her.

The poorly held back smirking told her that her son was not quite as sleepy as he was leading on. The two sat on the bathroom floor for a while, laughing fondly before Tadashi let him mother help him up and to his room. Himeko laughed all the way to his room as Tadashi leaned heavily on her and kept “accidently” lightly bumping her into walls, all the while saying he was too tired to walk on his own. Both mother and son went to sleep with a smile on their faces for the first time in several months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! It has lots of feels and crying but I hope the tooth-rotting fluff at the end made up for it! 
> 
> As always, feedback keeps me motivated so if you're still sticking with this story, let me know what you think!


	17. Old Wounds and New Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himeko goes on her first date with Takeda and Yamaguchi spends the night at Tsukki's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Here is another chapter, hope you enjoy!

Yamaguchi had his regular check-up the next day after coming back from the camp and the car ride home was largely spent in silence. Both mother and son repeating the doctor’s words over and over in their heads. Once Himeko was confident that she could try to cheer her son up without wavering, she spoke up. “Well…I know that didn’t go as well as we hoped but it’s not entirely bad news.”

Yamaguchi continued to blankly stare out the car window, resting his chin in his hand. “It may not be getting better but it’s not getting any worse either. At this point in time, no change is good news.”

He gave a non-committal shrug to show he was listening but remained silently staring. They both knew that she was trying to convince herself just as much as him but there was no need to voice this. “You know, you’ve only had one treatment with the stronger dose of chemo, the doctor did say it could take a couple treatments before we start to see results.”

This actually did make Yamaguchi feel marginally better, but he was still in no mood to talk. The rest of the way home was spent in more silence.

The both of them were a bit off for a few days after, thankful for the fact that it was still summer break. After some time relaxing at home and talking things through, they began to feel better about the situation and Himeko finally allowed herself to feel excited for her upcoming date.

“So, tomorrow’s the big day. How do you feel?” Aiko said over the phone. Himeko had called her for some last minute advice.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up…is that normal?”

Aiko laughed on the other end of the line. “If you’re in high school, yes!”

Himeko groaned and buried her face in her arms.

“Or if you’re a single mother who hasn’t even thought about dating since her dirtbag of an ex-husband walked out on her and their newborn son. You’ve been out of the dating scene for so long, of course you’re nervous. Besides, you’ve hung out with him before and everything went well, you’re going to do just fine.”

“I know we’ve spent time together already, but that was just my son’s teacher wanting to help out with a difficult situation. Now it’s…you know, a date!”

“You don’t need to think of it that way, it’s just two adults spending time together and getting to know each other better.”

“That’s exactly what a date is!”

Aiko laughed with a hint of exasperation. “Stop being so difficult, I’m trying to help you!”

Himeko sighed in amusement. “I know, I know. I’m just so nervous and I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I mean, Tadashi’s last appointment didn’t go as well as we hoped and things might be getting more difficult in the near future.”

“Which is all the more reason you need to find things that bring you happiness and support. If you and Tadashi are going to have a tougher battle to fight, then you need good things in your life to help keep you going. You deserve this. If it makes you feel better, you can drop Tadashi off here for your date so you don’t have to worry about him being alone.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

Aiko chuckled at her friend’s antics. “Yes! Of course! He spends half his time over here anyway, it’s not anything new. He can even spend the night if he wants, that way you two can stay out as late as you want.”

“Thank you, Aiko. That would be a huge relief to me. No matter how much he says he’s fine, I can tell he’s still a little troubled by his last appointment. I think a sleepover would do him some good.”

“I’ll take good care of him. You just go out and enjoy yourself.”

The two ironed out the details and said their goodbyes. Himeko was feeling a little better about going out with Takeda-san but she was still feeling nervous as heck.

 

By the time the big night rolled around, Himeko’s nerves doubled. She was fidgety the entire drive over to the Tsukishima residence. Yamaguchi found it a bit amusing as he’d never seen his mom like this before. “Don’t worry, Mom. You’re gonna be great.”

She smiled over at him. “Thank you, Sweetie. It’s just…been a long time.”

Yamaguchi smiled sympathetically. She rarely talked about his father and he only knew the gist of what happened but he could tell it was still a sore spot for her. He was genuinely happy to see his mom finally moving forward and focusing on something other than his own happiness. As much as he admired her for being such a great mom, he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty over the fact that she never sought after her own wants and desires for his sake.

When they arrived, she stopped at the door and turned to her son. “You’re sure you’re okay with this? I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

Yamaguchi smiled and sighed in exasperation, she’d been asking that everyday leading up to the date. “I’m fine. Everything’s okay. I think he’s good for you. If this was ever going to happen, well…I’m glad it’s Sensei.”

Himeko could tell her son was being genuine and all her fears dissipated. Tadashi was really okay with this, in fact he even seemed…happy. She gave him one last hug and knocked on the door. Aiko answered right away, clearly excited. “Tadashi! I’m so glad you could come” Aiko wrapped him in a big hug.

“Thank you again for taking him” Himeko said.

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all. He’s hardly been over the past few months, we’ve missed him. More importantly, how are you feeling?”

“I’m so nervous I’m about ready to just drive home and hide in my bed. But, Tadashi seems genuinely happy about this so…I owe it to him and myself to see where this goes.”

“Good, you deserve this more than anyone I know. Now, shoo. Go have fun and don’t worry about Tadashi, we’ll take good care of him. Akitru is even home still for summer break and he has been itching to see him.”

“Alright, alright, I get it. Goodbye Tadashi. I’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow, don’t forget to take your medicine and try to eat as much dinner as you can. Oh! And don’t forget—”

“Mom, it’s okay. I’ll be fine, go and have fun.”

Himeko smiled at her son and gave a self-depreciating chuckle. “Okay, I can tell when I’m not wanted,” she gave him on last hug, “I love you, Sweetie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye. I love you, Mom.”

With one last squeeze, she turned and left through the door, heart racing with excitement and nerves.

 

“So, Tadashi, we’ve got the Nintendo set up for you boys to play until dinner is ready. Kei, will you take his stuff to your room? Thank you. Can I get you anything? Water? A blanket?”

“Tsukishima-san, I’ve been here before. I’m fine” Yamaguchi said.

Aiko chuckled. “You’re right, it’s just been so long since we’ve had you over and I don’t want your mom to worry so I decided to take extra good care of you.”

Before he could answer, a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and squeezed. “Tadashi! I missed you!”

Yamaguchi had to regain his composure before speaking. “It’s nice to see you too, Akiteru.”

Just then, Tsukki came back from taking Yamaguchi’s things to his room. “What are you doing, Aniki?”

“He’s the only little brother figure I have who will let me dote on him.”

“’Cause I’m not a child.”

“You’re just too emotionally constipated, right Tadashi?”

“Eh—?" Yamaguchi squawked and turned red.

Tsukki let out a _tch_. “Can’t believe I ever told you about that.”

Yamaguchi shook with each laugh from Akiteru as he was still holding on tight.

“Ah—um, I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean—” Yamaguchi began, embarrassed that Tsukki had told Akiteru about his outburst at the training camp, although it was encouraging to hear his best friend was having real conversations with his brother again.

“No, don’t be! You described him perfectly, Tadashi” Akiteru said, still laughing.

Tsukki shot daggers at his brother with his gaze as he finally started to calm down from his laughter. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry, I’ll let you two hang out now.”

Akiteru finally let go of Yamaguchi and walked away still chuckling to himself. “Um…I’m sorry about the stuff I yelled at you…” Yamaguchi said, feeling a little awkward.

“Whatever, it’s fine, we don’t need to talk about it anymore.”

Yamaguchi smiled to himself. It seemed dismissive, but he could tell Tsukki wasn’t bothered by it and was getting uncomfortable with all the deep conversations. He had no doubt that once his tall friend got home, he had a real and open conversation with his mom and brother. Tsukki was probably at his limit with showing real emotion for the time being.

The two sat and played Mario Kart until dinner was ready. Akiteru came down a little while later to cheer on Yamaguchi, much to the annoyance of Tsukki. Both of them knew that it didn’t really bother him as much as he let on.

 

Himeko and Takeda sat across from each other at a nice restaurant, comfortably laughing. They had admitted to each other how nervous they were which made them both feel better. “So, I feel like we mostly talk about me since you’ve been helping with Tadashi and everything. Tell me about you” Himeko said.

“Well, it’s not much of an interesting story. I don’t have any siblings and I grew up here. I had a pretty normal childhood, although I probably didn’t get into as much trouble as most kids usually do.”

Himeko chuckled at this. “Yes, I can see that. I was much the same way when I was a kid.”

“Well, I guess that explains why Tadashi-kun is so well mannered for a teenage boy.”

She smiled fondly at his comment. “Yes, he is a good boy.”

“He’s a pleasure to have in class.”

“Really? That’s good to hear. So, what made you go into teaching?”

Takeda thought about it for a moment. “I guess I just always loved kids and I held so much respect for my teachers growing up. I never doubted the importance of education and I wanted to be part of that.”

“That’s very noble. But, if you don’t mind me asking, why high school? I feel like you would do very well with younger kids.”

“I do love children, but I also love literature and having deep discussions about literature. Granted, I don’t get a lot of that with high school students, but having the opportunity to teach young minds about our culture’s greatest stories and pieces of writing is all I could ask for. Even if it’s not the most interesting subject for most students, it’s all worth it if I can instill a love for reading and literature in just one student, to open up their mind to more critical thinking and start looking deeper into what they’re reading. As much as I love kids, there’s nothing better than awakening an interest in literature in young teens and helping them foster that interest.”

Takeda’s eyes had glazed over with a far away look by the end of it but he quickly snapped back to reality and became self-conscious. “Ah—um, I’m sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? That’s not very interesting.”

He grew flustered and his face turned red. Himeko couldn’t hold back her soft giggles. “Not at all! It is interesting. It’s nice to listen to people talk about things their passionate about. You sound like a great teacher, your students are very lucky to have you.”

Takeda stopped fidgeting and his face grew more red. “Thank you.”

Himeko’s face also turned red as she suddenly felt shy and glanced down at the table. “So…um, is there anything you would like to know about me?”

“Well…there is one thing I’ve been curious about…what happened exactly…with Tadashi-kun’s father?”

She looked up in surprise, not expecting this to come up an the first date. Noticing her reaction, Takeda grew flustered all over again. “I mean! Um, only if you’re comfortable that is. I apologize for my boldness, I just…I’m trying to figure out why anyone would walk out on such a precious kid as Tadashi-kun and a woman as…amazing as you.”

Takeda grew quieter the more he talked and finished with an embarrassed murmur, flaming face looking into his lap. Meanwhile, Himeko’s face was growing just as red as she stared at him with wide eyes. Her hear beat a million miles an hour as his words soaked in. She had honestly never thought she would meet a man who was not only unbothered by the fact that she had a son, but saw that son as someone so precious they couldn’t fathom walking out on him.

She quickly wiped the moisture from her eyes and gathered her self to save this poor, self-conscious man.

“Seiji and I were high school sweethearts” she began.

Takeda looked up in surprise and instantly stopped fidgeting.

“I was 18 and he was 19 when we got married. Our parents opposed to us getting married so young, but we were in love and we thought we knew each other better than anyone. We moved to Miyagi to get away from our families and start our new life together. He became an office worker, intent on climbing the corporate ladder and eventually getting promoted into a position of power and status, claiming it was so that we could have a more than comfortable life in the future. Looking back, I think he just wanted the money and social standing. Of course, I was too swept up in being a newlywed that I simply admired and loved him for wanting to secure a successful future for us.

His job paid well, but I still wanted to do something with my time other than keeping the house, so I got a part time job as a receptionist to help build up our savings. Everything went well for a little while. We were in love and saving up our money for a better apartment. But…I got pregnant.

We had discussed kids even before we got married and I thought we were on the same page. I wasn’t completely sure at the time, but I could see myself having a family someday, just not for a while. I told him as much and he seemed okay with that idea, not wanting kids just then but open to the possibility in the future.

Well…things didn’t quite turn out that way. I got pregnant only a year after we got married, I was 19 and he was 20. He had just gotten his first promotion so he was only one step above his entry-level position. We would be able to afford a child but it would set back our plans for the future. It was much earlier than I wanted, but I was still excited. Seiji…was not.

It wasn’t until then that I found out his true position on kids. I expected him to be a bit stressed and overwhelmed that it had happened so soon, but I thought he was open to the prospect of having kids. When I told him…he was furious. He went on and on about how this was going to ruin our future and all of our plans, that his career was going to be majorly set back and it would effect all his future prospects for promotions. He screamed that he wasn’t ready to be a father, that he was way too young to have a kid. He stormed out and didn’t come back until the next morning…I didn’t sleep at all that night. I had never seen him so angry before.

When he came back the next morning, he was calm and he apologized for yelling like that. I was relieved, thinking that he was just shocked and didn’t know how to process the news. I thought everything was going to be okay. But when he returned home from work that evening, he had all this contact information for various doctors and clinics and he seemed relaxed and happy. I thought he was finally getting excited about having a baby,” she took a breath to compose herself as tears had begun building up, “I was wrong…he wanted me to abort. The information he brought home was all for clinics and doctors that preformed abortions. I was horrified but he said it would solve all our problems. He brought up the fact that I had said I didn’t want kids until we were older when we first discussed children and neither of us were ready to be parents. He honestly thought I would be on board.

That started our second big fight as a married couple. I simply refused the idea. I may not have been ready but I wanted to keep the baby. Getting rid of it was out of the question. For days he tried to convince me to abort. When he finally realized I would never budge on the issue, he switched to trying to convince me to give it up for adoption. I didn’t want to do that either. It was our child! It may have happened much sooner than we planned, but I could never live with myself if we gave them away. It’s not like we had a terrible living situation or couldn’t afford it.

That’s when I found out that it wasn’t just that he didn’t want kids right now, he didn’t want kids…ever. It shocked me to my core. Apparently, since I wanted to wait a while before possibly having kids, he thought he had time to convince me that we shouldn’t have kids.

The months leading up to Tadashi’s birth were stressful and full of fighting, but at the time, he didn’t want to lose me so he finally agreed to give it a try. We bought a crib and a changing table and everything we would need for a new baby. It would take some work, but I thought everything would be alright.

It only got worse after Tadashi was born. Well, I suppose it was as soon as Tadashi was born. Seiji didn’t even come when I went into labor. I called him, but he told me we couldn’t afford for him to miss any work now that we were having a baby, we needed all the money we could get. So…I called an ambulance and got myself to the hospital.

I couldn’t even call my family because we had barely talked to them since we got married against their wishes and moved away. Even if they were willing to come, I was so far away my parents would never make it in time at that point. So there I was, 19 years old, on my own and terrified, giving birth surrounded by strangers with no one to turn to for comfort or support. The doctors and nurses sympathized and did their best to help and reassure me, but it’s nowhere close to having the warmth and love of family there to get me through.

After hours of agony and desperately wishing someone was there with me, Tadashi was born, and I completely fell in love with him the moment I looked at his face. Suddenly, I wasn’t alone anymore. I had this tiny, precious little angel! I never wanted to let him go!

I named him Tadashi and chose to spell it with the character for loyalty and devotion because as soon as I met him, I vowed to devote myself to making sure that little boy had the best life I could possibly give him.”

“You’ve done a fantastic job of that” Takeda said quietly, trying not to cry.

Himeko smiled and wiped away her own tears. “Thank you. Some days I’m not so sure.”

“Of course you have. He’s turning into a fine young man who has clearly been very well loved.”

“Thank you, Takeda-san. It’s so nice to have some reassurance every once-in-a-while.”

“So, what happened next? Is that when he left?”

“No, not quite. He came to the hospital after work. As soon as I saw him, I was furious. The nurses had taken Tadashi to the nursery for a nap and so that I could rest a bit before I had to feed him. Thankfully, we both had the good sense to keep everything down, but I unloaded on him. I had just had a baby, I was sore, I was exhausted, my hormones and emotions were all out of sorts.  

No matter what I said to him, he didn’t think he did anything wrong. It always went back to money, how we needed more money, how this baby was going to be a strain on our finances and he really couldn’t have afforded to miss a day of work. I was so upset with him that I told him to leave. He went home without even meeting his son.

The next day, he visited me again and was all apologetic. He just said he was stressed out and overwhelmed with the fact that he had to support me and the baby. We had decided that I would quit my job to stay home with our child so he was the only one making money.

Once we brought Tadashi home it was constant fights. He was always complaining about how tired he was, how the baby kept him up all night and then he would have to go to work in the morning. Every time I asked him to help with the baby or the house he would yell at me about how stressed he was and how it was all my job because I was home all day. He never once so much as held Tadashi, he barely even looked at him.

One day, about three weeks after we brought him home, Seiji came home from work looking different. His usual exhausted look was there but he also looked resolved. He didn’t say a word to me, didn’t even glance my way, just walked straight to the bedroom. I could hear him moving some things, so I went to see what he was doing…he was packing a suitcase…

I asked him if he was going on a business trip and he said ‘no, I’m leaving’ and continued packing. I was dumbfounded. I thought I couldn’t have heard him right so I just said ‘what?’ and he said ‘I can’t take it anymore, I’m leaving!’

I, of course, got extremely upset and asked him why which turned into a huge fight. He yelled about how he didn’t want kids, he never wanted kids, it wasn’t fair for him to have to sacrifice his future and his plans for something he never wanted. I yelled at him too for wanting to run just because things got tough. I begged him to stay. I didn’t have a job so what was I supposed to do?

All the yelling woke Tadashi and he started crying. I’m sure he could sense all the anger and tension in the air because he was usually never that upset. I picked him up and tried to comfort him while trying to get Seiji to stay. He just took his bags saying I couldn’t force him to stay there. I said that he couldn’t just abandon his child and I’ll never forget what he said next…he yelled ‘I told you to get rid of it. I didn’t want anything to do with it then and I don’t want anything to do with it now.’ And he left.

During the divorce he made it very clear that he never wanted to see Tadashi again or have anything to do with him. I agreed to never contact him about our son or ask for money, in exchange he let me keep the apartment and 70% of our savings. I wasn’t expecting him to agree to that but it was just insurance to make me agree not to seek out child support. After that, I never saw him again and I never even tried to contact him.”

By the end of it, Takeda was deathly still, eyes unblinking and shimmering with tears. “Wow…I…don’t even know what to say…that must have been unbelievably difficult” was all the words he could speak at the moment after hearing such an awful story.

“It was…but my mom helped a lot. I called her the same night for the first time since moving away and just apologized over and over saying she was right. We stayed on the phone for hours and I told her everything. She was heartbroken over what I had been through but she was so excited to find out she was a grandma! The very next morning she showed up at the door. Apparently, she hopped in the car as soon as we were done talking and drove four and a half hours to see me. She took a leave of absence from her work and helped me get back on my feet. I took the first office job I could find because that’s all the work experience I had. My mom helped me find childcare for Tadashi and once the lease was up, a cheaper place to stay. She took frequent trips over to help with the baby. Eventually, I got into a stable and well-paying job so I could finally build up some savings. I had gone through most of the money Seiji had left me with just to get by. I made it through though, and I’m a stronger person for it.”

“I just can’t fathom how someone can just walk out like that and leave a person with almost nothing.”

“I struggled with that thought for a long time but that’s not how I see it anymore. He may not have left me with a lot of money or a means of supporting myself, but he did leave me with the best thing of all. My son. To be perfectly honest, I’m glad he left. If he had stayed, Tadashi would have grown up in a much more hostile environment. He would be exposed to constant fighting and brought up by a father that clearly didn’t want him. I hate to think how Tadashi would have been affected if Seiji had stayed. That’s not to say he wasn’t effected growing up without a dad, and of course he had questions when he got older. I tried explaining the best I could but he struggled with it for a while. I knew it was going to be hard on him, which is why I devoted myself to making sure he knew just how much he was wanted by me. I think it would have affected him more, but he was diagnosed with cancer at seven and, well, that pretty much took over our whole lives for two years of his childhood. After beating cancer, not having a dad didn’t seem like a big deal in comparison.”

“I really wish I could have met you sooner. I would have loved to be able to help, even just a little.”

“But you _are_ helping _now_. That’s what’s important. And I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Going through it alone once was enough. I don’t think I could have handled it a second time.”

Himeko reached across the table and placed both her hands in his. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me and my son. We’re truly lucky to have you as a support.”

Takeda’s face burned red as his wide eyes stared into her teary ones. He wanted to say something but he was at a complete loss for words. Before his brain could come up with anything intelligible, his glasses slipped down his sweaty nose. A small smile broke across Himeko’s face and before she could stop herself, she was laughing. She let go of his hands to cover her mouth as she couldn’t stop. Takeda pushed up his glasses, embarrassed, but soon laughing himself.

 

“So, Tadashi. How do you feel about your mom dating Takeda-sensei?” Tsukki’s mom asked in the middle of dinner.

Caught off guard, Yamaguchi halted his chopsticks halfway to his mouth causing the food to flop back on his plate. Aiko giggled at the image. “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not spying for your mom or anything, I’m genuinely interested in how you feel about all of this.”

“Ah, no it’s okay. I was just a bit surprised. I’m really okay with it. I supposed it is a bit weird, she’s never shown any interest in dating before, and he is my teacher, but if it was going to be anyone, I’m glad it’s him. Sensei’s really nice and considerate and he’s helped me a lot in the past few months. I don’t really know how to explain it but…he kind of gives off the same feeling as my mom when he takes care of me but…different. I’m not sure what to call it, but he feels similar.”

Aiko paused for a second and gave him a soft but knowing smile. “So you’re saying he feels paternal?”

Once again, Yamaguchi froze. He had been trying to figure out how to explain his feelings about Sensei and the right word for it. Was it paternal? “I don’t know…maybe? I’ve never had a father figure so I don’t really know what that’s supposed to feel like, but…I guess that could be it.”

Aiko simply smiled wider at him. “Well, either way I think your mom finally found a good man.”

The rest of dinner was filled with light conversation and a comfortable atmosphere. Yamaguchi played more video games with Tsukki until it was time for bed. All in all, the night seemed to be going smoothly. Yamaguchi managed to get down a good portion of his dinner without fearing it might come back up and he felt no more tired than usual.

Tsukishima enjoyed the night as well. His head had been in a turmoil ever since he found out about Yamaguchi so it was nice to have some normal time with his friend. Of course, the beanie covering his bald head and skinnier-than-usual build made it impossible to completely forget, Tsukishima was at least able to pretend everything was fine.

The two went to bed and Yamaguchi fell asleep almost right away, but it took Tsukishima longer than usual to drift off. He wasn’t asleep for long when he woke up to a noise. He thought he had been dreaming and was ready to go back to sleep when he heard it again. Yamaguchi was coughing in his sleep. Just as he was about to sit up and check on his friend in the futon next to his bed, Yamaguchi made a sudden choking noise and abruptly sat up to cough even harder into his hands. Tsukishima bolted upright now wide awake. “Are you okay?” he asked trying to mask the concern in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a nose bleed in my sleep, started to drip down the back of my throat” Yamaguchi said dismissively.

It was then that Tsukishima saw the blood dripping down his hands still held up to his face and the splatters on the futon. He quickly got out of bed and made to help Yamaguchi but he quickly became frantic and stopped Tsukishima. “No! Don’t touch it! My blood is practically poisonous. Go get your mom, I know that my mom left her while a whole bunch of supplies and instructions for taking care of me.”

Still a bit in shock, Tsukishima hurried to his mom’s room and gently but worriedly woke her up. “Kei? What’s going on?” she asked sleepily.

“Yamaguchi got a nosebleed. There’s a lot of blood to clean up.”

Aiko instantly snapped awake. Himeko had given her thorough instructions on nosebleeds and it really wasn’t that big of a deal (as long as they didn’t last a long time) but she could tell how worried her son was no matter how hard he tried to keep an expressionless face. “Okay, Honey, we’ll go clean him up” she said calmly as she climbed out of bed and went to get the supplies she would need.

Tsukishima watched from his bedroom door as his mom gave Yamaguchi some thick paper towel to pinch his nose with then proceed to clean up the blood. She had to wear gloves and a mask for protection and powerful cleaners for the blood. They would have to get a new futon for him to sleep on and the current one would have to be washed. However, due to the fact that the chemo was running through his blood, it had to be thoroughly cleaned before going in the wash.

Both his mom and Yamaguchi remained calm throughout the whole thing and didn’t make a fuss, but Tsukishima remained stock still in the doorway. The deep red of the blood contrasted the soft white of the futon and the light from the hall shining into his pitch black bedroom cast harsh shadows that created sharp edges on Yamaguchi, accentuating the thin, frail look of his body. The scene served as a stark reminder of how sick his friend truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow I did not plan on Himeko's backstory being so long but as I was writing it ideas just kept coming. Let me know what you thought of Himeko's past and Tsukki awkwardly trying to deal with emotions.


	18. Gossip and Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi deals with returning to school after an eventful summer break. His classmates start gossiping when they think he isn't around. Meanwhile, Takeda continues to grow closer with the small Yamaguchi family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little late but it's still the weekend! So I'm technically still on time!  
> Thank you so much for sticking with me this far. This fic was not supposed to be so long but I'm really happy with how it's turning out. This chapter is beginning the transition from the first arc to the second (Seriously didn't think this thing was going to have multiple story arcs but here we are) so if you thought this story was almost over, you thought wrong.

The rest of break was relaxing and enjoyable but Yamaguchi was soon brought back to reality as he faced the prospect of going back to school. The last time he went to school he still had hair. Even though they only get a few weeks off for the summer, it felt like it had been forever since he’d been in class. It was less stressful now that he didn’t have to hide it from his friends, but he still didn’t want the rest of the school to know. How would they react to his blue hair? He didn’t like standing out much but now he would stick out like a sore thumb. It was much harder to hide something so big when he only brought more attention to himself.

On the flip side, he no longer had to worry about practice. He could finally relax and just focus on the things he needed to focus on without the team getting suspicious. There was morning practice on their first day back so he could at least start the day in a more comfortable environment. Now that they knew, he didn’t have to force himself to be happy and pretend nothing was wrong all the time.

His team greeted him warmly that morning which made him feel better about being back at school. “Hey Yamaguchi, how’s it going?” Suga asked with a smile.

This coaxed out his first timid smile of the day. “I’m okay. I’m just a bit nervous to be back. The rest of the school still doesn’t know and, well…my hair is blue…”

“It’ll be okay. We all agreed not to say anything to anyone unless you tell us it’s okay. And don’t worry too much about the hair. People will pay attention at first but once they get used to it and the novelty wears off they won’t care as much.”

“ _Pfffft_ , please! There’s nothing to worry about, the blue hair is awesome! Everyone’s gonna love it” Noya said.

“Yeah! Plus that cool little pony tail in the back makes it look totally sweet!” Tanaka chimed in.

“Thanks guys” Yamaguchi scratched the back of his head, embarrassed at the attention but grateful for the words.

The attention from his teammates did not prepare him for the reaction he got from his class. All eyes were on him the moment he stepped through the door. “Whoa, Yamaguchi! Your hair is so awesome!” one boy said.

“It looks really cool!” a girl said, making him blush (usually it was Tsukki that the girls paid attention to).

“I never would have pegged you as the type to dye your hair blue, can’t believe the school let you do it” another boy said.

Yamaguchi had been a bit worried about that. The school didn’t exactly have any rules against dyed hair but it was largely frowned upon by much of the staff. Of course, the staff already knew about the cancer so he wasn’t too surprised when none of them made any comment.

After several more comments and a lot of gawking, the class slowly turned their attention away from Yamaguchi and focused on their own conversations. He was finally able to sink into his own seat on slightly shaky legs and hold his head in his hands. “Ahhh, I hate being the center of attention…” Yamaguchi said.

“They’ll get used to it soon enough” Tsukki said.

The rest of the day, Yamaguchi got more attention than he was used to but he endured it, holding on to the hope that they would get bored of his hair soon. Thankfully, they did and everyone seemed used to it the next day. Unfortunately, that was not the end of his struggles. Going back to school while getting more intense chemo was much harder than before. He had even less focus, less energy, and less appetite. Tsukki had to help him with homework every day after school just so he wouldn’t fall behind. As much as he was fearing it, he was grateful that the team knew. He could now complain about his struggles and not have to worry about trying to act normal like he did during the rest of the school day. Of course, this worried a few of the members now that Yamaguchi wasn’t acting as happy or cheerful anymore.

“Hey, Yamaguchi, how’s it going?” Suga tried to ask as casually as possible.

“I’m okay, just tired, as usual. I had a really hard time staying awake in class today.”

Suga nodded sympathetically. “Is…everything okay?”

Yamaguchi looked at him in confusion.

“Ah-I mean, yeah that’s kind of a stupid question. I was just a little worried because you seem to be more…down lately. If I or anyone else on the team is making you uncomfortable or not handling something correctly I can assure you it’s unintentional! We just—we don’t—”

“What? Wait, no! It’s not you guys!” Yamaguchi was getting flustered over how flustered his senpai was. “It was just exhausting pretending to be happy and like everything was normal and now that you guys know, I don’t have to anymore. It’s been kind of a relief actually.”

This seemed to calm Suga down and ease some of his worries. “I’m glad we can help.”

“You really have. I was so worried about you guys finding out, but you all still treat me normally and that’s been the biggest help.”

After that, the team worried about him a little less. Of course, they could still see the tole Yamaguchi was taking from keeping up with school on top of chemo, so they started doing what they could to cheer him up without feeling like he was being pitied.   

Noya frequently practiced with Yamaguchi and always gave enthusiastic high fives every time he did a good serve. Tanaka also gave frequent high fives and cheers. Everyone took turns bringing balls to him so he didn’t have to waste what precious little energy he had retrieving them himself. Suga, Daichi, Asahi, and Ennoshita brought him his water bottle whenever he looked thirsty.

One day while having lunch, Kageyama walked into their classroom with a scary look on his face and walked straight to Yamaguchi and Tsukki. He wordlessly and forcefully placed a milk in front of Yamaguchi and stalked out of the room. The two just stared at the milk until Tsukki broke the silence. “Did you ask him to bring you that?” he said.

“No…” Yamaguchi answered in confusion.

Their thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Hinata snickering and they looked up to see him standing next to their desks. “He looks scary even when he’s trying to be nice!” Hinata laughed.

Once he composed himself enough to talk, he held out a melon bread to Yamaguchi. “I brought you this in case you wanted something filling that’s easy on the stomach” he smiled.

“Wow, Hinata, thanks. That’s really thoughtful” Yamaguchi said.

“Of course! Now I gotta go find Kageyama and make fun of him for that stupid face he made.”

Yamaguchi watched him go and chuckled softly. “I never thought I’d see the day where Kageyama would go out of his way to be nice to me…”

“It’s kinda creepy” Tsukki said.

This made Yamaguchi snicker as he remembered the weird face he made when he set the milk down.

 

As good as practice was going, the rest of school only got harder. Yamaguchi could tell people were getting suspicious of him since he zoned out and left class even more frequently now. He even started falling asleep in class whereas before he could usually duck out to the infirmary before falling asleep. He never realized how much people actually noticed him before now. He started hearing his classmates whispering about him in the hall about how much he’s changed.

_Yamaguchi always seemed like a typical good student._

_Yeah, he’s shy and always has good grades. Plus, he used to take such diligent notes in class._

_I still can’t believe he dyed his hair blue._

_Have you noticed how much he falls asleep in class?_

_I know, right? He also goes to the bathroom and the infirmary a lot, I never pegged him as the type to skip class like that._

It kind of bothered him at first, but he was at least happy that their conjecture wasn’t anywhere close to the truth. He could live with that. But then the whispers started turning more malicious and hostile. The last conversation he overheard made him feel like he was in elementary school all over again.

Yamaguchi was walking back to class after lunch, him and Tsukki ate outside that day, and heard some of his classmates voices from around the corner. Tsukki had stopped to go to the bathroom so he was currently by himself. He heard his name and lacked the courage to keep going so he stopped and listened, feeling worse with every word said.

“I am getting so annoyed with Yamaguchi lately” one boy said.

“I know what you mean. None of the teachers ever seem to notice when he falls asleep” another boy said.

“Right? The last time I fell asleep, Sensei lectured me for like five minutes in front of the whole class!” a third chimed in.

“I guess that’s what happens when you send out the ‘good kid’ vibe. The teachers don’t call you out because their a ‘good student’ and ‘must have a reason’ for doing it” a girl said.

“Well, the next time it happens, I’m going to call him out. I’m so sick of his special treatment” the first boy said.

“Yeah for all the stuff he’s getting away with he better be dying or something” the third boy said.

With that, the group went back in the classroom leaving Yamaguchi frozen around the corner. Their words had cut straight through him and pierced him right in the heart. He suddenly felt like he was seven again being ostracized by his class. Why did this have to happen again? Why couldn’t they just let it go? He wasn’t bothering anyone. He wasn’t getting in anyone’s way. Why did it have to be such a big deal?

“Hey…are you okay?”

Yamaguchi startled and snapped his gaze up. Tsukki had come back from the bathroom to find him clearly distressed. “It’s nothing, I’m fine. Just a little nauseous but it’s gone now” Yamaguchi said, trying to make his face as neutral as possible.

He knew Tsukki wasn’t buying it so he forced himself to round the corner and walk into the classroom like nothing happened. No one really took much notice of him much to his relief. Tsukki eyed him suspiciously as he took his seat and waited for class to start.

Over the next couple of days, Yamaguchi was subdued and more down than usual and everyone noticed. Tanaka and Noya tried even harder to make him laugh during practice while the other senpai kept an eye on him in worry. Hinata came by at lunch more frequently to share treats with him and Kageyama brought him a milk a few more times just as awkwardly as the first.

While all of this did warm his heart, Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel overly self-conscious around his classmates now. He tried harder than ever to pay attention and not fall asleep as he knew some of them were just waiting for a chance to call him out. Because of this, he ended up falling asleep during afternoon practice one day, sitting on the gym floor and slumped against the wall.

“What’s going on with Yamaguchi lately? He’s usually much more energetic at practice” Suga inquired while glancing at the sleeping first year.

“I don’t know. He doesn’t sleep in class anymore so he must be exhausted by the end of the day” Tsukishima said.

“Why would he stop sleeping during the day? He’s always getting frustrated with how little energy he has for practice” Daichi said.

“He’s been acting strange ever since that time” Tsukishima said.

“What time?” Suga said.

“A few days ago I found him standing in the hall a little ways from our classroom after lunch just before class started. He had this serious look on his face and he seemed upset. He told me everything was fine and wouldn’t say anything else. If I had to guess, I’d say he probably overheard some of our classmates talking about him. I noticed they’ve been getting frustrated at how he seems to get away with leaving class so frequently and sleeping during lectures.”

Suga and Daichi just looked at each other and sighed. If only there was something they could do, but people acting out of ignorance usually won’t stop until they actually understand the situation which is exactly what they knew Yamaguchi didn’t want.

After a few days of fighting it, Yamaguchi couldn’t stop himself and fell asleep during the math lecture. He just had another chemo treatment the day before and he was always the most tired right after receiving a treatment. Tsukishima tried his best to divert attention and hide the fact that his friend was sleeping, but eventually someone noticed and immediately raised his hand.

“Sensei! Yamaguchi’s sleeping” the boy said.

The teacher was slightly taken aback for a second but quickly recovered. “Don’t worry about Yamaguchi-kun, please just focus on the lecture.”

“Are you kidding me?” another student called out, “the last time I fell asleep in class you lectured me in front of everyone! You’re not even gonna wake him up? Or tell him to see you after class?”

Tsukishima was growing irritated with them.

“Guys, this is none of your concern. You let me handle Yamaguchi-kun and you just focus on your work.”

“What? You don’t let anyone sleep in class but Yamaguchi does it like three times a week and always gets away with it!” another student spoke up.

Tsukishima could tell the teacher was getting a bit nervous and unsure how to handle this. Undoubtedly, he was asked to keep Yamaguchi’s condition under wraps when he was made aware of his illness. He was getting fed up with this whole situation so he turned to the people who were raising a fuss. “You know you look stupid when you talk about things you know nothing about” he said.

“Tsukishima-kun, do not talk like that in my class” the teacher said, but he knew Tsukishima was only trying to protect his friend so he added, “but he has a point. None of you know the real situation so you need to stop talking about it.”

“What situation?” the first boy said.

“Everyone, this is a very personal and private matter for Yamaguchi-kun. No one has any business asking me about it and I cannot divulge any information.”

“Does he have a crappy home life or something?” someone asked.

“Guys—”

“I just wanna know what it takes to get away with sleeping in class! My home life is no picnic, can I sleep during your lectures?”

Several others in the class started grumbling as well and he could tell he was losing control. “Alright, that’s enough!” The class grew silent. “I was made aware of Yamaguchi-kun’s situation in confidence! I cannot give out any information but I assure you he is going through something very difficult and doesn’t need his own classmates making things harder for him! I don’t want to hear another word about it and if you don’t like that, you can see me in detention later.”

With that, he turned back to the board and gruffly resumed his lecture while the complainers huffed and grudgingly took notes. Tsukishima glanced over at his friend and his heart fell. Yamaguchi’s face was still hidden in the position he fell asleep in, but his fists were clenched and he was slightly shaking. He had no doubt that Yamaguchi had heard all of that and was trying desperately to look like he was still sleeping. Thankfully, Tsukishima was the only one who noticed this, however the fact that Yamaguchi heard that conversation made him boil in rage. Ignorant people were truly all idiots who deserved a volleyball to the face.

At practice, Yamaguchi was even more subdued than he had been lately and the rest of the team worried. During a water break, he tucked himself into a corner as his classmates’ words echoed through his head. The things said in class that day began to intermingle with all the things his classmates in elementary school said which raised a torrent of emotions swirling inside. He hated how easily he cried when he was tired, which was all the time.

Before he knew it, he was wiping away tears before they could escape, but they unfortunately kept coming. Tsukki noticed this and considered getting Suga or someone, but instead he sighed and made his way over. He was the only one who knew what was wrong, he was there when it happened so he knew he should be the one to talk to the distressed teen.

Quietly, he sat down next to his friend and tried to figure out the best way to handle this. “Are you okay?” he asked lamely. He hated asking stupid questions but he couldn’t think of anything better.

Yamaguchi, who had quickly composed himself as best as he could when he noticed Tsukki coming, plastered on the best fake smile he could. “I’m fine, just tired as usual.”

Tsukki, of course, saw through the whole thing and didn’t buy it for a second. “Look, I know you weren’t asleep in class earlier today. I know you heard everything.”

Yamaguchi’s fake smile immediately fell and he looked back down at his knees which were scrunched up to his chest. Soon he was sniffling and battling his tears again. Tsukki slowly and awkwardly placed a hand on his shoulder and gripped it comfortingly, at least he hoped it was. He knew he should say something here but couldn’t think of anything. What good was being smart when he couldn’t figure out what to say when it was important. Yamaguchi at least seemed to relax a bit under his grip so he must be doing something right.

Thankfully, Takeda-sensei noticed this and made his way over. “Yamaguchi-kun? Would you like to come to my office and talk?” he said quietly.

Yamaguchi looked up through teary eyes and nodded. Takeda-sensei and Tsukki helped him up then Sensei walked him out of the gym and to his office. The rest of the team quietly watched in concern. “Tsukishima, do you know what happened with Yamaguchi?” Daichi asked seriously.

He sighed and tore his eyes away from the door where his best friend’s back just disappeared from. “Some idiots in class called him out to the teacher for sleeping and got mad when Sensei wasn’t doing anything to reprimand him. Everyone thought he slept through all of it but he was actually awake. He heard everything” he said.

The rest of the team looked down with varying levels of worry and anger. “Who are these punks? Sounds like they need their senpai to teach them a lesson” Tanaka said, putting on his most intimidating face.

Tanaka was stopped in his tracks when Suga swiftly karate chopped him on top of his head. “Don’t go making more trouble for Yamaguchi” he said firmly.

“You never let me teach a lesson” Tanaka quietly grumbled as he rubbed his throbbing head.

 

“So, what happened? Is everything okay?” Takeda-sensei asked, taking a seat.

Unlike the last time, Takeda-sensei didn’t sit behind his desk, instead taking a seat next to Yamaguchi.

“Well…I know my classmates have been getting annoyed by me…” he started.

Takeda-sensei’s face saddened. “Why do you say that?”

“I…overheard them talking about me a few times. At first they just seemed surprised, saying they didn’t take me as the type of person to dye my hair blue, or sleep during lectures, or skip class so much by going to the bathroom and infirmary. Then they started sounding more annoyed, complaining how I always get away with sleeping in class even though I do it so much…then today, I fell asleep again. I just had chemo yesterday and I’m always the most tired right after a treatment. I woke up to a loud voice and I overheard a bunch of people yelling at sensei for letting me sleep in class. He tried really hard to stop them and told them that he couldn’t say anything because it was my personal and private situation, but they were all still mad. He ended up yelling at the class to drop it or he would start putting people in detention” Yamaguchi sadly stared at his lap as he spoke, tears dripping from his eyes every now and then.

By the end of it, Takeda-sensei was battling his own tears. “That’s awful. Does your teacher know you heard the whole thing?”

Yamaguchi shook his head. “I could tell he was scared of saying the wrong thing. He would probably just feel worse if he knew.”

Takeda-sensei sighed. “I’m really sorry, Yamaguchi-kun. I’ll keep an ear out from now on and try to snuff out these conversations if I hear them. People should not be gossiping like that when they have no idea what the real situation is.”

Yamaguchi continued staring at his lap and sniffed. “High school was supposed to be different!” he screwed up his face and started crying.

Takeda-sensei placed a warm hand on his back and started rubbing soothing circles.

“I was completely ostracized in elementary school! My classmates were either scared of me, pitied me, or hated me for getting so much special treatment and attention. They gave me special gifts and treated me like I was dying, they avoided me and washed their hands if they accidently touched me because they were afraid of catching my illness, they made fun of me, pushed me down, picked on me, all because I got to skip class and take naps, I got to wear a hat to school even though it was against the rules, I got extensions on all my homework, none of the adults ever got mad at me or got me in trouble. They resented me because I could do no wrong. High school was supposed to be the place where I finally got a normal school experience, with normal friendships, normal relationships with my teachers, and normal rules that applied to me just as much as everyone else. But now it’s happening again! They’re starting to resent me for all this special treatment, but I can’t help it! I don’t even want it! And it’s only a matter of time before they all find out and once again, all I’m going to be remembered for is cancer!”

Yamaguchi was full on sobbing by the end of it, frustrated and upset that the same cycle of events was going to repeat itself. Takeda-sensei wiped away his own tears and wrapped the boy up in a warm hug. Under normal circumstances, Yamaguchi would be embarrassed, but this was exactly what he needed so he wrapped his arms around his teacher, buried his face in the man’s shoulder, and cried.

Once he started to calm down, Takeda finally spoke up. “You are one of the most determined, strongest, and amazing person I have had the pleasure of knowing. Little kids may not have the capacity for seeing people as the deep and complex creatures that they are, but your classmates are at an age where they can start to understand everything that makes up a person. If you can have the courage to put yourself out there and show the world what you’re made of, your classmates, your friends, will remember you for who you are, not just what you have.”

His words were like a beacon of light in the middle of a foggy, moonless night. Yamaguchi tightened his grip and whispered a thank you. After a few moments, he sniffed and composed himself before pulling away. Takeda smiled and ruffled his hair before standing up. “Now, go splash some water on your face and head back to practice. I know your team must be worried about you.”

Yamaguchi smiled and nodded a little sheepishly. He turned to leave but was interrupted by the teacher. “Oh! I don’t know if your mother told you, but I’m having dinner at your house tonight so I’ll see you there.”

“Really?!” he asked.

Takeda smiled and nodded.

“Yes! I’ll see you later then” he hurried out the door and down the hall.

Takeda’s heart soared at how his face lit up and how excited he seemed at the prospect of having him over for dinner. He was falling in love with this small, happy family.

 

Dinner that night was happy and joyful. It had just been him and his mom for as long as he could remember, it was refreshing to have another face at the table. Yamaguchi had never really felt like he was missing anything in his life, but having Takeda there with them made his home feel more whole, more complete. He couldn’t remember the last time his mom smiled so much during a meal, but he liked it. They were real smiles. He didn’t get to see a lot of those anymore.

After dinner, Yamaguchi had to do some homework, so he went upstairs while his mom and Takeda went to relax in the living room. Thankfully, he didn’t have much to do (all thanks to Tsukki’s help keeping him caught up). As soon as he was done, he went back downstairs to rejoin the two adults. He found them smiling and cooing while flipping through a book. Curious, he entered the room and made his way over to see what they were looking at. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” he asked.

“Looking at your old baby pictures” she said, turning the page, “oh look! He got so muddy that day I had to hose him off before I could even bring him inside to take a bath!”

The two adults chuckled as she reminisced while Yamaguchi stood stock-still, face flaming up in a dark blush. There were two photos on that page of Yamaguchi as a toddler, one of him laying on his belly in a mud puddle, propped up on his elbows and beaming at the camera, the other was him sitting up in that same mud puddle, legs spread and splashing the mud. The problem was that in both pictures he was. Completely. Naked.

“Moooom!!” he groaned in indignation, “how could you show him those pictures!”

“Oh, come on now, you were so cute!” she said.

“You were such a cute little kid, Tadashi!” Takeda said happily.

Yamaguchi whipped his eyes over to the teacher. That was the first time he had called him by his first name with no honorific. His mom nor Takeda himself seemed to notice this, but now Yamaguchi felt warm for a different reason.

“Do you want to look too?” his mom asked.

“Here, I’ll make room for you” Takeda scooched over and patted the couch cushion next to him.

“Oh, no I can sit on the other side so you two can be next to each other” Yamaguchi said.

“Nonsense! You sit right here so we can all look together” Takeda insisted.

“Oh…uh, okay.”

Yamaguchi sat between them suddenly feeling shy for reasons he couldn’t quite understand. The three sat huddled together on the couch reliving Yamaguchi’s childhood. Eventually, they got to the same picture that Yamaguchi had taken with him to the training camp.

“This was taken the day we found out he was in remission” his mom said with a distant look in her eye and a small, slightly sad smile.

Takeda simply smiled at it with eyes full of emotion. His nine-year-old self along with his slightly younger mother beamed at him through the page. There was a pregnant pause as the three gazed down at the photo, a million things going unsaid yet being communicated all the same. Eventually, Takeda reached an arm around Yamaguchi to place a comforting hand on his mom’s back. “Someday, we’ll take another one” he said softly.

Yamaguchi and his mom relaxed into his touch as they fought back tears. No one spoke of everything that was implied by that simple statement, but they were overwhelmed with comfort and gratitude anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It doesn't move the plot along very much but as I said it is transitioning between story arcs. More major stuff is going to happen in the next chapter but I hope you liked the domestic fluff at the end. Hold on to these fluffy moments cause it's about to get serious again.


	19. A Ghost from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets both good and bad are revealed and Yamaguchi faces trouble when a new student tranfers to his class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, shout out to Helena1205 for giving me the idea for the scene where Kageyama awkwardly gives a milk to Yamaguchi as a gesture of trying to be nice. I wanted to give credit in the last chapter but I couldn't remember who came up with it (it was a from a comment a few chapters back so it was a few weeks ago).
> 
> Second of all, the set-up for the second arc is almost done so the next chapter will officially kick off the next part of the story. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: as a general announcement, my upload schedule is going to change again, unfortunately I don't know what it will be yet. School is out for the summer and the only reason I was able to keep up with uploads is because I work a weird split shift between two different schools that allowed me time to write every day. Now that it's summer I have a full time nanny job lined up so I don't know how much time I will have to write. If you previously relied on consistent updates to know when the next chapter was out I would suggest subscribing because updates may be irregular for a while. I'm sorry to my loyal readers, I know many of you look forward to new chapters so I will try my best to upload as frequently as possible but I sadly can't make any promises at this point :(

If you don't read author notes but still enjoy reading this story regularly, please read the important notice in the notes, my upload schedule is going out of wack for the foreseeable future, thanks for the support and enjoy the chapter!

 

 

 

 

Yamaguchi ended up falling asleep in the middle of looking at pictures. It was cute, but Himeko sighed thinking about how she was going to get her teenage son who was taller than her, up the stairs and into bed.

“Here, let me help” Takeda said softly as if reading her mind.

With the two working together, they managed to get Yamaguchi on Takeda’s back so he could carry the boy to his room. The whole scene warmed Himeko’s heart and she couldn’t help but smile and melt a little at the sight of this man gently placing her son in bed and covering him with a blanket. She walked up next to him and carefully removed Yamaguchi’s wig and replaced it with his beanie.

“Goodnight, Tadashi-kun” Takeda whispered as he gently rubbed his head through the beanie.

“Sleep well, Baby” Himeko said and kissed her son on the forehead.

Yamaguchi smiled and sighed in his sleep as he relaxed deeper into his bed. Himeko smiled down in affection before leaving the room with Takeda.

“Thank you so much for your help, I don’t think I would have been able to get him into bed without waking him” she said.

“That’s what I’m here for, no need to thank me. It was the least I could do after such a fantastic meal. Plus, it was all worth it to be able to see all those pictures and learn so much about Tadashi-kun’s childhood.”

Himeko smiled and lightly blushed at this. “I’m glad, I rarely get to share those photos with others.”

Takeda smiled softly at her. “I hate to cut a wonderful evening short, but there is school tomorrow.”

“Of course, don’t worry about it, we’ll see each other again soon.”

Takeda gathered his things and she walked him to the door. “Thank you so much for having me over. You know…it’s strange. Even though I have no right, I kind of feel robbed of Tadashi-kun’s childhood. It would have been amazing to know him when he was little. He sounded like such a joy to raise.”

Himeko stared at him with wide, shimmering eyes, not speaking a word. He began to worry he may have overstepped some bounds and said too much when Himeko suddenly placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for a lovely evening” she said.

He stuttered out a goodbye before she closed the door leaving him speechless, wide eyed, and mouth agape. It took him a few moments to pull himself together before heading home with a bright red blush and goofy smile.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Himeko stood leaning her back against the door with her burning face buried in her hands. She couldn’t believe she just did that! She rarely acted out of impulse. But more importantly, why was she so effected by a simple kiss on the cheek?

_Why is my heart beating so fast? It was only a kiss on the cheek yet I’m blushing like a schoolgirl. I’m a thirty-four-year-old woman for crying out loud! Get it together!_

She took a deep breath and slowly lowered her hands away from her face. Her cheeks were still burning when she retired to bed for the night.

 

The next day, Yamaguchi was still incredibly self-conscious of his classmates’ gossip, but dinner with Takeda lightened his mood considerably. He brightened as soon as he saw the teacher that morning at practice. “Hi, Takeda-san—…sei” his happy greeting trailed off awkwardly.

“Good morning, Tadashi-kun” he replied, graciously ignoring his slip-up.

“Sansei?” Tanaka was not so gracious.

“Sense when has sensei called you by your first name?” Hinata asked curiously.

“Ah, well…” Yamaguchi scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and glanced to make sure the teacher was out of ear-shot, “Sensei and my mom are…kind of…dating.”

His nearby teammates looked at him in surprise.

“EHHHHH???!!!!” Tanaka, Noya, and Hinata all exclaimed at the same time.

“So Takeda-sensei _IS_ going to be your dad?!!!” Hinata screeched out.

Several teammates facepalmed. Tanaka and Noya looked at Yamaguchi intensely, waiting for an answer. Kageyama just looked impatient to get practice going. Ukai smirked deviously at Takeda who was now the center of attention and blushing furiously.

“All right, Take-chan!” Tanaka cheered.

“Way to go, Sensei!” Noya followed.

“ _Shut up!_ ” Suga hissed as he smacked them both on the back of the head.

“I’m so sorry! It wasn’t my place to say anything, I shouldn’t have told! I’m so sorry!” Yamaguchi panicked.

“Ah, no it’s okay, Tadashi-kun. It wasn’t really a secret or anything” Takeda said, still flustered but recovering, and turned to the rest of the team, “it’s true that I am seeing Tadashi-kun’s mom, but rest assured this will not effect or influence the club at all or my duties as your advisor.”

“Oh, come on, Sensei. No one was thinking that, there’s nothing to worry about. Now, you!” Ukai turned to the team, “are you all just going to stand there discussing Sensei’s love life, or are you going to practice volleyball?!”

This snapped everyone out of their reverie and got practice flowing again. Both Yamaguchi and Takeda maintained a faint blush throughout the morning as the team and Ukai kept lightly teasing them.

Unfortunately, things only went downhill from there. His class was still frustrated over what had happened the day before and failed at hiding it well. Tsukki kept telling him to just ignore them, but that was easier said than done. The next day was even worse. As soon as class started, their homeroom teacher announced that they had a new transfer student starting that day. Yamaguchi thought he looked a bit familiar but couldn’t quite place it.

“Everyone, please welcome Hirose Sora to the class” Sensei said.

Yamaguchi’s blood ran cold. He remembered. Hirose-san was in his class in elementary school. Not only that, but he was one of his bullies.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Hirose Sora, my family just moved back to the area from a couple towns over. Please take care of me” he bowed to the class and took the empty desk that Sensei pointed to.

At lunch, Tsukki noticed he was eating even less than usual. “Feeling sick?” he asked.

“What?” Yamaguchi said, snapping out of his daze.

“You’re not eating much.”

“Oh…right. No, I’m fine, it’s just…the new transfer student…” he trailed off.

“What about him?”

“Well…he went to my elementary school…we were in the same class. He wasn’t very nice…”

Tsukki looked at him with calculated eyes. It wasn’t hard to guess what happened. Yamaguchi had told him a little about the different ways his classmates treated him back then. “Well, if he tries anything…I’ll mention it with Tanaka and Noya within earshot. Those two hotheads are always looking for a fight” he said.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi admonished him, but he was only half serious.

He didn’t want his senpai getting in trouble for his sake yet he was grateful for his friend’s efforts to make him feel better.

 As they made their way back to the classroom, Yamaguchi had to go to the bathroom and their teacher for their next class stopped Tsukki to help him with some hand-outs.

 

Meanwhile, in the classroom, everyone was crowding the new transfer student as people normally do whenever there’s a new classmate.

“I used to go to school in the area but my Dad’s work transferred him during my second year of middle school. He just got transferred back so I’m back in this town again” Hirose said, not minding all the attention.

“How’s Karasuno compared to your other school?” someone asked.

“It’s not as big, but I like it. My last school felt a little too big at times. I got lost a lot the first few days of school.”

The class chuckled with him but then he glanced over at the desk in the back corner of the room and grew thoughtful. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, but what’s the name of the guy with the blue hair that sits over there?” Hirose asked pointing at the desk in the back.

“Who, Yamaguchi?” a boy said.

“Yeah, that’s Yamaguchi Tadashi. He seemed like a good student at first but then he started sleeping in class all the time and claiming he has to go to the bathroom or infirmary at least three times a day” another boy said, slightly annoyed.

Hirose sat thinking for a bit. It sounded so familiar. “Yamaguchi…Yamaguchi…Oh! Yamaguchi! He was the kid that had cancer in elementary school! Man, the blue hair really threw me off, never thought he’d be the type to do that.”

Finally, he realized that the rest of the class had frozen and was staring at him, unblinking.

“Did you say cancer?” a girl finally spoke up in a hushed voice.

“Yeah…did you guys not know that? Well, I guess he probably doesn’t talk about it much anymore.”

Suddenly, someone gave a strangled gasp and said Yamaguchi’s name. The whole class turned as one to find Yamaguchi standing wide-eyed in the doorway and looking like he was just caught with drugs.

“Yamaguchi, do…do you have cancer?” a girl asked in a hushed voice.

He just stood there for a moment, then stumbled back a couple steps and bolted. The class stared at the empty doorway in shock. Hirose was confused but felt a growing dread. Just then, a pissed off Tsukishima appeared in the door. “What did you imbeciles do?” he asked in a low but threatening voice.

“Tsukishima, does Yamaguchi have cancer?” a brave soul asked.

“For a college prep class, it sure is full of idiots. Don’t think Yamaguchi isn’t aware of what you’ve been saying behind his back. And no, I didn’t tell him, you’re just not very good at observing when he’s near you or when he’s actually sleeping.”

With a huff, Tsukishima turned on his heal and went after his distraught friend leaving the class feeling guilty.

“We said some pretty awful things and he had cancer the whole time” a boy said, looking down in shame.

“No, wait—what?” Hirose said, trying to keep up with everything, “I could have sworn he beat it. Yeah! He did! His hair grew back and everything. He was even allowed to participate in gym class again.”

“It does explain a lot of his behavior…” a girl said.

“Like all the sleeping in class.”

“And all those trips to the bathroom and infirmary. I thought he just wanted to skip class but he probably actually needed to go there.”

“And the blue hair.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. Why would he dye his hair if he has cancer?”

“Maybe he didn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, maybe that isn’t even his hair. Maybe he lost it over break and that’s just a wig.”

“That would make sense, he did seem pretty uncomfortable with all the attention he got from it.”

As the class was discussing this, Hirose felt a deep guilt settle in to the pit of his stomach. “Oh man, I really messed up. I had no idea it would come back, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t know. I can’t believe Yamaguchi kept this secret from us this whole time” a boy said.

Memories of elementary school began flooding Hirose’s mind of the way his class treated Yamaguchi, of the way _he_ treated Yamaguchi. “I can” he said quietly.

Everyone still heard him and became confused and curious. “Why?” someone asked.

“I gotta find Yamaguchi” he said as he stood up and rushed out of the room leaving the class stunned and still reeling from this shocking turn of events.

 

Yamaguchi was slowly making his way back to the classroom after going to the bathroom and contemplating taking a nap in the infirmary instead of going to class. He arrived in the doorway just in time to hear Hirose say “Oh! Yamaguchi! He was the kid that had cancer in elementary school!”

He froze. Eyes wide, pupils shrunk. It felt like the world was crashing down around him. He listened but could barely comprehend his classmates putting the last few pieces of the puzzle together and finally figuring everything out. Suddenly, everyone was looking at him with shock and pity. He was vaguely aware of someone asking if he had cancer before he turned and bolted, accidently knocking into Tsukki in the process. He heard his name being called but he didn’t care. All he wanted at the moment was to get as far away from them as possible.

Yamaguchi didn’t get very far as he ran out of breath soon after he started running. He crouched down and put his back against the wall near a storage room and focused on trying to slow his frantically beating heart. It was over. It was all over. They knew. The one last bit of normalcy he had was shattered. He would once again be known as the kid with cancer. The sick one. The pitied one.

Just as the tears began falling, Tsukki spotted him and came jogging over. “All of them are assholes. It was none of their business and if they judge you for it, that’s their problem” he said as he sat down next to his upset friend.

Yamaguchi just shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Everyone knows. Soon it’s going to travel through the whole school. This was the last place I could pretend I’m normal.”

“You are normal, you just…”

“Have cancer?” Yamaguchi said bitterly.

Tsukki sighed. “I can’t say it’s all going to be okay because honestly, I’d hate all the attention and pity too. But this is not elementary school. It might be bringing back bad memories but this is different. Not everyone is going to just see you as a charity case and no one is stupid enough to believe you’re contagious. You have people who still see you for you this time.”

“I know. I _know_ this, but it still sucks. Maybe there’s a few people like that, but the majority of the school is now just going to see cancer instead of me. It’s not my identity but that doesn’t matter anymore. I spent almost my whole childhood being seen as the poor sick kid or the ‘different’ one. I was never just another kid in class. High school was supposed to be different…I was supposed to just be like everyone else…”

Yamaguchi sat there trying in vain to wipe away his tears as Tsukki struggled to figure out what to do. Slowly and painfully awkwardly, he placed an arm around Yamaguchi and said the only thing he could think of. “Well, I’m glad you’re not because I hate just about everyone else.”

A warmth blossomed in Yamaguchi’s chest as he looked up at his emotionally awkward friend. After a moment, he let out a half-sob half-chuckle then started laughing through his tears. Tsukki looked over at him confused and put his arm down in shock. “I’m sorry, Tsukki! You just look so uncomfortable right now!” Yamaguchi continued to laugh until his tears finally stopped.

“You should probably get back to class, I don’t want you to get in trouble and I’m going to need your notes” Yamaguchi said as he stood up and wiped the last of the moisture from his eyes.

“I’ll be fine, Sensei probably knows what happened by now considering how shaken the class was when I left. Are you coming too?”

Yamaguchi shook his head. “I was already thinking about taking a nap in the infirmary instead. After that, there’s no way I’ll be able to stay awake. Plus…I’m not quite ready to face them yet…”

Tsukki just nodded and they went their separate ways after making sure they would both still be at practice that afternoon.

Unbeknownst to them, Hirose had been listening from around the corner the whole time. A heavy boulder of guilt and shame settled in the pit of his stomach as he began to realize the full consequence of his actions in elementary school. He still didn’t know the full extent of the damage but he was sure of one thing. He had to apologize to Yamaguchi. 

 

He never did go back to class but he stayed true to his word and showed up for practice that afternoon. Everyone could tell he was in a somber mood and worried if something happened. Since he came straight from the infirmary, Yamaguchi was actually the first one there. He was lightly stretching with a few others that had gotten there early when Hinata burst into the gym even more frantically than usual. He whipped his head around and danced on the spot until he locked eyes with Yamaguchi and lit up like he found what he was looking for. “Yamaguchi!!” he squawked as he made a b-line over to the confused first-year.

He screeched to a stop right before colliding with the taller. “Yamaguchi! I was running to the gym and there were these guys talking and one of them said something about someone in your class having cancer! I think a rumor got started or we’re being spied on or someone accidently said something—AH! But it wasn’t me!! I swear I didn’t say anything!! It was probably Kageyama, wait but he doesn’t talk much—” he babbled frantically until he was cut off by Yamaguchi giving a defeated sigh.

“Thanks for telling me, Hinata, but it’s not any of those things. My class found out today because someone from my elementary school just transferred here.”

Suga clapped a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry they found out like that, but we’ll do our best to make this a safe haven. You’re still Yamaguchi to us.”

Yamaguchi gave a small smile back. The rest of practice went smoothly, though everyone could tell Yamaguchi was still bothered by the days events.

Unfortunately, things only got worse. The next day, his classmates apologized for the things they’ve been saying, which he appreciated, but it was always paired with an expression full of pity. A few of them went out of their way to talk to him more or be extra nice, but Yamaguchi could tell it was not genuine. They were only doing it because they felt bad for him, and maybe a little guilty still for talking behind his back.

As much as it annoyed him, all of this was still bearable. That is, until flowers and candies and small trinkets started showing up on his desk. It was usually anonymous and attached with a get well soon card. He knew they were just trying to be nice and just trying to help, but he couldn’t take it. His desk was starting to look like his many hospital rooms as a child when people would send balloons and toys all wishing him well.

It was like a dam had been broken at long last and the flood of sympathy that he knew was coming the moment his doctor had said those dreaded words finally crashed over and began to drown him. It was too much. It was all too much. Every day he would walk in and his desk would be covered in sympathy gifts. The team could tell he was growing more upset each day.

“Why don’t you just tell them it’s bothering you?” Tsukki questioned.

“Because I know they’re just trying to be nice and make me feel better. I don’t want them to feel bad about giving me gifts.”

“But they’re not making you feel better. If it’s not working they deserve to know. Nothing will change if you stay silent. I don’t like seeing you like this and I don’t think the rest of the team does either” Suga chimed in.

Yamaguchi sighed. “I know…but even if I wanted to, the gifts are all anonymous. I’d have to talk to the whole class. Not to mention, there’s probably people from other classes leaving stuff on my desk.”

Tsukki sighed in defeated annoyance while Suga and Daichi looked at each other helplessly. The team wanted to help but it was ultimately up to Yamaguchi to fix this problem. He really did want to say something, he just had no idea how to address the issue. The class already felt guilty for talking about him when they thought he couldn’t hear, he didn’t want to add to their guilt. Guilt only lead to more pity.

Unfortunately, Yamaguchi’s breaking point came before he could think of a solution. It was the morning after another check-up with his doctor and the test results were still showing no change. The stronger doses of chemo were not as effective as his doctor was hoping. He walked into the classroom after morning practice to find yet another bouquet, a teddy bear holding a “get well soon” heart, scented candles (that was a new one), and chocolates. He slowly made his way to his desk with a blank face. It was too much. He just couldn’t take it anymore.

The casual morning conversations of his classmates were cut off by the loud thud of Yamaguchi heavily placing his bag on his chair. Everyone turned to look at him as he kept his head down a screwed up his face, trying to contain the overwhelming rush of emotions. “I’m not dead! So stop making my desk into a shrine!!” he burst out before he could stop himself.

He angrily kicked his chair causing it to scoot a few inches before running out of the room. Tsukki called after him but the rest of the class remained frozen in stunned silence.

Yamaguchi couldn’t see where he was going on account of the tears in his eyes. He didn’t make it very far down the hall before accidently running into someone. He looked up to apologize only to find Takeda standing there. For a few moments, he looked at the teacher with watery eyes and a deep frown, face wobbling with the effort to not break down. The safe and comforting presence of the gentle and kind man overwhelmed him and he launched himself at the stunned teacher. Yamaguchi’s hands tightly gripped the back of Takeda’s shirt as he sobbed into his shoulder. Takeda quickly recovered from this sudden turn of events and began rubbing soothing circles on the distraught teen’s back.

Once he had calmed the boy enough, Takeda brought him to a private office so they could talk. “So, can you tell me what’s wrong? Did something happen?” he asked after he sat both of them down.

Yamaguchi sniffed and collected himself enough to talk. “I don’t wanna die! Every day, I come to school and my desk looks like a shrine. The chemo isn’t working as well as it should and I’m scared. Plus, I just yelled at all my classmates for giving me stuff, trying to make me feel better. I regretted it as soon as I shouted but I just couldn’t taking it anymore! I’m really scared!”

With that he broke down crying again and the teacher wrapped him in another soothing hug, speaking soft and comforting sounds.

 

Meanwhile in the classroom, everyone was varying levels of shocked and confused. Tsukishima had left to try finding his friend. “Geez, we were just trying to help” someone finally broke the silence.

“Don’t be too hard, he’s obviously really stressed out with everything he has to deal with” a girl admonished.

“I don’t think that’s all…” Hirose said hesitantly.

“What do you mean?” someone asked.

“Well…back in elementary school, our class…didn’t handle it the best when he got cancer. I mean, don’t get me wrong, most of the class felt sorry for him and everything but there were a few who just avoided him out of discomfort and…well…there were a few who didn’t really know how to handle something so serious and ended up bullying him…myself included” he admitted shamefully.

There were a few surprised gasps and some quiet murmurs, but he had to keep going. “Even though most of the class was sympathetic, he ended up forever being branded as the ‘sick’ one and the ‘different’ one. He wasn’t the same as the rest of us and our actions, kind and unkind, probably reminded him constantly that he wasn’t just another kid in our class. My guess is that’s likely the reason he didn’t even tell anyone in the first place. I feel awful for how I treated him back then, I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.”

The class grew silent, all deep in thought. “I guess that does make sense. I mean, if I was really sick I wouldn’t want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me, I would want to be treated normal” a girl spoke up.

“He does have a point, his desk does kind of look like a shrine” a boy said.

“He’s probably already scared of dying” another girl said.

The class glanced around at each other guiltily. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Hirose spoke up. “I have no idea what to do, but we need to make this right.”

Everyone agreed and started brainstorming ideas.

 

Takeda ended up calling Himeko to come take Tadashi home. All the crying and the emotional outburst zapped all his energy and left him feeling sick. He missed the next day of school as well since he threw up after going home. The team, of course, was worried about his absence so Tsukishima told them what had happened.

“Man, I can’t really picture Yamaguchi doing that” Tanaka said.

“I hope he’s okay. I know all the gifts were bothering him, I didn’t realize he was so close snapping though” Suga said.

 

Yamaguchi was nervous about coming back to school. He hadn’t seen his class since he yelled at them and kicked his chair before storming out. He needed Tsukki’s help to walk in the classroom that morning to finally face his class.

“It’ll be fine. It may not have happened the way you wanted, but at least it’s all out in the open now” Tsukki said giving him a small nudge toward the door.

Taking a deep breath, Yamaguchi walked in and the room immediately fell silent. Before he could lose what little nerve he had gathered, he screwed his eyes shut and bowed. “I’m sorry!” he said it louder than intended but he had to keep going or he would lose his momentum, “I’m sorry I yelled at everyone. I know you were all just trying to help and be nice, but instead of being grateful I got annoyed, so I’m sorry.”

Yamaguchi slowly peeked at the class which was staring at him in stunned silence. Finally, a girl recovered enough to speak up. “Don’t apologize, Yamaguchi-san! We’re the ones who are sorry.”

A few others nodded and murmured words of affirmation. “Wait, but I’m the one—” Yamaguchi started.

“We know you feel bad because we were only trying to help. But we were so caught up in our own ideas of how to be nice that we didn’t stop to think about asking you how we could help or how you wanted to be treated. We realize that now” a boy spoke up.

Yamaguchi was left wide-eyed and speechless. This was not at all like his previous experience going to school with cancer. The class representative walked up to him with her hands behind her back. “The whole class chipped in and worked together to get you this” she said as she held up a gift back.

He wordlessly took it, feeling a little uncomfortable accepting the gift. “This is not a sympathy gift, it’s an apology for how we’ve all acted and treated you. So, for talking about you behind your back without knowing the full story and for acting without thinking to appease our own sympathy and guilt, we’re sorry” she said.

Still speechless, Yamaguchi pulled something narrow and soft out of the bag. It was an orange neck pillow with little crows that looked like puff balls sewn onto it. The whole class had signed their name in white fabric paint on the pillow. Touched, he looked back up at the class with tears in his eyes.

“That’s for the long bus rides to tournaments and so you can be more comfortable when you fall asleep in class” a boy piped up.

“Everyone pitched in some money for fabric and a few of the girls worked together to make it” a girl said.

“The names signed on the crows are the ones who helped with sewing” the class rep said.

Yamaguchi hugged the pillow to his chest and quickly wiped the tears that had threatened to fall. “Thank you. Thank you so much!” he beamed at the class, happy and relieved that they actually cared about him and didn’t just pity him.

 

Hirose watched the scene unfold with a soft smile on his face. He had been anxious to talk to Yamaguchi ever since he overheard him breaking down in the hallway. Unfortunately, he never came back to class after that, and he had stayed home the next day as well. He was nervous but he knew he had to do it, and if there was ever a time for this type of conversation, it was now. Gathering his nerve, he stepped up to Yamaguchi. “Hey, Yamaguchi. Can we talk?”

 

The two boys walked down the hall and found a secluded place to have a private conversation. Yamaguchi was puzzled. He had not expected Hirose to ever ask to talk to him, let alone as meekly as he did. He wasn’t really sure what to expect. Hirose took a deep breath and looked at him. “First of all, I just want to apologize for everything I did back in elementary school. You were going through something incredibly hard and I only made it worse for you” Hirose started.

Yamaguchi was stunned. This was the last thing he ever expected to hear from his childhood tormentor. He never thought he would forgive him for the things he did, but his experiences this time around had done a lot of healing and put things in perspective. “It’s okay. We were only kids and none of us could fully comprehend what was going on.”

Hirose just shook his head. “That’s no excuse. There were plenty of people in that class who didn’t pick on you for what you were going through or the special treatment you got. Even if you weren’t sick, I still treated you wrong. I never stopped to think how it would affect you, I was only thinking about myself. I may not have been old enough to understand what you were going through, but I was old enough to know it’s important to think about other people too. I know this doesn’t change what happened or what you went through because of me, but for what it’s worth…I’m really sorry” Hirose bowed deeply leaving Yamaguchi speechless.

This day had not gone at all as he thought. All of the sincere and heartfelt apologies left his head swimming and his heart overwhelmed. “It’s okay” he said when he finally regained his bearings enough to speak, “it’s like you said. Nothing can change what happened in the past, but I still greatly appreciate the apology. Thank you.”

Hirose looked up and they awkwardly smiled at each other. After a moment of the two collecting themselves from such an emotionally charged exchange, Hirose spoke up. “So…I have to ask. Why blue?”

Yamaguchi glanced over in surprise.

“I mean! Don’t get me wrong, it’s really cool, I just never thought of you as the type of person to get blue hair.”

Yamaguchi looked up to the strands of blue that were in his vision and gave a half defeated/half amused sigh. “I didn’t really. The wig I picked out looked like my normal hair but the company sent me the wrong one by mistake and it would have taken too long to return it and get the right one. I…already shaved my head by the time it came so I was kind of stuck with it. It’s okay though. The blue hair grew on me and I like it now.”

“Man, that’s crazy. I can’t believe they sent the wrong wig. At least you didn’t get bright pink or something.”

The two laughed at that and made light conversation as they walked back to class. He was still nervous and not happy about the fact that the whole school probably knew by now. But if he had his friends by his side, then just maybe it would be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that the end of this chapter looks like it could be the end of the story if I wanted it to, buuuuuuut as I said before, there is another arc to this story as I still have way too many ideas to let it end here.
> 
> As always thank you so much for all the support, the comments are always the highlight of my day whenever I receive them so don't be shy and let me know your thoughts! I think this chapter struck a good balance of fluff and angst which I liked but don't expect it every time because there is plenty more angst to come.


	20. The Comfort of Familiar Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi runs into an old friend at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically nothing but fluff. There is a large storm of angst coming on the horizon so enjoy it while you can.
> 
> Also, if you haven't noticed, I have taken creative liberty over the timeline so as far as that goes it is no longer following canon.

The next couple of weeks were a much needed reprieve for Yamaguchi. Everyone in class finally calmed down and started acting normal around him again (this time without any underlying frustration of him being allowed to sleep and leave class frequently). Heck, he even got an apology from one of his childhood bullies.

Practice was also going well as he was able to practice his serve as much as his body would let him. The team still did a lot of little things to watch over and take care of him which was a little annoying at times (he didn’t like everyone fretting over him) but he knew it was because they wanted to make sure he was okay and spending his precious little energy on improving his volleyball rather than some sense of obligation born from pity.

In his spare time, he still kept in touch with Kuroko and his friends online. They talked about how their basketball season was going and he kept them updated on his own life. He liked having someone trustworthy to talk to through as screen. As much as he loved his team, he sometimes found it easier to open up about things that are bothering him when he wasn’t talking face-to-face and with people that he’s comfortable with but not super close to.

He found that each of them had different qualities that helped him in their own ways. Kuroko was good to talk to when he was feeling down and insecure about volleyball things. Kise was good at cheering him up when he has a bad day or is just generally feeling down. Kagami and Aomine were good when he just needed a distraction for a little while. And Akashi…well, Akashi was a bit of an enigma, he still couldn’t get a very good read on his personality and he always held such a confident and commanding air, even through the internet. Normally, Yamaguchi would be too intimidated to talk coherently around that type of person, but he found it increasingly easy to open up to Akashi. Somehow, he ended up talking to Akashi when he didn’t feel comfortable even going to Kuroko or Kise or the others. When he opened up about his fears to Akashi, he always felt reassured because the older teen’s words always seemed to have a finality about them, like they were absolute. If Akashi said he was okay, if he said there was nothing to worry about, if he said Yamaguchi was not going to die, he believed it.

Of course, this wasn’t foolproof as his same old fears and insecurities always creeped back up a day or two later, but talking to Akashi was always reassuring.

Tadashi: I’m getting chemo today. I’m so sick of this…what if it doesn’t work again? My numbers don’t change but I still have to deal with all the extra side-effects. What if they decide to put me on an even stronger dose?? I don’t know if I can handle that…

Akashi: Worrying will help nothing. If the chemo fails there are other options. Don’t forget you have the most common childhood cancer, which also mean you have the most treatable. Don’t let one failed treatment get the best of you. This is by no means the end.

Tadashi: Thank you…sorry for always bothering you, but talking to you helps a lot…

Akashi: No need to apologize, you’re no bother. Don’t forget I was the captain of the generation of miracles, I had to deal with those pains in the butt on a daily basis.

Yamaguchi quietly chuckled at that. He had only gotten a small taste of their dynamic through group chats, he could only imagine what it must have been like when they all saw each other in person every day.

He said his goodbye to Akashi as his mom pulled into the children’s hospital parking lot. She walked him in and got him set up in the patient lounge. “I hate missing your chemo but I really couldn’t get out of this meeting at work” Himeko said, giving her son a hug.

“It’s okay, Mom. It’s no big deal. School’s over so some of the team might come to visit” Yamaguchi hugged her back.

The team was busy preparing for the spring tournament which was fast approaching so he doubted anyone would visit, but he knew his mom would feel better if he wasn’t alone the whole time.

“Alright, if you’re sure you’ll be okay. I love you, call me if you need anything and I’ll come right over, if you finish before I get back just wait in here, okay?”

Yamaguchi nodded and said okay to everything she said and then bade each other goodbye. Once Himeko was gone, Yamaguchi plopped onto the couch and began flipping through a volleyball magazine that he found on the coffee table. A nurse stopped by to let him know that they were behind schedule and it would be a little bit until they were ready. He continued to skim over the magazine and soon began to zone out. After a few minutes, he was so spaced out he didn’t even notice another person had entered the room.

“Yamaguchi?” a soft and high-pitched voice rang out, unsure.

He quickly snapped out of it and turned his head toward the voice and his eyes instantly grew wide with surprise. “Yachi??” he asked in disbelief.

A huge smile spread across the tiny blonde’s face as she excitedly rushed over and sat next to him on the couch. “Tashi-chan! It really is you! I couldn’t tell because of the colored hair but it’s been so long I just couldn’t leave without finding out for sure! I didn’t think you would ever color your hair blue so that really through me off but it just looked so much like you and I couldn’t forgive myself if it really was and I just walked away without even saying hi and now I’m rambling, I’m so sorry for talking so much I’m just so excited to see you!”

Yamaguchi was a little overwhelmed (he didn’t know how she could say all that in one breath and not pass out) but he couldn’t help but smile at her antics. It had been a couple years since he’d seen her. “It’s okay! I’m really excited to see you too, Yacchin! What brings you here? Don’t tell me you’re still—” a sense of dread suddenly overpowered all the excitement.

“No! No! Nothing like that!” she frantically shook her head and waved her hands in front of her, “I’m here as a volunteer!” she gestured to the candy striper apron and uniform she was wearing (she already had a ton of stripes).

Yamaguchi breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed back into the couch.

“After everything they’ve done for me I decided I wanted to help too” she continued, suddenly meek.

“That’s so great to hear! So, you’re all better now?” he asked.

“Yup! My hair’s grown back and I’m fully participating in gym again and everything!” she beamed and puffed out her chest.

Yamaguchi beamed back. Yachi had been hospitalized around the same times that he was as a kid. She got diagnosed a little after Yamaguchi and ended up getting treatments mostly the same days as him. The spent a lot of time playing together in the patient common areas when they were both admitted for extended periods of time. They even did homework together making a vow that neither of them would have to repeat a year because of all the missed days at school.

As much as Yamaguchi cherished the day he found out he was fully in remission, it had always carried a bitter aftertaste as Yachi was showing no signs of remission even after the two years of treatments. He saw her a lot less after that, only occasionally seeing her for brief periods of time when he went in for regular check-ups. Eventually, he stopped running into her altogether and never found out what happened to her.

“So, Tashi-chan uh, I mean, if you’re okay still being called that, I guess it does sound rather childish” Yachi began but quickly back peddled.

“No! It’s okay, I know we came up with those nicknames when we were kids but I like it. It’s nostalgic. Um…but…I guess you could maybe use ‘kun’ instead of ‘chan’ though…” he said a bit awkwardly.

“Tashi…kun?” she said testing it out, she thought for a moment then smiled and nodded once, “I like it! You can keep calling me Yacchin, that one isn’t as childish.”

“Okay! So, um, sorry, you were saying something?”

“Oh right! What are you doing here? Are you volunteering too?”

Yamaguchi’s smile froze. There it was. The question he knew was coming but still dreaded. Yachi looked at him quizzically, sensing his sudden stiffness.

Before he could gather himself to say anything, the nurse popped her head into the room. “Yamaguchi, we’re ready for you” she said.

Yachi looked up and the nurse in surprise then back at Yamaguchi. Her face fell. No! This couldn’t be! He beat it! He was in remission!

Yamaguchi looked down at his lap and self-consciously placed a hand on the back of his head. “It…came back a few months ago” he muttered, “I have to go get chemo…it was really nice to see you again.”

He made to get up and follow the nurse but Yachi interrupted. “Wait! Tashi-kun! I-uh…just…um.”

She had leaped up and began dancing on the spot eyes flitting between her childhood friend and the pile of halfway stacked water cups that she had abandoned to talk with him. The nurse smiled fondly and a little sadly at the two kids. “Hitoka-chan” she said warmly.

“Yes!!” Yachi whipped around and stood stiff as a board awaiting her instructions.

The curse smiled kindly at her. “If you finish your current duties, you can head back and keep Yamaguchi company for the remainder of his treatment.”

“Thank you very much!” she bowed deeply and then turned to finish her tasks at hand as quickly as she could while still maintaining the quality of her work (she took pride in what she did and wasn’t about to do sloppy work now).

Yamaguchi gave a small smile and followed the nurse back to get hooked up to his IV.

He mindlessly scrolled through his phone for a while until the nurse guided Yachi to his room. “Tashi-kun! I’m so sorry! I had no idea you were here as a patient I would have been more sensitive! I hope it didn’t sound like I was bragging or anything!” she frantically rattled off as soon as she stepped through the door.

The nurse smiled in fond exasperation as she left to give them privacy. “No! It’s okay, Yacchin! I’m relieved actually, I always worried about you after I got better and never stopped wondering if you ever managed to beat it. I’m really happy to see you healthy” Yamaguchi said.

Yachi’s face wobbled as she tried to hold back her tears. She gave a big sniff and roughly rubbed her eyes to clear them. “It’s just not fair that you have to do this again!”

“Yeah…it’s not. But, you and I both know that’s just how this goes. Cancer is never fair.”

The room filled with sorrowful silence as Yachi took a seat next to him. Yamaguchi scratched the back of his head feeling awkward. “Um…sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down like that. I really want to hear what’s happened with you the past few years.”

Yachi brightened up and the two spent the next half hours catching each other up from the last time they saw each other. Apparently, due to various complications, Yachi’s treatment took much longer than the average leukemia patient but she still beat it in the end. She was diagnosed at eight years old and wasn’t declared cancer free until her third year of middle school. This partially accounted for why she was still so tiny as the endless chemo had messed with her growth spurts she would have had if she was healthy.

Yamaguchi told her about meeting Tsukki several months after going into remission and joining the volleyball club to help regain his strength and build muscle. It wasn’t as fun telling her about the past few months, finding out his cancer had come back, trying to hide it from his friends, the mix up with the wig (this made much more sense to Yachi as she never knew him to be into fashion or flashy things, though she silently thought the blue hair looked cool on him, and did he have it in a little pony tail?! How did she miss that earlier?? And oh crap she’s missing what he’s saying!). Finally, he told her about the training camps and how his team and eventually his class found out and the turmoil that ensued. This upset Yachi to hear about all the hardship he was going through but Yamaguchi did his best to reassure her that things had gotten much better over the past few weeks.

“Wow, you sure have been through a lot. It’s so cool you got into volleyball! You know, it’s the weirdest thing, just the other day a really pretty third year asked me if I would be interested in becoming the manager for the boys volleyball team” Yachi said thoughtfully.

“Wait, her name wouldn’t happen to be Shimizu-san, would it?” Yamaguchi asked.

“It was! How did you—wait! Do you go to Karasuno?!”

“Wait, _you_ go to Karasuno?!”

There was a moment of silence as their brains simultaneously exploded. “Oh my gosh! How have we not run into each other?!” Yachi exclaimed as she grabbed the sides of her head with both hands.

“I don’t know! This is crazy! I can’t believe we’ve been going to the same school this whole time!”

After a few more minutes of freaking out, the two finally calmed down enough to resume normal conversation. “So, what did you say? Are you going to check out the club?” Yamaguchi asked hopefully.

“Well, I told her I would check it out tomorrow, but I’m not so sure. I don’t know anything about volleyball, it probably wouldn’t be fair to the team if their new manager came in so inexperienced and unknowledgeable of the sport. I’m sure you guys work really hard and deserve someone just as passionate” Yachi replied, shrinking in on herself a bit.

“You don’t have to worry about that! Our club advisor, Takeda-sensei, he didn’t know anything about volleyball at the start of the year but he’s been a great advisor!”

“Really?” Yachi seemed to perk up a little at this.

“Yeah! It may seem like a lot at first, but volleyball is actually pretty easy to learn. All that matters is that you’re willing to try and genuinely want to help the team. I know Shimizu-san will do a great job teaching you everything you need to know. I think you should do it, Yacchin! It would be so cool to have you as our manager! Ah—I mean, only if you want to, of course…” Yamaguchi sheepishly sank back into his bed as he realized how pushy he had started to sound.

Yachi just looked at him with wide eyes filled with awe. She had never seen her friend get so passionate about something and it was infectious. A smile broke out over her face and she nodded. “Okay! I’ll give it a try tomorrow!” she said, suddenly filled with determination.

The two shared light-hearted conversation for a little while longer until they were interrupted.

“Hitoka-chan? Is that you? What a pleasant surprise! How are you?” Himeko said as she entered the room and promptly gave Yachi a hug.

“Yama-obasan! It’s so good to see you! I’m doing great!” Yachi beamed as she returned the hug.

“That’s so good to hear. Wow, I was not expecting to see you here, how did this come about?”

“I volunteer now! It’s my way of giving back after they took such great care of me.”

“Yeah, Mom, Yacchin’s all better now” Yamaguchi chimed in with a smile.

“Oh, that’s fantastic news! Tadashi and I never stopped worrying about you. I’m so glad you’re healthy.”

“Thank you! Me too, but…um…I’m really sorry about Tashi-kun, I never thought he’d have to face this again when he beat it.”

Himeko’s smile turned sad. This girl was still just as sweet and considerate as she was at eight years old. “That’s very kind of you, but it wasn’t your job to worry about him after he got better. You had your own battle to fight.”

After some bittersweet hugs and some more light-hearted conversation, Yamaguchi’s chemo was finished and he was ready to leave.

“It was great catching up with you Yacchin. If I make it to school tomorrow, I hope to see you at practice. The day after chemo is usually the worst though, so it’s pretty iffy” Yamaguchi said as he sat on the edge of the bed and prepared to stand up.

“Of course! I remember that all too well, but I’m definitely going to check it out” Yachi said with determination while giving a salute.

As Yamaguchi stood up, his knees buckled a little causing Himeko to leap forward and support her son. “These higher doses of chemo are really taking their toll on you” she said as she steadied him into a standing position.

Yachi’s eyes grew wide as she craned her neck to look at Yamaguchi standing in front of her for the first time since they were kids. “Yacchin, it’s okay. I’m just a little woozy” Yamaguchi said, misinterpreting her expression.

“Tashi-kun, you got so tall!”

“Eh?” Yamaguchi looked down and noticed the large height difference, suddenly becoming self-conscious and raising a hand to the back of his neck. “Oh…yeah, I guess my growth is one of the few things the chemo didn’t really affect.”

“Well, that’s good then! I’m sure height is important in volleyball” Yachi said, finally beginning to recover from the shock.

“It is, but not as much as you might think” Yamaguchi said as images of Hinata and Noya flashed through his mind.

Yachi looked at him curiously but didn’t question. After making their way to the lobby, they bid farewell with the promise of seeing each other again soon. That night, Yamaguchi rode home in the best mood he had ever been in after a chemo treatment.

 

Yachi’s heart was pounding. Her whole body was shaking. She felt like a chihuahua surrounded by great danes. Taking only one step out from behind the safety of Shimizu-senpai’s back, she froze. Everyone was so…tall. Logically, she was expecting this. Volleyball was a sport for tall people. But there was a big difference between knowing this in your head and being surrounded by it in real life. Even the one’s who were of more average height were still big. Why oh why did Tashi-kun have to stay home today of all days!

Shimizu-senpai had told her that all she needed to do was observe. This was fine with her as she was still shaking so much she didn’t think she’d be able to help much at all. The team was just so…intimidating. They were loud. They were energetic. They were so big!

As soon as they caught sight of her, they began to crowd around to get a better look. Thankfully, Shimizu-senpai had been stern with them and told them to give her some space. Still, two delinquent-looking boys stared at her from behind a smiling silver-haired senpai who promptly pushed on their faces as soon as he realized what they were doing. The worst was when a scary looking third year came up to talk to her. She didn’t even hear what he said, she was too focused on the fact that he had a bun and a beard and oh my gosh why is an adult on a high school volleyball team?!?!?!

Thankfully, the scary man—teen? was pushed away by another big (probably) third year who held a commanding aura. After the commotion died down, morning practice resumed as usual and Yachi was in awe. She had never seen a volleyball game up close that wasn’t in gym class. This was different. This was intense. She was sure that those spikes could blow her arms clean off. She left the gym feeling intimidated a scared. _I’m so sorry, Tashi-kun! I don’t know if my nerves can handle this!_

But, she did promise to properly check it out so she was still going to show up for afternoon practice like she said. As terrifying as it was, she’d never been the type of person to go back on her word and she wasn’t about to start now.

In the middle of the day toward the end of lunch time, a pair of first years from the volleyball team came bursting into her classroom and calling her name (well one of the did, the other just silently followed behind). She had a mini panic attack trying to remember their names and fearing for her future ability to hold down a job and keep from being homeless if she couldn’t do something so simple as remember a couple of names. Those thoughts were instantly pushed out when the small energetic one introduced the two of them as Hinata and Kageyama.

They ended up just needed some help with their English which Yachi was more than happy to do. It was rather difficult for Hinata to stay focused on the task at hand, preferring to animatedly discuss volleyball, but he was still extremely grateful for the help and endlessly complimented her notes so she figured at least a few things must have gotten through.

By the time they left, Yachi felt like she had been standing in direct sunlight for too long. She was still thankful for it as she felt a little more comfortable with going to afternoon practice now that she was more acquainted with at least two of the members.

Afternoon practice was slightly better than the morning but still nerve-wracking. She still wasn’t used to being around so many big and tall boys, not to mention most of them were her senpais. The speed and power of their spikes still left her in awe (seriously, how did they not have dark bruises covering their arms?!). Amidst all the stress, she was at least able to start taking notes and learning from Shimizu-senpai. It seemed overwhelming and complicated, but Shimizu-senpai took it slow and made sure she understood one thing before moving on to the next, careful not to move too fast or cover too much at once.

That evening, she left for home still feeling unsure. The environment was loud and overwhelming, the guys were huge, and she knew very little about the sport. Her mom had talked to her the night before and told her the rudest thing she could do was to agree and do a half-hearted job. The last thing she wanted to do was be rude, especially since a lot of the guys  on the team seemed pretty nice despite how scary they all looked at first. She went to bed that night with indecision swirling around her head.

 

The next morning, Yamaguchi was excited to get back to practice. One of the first things he did after coming home from chemo was throw up, so naturally he had to stay home from school the next day. He was hoping to be able to make it for Yacchin’s first day checking out the club knowing how nervous and timid she could be. He only hoped the first day hadn’t scared her off and she would show up again today.

She wasn’t there when he arrived that morning which made him a little nervous. But, Shimizu-senpai usually didn’t show up until most of them were already there anyway and Yacchin was probably going to come with her. Sure enough, as he was stretching and preparing for warm-ups, a familiar high-pitched voice cut through the noise. “Tashi-kun!” Yachi beamed a waved excitedly as soon as she caught sight of him.

Yamaguchi whipped his head over to the entrance and smiled as the tiny girl rushed over to him. The two were so excited to see each other they didn’t notice the rest of the team had stopped what they were doing to stare in shock.

“Yacchin! I’m so glad you came! Wow, I didn’t notice yesterday, but your hair’s gotten so long!” Yamaguchi said.

Yachi’s hair had been pulled back and slightly covered by the candy striper headdress that came with the uniform.

“I know! Right? I finally have enough hair to pull it back! I really missed being able to do stuff with my hair. I’m still really careful not to do it too tight, sometimes I’m scared that my hair will fall out if I do…ah! No offence!” Yachi back peddled, realizing her mistake.

“It’s okay! I understand that feeling all too well. I was careful not to shampoo too hard because of the same thing…”

The smarter, more observant members of the team began to put two and two together at this point, the others continued to watch this exchange in blatant confusion.

“So, how did yesterday go? I really wish I could have been there” Yamaguchi asked in anticipation, anxious to here about her first day.

“It was…overwhelming. I really wish you were here too, it would have been at least a little more calming to have someone I know around.”

“Yeah…I’m sorry, I puked my guts out as soon as I got home that night. There’s no way I could have made it to school.”

“It’s okay! You don’t need to apologize! I remember that very well. I never want to puke another day in my life…” Yachi held her stomach and made a disgusted face.

By this time, those that had started to catch on figured it out and felt a rush of affection and respect for Yachi, Kiyoko even showed a bit of emotion on her face.

“Yamaguchi, you already know Yachi?!?!” Hinata squawked, still thoroughly confused.

It wasn’t until then that the two realized they were the center of attention and everyone had been watching their exchange. Yachi turned bright red and looked at the floor while Yamaguchi gave a sheepish smile and brought a hand to the back of his head as he blushed as well. “Yeah…I, uh…we met in the hospital…when we were kids and…um…well…I guess…ah…when I…uh…she was…” Yamaguchi only grew more flustered the more he spoke, stumbling over his words and growing less coherent.

Yachi gathered herself taking pity on her friend who was probably unsure if she was okay with him revealing her medical history or not, then took a breath and spoke without thinking. “We’re cancer buddies!” she said, immediately growing red and bringing a hand to the back of her head sheepishly.

Yamaguchi looked at her in shock while the rest of the team gazed at her in varying levels of surprise. “So, you had cancer at the same age as Yamaguchi?” Suga asked gently.

Yachi nodded. “I was diagnosed a little while after Tashi-kun, but a lot of our treatments and hospitalizations overlapped so we spent a lot of time together in the hospital. He got better faster than me though. I’ve only been cancer-free for about a year.”

“Wow! That’s amazing! AH—! I mean, that you beat cancer! Not that you had it!” Hinata scrambled.

“Man, what are the chances of this happening?” Tanaka said to Noya, both still dumbfounded.

It took a while for the team to get back on track after that big revelation, but now everyone was a little more excited about the prospect of Yachi being their new manager. By the end of the day Yachi decided to officially join the team after seeing how amazing the players were and being able to experience the environment much more calmly now that she had the comforting presence of her friend.

She still couldn’t believe how tall he had gotten. Watching him at practice was incredible. Yes, he tired out quickly and couldn’t participate nearly as much as everyone else (Yachi remembered those days very well and her heart hurt thinking about Yamaguchi having to deal with it again) but whatever practice he could get in, he made it count. He was so cool doing his special serve, she still didn’t totally understand it but she knew it was a difficult one to get right and when he did the other side always had a hard time receiving it.

The rest of the team loved having her on board as another manager. Not only was she sweet and enthusiastic about helping anyway she could and learning the sport, but Yamaguchi smiled more and seemed much more relaxed and open about his daily struggles. Even after everything that happened with the training camp and the weeks after, he still seemed reluctant and nervous about sharing his thoughts on his illness as if afraid of pity and being looked down upon. Now that Yachi was there, someone who had been right there in the hospital with him going through the same thing, he was less afraid of being set apart or looked at as different. All in all, it was a huge relief to the team to have her there for more than one reason.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, Yachi joins the mix! I was originally not going to include her because I thought it would just make things more complicated with another added factor of a new person coming onto the team in the middle of trying to hide cancer from the team. BUT, then I got this snippet of an idea of Yamaguchi bumping into an old hospital friend while getting treated so I thought 'hey, maybe that could be Yachi' and here we are. Yachi's introduction to the story was not supposed to take an entire chapter but oh well. Hope you enjoyed all the Yachi fluff! There will be more of that to come!


	21. Victories and Personal Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spring tournament begins! There will be much less summarizing of canon plot in this than when I wrote the inter-high (although some canon scenes are just too funny not to include).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out I will be taking less and less from canon, in just a few chapters I will be diverging completely. 
> 
> So far I've been able to keep up with every other week uploads so yay! Hopefully I can continue to do so but still can't make any promises.

It was the start of the spring tournament and Yachi was equal parts excited and nervous. She had just barely started her new role as manager-in-training and they were already off to play in official games. Seeing how nervous some of the team members were only served to agitate her own nerves.

In the end, there was nothing to worry about. Karasuno won both games and advanced to the next round which would take place in several weeks. It was amazing being able to watch the team in official games. Everyone got so serious and supported each other with everything they had regardless if they even got to play or not.

The games were the main topic of discussion for days afterward. “Man, when he spiked over me in warm-ups I felt like I was standing next to a giant. I haven’t had to crane my neck so much just to look at someone since I was a kid” Yamaguchi said during lunch.

“I still have to do that all the time…” Yachi said causing the group to chuckle.

“Hinata knows that feeling very well. I’m surprised his neck isn’t constantly cramping up from all the strain” Tsukishima said.

Everyone laughed sans Hinata who whipped around to growl at Tsukishima.

The five first years had started eating lunch together much to Tsukishima’s dismay. Once they found out they went to the same school, Yachi and Yamaguchi wanted to eat together which Tsukishima didn’t mind. The problem was that the idiot duo had also taken to eating lunch with Yachi ever since she helped them with their English homework. His only solace was that the two dunces gave him ample opportunity to jab at them while they were eating.

Despite the annoyance of his best friend, Yamaguchi liked having so many people to eat with. It was a very welcomed change from eating by himself so much in his earlier days. The pleasant conversation also served to distract him from his poor appetite and the fact that he was eating so much less than everyone else. It was a small window in which he could forget his struggles and just be a teen hanging out with his friends.

“Yamaguchi! You didn’t have to laugh so much you turned red!” Hinata said, indignant.

“Huh? I didn’t laugh that hard” Yamaguchi said, feeling his cheeks, “I am kinda warm though, is it getting hot in here?”

He looked around at his friends all shaking their heads. Everyone else seemed fine and comfortable with the temperature. Yachi looked at his face, worried. “Are you feeling okay, Tashi-kun?” Yachi asked as she stood up.

Reaching across the table, she placed a hand on Yamaguchi’s forehead and gasped. “You’re burning up! Tashi-kun, you need to get to the hospital! 119! Somebody call 119! Ah—ambulance!”

“Yacchin! It’s okay! I’ll just go to the infirmary and Sensei will call my mom” Yamaguchi said trying to calm the tiny frantic girl.

Yamaguchi gathered his things and Yachi insisted on walking him to the infirmary. She was much less upbeat and lively by the time she got back. “Is Yamaguchi gonna be okay?” Hinata asked as she sat back down.

“Yeah, it’s just a fever so the doctors will be able to take care of him pretty easily. I just can’t help but worry…” Yachi said.

“Man, it must suck to have to go to the hospital for something as small as a fever.”

“It gets very tiring, but the chemo weakens your immune system so much that a simple cold can turn deadly so you really have to be careful about these things.”

The rest of lunch was spent in a solemn atmosphere. No matter how much they tried to run or pretend, cancer was always lurking by, ready to rear its ugly head at any moment to remind everyone of its presence.

 

Yachi wasn’t originally planning on volunteering that night, she had homework to do, but the fact that Yamaguchi was back in the hospital changed her mind. She still had time to finish her homework and wanted to make sure he had more visitors than just his mom.

Thankfully, the nurses were friendly and understanding of her situation and gave her jobs that were all near Yamaguchi’s room and any tasks that involved helping patients in his section. Thanks to this she was able to pop in and out to check on him and chat. Yamaguchi was happy to have someone to talk to even if it was just in short increments. Unfortunately, his mom had to work late in order to make up for the time she lost by leaving to take him to the hospital, so he was grateful for the company.

Since Yachi was able to bring his dinner, the nurses offered to let her take him some jello for dessert. “I managed to get your favorite, cherr—WAH!” Yachi stumble over her feet as she was bringing in the little tray with jello and lost her balance. The jello spilled on Yamaguchi as she face planted on his chest.

She froze for a few seconds, or it could have been minutes, she couldn’t quite tell, as she struggled to process her current position. Despite how skinny and lanky he looked, she never realized how broad his chest was. Thanks to volleyball, he had managed to maintain some muscle definition amongst the chemo. In that moment, she suddenly became very aware of Yamaguchi as a boy.

Face blooming red, she shot up with a loud squeak, apologizing profusely. “Oh my gosh! I’m so so sorry!! I can’t believe I did that! I’m so sorry! Let me clean you up!”

Yamaguchi grew flustered with how embarrassed she was and how forcefully she was apologizing for a minor accident. Yachi grabbed some paper towel and cleared away the larger chunks before mopping up the moisture left behind.

“I’m so sorry! Ah—it’s soaking into your gown!” Yachi continued to freak out. Without thinking and completely forgetting her little moment earlier, she pulled one of the ties and yanked open the top of his hospital gown to start wiping down his chest.

“Y-Yacchin?!!” Yamaguchi squeeked.

His voice snapped her out of it as she fully began to take in what she was doing. Her eyes travelled down to see one hand clutching a wad of paper towel to his skin and the other still holding open his gown. Then she glanced up and was met with Yamaguchi’s red face looking shock and embarrassed to have his chest suddenly bared so forcefully.

Yachi shrieked as her face exploded a deep red. “I’m s-s-s-s-sorry!! Uh—! You can do this part!” she cried out before flying out of the room at record speed.

Once she was out of the room, she leaned against the wall and placed a hand on her chest taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself. What just happened?!?! She couldn’t believe her own clumsiness! And in her haste to try to clean things up she…she…

An image of Yamaguchi’s naked chest flashed through her mind and her face grew red all over again.

“Hitoka-chan! How nice to see you again, how are you?” Himeko said as she approached her son’s room, finally off of work.

“Nothing!” she squeaked before rushing off to the nurses’ station.

Himeko just looked at the direction she bolted quizzically and entered Yamaguchi’s room.

“Need some help, Hitoka-chan?” a nurse asked as she approached.

“Yamaguchi! Gown spilled! I mean—! I spilled! Yamaguchi—new gown! Jello mess!” Yachi tried, and failed, to construct a coherent sentence.

Luckily, the nurses were used to Yachi’s nature by now and managed to piece together what happened. “It’s okay, Hitoka-chan. I’ll bring him a new gown and a wash cloth. You just go ahead to the break room and collect yourself” she said kindly.

Yachi nodded and bowed deeply while thanking her before speeding to the break room.

It took a while, but she managed to calm herself down. She’s just never been so close to a shirtless guy before! That’s all. Nothing more to it. No need to overthink like she always does. She was just embarrassed about making a clumsy mistake…and ripping open Tashi-kun’s hospital gown to wipe down his bare naked chest! _Gahh! Stop thinking about it!!_

Her face flushed red all over again and it took another few minutes to calm herself back down. Finally, she managed to compose herself enough to head back to the nurses station.

“You can be done for today if you’d like, Hitoka-chan” the nurse said.

“Wha—oh! It’s okay! I’m all better now!” she said.

The nurse chuckled. “It’s not that. I just thought you might want to spend some time visiting Tadashi.”

She smiled at Yachi and went back to work. Yachi smiled and thanked her before putting away her uniform. Taking a deep breath to stamp down the last of her nerves, she entered Yamaguchi’s room.

 

Himeko had walked in on a confused and flustered Yamaguchi wiping the remaining jello off his chest and she immediately construed what happened. Yamaguchi briefly told her what happened with a faint blush on his cheeks which made her silently chuckle. “Don’t be embarrassed. You may have gotten skinny but you still have some muscle thanks to volleyball.”

“Wha—Mom!!” he squawked, “I’m not—! It’s not—! I was just surprised is all…I wasn’t expecting her to open my gown like that…”

Himeko didn’t keep her chuckles to herself this time. “Well, I see that Hitoka-chan is just as exuberant as she was when she was little.”

Yamaguchi smiled in amusement with his mom. Even with the serious atmosphere and deadly disease hanging over their heads, Yacchin had always been energetic. She never failed to lift his spirits up even if she just freaked out with him. It was always better to have someone go through it with him than alone, he felt like it validated his feelings and experience.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts as a nurse walked in with a fresh gown and an amused apology. Once he was changed, he chatted happily with his mom until a slightly embarrassed Yacchin came back in.

“Uh…I’m sorry, Tashi-kun. I wasn’t thinking and I panicked and—”

“Ah—! It’s okay! I can be clumsy at times too. Please don’t worry about it” Yamaguchi knew it was best to cut Yacchin off early before she started spiraling and working herself back up.

Soon the awkward atmosphere was gone and the group engaged in light conversation until visiting hours were over.

Thankfully, Yamaguchi was able to go home after just a couple days and was back at school after a few more days of rest at home. By the time he was back to school, Yachi had all but pushed the incident from her mind.

Or so she thought.

For some strange reason, she found her eyes following Yamaguchi more frequently than before. But, she was just concerned about him! She didn’t want him ending up back in the hospital.

The rest of the team seemed relieved and happy at how much attention she payed to the freckled boy. Yamaguchi seemed much more agreeable and less frustrated when she made him sit down and take a break. He seemed to be taking better care of himself with the small blond looking after him. Kiyoko, however, could tell that it was a little more complicated than that.

One day, during practice, Yachi was watching the team do serves. Yamaguchi, of course, was practicing his jump float and it never ceased to amaze her. It didn’t look particularly strong or powerful, but she’d seen even Noya have a hard time receiving his serve.

Yachi watched her friend focus as he prepared to serve. Yamaguchi ran and jumped and hit the ball perfectly, but Yachi wasn’t watching that. As he fell back to the ground, his shirt floated up and Yachi caught a glimpse of his midriff. Her face bloomed red as she quickly looked away. Shimizu-senpai shot her a small, coy smile. “He’s kinda cute” the older girl said.

“Eh—?! No! I mean—! Not that he’s ugly, he’s just—we’re just friends! I’m not used to shirtless boys yet, that’s all!” Yachi floundered.

Shimizu-senpai merely giggled softly at her antics. “I never said I was talking about Yamaguchi-kun.”

Yachi’s eyes grew wide and her face turned a darker shade of red as she flailed about making incomprehensible sounds. This only made Shimizu-senpai laugh a little harder (thought still quietly). “It’s okay, Hitoka-chan. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

She continued to chuckle as she calmed her frantic manager in training. All the while, Tanaka and Noya were staring with heart filled eyes and mouths gaping.

“If I were to die right now, this would be the perfect final memory” Noya said.

“So manly, Noya-san!” Tanaka was moved by his friend’s proclamation.

“How would he remember it if he’s dead?” Tsukishima quipped and Yamaguchi giggled next to him.

“Shut up! You don’t understand the poetic power of a man in love!” Tanaka said dramatically, clutching a hand to his chest and throwing his other arm across his forehead.

“Ryuu! That was beautiful!!” Noya cried with tears in his eyes.

At that moment, a vein in Daichi’s forehead burst as he yelled at everyone to get back to practice.

 

A few weeks later and it was finally time for the next few matches for the spring tournament qualifiers. The whole team was buzzing with nervous excitement, itching to get back on the court. Of course, their usual resident wimps were trembling and looking like they were about to throw up. Yamaguchi made his way over to Yachi on shaky legs. “Yacchin, do you have any antacids?”

“Are you okay?! Tashi-kun?!”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little nervous.”

“Oh! I’m pretty confident when it comes to handling anxiety!”

“Confident? With anxiety??”

“It’s best to voice what you’re nervous about. You’ll feel much better saying it out loud instead of holding it all in. I often get anxiety that makes me feel like I’m gonna die so I looked up a bunch of stuff!”

“Like you’re gonna die?! U-uh, well, during the inter-high we were playing against Aoba Johsai and they put me in when we were down on points. I completely flubbed the serve. We might have won if I didn’t lose that point and I’m just scared of messing up again.”

Yamaguchi looked up to see Yachi completely shocked. “They put everything on you at such a crucial time?! Now I’m getting nervous! I feel like my heart is trying to crawl out of my throat!!”

“Your heart?! A-ah! Swallow it! Do you need stomach medicine? Do you need assistance? An EAD?!”

Just then, Tanaka popped over to investigate the commotion. “What’s going on?”

“Yacchin’s heart! Her heart! Waaaahhhh!”

“Calm down, Yamaguchi” Noya piped in.

“Should we call 110?!” Asahi said, on the verge of panicking.

“It’s 119” Tsukishima deadpanned, finding this all ridiculous.

Eventually, the group managed to calm down as they got ready for the first match. They were up against Wakunan and they soon found out that their captain had a similar play style to the little giant. Naturally, Hinata got fired up to be recognized as the little giant’s true successor.

The game seemed to be going quite well, until the unthinkable happened.

“Daichi-san…?”

A hush fell over the court as all eyes turned on Karasuno’s unmoving captain. Thankfully, he began to move and slowly stood up. Coach, Takeda, and Shimizu-senpai all rushed over to assess his injuries. Daichi made a face and spat out a…

“Ah! Tooth?!” Hinata and Yamaguchi squeaked in unison.

The whole team was on edge as their dependable captain and strong foundation was marched to the infirmary. Everyone knew full well this was enough to change the tide of the whole game. There was much speculation within the stands on who they would send in to replace the captain, especially since there weren’t many members on stand-by in the sidelines.

Much to everyone’s surprise (except for Karasuno) Ennoshita was picked to step in. The rest of the court and everyone in the stands were confused as to why such a plain and unassuming player was picked to sub for the captain, but the team knew his worth. Sure, he wasn’t nearly as good at receiving as Daichi, but what they really needed on the court was someone calm and level-headed to keep the team grounded and focused. Out of everyone, Ennoshita was the obvious choice to fill that role.

It took some time, but the team readjusted to their new member and soon found a groove. Yamaguchi’s spirits were being lifted and he was feeling hopeful about a victory even without their fearless leader. That is, until he was called over to the bench.

He was being sent in.

Images of his failed serve flashed through his mind and he tensed up. “It’s okay, Yamaguchi-kun. You’ve been practicing non-stop for this. We’re even ahead in points, this is by no means a dire situation. Just breath and give them your best serve” Takeda said.

He was still a little wobbly when he walked up to the court. Tsukishima took in the state his friend was in and knew he had to calm down. “This isn’t like last time. Right now, everyone is just thinking ‘ah, it’s be nice to get this point.’”

Yamaguchi spun around with a grin feeling much better. “Thanks Tsukki!”

“That was Tsukishima being nice?” Tanaka said.

A hand clamped on his shoulder making him jump a bit. “Hey, are you nervous? Feel like you need to throw up?” Ennoshita asked.

“Eh? Uh, not really, I mean, not more than usual anyway…” Yamaguchi said, he almost always felt a little nauseous thanks to the chemo.

“Good, cause I’ve felt like barfing this whole time” Ennoshita gave a queasy smile.

“Ehh? Are you okay?”

The rest of the team relaxed seeing Ennoshita effortlessly taking care of the nerves of the first year.

Yamaguchi took his place feeling marginally better knowing he wasn’t the only one feeling nervous or freaked out. The sound of the whistle startled him and he tossed up the ball. _Oh no, my toss was a little short!_ He hit the ball and prayed for it to go over the net. Thankfully, it did, but just barely.

Looking at the score, he had a decision to make. This set was almost over. One more point and they would take it. If they lost this game, it was over for the third years. Never again to play for Karasuno. Therefore, it was better to just make sure he made it in, right?

He tossed the ball but didn’t jump. He could practically feel the surprise and confusion emanating from the stands and the sidelines.

The other team easily received his serve. He just gave them the perfect opportunity for a counter-attack. The ball was going to come back over the net and he had to be ready to receive. He saw it falling but his legs wouldn’t move. Someone dug the ball but his brain didn’t register who.

In the end, they still got the point and they took the set, but Yamaguchi still felt like a failure. He looked down in shame and screwed up his face at his own weakness. Just then, Coach Ukai came storming over. “Ya-ma-gu-chiii!” he stretched out each syllable in anger.

He started to look up, bracing himself for the coach’s wrath when suddenly, Ennoshita was in his path, shielding him.

“He knows” Ennoshita said bravely and surprisingly confident, “he knows, better than anyone, I think.”

After a few tense moments, Coach Ukai relented and didn’t say any more. The rest of the team looked on with concern but didn’t know what to say and needed to focus on the next set.

Yamaguchi cheered with the rest of the team, but couldn’t find it in himself to put everything into it. His most recent failure resting heavy on his heart. After everything he had shouted at Tsukki during the training camp and here he was acting even more pathetic. All those big words he had spewed and he wasn’t even following his own advice.

The team won against Wakunan and Daichi proudly came back after watching from the 20 point mark and commended Ennoshita. It was a relief to have him back and ready to play. Yamaguchi was just glad he wasn’t there to witness his pinch server chickening out.

As the first years were on their way to watch the game between Seijou and Date Tech, Yamaguchi suddenly stopped, looking determind.

“Sorry, you guys go ahead. I need to use the bathroom!” Yamaguchi declared and took off.

“Man, he’s really amped up to use the bathroom” Hinata said.

“He probably has to take a shit” Kageyama said.

“Kageyama! There’s no need to be so crude! At least use ‘poop.’”

“Shit.”

“Poop!”

“Shit.”

“Poop!!”

_Why am I stuck with these morons?_ Tsukishima thought to himself with a longsuffering sigh.

 

Yamaguchi located Coach Ukai in the smoking area. “Um!” he said to get the older man’s attention.

Ukai startled and turned around to find Yamaguchi standing there nervously, but determined.

“I’m sorry for chickening out! I heard what you said at the training camp and I know you need to be aggressive if you want to win and I know no one will fault me for losing a point or a game as long as I’m trying my hardest to win! So, please! Give me one more chance!”

Ukai gave him a smile that he didn’t see as he was still bowing in apology. “Alright, I get it, you can straighten up. You have a good weapon kid, you just need the confidence to use it.”

Yamaguchi righted himself and nodded in acknowledgement and determination. Almost immediately, he reverted back to looking nervous and shy. There was a weird mix of emotions that had risen up in his reflection of what happened and he needed to address it. “Also, um…” he started, scuffing his shoe on the floor coyly.

What else did this kid need to talk about?

“Thank you! For getting mad at me” Yamaguchi rushed out, giving another quick bow.

Ukai looked at him in shock, not comprehending what was happening in the slightest.

“When you get cancer…everyone treats you with kid gloves, like you’re gonna break at any second. No one ever gets angry at you or scolds you for anything that doesn’t have to do with putting your health a risk. Every lecture and any bit of frustration is born out of concern for your wellbeing. Even if you do something wrong or bad, no one gets angry because ‘he’s already going through enough.’ So…I just wanted to say thank you. It may have been scary, but for a moment, you simply saw me as one of your players that screwed up, not just the poor kid on your team that has cancer. I felt awful, but…I felt normal, so…thank you.”

Yamaguchi gave one last bow before rushing off, leaving Ukai speechless and wide-eyed. He had never known anyone with cancer personally before so he had no idea how deeply it affected people’s lives. To think that even receiving someone’s anger was a thing that healthy people took for granted was mind-boggling. He had honestly felt bad pretty soon after snapping at Yamaguchi, thinking the same thing almost word-for-word. _The kid’s already going through enough_.

He was actually planning on apologizing but the kid beat him to it. A new wave of sympathy and respect for the teen washed over him. He never hoped to have something so thoroughly take over his life that the simple act of being yelled at made him feel normal. Ukai still felt incredibly worried and protective over the kid, but from now on he vowed not to hold back so much when it came to lecturing and disciplining.

 

Meanwhile, Yamaguchi caught up to his fellow teammates just in time to see the results of the current volleyball match. Their next opponent would be Seijou. Without a doubt, they had many tough battles ahead of them if they wanted to make it all the way to nationals. But this next one against Seijou was a big one. It was a defining one. An opportunity for many of them to overcome certain barriers to growth and overthrow monumental regrets. A fated rivalry of setter against setter. Team against team.

Yes, this was a big one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm a sucker for Yama/Yachi so the hospital scene was total self-indulgence, once it popped in my head I couldn't help but add it in. Hope you enjoyed this continued fluff break because the angst train is pulling into the station very soon. You have been warned.


	22. The Highest Peaks Lead to the Lowest Valleys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karasuno fights for their victories against Seijou and Shiratorizawa while Yamaguchi fights to take back his identity from cancer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it took three weeks for this one but it is a longer chapter with lots of big moments! Hope you enjoy! No idea when I'll be able to post the next one as I literally finished this one today so we'll see!

The high from their previous victory was quickly replaced with tension. Everyone was on edge. Their next match looming over their heads. Yachi was confused at the drastic change in atmosphere until someone explained what happened in the inter-high. Suddenly, she was just as nervous as the rest.

The game began and everyone was laser focused. Both sides determined to win. Oikawa started off with his killer serve, the first hurdle they would have to overcome if they wanted any hope of beating Seijou. Between Daichi and Noya, they managed not to let Oikawa get too many service aces throughout the set. It was an intense set, both teams being the worst type of match-up for the other.

After a neck and neck battle, Karasuno managed to take the first set, sending their spirits soaring. Seijou on the other hand grew frustrated and hardened their determination. “ _Tch_ , I knew from the moment I locked eyes with them that this Karasuno was a completely different team than the one we faced in the inter-high. They won’t make it easy, but we’re still the better team!” Oikawa said, strengthening their resolve.

He turned his gaze over to Karasuno to observe. They were the same people they fought last time yet they had changed so much. Although…wait… “Did Karasuno always have someone with blue hair on their team? I know I would have noticed that last time…” Oikawa muttered, slightly intrigued. Did they get a new member over summer break?

“Huh?” Iwaizumi said, switching his attention to Karasuno, no remembering a blue-haired member either.

“Wait…no way…is that the scaredy pinch-server from last time?” Oikawa said in awe, “I almost didn’t recognize him with the blue and the pony-tail. Jeez, is everyone on that team a completely different person?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened for a split-second as an image of a sobbing Karasuno first year sitting on the steps and clutching fistfuls of his own hair flashed before his eyes. He had lost his hair and looked thinner, but he was still on the team. He couldn’t help but feel a grudging respect for the kid. Although he couldn’t put his full support behind him because Seijou was definitely going to win, a tiny, compassionate side was rooting for the sick teen.

His train of thought was stopped short when Oikawa turned to him with a smile that he knew would lead to no good. “Say…Iwa-chan—” he started.

“No” he cut the brunette off immediately.

“Eh?! But I didn’t even say anything!”

“If you dye your hair blue I will _not_ be seen in public with you.”

“So mean! Iwa-chan!”

 

Before they knew it, the next set started. Oikawa’s serve finally warmed up to full power making it impossibly strong and much harder to dig. They still held fast and didn’t let Seijou get too much of a lead, that is until they subbed in a player they had not seen before. He was scary-looking and seemed to have been given the nickname “mad dog” by his teammates. They soon found out why as he had knocked Kindaichi out of the air in order to get to the ball and spike. Suddenly, their whole attack dynamic changed and the flow of the game shifted in their favor. Karasuno was steadily falling behind. They would have to change and adapt quickly if they wanted any hope of taking the second set and avoiding going into full sets.

On the sidelines, Yamaguchi was boring holes in the side of Coah Ukai’s head with the strength of his gaze. “Ah, shut up, I get it” Ukai said, sounding annoyed yet smiling all the same.

Takeda just gave him a slightly puzzled look. Ukai called Yamaguchi over to the bench. He was still nervous but determined to prove himself. This was his last chance. If he messed up again, who knows how long it would take for him to work his way back on to the court? He had to show the coach and his team that he could fight too.

The whistle blew and Yamaguchi stood with Hinata’s number. The small teen stalked over with a fierce look. At first, Yamaguchi thought he was angry at being taken off the court. “You better score ten points” he said with conviction.

Yamaguchi was taken-aback. “Eh? But then the game would be over.”

“I’ll forgive you.”

Hinata grabbed his number and moved to the sidelines. The full weight of Hinata’s gesture hit him, knowing how important it was for the tiny middle-blocker to be on the court. He steeled himself and prepared himself for the battle ahead. He began to step forward and faltered, caught in a moment of indecision. Making up his mind, he took a breath. If he was going to rise above and conquer his failures and insecurities and regrets. If he wanted to truly stand on the court as an equal with his team, there had to be no more running. No more hiding.

Slowly, but with determination, he reached his hand up and clenched his wig before yanking it off his head. There was a collective gasp as a hush fell over the stadium. Yamaguchi’s heart pounded as he handed off his wig to a shocked Takeda and made it way to the court. The mutters and whispers of the audience reached his ears but he forced himself to focus on his serve. If he was going to stand on the court with his team, he was going to stand there as himself, cancer and all.

“That’s what you were talking about that one time, isn’t it? You knew” Oikawa said, thinking back to when he found his best friend consoling the Karasuno first year.

_“He’s dealing with something bigger than volleyball.”_

“Yeah” Iwaizumi said, a complicated expression in his eyes.

He had to admit, he was thrown through a loop, but he was still focused in on the game. _Well…they certainly just gained the favor of the audience_ , Oikawa thought cynically.

The ref blew the whistle and Yamaguchi took a breath. Shimada had reminded him that he had eight second to serve after the whistle so there was no need to panic and toss right away. Focusing in on the feel of the ball in his hands, he tossed. _Yes!_ It was a good toss. His palm hit the ball perfectly and it wobbled in the air. The other team called out but at the last second it dropped and landed just within the white line. Everyone stared in stunned silence until the whistle blew and the flag indicated that it was in.

The stadium erupted. Even a few people rooting for Seijou cheered for him remembering what happened the last time. The team rushed Yamaguchi, patting him on the back and rubbing his bald head. Suga and Ennoshita had to hold back Noya and Hinata from rushing the court and joining them. He was elated. It was in! He had just scored a point! His resigned and pressured team was beginning to look hopeful and determined again.  

The whistle blew and Yamaguchi took another breath feeling a little more confident. He tossed and ran and hit the ball again. Another perfect serve. The ball wobbled and swerved at the last second, falling to the ground. The stadium erupted once again.

“Why are you so surprised?” Tsukki cut through the celebration, “During the past five months, Yamaguchi’s practiced serving more than any of us.”

Yamaguchi smiled at him. Tanaka punched him affectionately. “Why do you always have to have such a blunt way with words?” Tanaka said.

Feeling even more confident, Yamaguchi thought about where to send the ball to break formation. Making up his mind, he aimed for the white strip at the top of the net. The ball tapped it on its way over and fell just beyond the net forcing the other team to dive for it.

He had just scored three points! They were catching up to Seijou! The next serve was received but broke formation, giving them no chance to execute a clean counterattack. Karasuno was able to block it and they scored another point. The next time, their attack got through, but Yamaguchi wasn’t ready to leave the court yet, so he lunged for the ball and caught it with his chest. It stung like no other, but the ball was still in play. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Yamaguchi knew it was going to lead to a nasty bruise having leukemia and being on chemo, but at the moment he didn’t care. Karasuno was able to score another point. This happened one more time before Seijou was finally able to make a clean receive and score a point.

Yamaguchi was slightly disappointed but mostly shocked and ecstatic that he had just helped score _six points_ in a row! He hadn’t realized how much energy he had expended making all those serves until he was able to leave the court. His heart pounded and his breaths came heavy and shaky. Just as he took his number back from Hinata, his knees buckled. Thankfully, seeing how exhausted he was, Takeda was there to catch him and help walk him over to the bench where Shimizu-senpai handed him a water bottle.

The coach carefully but firmly pat his back and affirmed how good a job he had done. The second set was looking bleak, but thanks to Yamaguchi, they had caught up. There was no doubt in Ukai’s mind that the hero of this game was Yamaguchi.

The rest of the team continued to play with renewed vigor. “Yamaguchi gave us this chance! We can’t let it go to waste!” Daichi exclaimed.

The score stayed neck and neck. Both sides refusing to budge. Soon enough, the game had gone into a deuce and the battle grew fierce. Karasuno and Seijou were locked in the race to score two points in a row first. The conviction to hold on to the opportunity that Yamaguchi had granted them spurred Karasuno on to give this everything they had.

After several hard fought and taxing rallies, the ball hit the floor, scoring the deciding point of the set and the game.

Karasuno had won.

The ones on the sideline immediately rushed the court to celebrate. Yamaguchi stood up from the bench a little too quickly and stumbled. Ennoshita caught him and helped him walk to the court. As soon as he got close, the team swarmed him, thumping him on the back and pulling him in for hugs.

They didn’t have much time to celebrate before they had to line up to bow and shake hands. After shaking hands with the member directly opposite him, Yamaguchi was surprised to see another hand enter his field of vision. His eyes trailed up to see that the person connected to the hand was Iwaizumi. Yamaguchi took his hand after hesitating briefly.

“I can’t say I’m happy for you right now, but I still want to congratulate you. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through the past few months. I’m sure this was well earned” he said.

Tears welled up in Yamaguchi’s eyes and he bowed. “Thank you. For everything.”

The two shared a meaningful look before parting ways, one to celebrate and one to grieve. Karasuno surrounded him to congratulate him on his serves.

“That was awesome, Yamaguchi! You totally saved us from having to go into full sets!” Tanaka said.

“Those serves were so cool! They couldn’t even touch the first two!” Noya said.

“We definitely would have had to play a third set if it wasn’t for you. After falling so far behind, I don’t know how we would have handled that” Daichi said.

“Yamaguchi” Coach Ukai’s voice cut through the celebration, “I don’t think anyone would disagree when I say that you were the hero of this game.”

Yamaguchi looked at his teammates with wide eyes. Ukai was giving him a crooked but proud smile. The rest of the team was beaming at him. He was overwhelmed and couldn’t stop the tears.

As the team was changing and preparing to leave, Yamaguchi took off his shirt to examine his chest where he received the ball. He cringed when he saw the damage.

“Youch, did he really spike it that hard?” Tanaka asked.

The rest of the team turned to look at the huge bruise taking up about half of Yamaguchi’s chest, already turning a dark shade of purple. Self-consciously, he raised his shirt to cover himself. “Uh, well, leukemia is basically cancer of the blood cells, so I bruise a lot worse than most people…” he said.

It had created an awkward moment and killed the mood a bit, Yamaguchi felt bad. But, the more boisterous ones on the team quickly distracted everyone and brought the excitement of winning back.

They went out for a celebratory dinner and went back to the school gym to debrief and go over the plan of attack against Shiratorizawa the next day.

Yamaguchi wanted to stay as long as everyone else, but Himeko came to pick him up to make sure he got enough rest for another long day.

Before she came, he had talked to Tsukki about the next day and was happy to hear how determined his tall friend was to at least block Ushijima a few times.

Himeko did not enter the gym like Yamaguchi expected, usually hovering just inside the door and quietly getting his attention. Instead, she rushed in making a b-line to Takeda-sensei and all but threw herself into his arms. The whole team paused to watch much to Yamaguchi’s dismay.

“Flowers!” Himeko cried, and she was indeed holding a bouquet of roses.

Takeda-sensei looked beyond flustered but still managed to wrap his arms around her.

“I’ve never had flowers delivered to me before! They’re beautiful! Thank you!” she said and squeezed him tighter before letting go.

“Ah—yes, well, you work so hard you deserve them. Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman” it had slipped out before he could stop himself. Takeda froze, turning beet red.

It was at that moment that they remembered they were in a room full of teenage boys who were undoubtedly staring at them. They turned to face their audience, seemingly in competition for who could turn the deepest shade of red.

Himeko recovered first as her eyes snapped to her mortified son. “Tadashi! Time to go!”

She marched over and put a hand on his back and began leading him to the door.

“But—”

“No buts, you need to rest for tomorrow” the firm tone of her voice was juxtaposed by the fact that she had brought her bouquet up to her face to hide the blush that was now matching the flowers.

As embarrassing as it was, Yamaguchi still wanted to stay and practice, but he knew that he needed his strength for tomorrow and it had been a long day so he grudgingly went with his mom.

Himeko was lucky to be able to leave. Takeda on the other hand, had no choice but to stay. The team was smirking at him and he turned to Ukai for some help only to find the same crap eating grin on his face.

“So…flowers, ey?” Ukai said.

“Ooooooh, Take-chan’s in looooooove” Tanaka called out causing several of them to snicker into their hands.

“Shut up!” Suga chastised, trying to hide his own mirth at the situation.

“Not just flowers, roses. Red roses.” Noya said.

“Guys, stop it!” Asahi said a bit frantic, the only one (aside from Tsukishima) not thoroughly amused.

Asahi was drowned out by the chorus of ooooohs and whistles. Daichi let this go on for a spell as he composed himself (it was a little funny) before yelling out “That’s enough!” effectively quieting the team.

“In case you’ve all forgotten, we’re going up against Shiratorizawa tomorrow! Now, we can either keep discussing Sensei’s love life, or we can make sure we’re ready for one of our biggest games!”

The team cheered, fired up by their captain’s speech (which didn’t help with Takeda’s blush) and returned to practicing.

 

The next day, everyone was on edge and nervous. They had prepared as much as they possibly could, but Shiratorizawa was still a formidable opponent.

Even more people showed up to cheer them on. Saeko came for the second day in a row and Akiteru came against Tsukishima’s wishes. Yamaguchi was glad he was there. It felt like his own older brother coming to cheer him on.

Tensions were high. People were still murmuring about how it must have been a fluke that Karasuno made it this far. The audience was expecting a good game, but anyone that wasn’t there for Karasuno already assumed that Shiratorizawa was going to win.

As Yamaguchi warmed up, he could pick up a few whispers in the audience about him.

_I heard that someone on Karasuno has cancer._

_Really?!_

_I don’t know, but someone who was at their game yesterday said so._

_Why are people talking about cancer?_

_Didn’t you hear? Apparently one of Karasuno’s members has it._

_That sucks. Why does he stay on the team? He obviously would never get to play in any games._

_He does! He played against Aoba Jousai yesterday._

_What?!_

_How do you know?_

_My friend was there, he saw the whole thing!_

_They probably put him in when they could afford to lose some points out of pity._

_No! They were behind, he scored six points on them!_

_No way._

_Your friend’s got to be lying._

_That’s what he told me._

 

Yamaguchi screwed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to let the words roll off of him. He jumped when someone placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t listen to them. We all know what happened yesterday and that’s all that matters” Suga’s reassurement washed over him.

Yamaguchi glanced over at his senpai and smiled.

Finally, it was time for the game to begin. All the starting members were noticeably stiff walking out onto the court. Ukai could tell their nerves were about to get the better of them soon after the game started. Just as he was about to say something, another voice cut through the tension. “Calm down! What are you so nervous about?! The cameras? Being on TV? So what?! Pull yourselves together and calm down!” Suga yelled.

The ref whipped his head over and Suga shrank under his glare. His yelling did the trick. The tension was broken and their nerves loosened up. They fought well, but Shiratorizawa ran away with the first set as expected. No one took it too hard though. The first set was a warm-up, an introduction to the other team’s play style.

Now that they had a chance to get used to their opponents, Karasuno rose to the challenge and managed to take the second set. Excitement ran high. Karasuno was more determined than ever.

They lost the third set, meaning there was no room for error. If they wanted to win they would have to go to full sets and win the next two games.

The crowd grew bigger as more and more people trickled in after hearing the game was still going on. Those rooting for Shiratorizawa were a bit shocked that they were going longer than three sets. Usually, they won three straight in a row and rarely ever had to go into the fourth or fifth set.

The Karasuno cheering section grew more hyped as more people joined. The original Coach Ukai showed up with some of his current students. Himeko took a half day off work and was relieved that the game was still going when she got there.

“Yamaguchi-san! I’m so glad you could make it” Akiteru said.

“Akiteru-kun, it’s good to see you. I’m so excited I could make it. Has Tadashi played at all?” she said.

“They’ve put him in every game but he hasn’t played much.”

Yamaguchi looked up at the sound of a familiar voice and beamed when he saw his mom. They waved at each other before he returned his attention to the team. Takeda looked up to see who he was waving at and blushed. Himeko locked eyes with him and gave a flustered wave. The butterflies that she had long thought dead had reawakened and stormed around her belly every time she looked at the teacher.

Ukai cleared his throat and elbowed Takeda, bringing his attention back to the court. He had the decency to look guilty even though he was still grinning like an idiot. The team was smirking and Yamaguchi tried to hide in his blue hair.

Up in the balcony, Saeko was grinning deviously. “So…you and the sensei, huh?”

Himeko flushed. “Ah…well…yes…it’s a bit new…I haven’t…for a while…” she stumbled for a while until Saeko laughed and thumped her on the back hard enough to send her into the railing.

“I’m just messin’ with ya! You guys are too cute together!”

 

Finally, the fourth set started. Tensions were high as there was no more room for error. If Karasuno wanted to win they had to take both remaining sets. One more loss and it was all over. Everyone felt the pressure, but it only served to make them even more focused.

The battle was getting fierce and the first telltale signs of fatigue were beginning to show, especially on the members who had been playing the whole time. Even so, Karasuno pulled ahead and managed to take the set.

Himeko was glad to see her son play for the first time, but he wasn’t on court for very long. Yamaguchi was running a little frustrated with how little his serve seemed to be helping the team today. Yesterday’s victories are quick to be overshadowed by today’s failures.

There was still hope though. They had one more set and were closer than ever to making it to nationals. Yamaguchi could only hope that he would be of some use to the team.

The final set started with Kageyama on the bench and Suga as the setter. This time, they would only play until 15 points unless there was a deuce.

Things didn’t look too good as Shiratorizawa immediately ran away with the game. Karasuno was struggling to keep up and hoping the other team would slip up from exhaustion sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, things only looked bleaker when Tsukishima was injured from one of Ushijima’s spikes. The only reason their blockers were holding their own against one of the top spikers in Japan was because of Tsukishima. Now, he was being lead away to the infirmary, uncertain as to whether or not he would make it back in time, or even be able to play if he did.

Karasuno suffered for it. Shiratorizawa was rapidly approaching the 15 point mark. They had to do something.

Even though he was hoping for it, Yamaguchi was terrified when his turn came. Shiratorizawa was three points away from winning the whole thing. Missing just one point right now would make it exponentially harder for them to catch up and pull out ahead.

He stood from the bench and took a deep breath, a lock of blue hair falling into his face. If he wanted to help his team, to give them a fighting chance, to give them hope, he had to go out with absolute confidence.

Mustering up all his strength and determination, he reached up just like he did during their Aoba Jousai match, and yanked his wig off his head. Dropping it on the bench behind him, he marched onto the court with a steely gaze to the sound of shocked and confused whispers.

_See! I told you! I told you there was someone with cancer on their team!_

_Wait, your friend was telling the truth?! He’s been pulling out that awesome serve every set!_

_I thought it was just a rumor. There really is a kid with cancer playing on Karasuno._

_Woah, they’ve been sending out a sick kid every set?_

_It’s probably been out of pity, his serves haven’t been doing much._

 

“I’ve been wondering if he was going to take it off at all” Oikawa said.

“That just sounds wrong, coming from you” Iwaizumi said.

“I was talking about his wig!”

“I know.”

Oikawa sighed. “His serve haven’t been all that effective today, but I think that might change this time around.”

“How do you think?”

“His performance changes dramatically depending on his mental state, more so than most players I think. Having the mental fortitude to be able to reveal to a whole stadium all at once that he has cancer means that his focus and determination is rock-solid at this point. He doesn’t care that the whole audience is whispering about him right now, the only thing that matters is victory. _That_ , Iwa-chan, is the mindset of someone who is about to unleash their full potential. Just like he did with us.”

Iwaizumi stared at him for a bit. “Hm, I guess even you are capable of saying something profound every once in a while.”

Oikawa squawked indignantly at his childhood friend.

 

Down on the court, Yamaguchi took in the exhausted yet determined look of his teammates, all looking at him with faith and trust. His eyes travelled to the balcony where his mom was watching with excited anticipation and Yacchin was looking through eyes full of admiration. Shimada nodded once to show his confidence in his abilities.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath in, filling himself with the confidence, determination, and trust of his teammates and loved ones, drowning out the whispers and judgements of the audience. Finally, he looked over at Shiratorizawa taking in their shocked and taken-aback expressions. Silently, he smirked to himself, feeling oddly triumphant at being able to mentally trip them up, even if only for a moment.

The whistle sounded. He tossed the ball and jumped. A perfect serve.

Another jump. Another perfect serve.

Yamaguchi had managed to scatter them enough for Karasuno to catch up and even out with Shiratorizawa. His time on the court had come to an end, but he was satisfied with his work. They once again had a fighting chance. They were on even grounds. It was anybody’s game.

No longer under the pressure of serving and having to stay on the court, Yamaguchi realized just how exhausted he was. He felt even worse than after serving seven times in a row the day before. Was it just because he didn’t get adequate rest yesterday? Yes, that had to be it. Two long days in a row can really take its tole on him after all. Nothing to worry about.

As he took a step to leave the court, the room suddenly spun. Daichi managed to catch him before he fell and Ukai and Takeda rushed over to help him to the bench.

“Easy now, you did good, kid. Just rest and let your team handle it” Ukai said as he slowly lowered him down.

All Yamaguchi could do was nod as he tried to make the world stop tilting. Undoubtedly, his mother was worrying about him up in the balcony, probably making plans to take him straight home to rest once this was all over.

Thankfully, Tsukishima made it back before it was over and was given clearance to play. Adding him back to their defense was the one last push they needed to pull ahead.

The next thing he knew, Suga and Ennoshita were all but carrying him onto the court to join the team’s celebration.

They won!

They really won!!

It was all tight hugs and tears for a few minutes before they had to pull it together to line up. They were given a short time to breath and go to the bathroom before gathering for the award ceremony.

“As much as it kills me to see either of them win, I’m glad it was Karasuno, for freckles-chan’s sake. He’s probably the one that deserves it most” Oikawa admitted, grudgingly.

“Ah, so you do have a shred of basic human decency after all” Iwaizumi said.

“Shut up, Iwa-chan! Let’s get out of here. I can’t stand to watch them get the trophy.”

The two stood up and made their way to the exit.

 

The award ceremony was about to start and Tsukki was still in the bathroom. Despite still feeling unsteady on his feet, Yamaguchi volunteered to go get him.

“Tsukki? The award ceremony is starting” he said, taking note of the fierce expression on the taller’s face.

“’Stuff Ushiwaka a few times’? Hah, I only managed to do it once, and I had five full sets. How—”

“No! That’s not lame! Shut up! Don’t be stupid!”

“Eh—?!"

“Besides, we don’t have time to sit around being depressed, we have nationals coming up! Nationals! Oh! But awards first!”

With that, Yamaguchi stomped out of the bathroom leaving behind a stunned yet no longer downtrodden Tsukki. As soon as the door closed behind him, all his bravado left him as he blinked back a bought of dizziness. He stumbled into the walls a couple times on the way back to the gymnasium. Logically, he knew he should sit down and rest, but this was possibly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. There was no way he was sitting out of this. All he had to do was hold out a little bit longer then his mother would no doubt usher him off to rest. He only hoped he could convince her to allow him to join the team for the celebratory dinner.

Yamaguchi could hardly focus on what was being said, but he still soaked in the whole experience. His team was exhausted yet ecstatic. Their cheering section was applauding and beaming with pride. Daichi got to accept the trophy on behalf of the team while everyone was bestowed a medal.

As much as he was enjoying it, Yamaguchi hoped it would end soon. His feet felt unsteady. Everything sounded fuzzy. Tiny black spots danced in front of his vision. His stomach churned uncomfortably.

When they could finally leave the court, the world tilted dangerously and his legs no longer supported him.

 

Tsukishima didn’t used to understand the fuss. Working hard and being rewarded even thought you would most likely, inevitably fail later on down the line. But after working so hard and putting in all his effort, he had to admit (only to himself, of course) it felt pretty nice to get some acknowledgement. Despite the fact that his face was as stoic as ever, he was slightly enjoying himself. Unfortunately, this left him uncharacteristically oblivious to the condition his friend was in right next to him.

The ceremony ended and Tsukishima began to make his way off the court when he felt something roughly yank the back of his shirt followed by a loud _thump_. Quickly, he whipped around only to find Yamaguchi sprawled out on the floor, pale and semi-conscious. An ominous hush fell over the whole gymnasium.

Then everything erupted into chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry for the cliffhanger at the end!! There was originally supposed to be more stuff at the end but the chapter had already gotten so long and if I added the next bit to this chapter it would have made it way too long. I have the week off of work so I'm trying to get as much writing done as I can so you don't have to wait another three weeks to find out what happens.
> 
> As always, feedback waters my crops of creativity and motivation so any random thoughts you have on this chapter, let me know! I love reading all the comments, even the short ones!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of the first fic I'm posting to this site. Hold on to your seats because this is gonna get angsty. I already have a good bit of this story written so I'm hoping to be able to update every Friday. I was going to finish this before posting but I decided to do it anyway to keep myself motivated to write. Feel free to share your thoughts! Comments are what motivate me the most so if you like this story, let me know!


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